Friday, December 30, 2016

I am unafraid

Ever since I was a child
I knew that I'd die for you
Whatever my tribe
If I was a leader
Or exiled
A day would come
After all others
Ripe for the harvest
I knew some day
I'd die for you
Some way
You called out
To the thing in my soul
That remains wild
I hear its voice
Inside my mind
I have no control
I knew from the point
Of knowing your name
This life's journey
Was not the task
But a destination
To escape the grasp
Of oblivion
I kept my heart pure
And refused to be defiled
Over and over I heard the voice
I answered the call
I know I will die for you
When the red skies
Finally fall
I intimately know this
As if the knowledge
Was learned upon my demise
I am ready
Wearing no disguise
No masquerade
I fall
With a certainty
And readiness
Sacred life
The only kind
Apt for sacrifice

Thursday, December 29, 2016

A future of sorrow

There was no infinity
For the green and blue orb
Now barren of divinity
The damage unabsorbed
So many wars
Extermination of those
Considered to be others
Humanity left its tattoo
A scar
Upon the breast
Of its mother

Leaving a planet stripped of worth
Many fled to the stars
They were unaware bearing the curse
Of a plundered earth
They escaped the doom
Of the planet disowned
There was not enough room
After it was made
A forbidden zone
So many now
Children left behind
Seeking food or shelter
Virgins disavowed
Hidden inside
Bunkers filled with the rich
And the elders
The children ignored
Now wander
Without hope

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Chalice of Blood

With this cup
Please join me
In my decay
In my fall
From the throne
Biting my lip
Trying not cry
You have never known
The reasons for my collapse
Before me a cup of blood I sip
For I am dead but have never died
My heart is a slave owned
By the vagaries of circumstance
My hunger never ceases
Stare in my eyes
And feel me in your bones
So many millennia elapse
Time is ceaseless
While I refuse to die

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Fire inside

She was stunning when I saw her
She was the CEO's daughter
Her family never liked me
And I
Didn't like me either
But like isn't the word
Nowhere nearly close
To what I felt for that girl
She was the moon, sun and stars
Every thing and more
To me
And I still think
That way
She was beautiful
And then a bit
Lovelier than you can imagine
Perfect love of mine
She was and still is
And I can't fathom
Her depths
Her mind blows me away
I don't have any words
To say
When she opens up
And says
Whatever she has inside
Her mind

Monday, December 26, 2016

Who I am

If you wanted
Me to be fake
You chose the wrong heart
To break
I can't hide my soul
From you
And I can't be made to lie
It's true
I am who I am
You chose me
So how could you ever say
I was false or I would cheat
How could one ever choose
This one
Yet  hope to have chosen
The other
I might never be yours again
But then
I might not have been
The entire time
If you think I could say
And not believe
Or to lie
And try to see
If it worked
Because I am
Who I am
And I love you
Even if
You don't
Share the view
Even if you don't know
Who I am
I do

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Darkness is alluring

I could give up
See it dark
Spiral down
Imagine it all
Hope is gone
Drowning in
The memories
Hurt won't let me be
My brain has injuries
That cannot heal
Others do not have

But I can't do that
Life doesn't allow it
I don't have the time
Seconds pass
And never return
My fears burn inside
And they last
But I can't stop
The world needs me
My words
If there is more
Than this existence
Than a single path
From birth to death
And nothing thereafter

Giving up is wrong
And I can't quit
I have a son
And loved ones
This quest begun
Is a long journey
A winding path
I am not going into
The mists afraid
I am going into the mists
With nothing left inside
Nothing left
That I could have used
But gave back
It is a difficult task
And I was asked
To do more than my share
But I said yes
And paid the cost
I am broken in my mind
But I am whole
In my soul
For victory

Saturday, December 24, 2016

I never knew

I knew her when she said
That she cared
And she spat me out
When she stopped
I never knew what led
To the despair
And the doubt
When Pandora's box
Began tearing
And then
The darkness poured out
Into everyone's life
And it ripped me
Like a knife
In my back
Without caring
I ran unknowing
Into a place
Far away

Friday, December 23, 2016

I refuse to drown

I am mortal and my soul
Is so very damnable
Gravity pulls me down
And the waves cover me
Breathing is impossible
But I have no fear
I refuse to drown
I trust in the holy
Even if the past is impassible
And the walls are my tears
I can't forget the memories
I can't wash away the years
But I can do something better
By moving on
My soul is inexhaustable
Why go on?
Why not
There never were promises
About this life
I've had to take extreme measures
Refuse the simple answers
And the whispers
From the voices anonymous
Ghosts in the spirit world
That knows, curiosity burns
Like cancer
My heart knows nothing more
Than the questions are
Better than the replies
By those who call me
And say I am done

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Open up your heart and your eyes

Whatever you've been told
The day is long enough
And you are not too old
Tomorrow is not lost to this day
Society doesn't have to decay
Who are we to throw the world away
When there is so much more
That can be done
To save it
To save us
Open the door
And accept my hand
Let us be united
In the resistance
To the end
We have so much
We can do
Don't turn your face
From the darkness
We have to fight
The darkness within us
And the darkness out
Of this
Not tomorrow
Time is of the essence
And our work is waiting
For our hands
And heart
And eyes
Wake up
To a new way
To deal with the lies
To deal with the spectacle
Of the outside world
And escape
From the tentacles
Of greed
Of hate
Waste and insane

