I am a poet who has both been published and self published. All work on this blog is all copyright Alex Ness. While I make very little money from my work I am technically a professional. Measuring by the hours I've written I am professional. My goal is to share my work with as many people that can read it, as far as the internet may reach with it. I hope if you are moved you will share this blog with others, and perhaps buy my books.

Whatever the result, thank you for viewing this blog. I cannot express how greatly I appreciate the many people, from many places upon the earth, who have visited.

I bid you peace.

Je ne regrette pas la douleur, car il m'a fait plus forte

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Friday, January 30, 2015

How much hell

When I could I didn't bother
And now I am frozen
In the day
In the cost
In younger days I could laugh it off
I thought the future held good things
But I was lost
I watched as
Over time
The future held nothing
How much hell is there
In one lost heart
How much pain can I suffer
How much can I lose
Before I have lost it all
How can I tell?
What is there to choose
I can't begin to try
To stop the fall
From heaven into hell

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Memories of you remain

Tenho saudades tuas
I miss you so deeply
A day doesn't pass
Without a tear
I cannot think
Or speak
Without wondering
If you are near enough
To hear me
I always knew when you left
I'd forever miss you
Mon absence était d'un cœur silencieux
And now you are gone
I no longer wish to go on
I will never hear you laugh
Or eat your food
Or watch your movies
There just isn't anything left
That can comfort me
Or fill the void
That you filled

Monday, January 26, 2015

Just Meat?

"In order to exist, man must rebel, but rebellion must respect the limits that it discovers in itself - limits where minds meet, and in meeting, begin to exist."  Albert Camus

Despite my efforts
To hide myself
Behind a shield of shyness
Of curiosity and quiet
In a world of violence
I called out in the darkness
I heard no answer
I screamed for help
Reply was silence
I walked
Further into the void
My life was escaping
My ability to exist
Didn't matter
There was no kindness
There was no meaning
I didn't matter
Life was absurd
No use in believing
In anything
If all my labors
Are lost
In the haze and fog
Of the existence
My resistance 
To the hands of fate
To destiny's clutch
Only bred hate
In my hurting heart
Until I stopped to think
There was just this one thing 
If life was absurd
Without meaning
And I longed for meaning
It means I was born
Something greater
And I wonder
How that can be
If I was born
And will die
A pile of meat

Ecclesiastes 3:16  "Moreover, I saw under the sun that in the place of justice, even there was wickedness, and in the place of righteousness, even there was wickedness."

Saturday, January 24, 2015

The Gods of Sleep are Selfish

Far away in the dream lands
I have a lover who loves my soul
But I am only able to see her
When I dream
And I am alone in my world
Until I am able to sleep
Falling asleep is difficult 
I struggle and I suffer
Sleep is not so easy, for me
Some are blessed to close their eyes
Enter the dreams as if it is innate
Others do not have to do even that
Dream enters their waking state
The hours of sleep
That we treasure and cherish
Are not naturally occurring for all

Some of us have to beseech Hypnos
Or beg Thanatos
Entice Morpheus to enter our mind
And dream
Let them take away whatever we offer
In exchange for our sanity
We receive the depth of thought
That makes us see
The future perfectly clearly
The past in exquisite detail
And the gods of that domain
Are capricious in their whims
Nothing I do or say
Changes their minds
And I linger in the inbetween
Waiting to be allowed in
But in this world
Where time is real
We only have so much time

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Where Love Blooms

I know she was a messenger sent
From a different world
One more innocent
Yet she leaves me confused
Was I thinking or was I asleep
I don't know if I was awake
Or if that moment had been dreamt
But I do know that she'd been here
Just moments before I caught her scent
Upon the air in the room
Her beauty fills my mind
Arouses my soul
Creates fire
In my being
No, not lust
But pure desire
When I think of her
I can not help but be moved
From my heart
To the depths of my bones
She lingers in the love
How it flows around
The love she has planted
The way it has grown
From the seeds
In the ground
Where love blooms
And glories

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Giving up, forever

Let's end it
Even if it hurts
I can't go on
I surrender
I never wanted
To have it go on
If I am alone here
Because solitary confinement
Forever and ever
Is torture
Just to have something
Just to have it
Isn't worth it
If you don't want me
Then we're planting
Some kind of bitter seeds
Always taking
Never giving
Always hurting
Always bleeding
If you don't want
My heart
Then give it back
And take my apology
Give your love
To someone in need
Let's just end
This cliched charade
Instead of acting
In some magnificent
Opulent faux betrayal
Some false masquerade
Meant as a final portrayal
Of love for the ages
When we forgot
Long ago
What love is supposed
To be

((This poem is not autobiographical.  I am rather frustrated to have to say that, as it removes some of the power of the words I've written, but when I write sad love poems or lost love poems if you will, I get emails from people hoping I am alright and not suicidal and asking what happened.  I use observation, personal reflection, life experiences, poetic license, and many other methods for writing and capturing emotions, this poem is informed by many things, some personal, some not.  I love my wife, so don't worry.))

