Monday, March 28, 2016

The Bleeding Walls

Some walls are meant to keep those within safe
Others are meant to keep the lesser men outside
Away from the elite within
But the highest walls
Sins within the heart escape
The damage shatters all inside
Breaking free from my original sin
Deep perdition calls
To the walls
My fire is burning
My soul is black smoke and hollow
And the prison is the least of my sorrow
For the destination is the journey
And the path is the key
I will freeze before the gates
And burn within
Thirsty from the fire
Dirty from my sin

Sunday, March 27, 2016

once in earnest

You asked
So here is the answer
Don't hate me for it
I only tried
Once in earnest
The other times
just moments of weakness
never fulfilling the act
to save me from
the screaming pain inside
I really should
Have just died
But I survived
and now
I have the same pains
But can't relieve them
And I have family
And I cannot leave them
But I am
Less afraid of living
And less interested
In dying
But my life
Can be said to be
A lie
I write about how great
Life is
How life is important
And all the while
I am watching the clock
For the ferryman
I have coins in my pocket
For my eyes
I am ready
And I have been
For such a long
Long long time

Tuesday, March 22, 2016


I am not alive
Nor am I dead
I am aware of the moment
But unliving I do not participate
Death is a destination
Destiny and fate
Are my guides
And I refuse
To conform to the rest
I am not part of the hive
And I then have to starve
For an unliving
Undying voice
Is ignored
I refuse to shrive
I am willing to die
For the world has plenty
It doesn't need me
Ignore me at MY peril
Not its peril
I am the one
Who they consider to be
A dead branch
Considered sterile
For I do not obey
My life is ongoing
But ghost-like
And my voice
But echoes
In a language
Few understand
But it resonates in comrades
In their bones to the marrow

Sunday, March 20, 2016

I have lost this battle

I was fine
Until you came
Into this place
Where I am
I thought why
Was I meant to suffer
Subire tormentum tempore
If I never met you
Would I have ever known
What it felt like
To be hurt
From being
No one
Maledicam iudicia
The choices are torment
And I cannot choose
Accept my futile existence
Or fly from here
In my dreams
I offer no resistence
I have nothing 
With which to fight
I accept defete
I am finished
And I am grieved
Je suis fini

Saturday, March 19, 2016


I was a shadow
       I was a stain

You became
    horrified by my
hollow form
  rejected my pain

Friday, March 18, 2016


Dear God
I am breaking
Doing the best I can
My dreams were over
Even before my life began
No matter what I hoped
I was a child
I never became a man
Waiting for a mother
A boy
Waiting for his dad
Became what he wanted
More than simply being sad
I know that
I have a lot more to be
Thankful for
But when tears are dry
From constant fall
Nothing to do
But scream
You eventually say
What's the use
And I do
And I know
What is the use
Of anything

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

The Torture Cells are Full

Choirs sing
Funerary hymns 
Grieving our violence
But tears and sorrow
Oaths and good thoughts
Cannot return the lost
To our hearts
To our presence
We are ever mourning
Our foolish actions
We keep paying the toll
Of the ferryman's cost
We keep repeating
The same mistakes
Taking the same paths
Walking over corpses steaming
Freshly killed
We have no understanding
Our choices are awash
With demons laughing
Knowing they'll be busy
In the torture cells

Sunday, March 13, 2016

A Losing Game

I never understood regret
Maybe because I have no way of caring
My memory sucks
I can't remember
So I can't begin to forget
You keep track of my mistakes
As if I should be trying to become perfect
But I never cared to do that
You could never prove my intent
I simply exist
You've controlled me from the beginning
And now it plays out
In some fucked up game of roulette
Bet on black
Bet on red
I'll take all that is left
In between
It doesn't matter
I don't care to try
You control the stakes of the game
And I don't care to play
Pull the trigger
Roll the ball
Let it land
Why not let it land
On green