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

winter sleep

Je dois dormir maintenant 
J'ai attendu trop longtemps
L'hiver est arrivé
Et j'ai envie de rêver
Dors maintenant
Sommeil sans réveil

Monday, December 19, 2016


My lack of confidence
Breaking me in half
Pulling at my edges
Until I rip
I whisper that I'm trapped
My brain ignores my senses
I lose my balance and tip
From the highwire
You always watched
As my desire
My destruction
I am a liar
Dying to the applause
Of many
Standing below

Sunday, December 18, 2016


My memories of being
With you are such misery
My pain makes me ask
If I should get gasoline
And make them burn
Just burn
Until they are ash
But I can't
When we were together
I reached into my soul
Transcended my boundaries
Only to come
Crashing down
Out of control
More fun was had at funerals
And cemeteries and ossuaries
But for the time
You made me think
I could be happy
Even if it was momentary
A tale that was cautionary
For the morons to follow
But I only have now
And I only have words
No one listens
And no one cares
My life is hollow
I am popular as germs
Or worms
But I have those memories
I'll hold onto them
For a while now

Saturday, December 17, 2016


To sleep at night
Is a normal behavior
We hope to be renewed
From the constant struggle
And the ongoing worries
We aren't looking for a savior
Just to find a way, to go on
With no greater dream
Than to finally escape
Life offers no end,
Only a journey
We are never ready
But we are prepared to wait
For those who seek
Terminus does not exist
Never dying
We change
From flesh to spirit
Energy eternal
There is no grieving
As we enter spirit life
We have entered our metamorphosis
Embracing lessons
Perhaps harshly learned
But without regret
Not missing the pain of strife
We transform
With the everlasting
Our destination

Friday, December 16, 2016

so beautiful, she dances with butterflies

Mi Amiga Cherry Rose
Ella baila con mariposas
Her passions burn like super novas
Her scent is so much ambrosia
Spirit so wild and beautiful
Dancing among the daffodils 
Her heart is deep
Her love is wide
And she makes her lovers dreams
And in time 
She is the lioness 
To lead her pride
So gently and ably


Thursday, December 15, 2016

Depths of winter

In the ice and winter snow
The wind rips the warmth
From my face
Tears become frozen
Unprepared for the storm
Or this season's bitter embrace

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

What I saw

They said it was better for everyone
That I go along, quietly
No one would look me in the eye
Until they wrapped the coat
Around me
They lied
And I screamed to break the silence
I'd rather die
Than be held inside this cage
They drugged me
Tried to kill my mind
They broke me
Filled my soul with rage
And no one visits me
No one cares
I am gone
No one is filled with despair
Because they
Are the ones
Who are insane
Are the ones
In the cage
No prison bars
No drugs in my veins
No straitjacket
Will hold me in
Nothing can hold me in

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

History weeps for Syria

The clash has been carried on
Most bestially
Since time began
The land was a crossroads
Of empires and states

And now it writhes in agony
Uncounted years
Endless are the days
For those who are caught
In the crossfire
In the wars of empire
The Romans once walked there
The Persians before them
And now, for this land
There are no survivors or hope

The battle has been raging
For millennia and more
Hatred and vile enemies
Clash over ideas
Over beliefs
Over the control
Of resources
A harvest of enmity
Without pause
No grieving allowed
Aleppo has drowned
Beneath the misery
Palmyra is lost
Nimrud is wasted

For the false messiah
Of a land in war
Crossroads of antiquity
Home of sorrow
In the present
And what does the future hold
But lingering souls
Waiting for death

Monday, December 12, 2016

Behind different kinds of bars

The broken have no voice
The dying had no choice
The rich keep their money
As the world starts to burn
It is reality
It stills turns
Time still passes
But how do you accept a world
That requires obedience to a system
With inequity required for it to function
It might be that people are allowed to earn
But do not mistake crumbs for the pie, that is twisted
The rulers of this planet require your submission and corruption
We are the many and they are the few
Every act of compliance contributes to their project
We are the human zoo
We are the beasts
They are the elite
We are the unwashed
They are the perfumed effete
Now we are to be watched
For any signs
Of cell corruption and decay
For we are not like them, we do not live simply for the day
We live for the moment
We shall strike
And the throats of those in power
Will be cut, and we will fight

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Come in, come in

Never mind the screams
In this dark place
Don't be afraid
It is just me
Welcome to my web
It is my home
Please relax and have a seat
Ignore the many bodies
They are all dead
I am just saving them
For later
When I hunger
For the soft organs
Their wings
The many victims are evidence
Of my cruelty
Of my mastery
Of the hunt

