Sunday, October 30, 2016

The Last Roman Legion

Dedicated to my esteemed professor of Ancient history, Ronald Marchese.

Monday, October 24, 2016


Another black September
With only bitter seeds
Of memory
My life has burned unto ashes
Captive to my senses
Sensory slash and burn
Normalcy is pointless
My life torment continued
All that is left is the embers
I have raped my innocence
Leaving nothing behind
But delicious thoughts
Of suicide
Because the fear of living
Leaves me normal
Slave to my master
Grieving the lost
While serving his whim
Capricious fate
And vicious destiny
Command my legacy
Again and again

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Begging you

Sometimes when I fall apart
I cry and it feels like I am losing
Every vestige of my sanity
God please grant me mercy
For my failed flesh so dirty
And my falsely treasured vanity
My ego destroys faith
I am needing to know
What else I can do
I want to be clean again
Because I can't remain
In the place where I am
It is one of brokenness
And so much sorrow
I have nothing to gain
By holding on
I have nothing to lose
By giving in
I want only to shed
The sin inside me
Beneath my bone
Beneath this skin a heart beats
I am fragile
Dying by the breath
Begging to find love
And asking not to die alone
With no hope
Or reason
For the journey

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Calling us from the dust

We ask
Without reply
We wait for an answer
Ignoring the doublespeak
Of a technocracy who killed its gods
Devoured its children
And blackened the horizon
Seeing a future turned empty and bleak
We seek but we do not learn
There is nothing left but hate
For the enemy, fictional or real
Our species exists but our moment of action is now
The balance of terror between violence and peace
Is tread without care
The world makes choices
But humans have more power than brains or wisdom
We rejoice over our discoveries
Ignoring the fact that power will be found
In the hands of those who desire to use it upon others
While the lesser villains look on jealously
Aglow with joy for the possession of nuclear fire

Friday, October 21, 2016

Rain down on me

I told her I loved her
And she went away
Then she came back
But she didn't stay
She broke my heart
And now I know
I will never love again

In the darkness of my solitude
There is no one to comfort me
Only my mind with my
Hateful thoughts that intrude
And I know, I will never love again

Rain down
Misery rain on me
Rain down
Break me and set me free
Wash me away
Set me free
From my pain
Let me go
So I can be free
To never love again

Thursday, October 20, 2016

just let me go

you are not my mother
yes I know
I have it
the signs all showed
my problem was found
I am an addict
of everything I touch and want
wash me and I am covered
moments later
I cannot resist it, in fact, I dive in
So leave me
I will not recover
But it is my life
Let me have it
There is no safe haven
So just let me go
I can die on my own

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Rending my cloak in grief

My grieving cloak
I rent
You poisoned my mind
Toxic rending of my flesh
Oh you play with my heart
oh you do
But you could never comprehend
How I loved
I never ever said we'd end
I saw a future together
Forever til I died
But you saw that
As weakness
As an invitation
To send
messages across the world
Offering my hopes
Up for barter
And the world replied
With its destruction in kind
Because that is what it does
Offering to help with my suicide
I descended into madness
From a place
I had only reached
By ascent in love
So where am I
How am I to live
This end
I cannot transcend
The sorrow
To exist

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Cursed by sorrow

I can't do it
No just stay away
I can't keep forgiving you
Because you steal my dreams
Like you stole my life
And you hate me anyway
What is the use?
When the pain is worse
Than the joy of living
What is the fucking use?
I always pray
Never knowing what will come
I can't go on with the grind, day after day
When the fear of dying
Doesn't scare us anymore
The hope we once had
In living together is gone
What have we been working for?
We can close our eyes and see
Everything is laid out before us
The path hasn't been easy
Our lives filled with hurt
Covered in lies
And so much worse
We've been cursed
By existence
Pain swallowing 
Our brightest days
Instead of love
I now despise
Everything about us
So wrong
The disguises we wear
The masks in this masquerade
We are actors in a final scene
Let us acknowledge
That we can't act
We never could
Our world is burning
And our emotions are gasoline
Who are you and why am I here
This well of sorrow is without end
And my grieving cannot stop
Because I thought
I was somewhere I belonged
But now I realize
The truth is a bitter seed
And the fruit must be eaten
I don't want you near
I need time and reflection
Since my future has died
With the love I have for you
And every last well intentioned
Gently whispered tender

Monday, October 10, 2016

this life

Cast out into the wasteland
Dying of thirst, laying upon sand dunes
Silently screaming, in the darkness alone
In the dim light of the indigo night
Where this solitude becomes a prison
My heart is broken and without forgiveness
my soul burns with bitter words choking
There is no apology for this
The forsaken hopes are crushed
And all that is left are these remnants of life
Begging for escape from the prison I have created

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Some blog business and news

Due to a number of issues, this blog will not be active for a couple weeks. 

I am finishing working on edits for two books, dealing with some health issues, and I had some unpleasant issues during the last month that I am going to fully deal with, and cannot if I am focusing upon writing.  None of this is hugely serious, but I want to deal with everything with the attention it deserves.

