Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Even with wings I could not fly

Credit: Rogério Timóteo

The future is before us
Shining and spotless
Like the Mediterranean 
Because of my father's genius
We will overcome
His hard work allowed us this moment
We will fly above the sea
Like the gulls
Like the GODS
He is worthy
I will become so
For the child of a god
Is a god
He is telling me now all these directions
Don't fly to high
Don't fly to low
Yes yes I know
All I have in this life
Is my father
I have nothing else
He has given me hope
He has given me my mind's work
Together we have labored
To escape this place
And how exciting
My wings will carry me
Away far away
In the thin sky
Above the sea
Some might fear the method
Some might long for safety
But I trust my father's means
And his skills
And his ways
He is the brightest man
Of the entire Greek sea
Which is why he is
Imprisoned here

Lord Frederick Leighton

I am as well
And we must leave
Or never be free
Like caged beasts
To be pitied
To be of lower class
To be of lesser esteem
My father always said
I was beautiful
I was brave
I was his gift
From the pantheon
Of Zeus
I was not made to be pitied
Nor was he
So we shall fly   
Father said some warnings or such
But I am certain his workmanship will suffice

The sun is so hot
My wings are melting
They fall apart
I am losing altitude
The sea rushes up
To greet me
Father I have failed you
Once again

Credit:  Paul-Ambroise Slodtz, 1741 Musée du Louvre, Paris

Sunday, September 28, 2014

I will let you grieve

Silently, from a distance
I cried as you kissed him goodbye
I shed tears for his life
Soon to pass
But more than that
I cried for the pain in your heart
Because I know
How I would feel
In the same place
But I can't say so
I have to give you room to grieve
To endure
To survive
In your own way
What is in my soul
I believe
All I know
I will be quiet
And pray
Until you can breathe again
There is no shame in sorrow
No shame in the quiet of a hurting heart
Only quiet
And my waiting arms
Although it is possible
The clues are too arcane to know
In the waiting
I might mistake silence
For being unable
To reach out
So call my name

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

My Life, My Winter

Winter for some is renewal 
A time to sleep and recover
It is  part of a cycle 
That inevitably rebounds in Spring
For others it represents the dying of things
The decay of life
My life has entered that season
But I do not foresee renewal
I see terminus
Not for my sorrows 
Or grieving
And not maudlin tears for show
Rather from finding the moment
The period I am entering
As having no way of escape
For not seeing the path
That I know is before me
It is covered
Beneath the densely packed snow
Packed hard from the footpaths
And the travels of others
While I dithered
And was left
To decide my way
I stopped and took a break
And found that I was covered
With ice, and cold, and exhaustion
That might determine my fate

Saturday, September 20, 2014

THE Thunder Gods: Wind and Fire

Once begun
The Divine Wind was a fire
It burned fiercely in the hearts
Of the warriors of the Rising Sun
It was unquenchable
Like a wildfire with fuel
The Kamikaze as they were called
Believed that in their death
They would ascend to heaven
Become Gods Of Thunder
Entering a pantheon
Divine protectors of their homeland

Like the god Susanoo-woo
Who sent the typhoon
The Wind that crushed
Mongols invading Japan
At Hakata Bay
The Kamikaze sought
To follow the path
The winds of the past
Had created
They entered death freely

The pilots attacked
With no chance to survive
They believed they would stop
The tide of war
Fatal calculations
One pilot = One ship
Only the anti-aircraft flak
Could slow down the Divine Wind
The fire raged
Until Japan was crushed
By a different fire
Set by American planes
And two bombs

Friday, September 19, 2014

Been doing a bit of thinking

I might be wrong
But I pray I am right
Even without hope
Keep holding on, as long as you can
There isn't a goal in sight
Keep them tight
Your hands around that rope
Or you'll fall beneath the waves
But never give in
Never give up
Make sense of the chaos
Friends will betray
Enemies hate
Whatever you do
Whoever you are
Whenever you pray
They'll be there
Hating your every move
Because they are made that way
Be different from them
Live for good things
Victory is found
In small things done
Not enemies destroyed
Not epic battles won

