Thursday, June 30, 2011

Proof of what

In the absence of knowing
A scientist makes an educated guess
About the circumstance
Or event
At best
Its close
At worst it closes off all discussion
Of the reality

Were we children of the stars
Or did we grow up here
By their galaxy wars
Free from scars
Innocent, except for our own sins

The signs of the past
Could be pointing
To something more
Or might just be mistaken
For something mundane
Or the things so mundane
To the time
Are so esoteric today
We have no clue

Were we visited by beings
Superior in power
In technological strengths
If so why didn't they enslave us
Why didn't they save us
From ourselves

We don't know anything
Except what we have seen
We don't want to know
If its just a dream
But I want to escape
The world I endure
So I sleep
I sleep

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Decayed flesh and DNA

The moment of birth
Just the beginning
Life is decay
Filled with sorrow
There is only dust here
But for this flesh of clay
The twisting
Of our words
Of our flesh as it hangs
Upon the tree
The wind blows us
From side to side
Nothing to grieve
Nothing left to say
But that our lives
Were not meant to be this way
Not meant to end this way
We all must die
But we should live
Rather than erode
With this decay
Let others spin
In the abyss
Let them sort out
My decay
Let them fall through
The bottom floor
Rooted in my failure
Added to the pile
Every living day
Let them drown in the
Spirals of my DNA
I would rather resist
And exist
Without this betrayal
That ends this life

Monday, June 27, 2011

When the mist parts, she will see me walking

I acquiesced to the fate
That we'd meet
Even if I should be
I trusted somehow
That we'd be together
And I was right
I loved her since I was created
I knew her
I knew she existed
Inside my being
And when she was mine
There was no other time
That I could have been
So happy
To be
And now my life
Is nearly over
Infused with sorrow over
Final days
But glad to be
Ready to meet her
In the ever after
Where she remains
Waiting for me
Behind the mists
Of ever

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Under the branches of a tree under the red moon of Armageddon

I am undone by grief, am full of emptiness
Despair so sweet yet I endure this existence

There will be no relief, though I pray
I am broken and worn despite resisting
I have no dreams, my lungs hold no breath
But I endure

I raise a single fist in the air as I collapse
Under the red moon of Armageddon
Under the tree of life that is dead

My senses all deadened, by the pain, sprawled upon the grasses
Beneath the branches, I realize with arms wide open
That I am the cause of this decay

I am responsible for all the cancer that my existence has caused
I am made of meat, I am composed of dust, I am the flaw

And yet, covered in a cloak of mourning, for I am broken
I endure this existence
I endure
With dreams and hopes unspoken
Yet prayed

Saturday, June 25, 2011



270 lbs
Born 1963
Lives in a Capitalist society
Cat lover
Favorite color: Black
Favorite poet: Lord Dunsany
Favorite writer: Ernest Hemingway
Education: BA in History University Minnesota Duluth
MS in History North Dakota State University

Friday, June 24, 2011

God is a machine

Perfect is the machine
Functions without malice
Lives without eating
Lives without dreams
Bow down before its absolute
Ecstatic speech is not allowed
Reason and logic are its choir
And humanity should be proud

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I am blind

My soul bears scars
From times when I've allowed
People to get too close
My soul is unique
It is the only thing I possess
Outside of mind
My skin
My bones and flesh
I let people in
All the time
And my heart doesn't stop
Letting them
Get within
The boundaries I've set
The walls I've built
And every day I am wounded
Every day I am scarred
By my own hand
When I refuse
To hold them back
They break me
Strip me
Rip me
Tear my soul
Until I am blind
To anyone in need
Other than me

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Stones in fields
Bones bleached white
Thunder storms drench
The plateau of wheat
Lives remembered
Upon the fields
Where they fought
And died
During the heat
Millenia ago
In the summer sun
Of Scythia
Still warm
Despite decades
Of cold

