Thursday, July 31, 2014

You Hung There, From the Killing Tree

The procession crawled
Over head the skies grew dark
I saw you falling
While carrying a cross
Upon the bloody pulp 
Of your back
The scourge whipped flesh
Breaking beneath the torture
Beneath their hand
You were given stripes
Colored in blood
In the sorrow 
King of kings
Lord of lords
From a trickle 
To a flood
Of sadness
You paid for my sin
And I am without a way
That I could ever pay you
So I offer what I have
My flesh, bones and viscera
My heart, soul and mind
And the truth
Set me free
Even so long after
You hung there
From the killing tree

Sunday, July 27, 2014

I can't even say her name

She hurt me so much
The mere mention of her name
Causes me pain
And then it ends
Before it has begun
I draw a breath
Close my eyes
To avoid the tears
That are going to come
When I think of what she has done
To my heart
To my hopes
To my dreams
I burn in shame
Left behind in this world
Covered in its shit
I can't even say it
Her name causes me to shudder
If she were just a girl
Coming into my life
I'd have been prepared
But it was more
And now I cannot speak
Without the burning
Without the rain
Pouring down
Upon me

Saturday, July 26, 2014

For the seer, She sees it all

As I stare into an electric sky
Lightning pours down like rain
I am covered in shadow of stars
As they blink in and out of view
By a halo of light I gaze into your eyes
You make my wild heart tame
You heal my sorrows and my scars
Allowing the sky to reveal blue
Thunder clouds and a brilliant moon
The awesome power of nature's game
I beg of you to give me your heart
I shiver as if I am born new
Holding your hand I remember
Why I was created, again
I hope to never say au revoir
Because I am part of you
Life abounding
Your way is true
Let the children dance
Let our heart's joy ensue
We are one
Sing children
Sarah is free
The world awakens

Friday, July 25, 2014

Believe in me

I realize that I have no control
Over anyone but me
So as it has begun
You might like to know
I am not so foolish as to give
My heart to just anyone
But to one
Like you
And that love will redeem
You are woven intricately
Into my soul
You are not just anyone
I do not go
Where the wind might blow
Nor without thought
My heart has room
For you
And no one else
If you need proof
That I am true
I promise
You will see
My words are my bond
My feelings are real
Are you Doubting Thomas?
I might be a fool
For many things
But I am well aware of
Where my love is aimed
And how deep it goes
Believe in me
I am not just a part
I am the whole
In love with you

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Lay with me beneath the Lotus tree

My heart awakens
When I see you
It shouts
And I cannot quiet it
I beg you
Shall we lay together
In the summer sun
May I speak
As if we are one
Let me entangle
My flesh
With yours
Tightly wear me
Let me feel what
Love is about
My flesh is weakened
Without your touch
Lift me with your love
While our spirit soars
Press your lips
Across mine
Breathe my air into your mouth
My life energy into your being
I burn inside
From the moment
I see you approach
My eyes never close
Your beauty drives me
My soul was dry
As if in drought
You quench my thirst
Stay with me here
Under the lotus trees
In the shade from the sun lit sky
Your love soothes my heart
Like a gentle breeze
In summer's heat
I love you
Forever more
I can never release
Your hand
Be the flood
Cover my land
With your love
"He lies under the lotus trees, in a covert of reeds and marsh. The lotus trees cover him with their shade; The willows by the brook surround him."

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

No thank you.

How many times
Did you call my name
In despair, needing me?
How many times
Did you ask me to bleed
For the sins of others
Making you scream
Hurting you inside
I begged for you mercy
You gave me pain
I begged for your love
That you never gave
And now when you are alone
You call my name again
Expecting me to fall
But I won't
You taught me a lesson
That I won't forget
I earned it with burning regrets
I can't hear the phone
When you call
Because I hate myself
Whenever I answer
You don't know
How much I bleed
But I know
Loving you
Is a disaster

Friday, July 18, 2014

Angel Cat

You were the one
You were my sole love
Unique in your ways
Ubiquitous in my memories
Forgiving those few moments of rage
Embracing the legacy of your days
With me
Untold are the stories of your suffering
That no words can redeem
When I sleep I dream of your face
Kissing me
Tears don't wipe away the taste
Of sorrow
In me
I still grieve
And your ghost I still chase
Without relent
For the one
Heaven sent

For my angel Mischa, leaving me in 2001.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Please, no, make no mistake

I never said 
You shouldn't love me
You are mistaken
I said I don't understand
How someone so
Could say she loved me
Who would take my hand
Into hers
Make me fall into her soul
From the love's pull
Like gravity
I never said you shouldn't
I just said
I don't know
How I
Could find someone
So wonderful
It doesn't matter
I don't need to be right
I just need to be

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Cast out, for our selfish need

They wished to gain
Every thing
When they had all
That they would need
But have we ever been 
With what we need
Instead we betrayed 
The provenance
For our promise
In so doing
Throwing away
We denied paradise 
For the wicked desire
To know
From our first breath
Wisdom comes with pain
The gates closed
Guarded and secured
To prevent our entry
How are we simple creatures
To ever be
Returned to that state
Where we are new
Born without
The knowledge of the flesh?

