Welcome


I am a poet who has both been published and self published. All work on this blog is all copyright Alex Ness. While I make very little money from my work I am technically a professional. Measuring by the hours I've written I am professional. My goal is to share my work with as many people that can read it, as far as the internet may reach with it. I hope if you are moved you will share this blog with others, and perhaps buy my books.

Whatever the result, thank you for viewing this blog. I cannot express how greatly I appreciate the many people, from many places upon the earth, who have visited.

I bid you peace.

Je ne regrette pas la douleur, car il m'a fait plus forte

copyright notice

copyright notice

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Swallowed by the Hallowed Eve


I could die tonight
I might
Who really knows
Except the gate keepers
Of heaven
And of hell
Go weigh my heart
Go judge my soul
I don't have anything
Of value 
No attachments
No hope for endless pleasure
No leisurely king's mansions
No golden streets
For me
No treasures
I have no fears
No cancers
No questions
No answers
No forest fires
No fiery desert sands
No abject drought
No monsoon or jungle rain
Nothing that others desire
Not worrying
Not even about the end
The burning pyre 
Consuming my flesh
Nothing left
But two wings
Lifting higher
And reunion
Let the end
Begin

Dying For Now

It is coming
The day when he comes
With reaper and sack
To cull the living
And to remove the weak
Hallowed Eve of Sorrow
No more fear of the day
Called tomorrow
I am ready
In fact
I await
You can't see my pain
So I keep silent
Some call me insane
Because they fear
All they do
In life
Is fear
But I await the day
When I am shed
Of the cloak
Of flesh
And to draw a breath
Of eternity
Waking up
Shed of this skin
Shed of this world
And alive
ALIVE


Behind these bars, I became free


Why do I know liberation?
How did I become my own demon?
Not by anyone else's hand?
Very simply
The piece of mind
That accompanies
Knowing that the time is passed
And that you will not be moved
By anyone else's demand

Friday, October 30, 2015

In your sleep


They tell me I should trust
That you love me
That I am just jealous
Of how your beauty
Brings the men
All the men to your orbit
With praise and lust
For your taking
But
I am not
Jealous or nervous
I am not without trust
Or fearful of your choice
I know that you are different
Than anyone I have met
Before
I simply am curious
If you dream of me
In your sleep
Or do you play there
While I pray here
That you never stray
Do you dream of me
Do you dream of me

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Ever again




















Seen too much
To ever look again
Done too much
To ever believe
In redemption
By my hand
I've no hope
For a future
Again





















My brain is broken
I am hiding
The darkness covers
The silence smothers
My fears
My mind in pieces
I offer up a token prayer
To my good friend Jesus
Help me please
I can't escape
This endless maze
Of hateful pain
And they still give chase
My legs quit
But I can still crawl
Pull my body
Along the wall
Praying they won't
find me
here
amongst
the garbage
and the dead



Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Pour it out, drink of a new vintage












There is no shame
And nothing to gain
By remaining
The cup I offer is generous
Do not be remiss
There will be no more pain
It is time to be free
Your life has been lived
And now it is ready
Resistance has passed
The moment is here
My cup is offered
Take this
Your cup is dry
Your wineskin has cracked
Your life is ended
The vintage is dust
Poured out
No more
That wine has lost
All of its vitality
Its flavor and joy
I say to you drink
Taste
Taste of my cup
Taste of my lips
Take my hand
We will soar
To a place
Where new wine
Fills your cup
And never ends
Taste my kiss
Forever
Never surrender your moment
To despair
For the end
Is never the end
Unless you are soulless
Do not willingly enter the abyss
You have a choice
Drink of the cup
Drink



Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Remnant Life


Your flesh was covered with spices and oils, honey and wax, to survive the long journey.
Where are you now, and will you return?  Will you return?  Will you return?


dust
sand
modern pollens
Pollution
fear
hate
over population
death of hope
collapsed colonies of hives
nothing will go forward
but our scars upon the earth


Monday, October 26, 2015

Dragon slayers











There are tales from the past
That have been memorialized as legends
Of men encased in armor, shoving a lance
Into the gullet of a beast and killing it
In modernity we could never perceive
How killing an animal could be
Honorable, magnificent
No we judge the past, and by that we cheat
Because in modernity, there has never been
Wyrms that could fly
Serpents that could speak
Dragons that could fill the sky
With wings that could block the sun
But we can imagine defeat
And the fire breath that never can be extinguished
We have a word for that
It is called nuclear weapons
And when those are unleashed we will be finished


