Thursday, December 31, 2015

JCN Little Bird

My only child
I will miss you
With every breath
So much every day
I will bleed
And I will just call you
To see if you are ok
For your safety
I'll miss you
Little bird
You are free
But be safe
Because I already miss you
More than I
Could ever have believe
So very much  I am paralyzed
By my grief
Leave with my blessings
And with my prayers
I took your hand
My darling boy
I walked with you
To the park
Played and built
With Lego and toys
You are my joy
As a family
And I can only
For you hope
Dream well And pray
For your great success
And when you do
I will be complete
And whole

Monday, December 14, 2015

Finished until 2016

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Saturday, December 12, 2015

Do with me what you will

There is nothing
I will not do
To be with
There is nothing
I can do
To get through
To you
I surrender
To you
All that I am
Do with me
Whatever you will
I am yours to command
I fall before you
Upon my knees
I know you are all there is
And you are all there is
I need to please
Please, oh please, let me be yours
I have been destroyed
Since I found out
What I do not have
And probably
Never will

Friday, December 11, 2015

In your service

Oh to know you
To inherit eternity
What does it require?
Is there no magic
That can bring us closer?
No words in sequence ?
Only power in your lexicon
Your perfection is no secret
Great in knowledge and reason
You took me from Babylon
Saved my people from bondage
When slaves in Egypt
Now your water runs through me
You've quenched my thirst
Following you is not religion
Knowing you is truth
No rituals followed
Can bring you closer
Only communion
And repentance
Let me be an incense
Upon your altar
Let me a scent
That pleases you
Let me be in the service
Of my king
Let me be yours
Oh my lord

Thursday, December 10, 2015

no fears, no regrets

Just because I could
I did
Even though
It might be suicide
I was told to fly
But not to try
To reach so far
As to reach the sky
I ignored the advice
And touched the sun's face
My wings melted and
I fell and the angels cried
Crashing to earth
My flesh died
Who I am
Who I was
Will never live
By avoiding life
Who I am now
Will never die
By regretting my choices
That were right
I might be gone
But I touched the sun
When others fear the thought
Of flight

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

This world

All I see looking out upon the world
Faithful people are being silent
Assholes are doing assholish things
Fools are blaming others
In a bloodsport
Reveling in the violence
As the world splits apart

“But this was not quite the right kraken apocalypse.”― China MiĆ©ville, Kraken

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

When I come this time

You tied my hands
Offered me up
Told the crowd
They had a choice
I was sinless
But I threatened
What you think
You wanted me
To shut my mouth
But I could not
I have truth
That you cannot handle
You can not end
A rebellion
By killing one voice
You cannot stop a fire
By dowsing one candle

Monday, December 7, 2015

Skulls on the desert floor

No longer breathing
Far from living
Like a memory tossed out
A skull of a living being
Left behind
Like a marker
Upon the desert floor
Was it slaughtered
Did it die to feed a human
Or did it wander too far
From the water
Exhaust itself was the cause
Did it escape a predator
Summer heat rising
Body temperature
Both ascending
The need to escape
Too much pressure
And the ox simply died
Without notice
Of any of kin

Sunday, December 6, 2015


Fragile heart
Such delicate beauty
Intricate soul
Your love
Is much
So much like
I hold you above
All I find
Delight with
When you delay
I am
Sorrow unspoken
Bleeding out
Filled with doubt
Nude before my accusers
And covered
With scars
By waiting
For you
To say

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Offering a confession

From the deepest depths of my heart I offer a confession
I waited to be delivered and you
Are my deliverance and redemption
Would you believe me if I said
I loved you before I even knew you
Would you believe I knew you
Before you ever met me
You were a dream
My ascension
A vision
A promise
Someone given to me
In love
To soothe my heart
To heal my scars
You were my hope completed
And I could not have imagined a better gift
Galatians 6:9 "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

Friday, December 4, 2015

I belong somewhere else

I can't turn back the clock
And do things over
I cannot relive moments
Where I failed
Those sins mock me
But I can live better
By learning from them
The fact that I can't go
And make things better
Haunts me
And I know
The past is dead
My days grow short
And my flesh grows old
My dreams die
And my hopes grow cold
All I can do
Is wait for you
To throw open
The doors
Of my prison

“The world is a prison in which solitary confinement is preferable.”― Karl Kraus

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Join the Damnation Army

And again
In my mind
I remain
Turned inside out
Every time
Leaving nothing to doubt
I give in
I shout
I pray
Nothing can save me
But why worry
Doesn't matter what I say
Doesn't matter what I do
I can't give the words
I can't read your mind
No matter
How much time
I take
How many times I try
That avenue is closed
To me
And everyone else
I break under the stress
And nothing is left
For you
Or for my own salvation
Hey join me
Starting my own
Damnation army
We'll conquer the world
We'll leave tomorrow
Leave the world in tears
For all the sorrow we felt
Without a bit of help
Not one speck
Of reconciliation

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

God has given life

My life was settled
I was tame
No longer wild
And he came
My heart grew twenty times larger
By loving a child
My body pains grew
Twenty times worse
When he grew up
Leaving home
But I'd not trade any of it
Not a day, none
My soul was made new
By going through
The most beautiful
Most frightening event
The addition of him
To my life
I'd have nothing
Worth having

Tuesday, December 1, 2015


She said "Trust me
I promise
I'll be back"
I said "ok"
It is better
To just
Accept that
She's gone
Knowing now
What I should've
For so long
I fell to the bed
In a thump
It was empty
And I thought
Instead of sounding
Like it
I'd rather actually
Be dead
She said
"Why do you care"
And you know
I no longer know
All I feel
Anymore is
Trust me?
Trust me?
I'll get right on that
Trust me?
I trust that you'll leave
I trust you indeed
Trust me