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


I am very small
A flake of ash
Screaming in pain
One of the millions
Covered in flame
Covered in dust
I am blown by winds
Generated by fires
Of this world
We are the last generation
We are to blame
So black with smoke
The air is thick
The devastation cast
Despite my hopes
That fade
Desire is lust
The flesh denies the decay
Disease arrives to lay the killing blow
To my despair
The curse is renewed
Life goes on
But my life is over
Why do we run
When we cannot hide
Why do we crawl
When we can fly
Why do we crawl
Over mounds of broken glass
When we know it cuts
Why do we dream
When it ends in nightmare
Why do we love
When it ends in rust
Why do we hope
Where there can’t be trust
Why do we dream
Why do we dream
I am a speck of dust
In the winds
Of the eternal scheme

Monday, June 20, 2011

two and one

there isn't a path to follow
there isn't a book to learn
Love is the answer
to every question
to every situation
there is nothing to earn
nothing to be aware of
it is not lust
not desire
if you begin with love
and endeavor
your heart will burn
forever fire
towards the other
where two become one

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Sakura Snowing

I rode through the forest
Enchanted by the scenes
My outsides protected by armor
My insides alive
My mind in dreams
The beauty made me cry
For this was truly what
We are supposed to live to see
Not war
Not hunger
Not swords
All of which
Are me
Sakura falling
Like snow
As I ride through
My horse urged forward
I cry as I go
For I will return
To the world in which
I cast
My fate with mankind
Rather than
The world that will
Ever last

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Two children

Deimos, terror
Phobos, fear
Children of Ares and Aphrodite
Your orbit around your father
Brings mankind pain
Bloodlust unsated
The Hades gates
The flood of violence
Is unleashed
Untold devastation
In your wake
This flood
This tide of war
Brought by fear
The cost of it
Shown in tears
The terror caused
By two children
Born of a father's lust
For blood

Friday, June 17, 2011

The Tomb of Eternity

Enter into eternity
It is there for the taking
The end of this flesh bound place
For another world
We are making
Beyond imagination
Beyond the smallest atom
It is immense
Yet infinitely small
It is empty
Yet full
Not yet begun
We cannot imagine
The worlds yet made
But this world is complete
And the harvest
And cull
Are done

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Line in the Sand

No destiny
No legacies
No fate that beckons us
We exist here
And draw the line
Rising up there is only this
That we agree that whatever
There is before us
We embrace it
For there is no turning back
No regression
No living in the past
Or longing for a different path
We have only each other
And your voice allows me
To find courage
To rise after I fall
You are my hope
There is only now
There is only you
There is only this call
I am yours without reservation
You own my soul
Pierce my being
Through my ear
Bring the awl
Punch it through
Let me be redeemed
Heaven awaits
I hope it is waiting
But for now
We have only this
Existence is proof
I need your help
I promise my hope
I refuse to fail
Because I am the author
Of my own life
There is no fate
Only to serve your will
Yours alone
Velle est posse

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

She is glorious

I would give my being
I own
To be hers
To be the one
That she loves
Let it be
Let me sing
Her praises
She is glorious
She is amazing
And she is just
Out of reach
I need her
I need her
I beseech God above
To be the one
She loves
But there is no answer
From God or her
And I wait
Until I know
Like a burning cancer
The question is unanswered
And I wait
Until ever
For her

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I love her

I hold your hand
I kiss your lips
I find you in these mists
You extend your soul
I extend my being
And we become whole
You are mine
I am yours
In the midst
Of life's sorrow
I grieve yes
But there is with you
You make me
I love you
And we will grow
Become one
We've begun
Let us hold
One another
Until there is no night
Left in the sky
No tears
Left to cry

Monday, June 13, 2011

Hope stinks

How many times
Have I cried
Waiting for the thing in me
To come alive
To give up hope
To walk away
From this thing you do
That kills me inside
You can't love me
When you say you do
You cannot be
At all true
You tease me with hope
You make me wonder
And then
You crush me

Sunday, June 12, 2011

You could see it in his eyes

One way or another he'd get his way
He'd reap a vengeful harvest
He'd make the world pay
He'd been held back
Held down
For so long now
You could hear the countdown
Of the impending attack
While his mind was gone
When he was done
He'd be dead too
But not before he slayed
All he could

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Stitched up

It doesn't matter, what I've been through, you are always there to stitch me up. It doesn't matter, where I've been, you are my solace, you are my one.