Sunday, October 25, 2015

Intentions Motives and Comfort













I was told to look
She was there
And she stared
I hadn't noticed
Apparently
But why
Would I want to
She was there
I was here
And I was unmoved
Chained to the floor
By my ring
Not in slavery
But forged
By an oath
She gazed
She called
But I still
Did not notice
Because she was lovely
Because she was so kind
Why would I
I was safely home
Where my intentions
Were good
I was faithful inside
Instead of there
Where
I would float untethered
Unachored
With only fear
And lust to guide me
Instead of a promise
That would last
Forever
With a partner
Together
In perfect
Comfort
And sweet love
Beyond measure

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Morals when you are alone

Prayers spoken
Knocking on a door
Dog's body is still moving
Bones broken
But you need to stop hoping
I didn't do it, but I am making certain
This ends now
Whether they put her out of her misery
Or care for her, it will be a burden
Upon their heart
And upon mine
I could have driven on
I could have looked away
But my heart would have known
And I don't forget that
I couldn't bear that shame
Whether others knew or not
I couldn't atone
In my darkness all alone
My heart would know
And remind me
Every time
I'd turn off the light
Close my eyes
And try to sleep
I'd remember
And then wonder
Why didn't I do
What I knew I should

Friday, October 23, 2015

Our Beloved Chains

We stand nude before our accusers
Ashamed for our many flaws
Our wrists chained with iron
So that we might not flee
But we never would
Should we have no chains
Nor if we could
We love our chains
We love the excuses
For our illusive reasoning
We lay claim to individualism
But fall in with the herd
We are foolish
To ever suggest
That we should be heard
What we think
Is the same
As everyone else
Until
We break these chains
Abandon the herd
Change our ways
And abandon forever
The comforts
Of conformity


Thursday, October 22, 2015

Falling

Nothing stopping us
From falling further in
Gravity pulling thus
We are in the depths
Synchronous orbit
Of love's pull
It is perfect justice
It will pull us
Further
And further still

Hannes Bok

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Inside our hearts the snow falls and never ends

































Somewhere while we
Dance with Morpheus
And fend off the reach
Of the his children
Phobos and Deimos
We still rule
In a great city of our dreams
Where there are
No homeless people
Laying on park benches
In winter, somehow asleep
The perfect city
So clean, without flaw
There, even the snow falls
Pure white



















Though the streets should be dark
Slippery with grime
They too, are clear of
Despite the wheels spinning
And the sort of people
Who might pollute the ideal,
Of the flawless dream
That people are alive
Joyful
Filled with hope
And thankful
Instead of poor
Hungry and strung-out
Addicted to the latest drug
Using cardboard for blankets
Wear three pair of socks instead of shoes
Though the snow comes down
Freezing feet
And hope straight through

























Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Home for the holidays

Come back
Come back
She said
Mourning wake
Wakeful morning
Eclipsed sun
Horizon black





















My mind is blank
Nothing there
To keep me
Come back
She said
Come back
Thankless job
To bury your childhood
Come back
Come back
It calls
Come back
Come back
Goodbye
I never want to come home
Nor do they
Want me
To be
Home again
God no
All I have
All I am
Would be
Unraveled
All over
Unraveled
Naked spool
Naked sins
Naked before
My accusers

Monday, October 19, 2015

Just me

Just me
and no one else
sitting here
Might as well be
the one to confess
I am allergic to fear
And I fear everything
All of life makes me worry
Every breath makes me remember
I have one less breath before I die
I shiver in June like it is November
I see snow in the rain cloud skies
Every one drains me
Because they are so clever
And now
when there is nothing left
Trapped in a room with demons
I shiver
My body is just bones
And hunger
Nothing for me
To give to you
But my disguise
And who needs
Another mask to wear
In the daylight
Of the last night
Anyone will get


Sunday, October 18, 2015

The Eternity Well


What use is a life if it can end
The soul is embedded in clay
A mass that is desicated
And fades away
Our life is a spark
Embedded
Within meat
The world around us
Offers no hope
But for the mysteries
That have no answers
Our existence
In the balance
All we can do
Is live to find
The source
And to draw
From the Eternity well
Quench our thirst
For living water
For a living soul



 “From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them, and that is eternity.”