Monday, January 19, 2015


In a prison of love
I fall down and beg forgiveness
I am redeemed by words you have said
There is a chance I might relapse
From this addiction to your presence
And the sentence is life
My dreams here are red 
 My nightmares are empty
The nothingness of black
Prison guards are dispatched
My defenses are attacked
I can't relinquish my hold
There is nothing more I need
Nor want
You are the sum total
Of everything I could ever ask for
I confess
You cannot entrap me, I admit everything 
You cannot imprison me, I long to be here
My body will collapse
But my will shall carry on
And nothing will change
Because I am a prisoner
One who does not wish
To be freed
And though others do not understand
You are all I need
All I want
Your kiss
Your lips
Nothing more 
Nothing less
Ecstasy beckons
In reality
Not by some wish

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Wounds too grievous

I regret that I am finished
Je suis fini
I cannot bear the pain
Any longer
My hope deflated
I am desolation
Completely diminished
Removed from the living
I take my place
In full fetal hold
In the Womb
Of death
Holding me tightly
Despite being forgiven
I am now in a self sealed tomb
Of my own making
Je suis l'esprit de la désolation abjecte

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

No, No More

My life is not yours for dissection
Nor are you to treat me
Like some vile infection
I live and breathe
Having feelings
Inside my chest
Beats a heart
In my skull
Rests a brain
That thinks and knows
What I do is live
Just as you
So the pain you cause
The insults you give
Are not welcome
Any more than you'd suffer
I walked
One thousand miles
My spirit flew
One million times
And you were
The sole recipient
Of my trust
I am spent
Refusing to go on
For your pleasure

Saturday, January 10, 2015

When R'lyeh Rises From the Ocean Floor, Terror Will Rise With It

There is a wall around a city
To keep what is inside
From getting outside
Modern men think
Quite differently
Walls are for protecting
From invading things
But this city lay ruined
Without life for thousands of years
It is stark
It is menacing
And no one
Can explain why
There is fear
No explanations 
But it is there
It pervades every moment
As if torture
As if torment
The city walls
Were built to prevent
Whatever is inside
From escaping out
But sooner
Perhaps later
Inevitable yes, sometime
What is there
Will be released
And then the unspeakable names
Will be spoken
The unbreakable seals
Will be broken
The unthinkable horrors
Will be
And then our fate
Will be sealed

Wednesday, January 7, 2015


I was struggling
Maybe drowning
I was bleeding
When you tasted it
In the water
You went from
Directly to attack
Shredding me
Sucking my flesh
Biting my viscera
You had the advantage
And never let go
Despite my needs
Your feelings never show
You may think
You are gentle
Or kind
But really you are
A shark in a pond
You don't love
You devour and spit out
Whatever you don't eat
You make it an art
Destruction's Queen
Leaving me without a heart
Without a way
To leave with any pride
You wounded my soul
And sucked it out
From the inside

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Abaddon's Compassion for Charon

"For certain is death for the born
And certain is birth for the dead;
Therefore over the inevitable
Thou shouldst not grieve."  Bhagavad Gita

My name is Abaddon
Shall you come to me?
To my room?
Where the candles are lit
I'll greet you with a kiss
For I am yours
But not as a lover
I am the angel of death
Shall you take my hand
And venture with me to Hades?
To a place the dead are waiting
To leave for their final station
They will find their lives
In the balance and will see
All they have done
In judgment

Look over at that fellow
In the boat approaching here
Upon the sorrow shores
Of the Acheron river
Soon it will confluence with the Styx
Call upon Charon
The boatsman
His labor is unrewarding
His efforts are unappreciated
And he never rests
His body becomes emaciated
And withered
But there is no vacation
For the boatsman
The rivers still flow
And the died are forever arriving

You are wounded, and tired
One day your labors will not exhaust you
And upon that day
When the creator's will is victorious
And his war is won
The dead will stop dying
Charon you will finally sleep
And as for me
My job, too, will be done

"Never the spirit was born, the spirit shall cease to be never. Never was time it was not, end and beginning are dreams." Bhagavad Gita