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Dreamless State

This is my life
I wait for the end
My life paid out
With wrath
That crushes souls
My journey
So long and alone
Yet I never held doubt
I walked the despised path
Hated and spat upon
Storms crushing hope

Black clouds
The bleeding rains
Pouring down
So very cold
These wounds never heal
Never rising above
Bitter shame
I can never last
But for now
I endure

But even in
Mother's arms
Even held by love
I can not sleep
Nightmares fill my head
Haunting my dreams
Until I lay
Wakelessly awake
And pray
For any kind
Of relief


Wednesday, September 17, 2014

To Love One, To Love Another

Because I loved only one
I never acted
Upon my base instincts
I never acted out of lust
I never did anything
But what I did
What I had done
Already in my heart
To love one
To love another
There is a fine line
Between trust
And that fiery lust
And now in retrospect
I see my flaw
I've been cheating all along
The fantasies of my mind
The deepening desires
So wrong
All my fault
Throughout my life
Sorrow never ending
I should never start
Because I love one
I should not love another
Even in my mind

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The End

Je ne regrette rien. Je offert mon âme, nu, et si les autres se soucient ou non, j'ai dû m'exprimer.

To survive, to suffer but live, is not a great big deal.  To live life without regrets, that, is very much a big deal.

I care not for your pity, I care not for your money.  I simply wish I was able to endure, for your pleasure, of course. 

Monday, September 15, 2014

Barefoot upon broken glass

Despite the pain
I walked one million miles
Barefoot upon broken glass
My flesh shredded to ribbons
But on I went
Kept going
Because I knew
Were where I'd end my path
The winds swirl
But in your arms
I am comforted
In a frozen hearted world
The storms can last
Forever if they like
But here
There is nothing
But you
And here
Your love is true

Friday, September 12, 2014

Nothing left, so it seems

A mockery of opportunity
We walk alone
From the garden we've been cast
The hunger for meaning
Continues forward
While we try to ignore
The past devastation
Of innocence
Childhood slashed
Forgive the stolen moments
The small torments
That color our memory
Existence is balanced
With the future's hope
And the tragedies of the past

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Forgotten Warriors

In his day
He'd done great things
Traveled the world
Fought for the King
Won battles
None could have dreamed possible
But he was unconcerned
Never felt alone
Never loved a girl
Never worried for his future
He knew he had family
Within his unit
Closer than brothers he said
He'd be fine, taken care of
When the time came
He was in the moment
He was everything
He ever wanted to be
But some of his brothers
Were now dead
But that was part of life
Soldiers pass on
He never needed medals
Or thanks
From his country
But now
His time was ending
Upon the earth
Age and wounds
Took their toll
Soon he'd die
His spirit would be free
Until then he suffered
For despite his life
Given for the state
He was forgotten
By king and country
And it was the epitome
Of shame


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

My Service To The King

I never lost purpose
I was devoted and true
But I am tired
I obeyed every command
With distant memories
Of a young man’s dreams
With a constant awareness
Of the need for purity
I did not partake
In pleasures of the flesh
And I have grown weary
And old
With long lost desires
For complete victory
My quest is over
A knight in a lawless land
I am the last of my kind
A remnant of a fallen era
My world survives
But I surrender
My life has reached an end
My flesh is broken
Without hope I cannot endure
My being is worn
Je suis fini
My body will never mend
I cannot exist this way
And I shall pass
Into the grey
For my flesh is weak
My mind is tortured
My spirit is bound in pain
I am a tapestry in tatters
There is no future
For me
But I do trust
And I do believe
In the mission
I performed
And for those who remain
Will thrive
For the High King is worthy
And he shows mercy
To all who ask
I have served
And I am finished
But I was blessed
To perform the task
To live for the King
When nothing else mattered
I have his blessing
And his thanks
For a job well done