 Edvard Munch


  “The Expulsion from Paradise is eternal in its principal aspect: this makes it irrevocable, and our living in this world inevitable, but the eternal nature of the process has the effect that not only could we remain forever in Paradise, but that we are currently there, whether we know it or not.”

Franz Kafka, The Zürau Aphorisms


“Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
But you are eternity and you are the mirror.”

 Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet 


“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. In their gray visions they obtain glimpses of eternity, and thrill, in waking, to find that they have been upon the verge of the great secret. In snatches, they learn something of the wisdom which is of good, and more of the mere knowledge which is of evil.”

Edgar Allan Poe


“I am forever walking upon these shores,
Betwixt the sand and the foam,
The high tide will erase my food prints,
And the wind will blow away the foam,
But the sea and the shore will remain forever.”

Kahlil Gibran, Sand and Foam


“Elle est retrouvée!
Quoi? -l'Éternité.
C'est la mer allée
Avec le soleil.”

 Arthur Rimbaud, Une saison en enfer; Illuminations; et autres textes  




Saturday, October 17, 2015

Waiting for my kiss

I watched from a distance
As you faded from view
Every moment was torture
But only I knew
That you were passing
Through a doorway
To another world
How you lingered
In the moment
Such torment
And now you are gone
The memory of you
Lingers on and on
If I could have gone instead
I would have done so
Even if I'd end up dead
Because so many more
Loved you
Than I would ever know
In 20 lifetimes
You faded from view
Like a mirage
In the desert
Upon arriving from
Over the hill
The image isn't truth
But the fire it inspires
Allows us to go on
But without you
This world is darkness
And I haven't anything
To show for it
I am neither content
Nor fulfilled
And my dreams feature you
In days before
When life was happy
My heart is emptied
From every tear that falls
And I will only be happy
When the kiss of death calls
And I am next to you
















Photo license
Photo by Joancreus

Friday, October 16, 2015

I have only this, my spirit


“The fates lead him who will - him who won't they drag.” 
Seneca


Angel of death, calling my name
Calling me sweetly, temptingly
I am ready, my book of life finished
The pen is dry, nothing written in any shame
I am flawed, I endured pain
But who was I to think
Any differently
Than the rest
Every breath took me closer to the end
Sisters Fate measured the cord
Cut with precise grace 
They measure first
Then cut 
With no prejudice
They never speak
They never ask
They just know
They have no agenda
But for their service
Their task is their life
Duty is their purpose
Destiny and life
Are the human lot




"There's a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all: since no man has aught of what he leaves, what is't to leave betimes?"


Shakespeare
(Hamlet, 5.2.214), Hamlet to Horatio

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Beauty is confusing, especially to me

Your eyes confuse me
But really should they?
Should it ever have surprised
Should I have thought it a joke?
You smiled pointing
Laughing
Yet I knew
Here I am
With hope
Nowhere in sight
Hoping unaware
The horizon is far from here
Your eyes golden
Glistening
I gaze not stare
The stars not anywhere
Nearly so powerful
Never could they fulfill
Like your touch
Kiss
Love
I know
What it meant
Then
When I was alone
I know now
With you
Your touch is healing
For love
Can rip holes
In the fabric
Of the woven tapestry
Of weavings
Two make
Together
However they try
Whatever they try
To do


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Unique

















My heart never lets go
My loyalty is my passion
I am deeply honest
I am distinctive
Hard to forget my voice
I refuse to be a fool
For anyone
Or
Anything
In nearly every single fashion
I am unlike anyone else
I am considered unique
And I accept that
I am perhaps interesting
But in one particular way
I am no different
Than the simplest man
With the simplest urge
Who gazes upon her
And becomes moved
For she is stunning
From the eyes to the heart
Men become transfixed
A goddess in repose
Compare her with nothing
You would be foolish to try
There is nothing that bears
Close comparison
Not a rose in bloom
Nor the finest poem
In exquisite form
Composed by a God
With the pen
Of Apollo
No, nothing is right
She is unique
My heart is stolen
And she has left the vault open
And I cannot close that door
In the hope
She may return

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Mokusatsu

“For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”  Kahlil Gibran















I was not born by my choice
It was not a personal act
And yet he despised me
Since birth he chose to ignore
To damn my existence
Kill me with his silence
As actual fact
I was by nature quiet
But that silence
Was from fear











His scream
Echoed frozen
Inside my soul
Because
He'd find a reason
In his lack of reason
And he would snap
I shook beneath the covers
When I slept
Not from cold
I was trapped
In time I might be free
Or I might be unable to escape
Nothing would save me
Unless I could survive