I am not able to heal on my own. I am unable to be all alone.

You give me hope, you give me love, you got me through, and I have nothing to offer, but my heart, my dreams, all that's in me that is true.

I am not able to heal on my own. I am unable to be all alone.

Thank you for the years.
Thank you.
Your love has been proof.

I have hope in you.

Friday, June 10, 2011

100 times

It is coming
One final flood
A deluge of pain
And sorrow
The flood of crimson
A pool of blood
I wrote my name upon the wall
100 times
In blood
My blood
No one else is near
They left me here
In this place
Ignored but once a day
When food is placed
Under the door
They say I am crazed
But I am waiting
And they know it
For the final time
They can harm me
And then
I will make them pay
For I know the truth
And the flood is coming
The flood
The flood

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Why did she leave

I never knew love before she came into my life
And now I'll never know it again
She left and took my heart and all my time
While memories remain
She is gone
And my heart is grieving
And I can't see the point
Of going on at all
I may never hold her
Never kiss her
Never be with her
Ever again
And that is a cost
That I can't afford to pay
And if I wait
Until all hope is fled
She isn't coming back
My life is over
Whether I am alive

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The First of the Nephilim

"The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown."

Gilgamesh was the first of the Nephilim
The great warrior king
The master of his world
And maker of laws
Sumeria was wild
Untamed and flawed
But Gilgamesh
Was made
To break the back
Of the beasts of the lands
To crush
All who would offer
Resistance to the rule
He offered
The age of the Nephilim
Was brutal and violent was the tide
Gilgamesh as warrior
Was not subtle
He killed and crushed his foes
And without kindness
But as king
He is remembered in jubilant song
As a victor in battles yet
He was merciful when needed
While a true friend and ally
To others his will was harsh
Time would not remember him as kind
The tide was violent
Bloody and blind
He would bring his enemy to woe
The days of the Nephilim were short
But our memory of them is long

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The New is Old

Millennia from now
We will be less than a speck
Upon the horizon
Dust and ruins
Barely memories
Better to be forgotten
But what is anything
We repeat the same cycle
We create what has already been
This life of ours
To tear our piece
Of legacy
From the jaws
Of destiny
There is nothing we do
That isn't dust
Nothing we try
That isn't lost
In the mists of time
Its all gone
Sooner or later
The new is old

Monday, June 6, 2011


Nude to the world
But nothing to see
What once was glorious
No longer is
Hard now to believe
You ever did
Love me
Once we had a world
Now we have threads
Once we had dream
Now its dead
What is the point
Of hoping
When it leads to this
What is the point of loving
When you get nothing instead

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Hiroshima and Nagasaki

Before and after
We were young
Then too old
Children begun
Adults so cold
Bombs from the future
To bring upon the end
Making decisions
Forced to chose
Are there truly battles won
Or did one side

Saturday, June 4, 2011


Throw me away
Cast me aside
I am garbage
I am waste
I am not worth the time
To get to know
I'm nothing
Worth knowing
Pardon me
Is that my self esteem lack

Friday, June 3, 2011


The Stonewall Inn wasn't thought of as a civil rights champion
Or center of equality demonstrations
But it was because of the circumstances forced upon it
This nation was unequal
Being gay in public meant taking chances
So when push was literally a push
The people who went to the Stonewall shoved in return
Human nature requires innocent blood to be sacrificed
In order for change to be burned
Into society's conscience

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I once wore wings

I could fly
With wings upon the winds rising
At one time I was high above the world below
I saw what others could only imagine
And I fell from that high place
Fell below the horizon
Into the ocean beneath
The salt water I could taste
Through my broken mouth
Through my broken body
I could fly
And then I reached too far
Entropy claimed me
From the high place
And before I could understand
I embraced my fate
And let my wings fade