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Burning Fields

A future form of torture
Will see my thoughts
Published as words
To my horror
My world will be upturned
When the world learns
I am waiting for your call
After all this time
I have not moved forward
The world knows my fortunes
I never give up
Because I have nothing
That is of worth
To anybody
Not even me
Don't you see
I am here still
I was left behind
And there is nothing left
But the words I think
Being read by everyone will reveal
The truth
I am nobody
I am nothing
There is nothing good
Any longer
Take a walk in my field
The grass is burned
The drought surreal
And you never returned
To harvest my heart
You never returned
To reap my soul
The seeds were planted
And left to die
But the world still eats
There is no famine
Only one person is damaged
That is me

Monday, September 8, 2014

Clouds Or Smoke

Upon the horizon I see 
Clouds dark
But without relief
I never knew sorrow, so sweet
Never had a wound, like this
Every day I see your photo
I hold back the tears, of the years
Because I know, I lost you
To the call of another
Who does all
That I cannot
I see the clouds in the sky
But they look more like smoke
Black clouds with a sheen 
That comes from being alight
My life is on fire
And there is burning
Inside my viscera
My life has been
Burned away
As if by match
And kerosene
And all I can do
Is watch
As the smoke rises
As my memories burn
So serenely

Sunday, September 7, 2014


The Angel of Death
Brings the harvest
Of the field of life
But it brings
Plagues of woe
Upon sorrow's memory
Shameful misery
She left me
Without warning
Destroying me
Cutting without a knife
She was lost
Upon a sea of dementia
Wasting her precious moments
Crushing her history
Collective humanity
An arcane mystery
Now just simple flesh
Without context
And I miss who she was
But not who she became
Did the pointed finger
Of the Angel of Death
Somehow redeem?

Saturday, September 6, 2014

When Gods dream

She never notices
Mischief's teasing
Repose is sleeping
Red hair outspread
Like silk sheets upon the floor
Following carnality
Her beauty is a symphony
Poured upon the marble
Laying upon the tiger's hide
Dreaming intoxicate
Fantasies fill her mind
She travels without ever leaving
And is stone still, ever quiet
Her flesh milky white and soft
She is silent
But for moments of breath
She dreams of a place
More perfect
Than the heavens are described
For one so beautiful is able
To see things from the tallest peaks
While those who only aspire
To such heights are limited
To those things they know
Or desire
Even in the dreams of sleep

Friday, September 5, 2014

The Moment I Saw You

The moment I saw you
For the first time
I bit my lip to keep from saying
God have mercy upon me
I had been upon my knees
For a vision
And you were that and more
Your beauty was stunning
Beyond the reach
Of my prayer
Your mind a challenge
A mystery of grace
Filled with knowledge
And strength
I knew the moment
I saw you
That I was condemned
To forever want
What I cannot have
An irredeemable desire
A flood that could not be stemmed
That single moment
I stood
Alive for the first time
About to be crushed
By a wave
Of desire
To reach an unreachable height
In unquenchable fire

Thursday, September 4, 2014

God and Swan

He saw her from a distance
He wanted her
She was seeking solace
She was uncovered
Nude but for the foiliage
Around the pond
While others watched
Upon far Olympus
The gods and goddesses
Found spectacle
Found sport
In the interaction
Of these two beings
One of their own
From Olympus
Would fail, spectacularly
Despite their outwardly human form
They were not
She was a queen
Of her elvish race
He was a god
A warrior
A king
She was unmoved by his form
He was very aware
Of her, her scent
Her black hair
Her white skin
He quickened
She felt fear
She ran from him
He pursued
Desperate to escape
She transformed from nymph to swan
He stopped in his tracks
The black swan quickly leaped to the air
With a wild flapping of wings
The warrior god stared as she rose
He knew he could call upon the thunder
Or the rain, to slow her escape
But he didn't lust her
Any longer
He simply was bemused
That she was unique
Different than any other being
What other magic did she possess
Her mysterious being was so alluring
Her difference more beautiful
Than her beauty
To the god who watched

