Thursday, November 12, 2009

Shitty Motel Room Rant



It all happened differently than I’d dreamed
But I never dared disagree, with all that seemed
Staring at the ceiling laying on a mattress in winter
My motel room is cheap and I shivered
Covered poorly with blanket of fear
For the words I heard from you lips tear away the years
What is there of living if there is nothing left
What is there of me if my heart has been cleft
Into two broken pieces and the tears pour down
What is there to seek if the object doesn’t exist
Except in memory in lingering misery
I begged your indulgence and got a foot in the face
I begged your forgiveness, blood was the taste
In my mouth
My dreams had all flown South, I drove all the way with all I had
Only to find that my car was dead, my dreams were fleeting
My faith was still strong but the object I was seeking was gone
Never existed maybe, gave me false hope of something all along
Fallen dreams never mend but they function the same anyway
Now I am weary without rest
But she wouldn’t know for to her I do not exist
She wouldn’t care for my dreams persist nonetheless

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I am unable

How am I supposed to lead my son to wisdom
When I am flawed to my very core
How am I supposed to teach and live in peace
When the world wages war
Who is able to rise above
When this world is broken
Who is the one, who will reach out in love
With love so flowing
Because it isn’t me
I am emptied of everything
It isn’t me and won’t be me
Despite my love for him
We have a green and blue planet
Polluted to be grey
We have a wonderful place to live
That we’ve filled with hate
I want him to be different
Than me or anyone
But how can I teach him
When all I believe comes undone
There is no blame in me
I am not pointing fingers in rage
I am simply asking
Who knows the way
I don’t know the way
No one knows the way
He was born into a generation
Innocent of our crimes
But they were swimming
In the dangerous tides
In another generation’s moral debt
From the wages of our culture wars
And terroristic threats
Building and killing
Taking without giving
How can we lead anyone
When you or he
Can see how we are living

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Doorway of Years

Anorexic of love
Purging of regret
Engender the suffering
And wait for the results
You could die of hunger
In this feast of the dead
Waiting to be rescued
Being lost instead
Tolerate the fools
And doom they will seek
And we will be covered
In crimson red so fresh
The dead will not speak
But their pathways of will
We will see their rush
Into the factories
Of flesh
Where humanity rots
Spirals downward
Crushing the souls
Beneath
Of their last breath
Filled with regret
Faces covered in tears
Their bodies beneath the tide
Of fetid beings
Without spark
Arm and arm enmeshed
We dance into oblivion
And when the end comes
We will enter obsidian
With no voice
But for our own fears
And that we step into the darkness
The doorway of the years

Saturday, September 12, 2009

FISTS






















Pounding my fists into the ground
I am aware of the dreams calling
But I am no longer here
The darkness is a hole into which I crawled
I am imprisoned in fears so clear
Let the rain and lightning fall
Let the thunder rumble and rage
Let the world be deluged
Wash us release us renew us
From the years to be shed
Release us from this earthy cage
What is left but crimson tears
Arms wide spread let our words raise
Up to the angry heavens
We are broken and need hope
For there is none in our arms
Please send for us to embrace
Hope, please send
Pour down the rains
Clean me so that I am pure
To the taste of holy lips
Make me a beautiful scent
An aroma that pleases
Make me an incense candle
Held by your holy hand
I’ve been ripped apart
Take me and place me upon your altar
Lift up my name,
Place it upon your heart deeply
For I worship you
Look down upon me
With mercy?

Friday, September 11, 2009

LA FIN DE L'AFFAIRE

This is not about my life, this is a metaphor for an event, and the passing consequences that followed. I am not the speaker, I am taking the voice of the speaker, it is fiction.

I met with loneliness
After the affair
When I realized
There was no one out there
And never would be
However it might be unfair
The love in my soul was harvested
Made to be my flaw
Turned against me
Relentlessly
By someone who said they cared
What is my life for
But to share in love
What is my heart to do
If not be true
But there are pigs at the trough
Who take more than their share
Over and over my heart was robbed
Because it was open
And unaware
That people like her existed
That people like her could say
They’d love me forever and leave
Because I could never compare
To those who she could meet
Every place everywhere
But now I see
Despite a thorn in my eye
I cannot see
Through your disguise
I will never be
The one you want
So thrown away
With my life you haunt
My every move betrayed