 “When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.”
― William Shakespeare





Monday, October 12, 2015

End not end

I closed my eyes
And saw it all
Closed my lips
And screamed
Every breath inside
Brings closer the fall
To the living necropolis
Killing the things
That are weak
And have no defender
So now
Awaken
From the nightmare
The dreams await
Sings the choir, it sings
Sleep the dreamers
Awaken it is time
Sleep does our king
He who is immortal
Above us all
He is sleeping
Still
His silver cord intact
In slumber
In his December
In Avalon
Where the Fates still measure
And cut
The life cord
For the mortals
In life
But his
Goes on forever
And he will awaken
And it will be spring
And soon thereafter
The isle of apples
Avalon
Will shine golden
And beautiful


Sunday, October 11, 2015

Hollow

I was taken
As their sacrifice
Of body and blood
My being is offered up
I've been gutted like a fish
Carved like a beast for a feast
Prepared for a festival's main dish
Society has come for my presentation
But I am not worthy of this
Not worth the attention
For I am hollow
Am unclean
Unlike the one
Who had the blood
That redeemed me

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Shredded and cast to the wind

Imperfect
I am your god
There are no others
Before me
Who can stand
In my flaw's light
So I wrote a scripture
To my followers
Yes to them
I wrote a letter
I tried to say within
That I had had enough
But the truth remains
I am so full of sin
I am glutton for pain
Like a pig at a trough
I cannot get my fill
I keep returning
Until I vomit
Taking the shares
Meant for others
Stealing the dreams
And the hopes
That with them cover
I am the God Imperfect
Worship me
For I am yours
And there shall never be
One nearly so flawed
Nor unredeemed
And dirty
Somewhere
I will fall down
And burn
Like paper
The letter
Shredded
Cast it
To the wind
With all my sins
Unforgiven
And waiting
For my pride to break
And me
To finally be
Free


Marrow and Bones

Since you
Went home
I've been falling
And reached bottom
I am nothing
And now far away
From any rescue
I never reached
Those hands held out
And fell deep inside
The chasm of sorrow
Where nothing lived
But the memories
And cancers
Of the marrow
Of my bones
Of being
All alone
No cure
For my brokenness


Friday, October 9, 2015

I Destroyed this world

I suffer from my own hand
I am the devil of my own domain
Self made hell realm
How many demons do I command
How many sins do I deny
With every false word
Every glance off
Do I condemn my world
I am fat
While the poor starve
I hate
While the children learn
From my example
Am I the one
Who made this world go wrong
Or am I the one
Who planted the bitter seeds
And watched as the fields
Went fallow as the harvest
Was prolonged until winter
And there was no yield
But for sorrow


Thursday, October 8, 2015

Escape Artist

I am an artist
Of the grand escape
I have never been captured
And never will be
Go ahead try me
Open the coffin
Look deeper inside
Take in the view
There is nothing there
What were you expecting to find?
I told you I was going to do it
This life enslaved me
It became the chains
Around my flesh
Wounding me
Bleeding me
This existence was the thorn
In my side
But I have listened
To the silent voice
I have waited
For the answers
Others are
Asleep to the power
However I've been listening
I have made my soul quiet
I have been praying for my time
I've been awake
Inside
I laid claim to my blood promise
My legacy
And I've escaped


Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Love Suspect Line Up

"Heart, my heart, so battered with misfortune far beyond your strength,
up, and face the men who hate us. Bare your chest to the assault
of the enemy, and fight them off. Stand fast among the beamlike spears.
Give no ground; and if you beat them, do not brag in open show,
nor, if they beat you, run home and lie down on your bed and cry.
 

Keep some measure in the joy you take in luck, and the degree you 
give way to sorrow. All our life is up-and-down like this."   Greek Poet Archilochus

"Please enter the line safely.   Walk single file.  No running.  No cutting in line.  No pushing.  Please keep talking to a low voice.  Should you need to use the facilities they are in the basement.  Wash your hands when done.  Each passenger car can hold three people.  The passenger car only holds the people who are in the heart  Of the large bald man's wife."