Monday, July 14, 2014

Shards of my heart

There is no evidence
Upon the ground
Or in sight
Only the shattered heart
Left behind
Fallen shards of glass
Of the one chance
To be free inside
But within my closed lips
I hold fast
A secret burns
But without release
I know what you said
Saw what you did
And it gives me no relief
At all
In any way
To know that you feel it
To know that you
Burn inside like me
It doesn't help to know
You are
Without anything
That you can do

Saturday, July 12, 2014


Stuck firmly in the muck
Held fast in the mire
I am nearly bound
Naked and senseless
Je dois persévérer
There was no ego to shatter
For I learned
Long ago
That my destiny
Was to be ground into bits
Crushed into atoms
Existence takes its toll
Awaiting Judgment day
Je dois persévérer
For those who serve
Called to be truthful 
Amongst only liars
Alone in the world I was lost
They devoured me
Swallowed me whole
Just me
Amongst my enemies
Je prends de la chute
I walked into the fire
To serve is my only desire
So weary from my wounds
So tired
My path so narrow
I cannot follow
I have nothing left
To offer
But my being
And my being is true
Grand roi, mon créateur, je désire vous
My shadow is thin
My soul is hollow
But I still serve
My sword is still upraised
I await the king of all things
And quietly I pray
I long to be
But in the end
Should I be
Just a gear
In the machine
I have done what was asked
Fulfilled my task
And that is worthy
For me

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Gone to the Isle of the Dead

My spirit is eternal
But my flesh is not
Tomorrow's days are not promised
Because death exists
And the dying flesh is known
To rot
Before the world was begun
Death had its beginning
I know it happens
I am not naive
My eyes have seen
Too much
I was born old
Never allowed to be young
And still
I grieve for the lost times
I grieve her absence
I sorrow for the one
Who is not here
She is far away
Taken to the Isle of the dead
And I am sorrowed for my being
Alone without her
I sleep without rest
I am unable to breathe
Air that hasn't been in her lungs
There is nothing that I can say
Even less that I can do
That will ever allow
Me to not be
I grieve for her

Saturday, July 5, 2014

No Reason Without You

My heart still beats for you
You never said goodbye and I
Remain in shambles
Shattered and blue
I shiver from the cold
Alone and living in deja vu
Every time I think of
Our life together

I remember the good times
Even in faded memory
I long to surrender
And live in the past
But the world still spins
Goes on regardless
And I am fading fast
Because I can't see the reason
To keep going on
Without you

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Your Machinations

Please do it
Just declare victory
You might say I'm wrong
But I know you
And I know you never loved me
It is without question the truth
Whatever your protestations
I have seen the proof
I was just your momentary fling
That is, a fickle swing of affection
You don't seem to care
But I am sure you understand
I am broken by your machinations
From the beginning I knew
You saw my heart as vulnerable
And you said we were friends
In an act of deflection
But you are one who is
Ruthless in love and life
You ran through my defenses
You took no prisoners
Your motives all too selfish
With all of your see through intentions
I surrendered
You won
You broke me
Declare victory
You don't care
You drove me senseless
Broke my trust
All because you wanted
My attention
Then you refused to end your game
Until my heart was crushed

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Terminus Oh Terminus

I know how life works
You are born You live You die
I know this
Even though sometimes
Things aren't fair

The moment life begins
The end is begun
Life has a cost
But even knowing this
I grieve her loss as her child
I am broken now still

I am a parentless son
I long to hear her voice again
I won't since she is gone
I grieve her still
And I always will

My memories aren't enough
Since she's passed
My heart remains undone
She has gone to a place
I cannot reach

I won't know where that is
Until I am joined with her
It is a razor's edge I am upon in this life
Choosing to live over letting myself die
Denying myself the easy transit

To the terminus station
I long for that passage
But I can only sorrow her now
I will be here to finish my tour
Remaining until the end
With nowhere to run

When God is ready 
I will be found
Sleeping permanently 
 Under a pale moon in Autumn
When my time is come
My flesh condemned
In the coldest broken ground

Tuesday, July 1, 2014


It is said
We all bow before
The one we serve
Whether it is money
Or love
Until we are dead

But our service goes further
The angels serve their purpose
Made by an all powerful creator

The kings of the world all fall down
When their lives are turned dust
They bow will before their maker

The beasts, the men, the women
The unborn, the beggar, the wounded
The priest and the child
All fall before the altar of the one
Who tames the heart of the wild

I am a knight
I possess weapons and steel
And can take life by my hand
In the name of my king's will
His campaign and victory
My body is offered
For the land
Still, I lay my sword before
The one who redeems me
Of my pain

When death seems the master
Even it bows
After its devastation
All bow before the one
Who gave them purpose
By his creation