Monday, August 10, 2009

God Only Knows

God only knows what you believe, God only knows
God only knows what you do, God only knows
But you think that you do too
Not matter how you deceive
Your lies again are nothing special
Nothing new to you
Nothing different, so don’t you grieve
It doesn’t matter if its true
You said you believed in her
When it so otherwise the case
You said that you loved her
And you said it to her face
God only knows, God only knows
How can you justify what you do
How can you be without a clue
You have to be the one who lives your life
I’d never tell you to be someone else
But do you realize just what you are
You destroy everything but yourself
You consume everyone else’s mental health
I walk through life wounded and bloody
You get off without a scratch
But I don’t envy you
Or the things you do

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

THE KING OF LIARS

My words are that of a King
The King of Liars
I am the King of a Kingdom
Filled with love and desire
To serve my people, here,
From my throne in this Asylum
They pad my throne in good trust but
They don’t let me write with pencils or pens here
So I use my bloody fingers upon the walls
They don’t give me paper due to the chance of cuts
But I bleed anyway
Then they wash my words away
With blast hoses used for fires
The straitjacket holds me as if I might fall
But the real straitjacket is inside
Where I am held aloft by tether wires
To make sure I do not drown
In their world I am paralyzed
And I scream without sounds
I see things that do not exist
I hear voices that surely insist
That the place I am here
Would be better off
With me deceased
And I cannot resist
The lure of the shallow grave
Once empty but now I am saved
By its welcoming comforts
By its solitary love instead of hate
By its empty bed
Welcomes me living and
Still I crave despite my survival
To be someplace else, instead
My arrival was unheralded
My passing will be unreported
For I solely long to be
A King of a Kingdom
Away from this happy place
This living wound
This Asylum

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Bitter

I fear that
Whatever I do
My suffering will be in vain
Nothing can last,
Some things die slowly, not fast
Dancing to a beat
A drumbeat for the dead
Her love lacked passion
If that is what you’d call it
I was alone,waiting in the solitude
Begging for death
Or some small measure
Of satisfaction
Her perfumes fill the air
And her beauty is a distraction
From all my pain due to her
My mind is broken,
My spirit crushed
I have nothing left,
Had so very little to start
She tore apart my heart
I never had a chance
Nothing I do could last
Nothing I do could matter
For to her I was a child
Needing direction
Rather than a lover
Needing compassion
Swiftly falling bitter tears
Cannot wash the years
From memory
Nor replace action
Or attraction
She treated me as a stranger
Showed me not love but anger
Nothing I said mattered
Everything I did scattered
To the winds
Years of pain
Seeds of sorrow
Broken love
Not together
No tomorrow
Not ever
Never
The ties she severed
Leaving me adrift
With no hope
Devastated, bereft
Left behind alone
Broken spirit
Heart cleft
Cut in half
By her
Never going to trust
Anyone again
Never going to love
Anyone again
The fear will remain
Forever
Love turned to dust
For I gave my heart
For I gave my soul
To her
To keep
And she took them
And left
Left me to die
My tears forever fall
Pour down across my chest
These tears that I cry
Stain the ground
For they are acid
From the bitterness
Of the pain in my heart

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Fini



"And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever. (Revelation 20:10)"

When the tempest has ended
When the world is cinder and ash
All the temptations shredded
And Angels reveal the fates that have been cast
Will come a day when all is new
Will spawn a world, perfect as created
All the victims acquitted by truth
Redeemed by faith and grace
And the old world will be annihilated
By the one who created it, to begin
By the one who knows no end
By the one who destroyed Satan, the Beast
And all his kin
A new world will come
And I am hoping
That despite my sin
Despite my ruin
I am right within

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Wails for the dead and Newborns mingle

The mourning wails for the recent dead
Intermingle with the cries of the newborns
The living share their space with the passing souls
Who are in transit from this place to the next
And there is a sweet communion between them
As one leaves for the Elysian fields
And the other has to find a way
For here upon earth
Sanctuary never exists
Except those who create it
Except for those who seek
Some souls never shall find it
For the broken wings of their spirit
Cannot lift them to that haven
Cannot allow them to escape
And the world keeps spinning
However well we partake
In the offerings, of the way
Of life, as it passes by
As it passes by
Some are lost behind the veil
Some are washed beneath the waves
As time moves on, nothing remains
That isn’t swept away in the tides
And cast out to sea

new poem: Thrust of Blame

They thrust
Blame upon me
I am shamed by their voice
But I never did what they say
I cannot escape their views
Or faulty memories
I can never be the same
Just a moment of trust would go nicely
To soothe the wounds they’ve opened
On me
A moment of trust so distant and lost
They won’t let me be, again
I am broken beyond repair
Blame upon me
Shame upon me
I could explain but it doesn’t matter
They’ve as much as framed me
They’ve judged me as being wrong
And it doesn’t matter a damn
Truth is trumped by anger
Over and over again.