Thursday, January 1, 2015

The Published Works of Alex Ness


Josh Howard Presents: SASQUATCH

This is my first published work.  I was invited aboard by Josh Howard and Jessie Garza.  Illustrated by Paul Harmon, my friend and fabulous artist, I was very happy to provide a short 5 page look at the question, why do we see Sasquatch when we look in the woods? The result is a story that isn't one, it is more of a commentary.  Some loved it, not naming names sorry, some hated it, but the love for it far outweighed the hate.  The book was published by Viper


Dimestore Productions put this comic book anthology.  I don't want to  go into depth here, except just to say, my work with Earl Gaier was  good, as were the works of Josh Brown that I found within the pages.   This had a very small print, and I doubt there are any books anywhere  for anyone to find.  Good luck if you are searching.

FOURTH REICH: Final Strike
Alex Ness Words, Jason Moser Art

In 2005 a very close friend and I had developed an idea for a war game.   The concept was one where the Nazis had not died, but rather prepared  for an escape, and did so.  Then when ready, attacked the world.   The  game designer/artist friend died of Lung Cancer in 2009, but my story  was written.   Eventually I shared it with Jason Moser, a very fine  artist, and this project is the result.   Perhaps some day the war game  can still happen.  I regret that I didn't proof my work as well as I could have, and Jason was great, but I was unclear and left too much to be clear about both what happened and if it indeed ended the way it seemed.  The book looks beautiful, due to Jason alone.

BAM TOO! Big Ass Mini Comic

I was asked if works I had written and others had illustrated could be  submitted to this collection.  And I was happy to see this book appear  under the hand of friend JM Hunter.  I will probably not be carrying the book around, it has 400 + pages, but I am proud to be in it.  Even if I am not a comic book writer, it is fun to be in the same neighborhood as some of the people I like very much.



A Life of Ravens was a massive project that featured my words and the art of 27 different artists, including Mike Grell, Peter Bergting, Alex Sheikman, Rich Koslowski, Josh Howard, Paul Harmon, and Bob Giadrosich.  Bob Giadrosich did approximately 1/3 of the art, and published the work through his Sharayah Press imprint.  It is a lovely work, and one that I am proud of.  It is rare at this time.  It is out of print and has some value on Amazon, selling for $40 most of the time.  These stories and poems and mythic tales are amongst the first where I had the freedom to write as I wished.  To some degree they were still modified by the publisher.  But I do not regret that, the book is lovely.


Lancelot from Cyberwizard was a mass effort by many artists and a  brilliantly talented co-writer G.F. "Geoff" Evrard, who is Breton  French, and his side of the project included many fabulous artists.  My  side of the project had numerous great talents, and numerous people who  dropped out, leaving me hanging.  Some of those were great, but one was  very unprofessional (he comes from Ohio).  So, for me it was a troubled  work, but, it is a beautiful error free project.  It is also out of  print, which is a horrible thing because for all the work done on this  book, it deserved much better.   To the publisher Cyberwizard's credit,  she fulfilled a promise of publishing the work in color.  This edition  remains available on Amazon.  It is very expensive, but I promise, it is  worth the cost.  There are page embellishments by a skilled artist,  along with the new color art, it is a beautiful work deserving of  collection.

Arthur Rex Eternus was born as a sequel to Lancelot, only the  publisher  requested my work, but never worked on it for a year.  After  that time I  asked Josh Brown (mentioned above) to edit and format it  and write a  tale, and we were joined by an artist Trent Westbrook.  Of my work, I  like these  poems, rather more than the Lancelot poems, despite liking the book on  the Lancelot more.  I think it comes from growth as a  writer, of course,  but also, having the freedom to work for Josh as an  editor instead of  someone I do not know.


I had an idea, to write about Arthurian love.  It was gold, GOLD I tell you.  Some see love as the ultimate quest, but lust interrupts that quest.    Some say fulfillment is the ultimate quest.   But does the Holy Chalice,  the Grail of legend represent fulfillment, or are we fulfillment of the  quest, when we love another fully?  Arthurian Romance and quests  surround the love of others, of service, and of lust.   Their quest is  to learn what is the Holy Chalice.


Editor Josh Brown

The concept of the book was new.  Arthur and Merlyn are ever existing.  They appear in different forms throughout history, and the future.  The tales of King Arthur have appealed to me since my earliest  memories.  When Josh Brown presented his  theme/concept for the book I immediately turned to the primal templates  of Arthur and Merlyn.  Arthur lived with the blood of a brave but  iniquitous man, Uther Pendragon in his veins, and was born of a rape of  the mother. Arthur was an innocent, despite the perverse origins, and the  one to counsel him, and announce him was Merlyn. Understanding them then from Josh's direction, I saw  Arthur as King and Merlyn his seer as the iconic theme of John  the Baptist, and Christ the King.  However, I also saw them in the  future, with Christ returning to earth, in the form of Arthur.  But  wherever there is Arthur, there is Merlyn, and wherever Christ appears,  he is foretold and announced by John.