The Management

The line to get in was long
And once I was in
It wasn't the single seating I expected
Of course I am not complaining
I just wasn't ready
I didn't understand
Why it happened
The way it did
I never saw you smile with me
Like you smiled with him
Never heard you laugh
Around me
Like you did
With him
So don't tell me
You love me the most
I know the truth and I am ok
Your father comes first
Your baby boy too
But I never knew
Being a husband
Would mean
Coming in third
In a wife's heart -
Even in your dreams
I can live with all of that
I can, because
In between the quick hurt
And momentary jealousy
I wanted you to be happy
And loved
So love who you do
However you are made
Because somewhere deep inside
It makes you whole
And if you are that way
If you are happy and complete
I am too
And satisfied
But I do want to say
I come in third
You come in first
And I was led to believe
Something entirely
Completely different
Despite my being happy
That you are whole
Confusion sets in
I'd never begin again
So this is not a complaint
It is simply saying
Where I am
Wherever that is








Whatever makes my partner feel loved, and is healthy, I must accept, because it is good.  If I feel jealous it is me, not her, who is the one who is in error.  So I need to adjust.  And for that, for getting it wrong or misunderstanding things in the past, I am sorry.

Proverbs 27: 16-18:  …16  He who would restrain her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand. 17  Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another. 18  He who tends the fig tree will eat its fruit, And he who cares for his master will be honored.…

Remember him not as a Slave, but as a Free man














At birth my parents were happy
But we were all hungry
Close to starved
No one rejoiced
When I was young
My body grew
And I was gifted
By fate to be healthy
And I grew large
As another mouth to be fed
At the earliest of ages
I was sent to the fields
So that I might help
I might be dead
If we didn't all try
As I learned to work
My arms grew powerful
My back grew strong
Even if at the setting of the sun
My body tired
We all hungered
But loved too
When Thrace was taken
By the power that was Rome
I jumped at the chance
To serve in the Empire's forces
When I was captured I was sold
I was saved however
Because my owner fed me
My job was to kill
But I was a slave
They taught me to fight
To kill in their death arena
I was not a warrior
I was a beast with a voice
But I had not humanity
Nor choice
I was only fed
And clothed
For my owner's invested value
In my flesh
Every breath I took
Meant I was continuing
To add to his total
Every nick or bruise to my flesh
Meant a possible lower value
In my world
I knew
Free men weren't free
Only rich men were
Money makes you free
When you can buy another man
And make him fight
And I did fight many times
I took lives many lives
Far more than I
Am comfortable
Counting
Or listing
Or remembering
Their faces linger
In my dreams
Their cries echo 
When I visit them in Elysium
I will apologize
For sending them there
Instead of freeing them
I plan to be free
I plan to free others
I have to be silent about it
And be like water
Through the cracks
Of a cobblestone court

















Make a path without being seen
And do so over time
Without force
And the owner of my flesh
Will not notice
That his slaves who fight
Are gathering together
And making plans
To join hands
With others
Someday
The world will remember
Not as slaves
Or as gladiators
But that Spartacus fought
As a free man
And he died
Fighting alive as a free man
And died for a cause
Not for entertainment
Of another
His death meant something
Not nothing
Death before slavery
Freedom before all





Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Locusts and Crows

Running for our lives
Does not matter
We will never reach
The safety of our homes
They are blazing with fire
And the bombs keep dropping
While the vultures are watching
Patiently
Waiting for our deaths
And our family
All of us
Missed the signs
And now we've noticed
But the tragedy of our ignorance
Is not just that it is too late
But that it is far too late
There are locusts
Who burst from the earth
They arrive in swarms
Within massive black storms
They sting
They might be destroyers
Of life
But truly
It was us
We poisoned our land
We never had a chance
Because of our overconfidence
Because of pride
Because we hid our eyes
From truth
and inequity
The crows circled
Above the city
And now
They don't even watch
Because of our betrayal
Because of our schemes
Because of our cheating
Knowing
Our fates were sealed
By our own ignorance
And deceit


Monday, October 5, 2015

We aren't dancing

The many walk
Following blindly
Living unthinking
About their world
And their destiny
Sleeping in their flesh
Asleep to their existence
















They live in a trance
And tell those who live
To obey
Those who rule
People who only
Love riches
Treasures and gold
they tell us
and tell us
We are told
Just how
To fucking dance
Their kind of dance





















And sooner
Than later
That light
Behind her eyes
Disappeared and
I lost the chance
To ever hold her
again
She died
For society's lies
At the end of a road
That never led to anywhere
But to a town
That hated us
For being alive
And that we cared




















So to those in a trance
Dance if you like
But I am alone
At can't
Without her
I can't and won't
So don't ask
again