Photo credit

The Bones of the Necropolis

Ignorant of the prophet's words
Most barely read let alone 
To realize what was said
Ancient metropolis, emptied of life and lust
Modern necropolis, tombs and ossuaries
Bones left in the dust
The children sing odes to the dead
Future society without conscience
Lives lived without fear of consequence
A populous that died for their opulence  
But none worry, nor care
The dead take care of their own
The world painted gray and red
Nothing lives in the zone
Nothing exists all alone
The world collapsed
Upon itself
Ancient bones of steel
Concrete and plastic
Wood burned away
Nothing is left
Neither memories
Nor legacies

Lavish my soul with misery

My history
Is unhidden
Yet I linger
Sorrow's darkness
Darkens infinitely
This plague of misery
A relentless sadness
Ubiquitous madness
Song of the undying man
Life is no mystery
The truth does not set you free
Only the release from flesh
Might free me
Crossing into the nether
Where answers hide
From those who burn
In vain
They fail
For they are unworthy
I pray this is my final breath
Heaven does not wait
For the wicked
And I cannot
Go on

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

I am not worthy but I am amazed

I was not the one
To find it
I was not the one
To hold it
I sought the Grail
To heal my lord
Arthur, King of all Britons
The most cherished lord
To lead
We were sent
To quest
To find the chalice
Arthur, Briton's lion
He was the soul
Of our living land
From the ocean north
To the southern shore
Beyond Avalon's horizon
A beautiful world
Reigned over by a man
Sent by the eternal God
But the land was grieved
And the king was ill
From the breath
Of the dragon
Upon him
In full sorrow
From his loss
Of his Queen
From his wounds
Upon his heart
From Mordred
His ill conceived son
To find it was to heal him
To hold it was to heal me
But my soul was to darkened
From life's wounds grieving me
But Avalon's prince
Would rise again
And then the world
Would be made good

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Winds of my soul, blow through

  Cast out and filled with doubt
I have fallen
My flesh now cold
Winter without snow
Winds blow
Burn inside of me
Inside my soul
As I am cast aside
Losing a sacred destiny
Out of my reach
Future consumed
A quest failed
Deeply wounded
Crows call out
Telling me to look
Beyond myself
Through my cloak of sorrow
Wrapped across this body
The pain flows
I was burning inside
My eyes were dry
I had cried
Bitter tears
Every time
They had poured down
Like a flood
Over the barren desert plain
From my deepest pain
Dust came rising up
From my boots
In the Valley of Death
I wore a crown of thorns
Caked in blood
And dirt
My destiny fading
I had no home
I walked
Broken by cynical fears
Broken by jaded dreams
Until you came to my side
I finally woke unto my being
My flesh became alive
When I tasted your soul
I became worthwhile
When I touched
Your hand
I became hope
You amaze me
Your spirit is flying
High above the surface
Beyond anything I know
Exquisite and elegant
Angelic vision
Otherworld exotic
Beauty beyond measure
Nothing so vulgar or erotic
You are a higher being
Above all humanity
Holding me
As you soar
Teaching me the truth
As your celestial spirit beams
Far from the land I know
From Eden to urbanity
From existence
To surreality
Yours is the star
Rising over the horizon
To be celebrated by lower beings
Because you are worthy
Of the love and adoration
I feel your serenity
As the peace surrounds you
A blanket of stars
Wrap us tightly
I am by your side
You are healing me
From a lifetime
That had scarred
My soul
You are my destiny
I know
Now I know

Monday, September 1, 2014

I fall before the Grail

The depths of my failings
Go far beyond simple sin
I am unable to remove 
The flaw
For my failing covers
I am unable to stop
I am unable to slow
My descent
I am only able
To perform dissection
For my wounds
Cleanse me
My life
My faith
My sorrows
Wound me
I grieve my imperfection
I have failed
My God
My King
My self
But I strive forward
And repent
My resurrection
Will come
When I die
In the service
Of my King
My brother Arthur
And God