This was published by Diminuendo publishing and is a book   about fantasy and ancient events from the perspective of battle and   adventure.  It was purely text, and some people thought that it would be   a chance to focus upon my poems rather than the art and poems.  I   enjoyed the work I did, and despite a snafu that marred the first print,   (the printer's proof was different than the final product and it was   left with two pretty obvious and frustrating errors in product) I am   proud of my words.  It is now out of print.  But Amazon has copies.  You   could also find the books, along with many others of my works at The Source.  If you are local, or, if you email them, perhaps they would do postal orders.


The publisher of Mythic Memories is the person who was responsible for finding my project Lancelot and getting it in the publishing stream.  Jason Waltz of Rogue Blades Entertainment was great, remains a friend, and he did a magnificent job on this book.  I wrote this immediately after A Life of Ravens and thought of it, initially as A Life of Ravens II.  But it became a more focused work upon myth and is illustrated with public domain work and images from the great works of sculpture and history.


This book was originally written for a certain artist from a concept I  had that I thought he'd be perfect for illustrating.   But since writing  it, its been with various artists and now, it is probably being self  published.  As such, the work is a shared beast with lots of people  doing the work and I  have no idea when it will be for sure published,  other than soon.   The concept is a world where wars have left few  living, and Dwarves living in the lonely mountain ridge are beset in  final combat by hordes of evil beings... It is bloody and it is epic.   The cover is by Jason Moser, the interior art is by Trent Westbrook,  additional story telling is by Josh Brown, and Dara Syrkin kicked my ass  with the edits, thank you.


This collection of stories came about as a result of brainstorming,  collective ideas, and some pretty damn hard work by the editor Josh  Brown.  Michael May, my oft co-writer and I had a concept, we had some  works that came in as a result of our creation of the series bible, but,  it was Josh who sewed the pieces together of this tapestry.   I am  proud of my short story, as it was hard to complete but, when finished  and after Josh's helpful edits, it is a story I am rather proud of.   As  a book by many this is a creation I am proud of, and am happy to say,  it is done.  Thanks to Josh, and everyone aboard.


Friend Josh Brown and I had both submitted our works for a project and while both made it to the final round, we didn't succeed.  However, we  both disagreed with the decisions.  So Josh suggested that we do a  book.  I said, of course, huh? and he said, I'll do it.  Eye of the  Dagger is the first show of his genius in formatting and edits, he did  some stories, as I did, and so did my friend Marc Kleinhenz.  As a  result we wrote stories about assassinations and dark acts of  subterfuge.  I think it is a lovely work.

SAVAGE PAST: Lift High the Raven Banner

When an artist who took on many projects and then quit on all of them after two years, accomplishing 1 page and not a good one, even, I was steamed.  I went to a convention that I'd been guaranteed to have product to sell at, and in fact had very little.  Across from me was an artist who was spectacularly talented, and quiet.  He looked at my stuff, asked questions.  He asked me if it was easy getting the things I had into print.  Since all my work then was through publishers, I said no, but supposedly there are print on demand printers and publishers who should make that easier.  By the end of the convention we had traded lots of things, and made big plans.  Daniel Mann is a great artist, and I like him very much, so I am sad that we didn't do more than this, but I will say, I am glad we did do, SAVAGE PAST: Lift High the Raven Banner.  It is a single poem, illustrated, with a color cover, in comic book size, but with only a single tale inside.  Both Daniel and I have been told the story and art were great.  So, it was a good happenstance that happened.

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AUTUMN PAINTED RED  Poems, Illustrations and Essays

A series  of events occurred leading me to write a series of poems, from  the  personae of the killer Jack the Ripper.   His acts were and remain  vile,  by any measure, and were more so in the past due to spectacular  events  media attention, the relatively new kind of crime spree, and,  the  letters used by the killer, possibly, and a vast number of hoaxers,  to  flame the intensity of the emotions regarding the events.  Never  before   had the media played such a role in a series of murders, and,  since the  time of the murders, all crimes of a sensational nature can  point to  this one as their influential source.  So I wrote from the  perspective of a participant, and provided a long essay, along with  Joseph Hilliard and Nichole Porter, and there is a special cover from  friend Daniel Mann.   Others participants include Kurt Wilcken and  Robert Wilson.     The  writing on it is intensely dark, and I would say  that the accompanying  images from Public Domain sources makes the work  a very stunning one.