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Angel with black wings

Have we been cursed
To be the bringer of death
Or are we blessed
And we shall survive
Are we the virus
Immune to our own sickness
We were born
To be the death of all others
A killer of all that lives
The sole survivor
Of all life on this planet
Are we the angel of death
Hovering black wings
Waiting to kiss
We do deliver
Bodies to the abyss
Were we just sent
To destroy and conquer
Have our energies gone
Entirely to destruction
Are we only trained to kill
All others who ponder
The meaning of life
Have we been cursed
Are we meant to steal the breath
Of everyone else that breathes
Are we meant to bring death
Humanity is cold
Fighting wars
Causing famines
Allowing atrocities
Destroying homes
Leaving scars
Untamed and angry
Our souls refuse to find peace

Monday, March 7, 2016

Ancient King of Egypt

Crossed his chest
Staff, orb and rod
The corpse of the king
Deserved to be preserved
For it housed the spirit
Of the future god
High above his people
He alone could be
Reborn in the heavens
Where he would battle Set
And his minions would devour
The enemy whole and full
Accompanied by his throne
His jewels and his fineries
He was laid there
Along with the objects
Of power
He was deposited
Deep in the ground
Covered by traps and walls
He would be safe
Until the hour
When eternity called
He would again be ascendant
Standing high above the land
He would exert his will
Standing upon an invisible tower
Telling the people his story
And how they could honor
The gods of the land
By their worship
Love of the land
And the Gods

Saturday, March 5, 2016

I couldn't speak

Too many tears in my eyes
Obscured my vision and
I was blinded and I felt so
I looked down at my feet
And shuffled, stumbled
I couldn't speak
I was embarrassed
By my weakness
My heart couldn't be honest
And tell you the words
In my mouth and mind
Even though
They were there
Ready to be said
And now
They've pulled you down
From the cross
And they say you are dead
And the words
Are still inside me
And I can only
Beg you for forgiveness
Since you are gone
And I believe
I just wish I had said so
While you were still here
Was that you?
Oh my God
Or am I wrong
That it looked like you
My savior
That it looked
Like freedom

Friday, March 4, 2016

An end you desired

Je suis entré dans un domaine de la douleur
Since you left, I've missed your gaze, and demure
But I was not the one who broke our union
With the desire to be
To you, I shared
All I was, everything I had
All I own, my heart declared
I would never be with another
You possessed my spirit and being
We entered communion
Our love was a chalice
We both drank from
A wine of the finest vintage
I never could have foreseen
How you would steal from one
Who would give you anything
From without and from within
My love is elaborate, extravagant
Your desire to be declared without sin
Your refusal to accept blame
Destroyed our love
My ability to trust
We can not enter reunion
You've destroyed the bonds
I will never return
In your chains like a slave
At your command
Under your thumb
It would be torture
Despite my love
And desire and crave
Yes I burn
But I am not willing
To suffer
For your pleasure

Thursday, March 3, 2016

As for me, I will meet you, in Elysium

I called to you
Called to you
Soon I shall
Whence I die
This world will fade
And the end will come into view
The shadow world will not hold my soul
That land of sorrows will not be my fate
My family, my love, they will be with me
In Elysium
Now that I have aged
My memory dims
My legacy echoes
Only there in my dreams
Where I am still young
I have served
Until my days were sore
From being dragged
From campaign to another
My days are short
I care not about destiny
I marched from Rome to Germania
For my Emperor, my liege, my family
From the Gaul to Arabia
I did not march in vain
Through bloodied body
And grieving tears
We gave glory to the empire
From Britainnia to Dacia
I gave my blood, sweat and years
So that my family and land
All of the Empire's people
Could live free and safe
So now that I am tired
Join me in the end
In Elysium

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Glorious Love, you give me courage

The journey has been so very long
The battle has gone on, and on
My wounds still bleed
The scars will never leave
And so many friends lost
Who I grieve yet
So if I fade away
  it won't be because I've lost my way
         You have been a beacon of light
Guiding me
Every moment
You are my inspiration to continue this fight
In this lifelong quest
It seems the enemies of my lord are endless
My journey has been painful
I didn't expect to be so exhausted
                     I never thought I could be so tired
And I feel like I will fail
So thank you
My love
You give so freely
For giving me heart
When the world had destroyed me
You are all I have
Even then, my heart fails
From the pain
From my endless torment
I've lost so many friends
This quest is so demanding
Thank you my love
Cher amour, votre beauté lève mon courage
Though the world tries
It can only damage 
The armor
But thanks to you
Never the spirit 
Held within