I saw a couple snow flakes on Saturday, and while that doesn't scare me, I really am not looking forward to Winter.  But, while I need to deal with the above mentioned certain issues with all the attention they deserve, winter will arrive whether I pay attention to it or not.  Time and life have no off screen ticker counting down or counting down with dramatic music louder and louder as my time to do this or that grow short. 

I have a number of book deals that I will be offering at the end of October.  I will let you know which books, and for how much.

Thank you.

meat and dust

the human race
is one that whatever your speed
or your abilities
your grace, your determination
your agility
you cannot win
there is no starting line
nor is there an end
there is birth
and life
and experience
that count for existence
we are composed of atoms
but we have something
that science cannot explain
we have minds
but logic cannot transcend
the world that is
far beyond the reach
of our confines
we are limited
we cannot expect to be
more than this
we are meat
the world is dust
but there is another
far far beyond
that we cannot imagine
we hope to seek
as it calls us
deep calls unto deep
it sends echoes
like sonar
and we are the reflection
in the distance
to be more
than meat or dust

Friday, October 7, 2016

Sword aloft

When the sky is black
Clouds are moving from the wind
Grasses twist in an ecstatic scream
You imagine them feeling release
From the roots that hold them down
The storm is ongoing but it won't last long
And you know
You can survive
You will be free
When you've walked
From one end of the storm
To the other
The dust has settled
Because the wind is gone
At last you can breathe
Open your eyes again
Smile without
Grimacing in pain
You don't want to go back
And are glad it is gone
But you can appreciate
That you are safe
You can see
Where you've been
Through hell and back
Your demons were defeated
You are here
To sing your victory song
Every day you fight the storm
Every night before you sleep
Remember the words
Reminding you of victory
And you should sing
For you have victory
With every second
When you do not give in
Do not despair
You will be strong
The storm is for this moment
But you are calm
The light is somewhere
And you can find it
Because you know it is there
And fear is of the unknown
This enemy you know well
It is nothing compared
To the hell
You have defeated
Already you have won
When you embrace your forever
Ending in victory

Thursday, October 6, 2016


you tried
to cover me
with your soul's cloak
to keep me warm
from the darkness
that smothers me
with such fears inside
I remained in recovery
from when you tried to warn
the queen mother
controlled my mind
knew every move
heart broken
upon the discovery
And since then
I have begun to crawl
trying to prove
I am alive
but it just hurts
to know
the fears inside
were breaking me
controlling my life
driving me
to die
instead of living
instead of forgiving

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Final Fears

They pass unending
The day has begun
Without name
The calendars are burned
Yet the machine
Has always been in motion
The millennia melts
As it screams into decay
It cannot speak
Yet directly sees
The oncoming disaster
Catastrophic fears
Should walls of fire fall
Only ashes remain
The human era will end
Angels will trumpet call
And fires bring Judgment day
From the Heavens
The host descends
War will come
The holy and unholy fight
The sinful human burden
Already burned by fire
The bonfire of humanity

Monday, October 3, 2016

The Condemned Waits

Although in her mind
The list of my deeds is long
There is no redemption
When you've done no wrong
I've been fully admonished
And the other
Is prepared to punish
All my imagined sin
I confessed what it was I did
And I am lost again
Before the executioner comes
My sorrow is begun
My grieving will be
Should I live
It will be in eternal torment
Her vengeance is wicked
I linger in the memories
A tomb of my domain
Tears echo
In the shadows
A form of shell game
For my heart
Does she love me
How should I know
After 30 years
It should show
But instead
Anger is
The everpresent

Sunday, October 2, 2016


Love and Lust
Age and failings
Dreams and trust
Unpolished railings
Wooden steps
Stairs walking up
To a single room
On an otherwise empty floor
An old man sat in an old hotel
It smelled of the must
It never was popular
The guestbook covered with dust
I grieve for what I was
And then for what I became
I sorrow for the past
The promise it had but turned to shame
I am sorry for hard promises
That were made and painfully kept
I am sorry for beliefs
That I have where the joy has left
Because grudges are promises
Because vows are hopes
Because dreams are not real
And to have and hold
Is not the same
As to have and want
Or to love

Saturday, October 1, 2016


I felt shy
My nature was quiet
But with her eyes so deep
I could swim within them
How lovely her skin
The shade of crushed copper
I stood electrified nearby
Her lips full
Well and truly luscious
When she approached
I could never stop her
And my flesh was so willing
My will so very weak
She was utter beauty
In a way
That seasons try to evoke
With absolutely
No success
She is a poet's greatest note
A musician's finest piece
An affaire de coeur
She is before me
Her form is stunning
My mind screams
But with joy
The way I am moved
When I am short of air
Or confused
She is wild and I am tame
When she is near
And I am in her lair
Let me be hers
In the matter
That clay in a maker's hand
Becomes transformed
Make me into yours
With your loving care