I was invited to take part in this illustrated prose anthology utilizing  prose to expand the world of webcomic ongoing series.   Since I tend to  not work from the same page as others, both for good and ill, I tried  to think about how to tell stories that fit, without stepping on ground  that had been stepped on before.   The result are two small stories that  were fit into this anthology.   Thanks to Scott Vaughn and Kane Gilmour  for the invitation.


Alex Ness, Simon Huelsbeck &  Mark Orluck

I wrote this work as a personal journey, both a fictionalized autobiography, as well as a commentary upon the world.  It was made amazing by the images, first by Simon Huelsbeck, a fine artist who kicked major ass.  And then with a hopeful gallery by Mark Orluck, a beloved cousin of mine.  This was written mostly during my mother's hospice stay, and finished right  before her passing. It is a  work meant to be beautiful, and it is marred by 4 typos that  happened, due to my negligence of sorts.  Please forgive those, but read the  work, and understand, it is me, poured upon a page.  Mark and Simon were  wonderful partners to work with, and if I do ever work with people  again collaboratively, I'd love to work with partners so kind and so  talented.

WORKS with Artist Ed Quinby

My friend Ed Quinby did some excellent work with me.  His art was beautiful and enriched the quality of my words.  We did three books together, and I am very much his fan.  He passed away in 2016, and I am still grieving his loss.


Both of my Cthulhu books are written as a means to express within the stylistic walls of the previous builders.  HP Lovecraft and his circle created a world of horror.  I intended to approach it first in a found document sort of way, with journal entries, prose, and verse, along with images to add to a mood.  Cthulhu: Catastrophic Discoveries was written with a theme, that of human first contact with the horror of Cthulhu, exploration and discovery of something terrible.  I was assisted by Josh Brown in the endeavor.




Short prose stories, Haiku/poems, quotes and images

From the world of the Samurai warriors of Japan.

Josh and I wrote from our interest area here.  We both adore ancient and medieval Japan, and the Samurai embodies that deeply.  The Samurai commonly describes a warrior in Japan who serves a lord,  using combat skills and living by the code of Bushido. But not everyone  followed the code so directly, nor was every samurai so bold and  courageous. So while the truth is somewhere between the idealized icon  of fidelity and bravery, and bullies with swords, this work features the  samurai who lived by their code.  Inspired by the great and  legendary samurai themselves, this work of short stories, poems, and  quotes is meant to evoke, however briefly, life from the viewpoint of  the samurai.

Visitations into Sídhe and Tír na nÓg

These poems were written a long, long time before the book came out.  And thankfully, having Josh Brown as an editor & publisher, he put the shine on the old words and they came out nice.  I wrote poems about how normal human life takes place in a world very unlike Sídhe and Tír na  nÓg. This magical place is where faeries dwell, the Wild Hunt goes on,  and bodies never age. Go into The Gray with  poems about life and death, and love.


My life's observation following the loss of my mother in 2012, my getting lymphoma (cancer) in 2013 and the loss of one of my very best friends Cathy, in 2014.

 Life and death is our primary experience. Birth to Death is a  collection of poems that explore the joys and pitfalls of the human life  cycle from beginning to end.  Drawing on the personal experiences of his mother's death, contracting  cancer, and the death of a very close friend, all in the span of three  years, Alex Ness poetically lays down the cycle of birth to death into  words.


In my previous work, Birth to Death I dealt with losing my mom, my good friend and then having cancer in there as well.  It is not the end.  There is more to life than birth, eat, sleep and die.  A life lived without purpose and direction when lost to death, is a tragic waste of existence.  But a life that has been focused upon helping others, doing good works, having a family that has good positive values is one where the death will be sad, but the life had been used well.  How can we complain if we do not allow our flame to be wasted?  


I suffer and have helped those who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  My life has worth, as with those who I have helped, but due to the damage we've suffered, our lives play out differently.  We are alive, we are worthy of love, but due to our scars others treat us differently.  This is my story in verse, essay and images.


A comprehensive look at the things that make up a poet, create a poet, and evidence of the work done.  Published by Uff-Da Press and Josh Brown.


A work featuring poems, in long and short form, considering the many wars of human culture.  Are we addicted to war?  If not, why don't we stop?  Less a philosophical look as it is simply a memory of the many events in human history called war.


All poetry copyright Alex Ness
Artwork public domain and personal work