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Taste of her lips

I have lingered in the memories
Of the taste
Of her lips
I have memorized the pathways
Of the lines
Of her hips
Oh they sway
And sway
And she dances
In my memories of her
Her motions make me burn
Her voice stirs the beast
Even in stone cold coma
Asleep, or in dream
The presence of her
Becomes a portent
Or omen
I quicken
I come awake
And the rest of the world
Takes notice
In awe
She is beautiful
She is perfect
When I see her
I shake
She dances
In my memories
And she dances
There in my dreams

Friday, December 9, 2016

Others and I

By others
Long forgotten
Ignored and abandoned
No one desires
A heart gone rotten
A soul misshapen
A fear demanding
An unforgiven liar
Even if it is
Their own

Thursday, December 8, 2016

PTSD Hunts me down like prey

Chased by my past
My memories should never be
So deeply burned as if on purpose
They say it won't last
But my history says I know it will be
And I will be the beast bearing this burden
They chase me into the wilderness
Following my tracks left in the snow
And I know, it will hurt
The wolves represent the bitterness
Haunting me worse than any murder of crows
I am, I know, I am cursed
So I offer no defense
As the teeth rip and pull
The blood is everywhere
And I know without pretense
My cup was spilled while full
I have nothing else to compare
My life is broken
Despite my victories
My body fades
And I confound mysteries
By knowing
All my sins were real
But while I realize
I also know
There is no where I can go
Not even home

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

she waits until I become

I have to find
A place of grace
A path of mercy
I have been here
For as long as I've lived
My life journey
Does not terminate
In a distant land
Rather it is a reckoning
And to find forgiveness
Where I arrive
I've never left
But my life is new
A metamorphoses
From unknowing
To knowing
From selfish
To giving
And I will become
But I am only now
I will cherish
Every wound
For it taught me
And I will enter
A realm
Where I will never perish
Nor need to be forgiven
I am broken
I am flawed
But I am going to find
My path
It will lead me
To a place
Where she waits
When I become perfected
And my flesh burns away
All that will be left
Is gold
Leave my bones
At the house charnel
Time will pass
And my spirit will be

Tuesday, December 6, 2016


All my waking life
And my pathetic awareness
Of simply being
I was passion's slave
A victim of my own hand
And desires unnatural
Causing inner strife
And unchained demons
Unleashed from the prison
I run as if I damned
Because I know how they tempt
And that no one will save
I don't recognize reason
As your beauty commands
Me to come
Serve at your feet
Kiss your ring
Desire your touch
But I linger in the thought
I hold you in contempt
I know I can't resist
Your desire to make me bend
Forever in misery
Condemn me to history
And I remain
Just your slave
And I hate
That I have no say
In my destruction
And decay

Monday, December 5, 2016

Nightmares and waking wet dreams

Between hiding in my sleep
And coming out only at night
I barely move from fear
I creep
Out of sight
And world demands
No you will never
See my tears
For I know they fall
But not for your pleasure
Or for any other
Because I have
Dignity despite
Being trapped between
Horror dreams
And awkward existence
Between swimming in shit
And drowning in piss
I can never
Be saved
From this
I resist
I resist
I will never let you see
Me crying
Because I resist

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Blinding our eyes

Lowered down
Into the cold
Frozen ground
Beneath spades of dirt
The years are covered
To rest, for now, or for eternity
I fell down running
Life gone wrong
Too short my reach
For your embrace
Artlessly, talentlessly
Instead I scream
I long to be one
Next you
Hearts and hands
Waking covered in dew
From the faeries dance
We escape being damned
Thinking ourselves
So very wise
Staring into the sun
Blinding our eyes
But our vision never fades
Because we never look
We only see
We never cry
We only meet
In a spiritual place
Far beyond the reach
Of the demons chasing
But they are never
Never seeking
Never finding
Never a taste
Of your soul

Saturday, December 3, 2016

The Slaughter in the deep of the Forest

9 AD, Magna Germania, September

Rome had sent a call
From its heart to the empire's frontier
For men from across that world
To come
Come serve in the legions
Stifle the barbarian prayers
And become a Roman
By service
Few of us were of the blood
Of those who marched
For the Republic
But I would not question their allegiance
Only the reason and wisdom
Of the empire
To arm those who had formerly
Taken arms against her
But that was not my decision
No, not mine at all
For I am a soldier of Rome
And I live to answer
The call
In the days of September
Our destiny was prime
To die
For Rome
We were as sheep to a slaughter
Not innocent perhaps
But naive as to our fate
We were led to the region
Held by Germanic tribes
With an intent to bring to their knees
Every warrior, woman and child
General Publius Quinctilius Varus
He of aristocratic blood
Was the most cruel
And never question this
He died of his own hand
While his men were hunted
Like animals of the wild
The Teutoburg Forest
Swallowed all of Rome's pride
And sucked down our finest
We were the gracious fruit
Of the vine poured out
Upon the forest floor
The vintage of youth
The gift of time
And nothing was left
For us
But to flee
Ignobly as it were
From Germania
Few survived
Few remembered
And Rome had reached a place
Of descent
Forever trying to stop the bleeding
Without knowing how to do so
Without realizing
All of its dreams were spent

Turn winter in Germania
Now our bodies
And dried
The leaves covered
And snow blankets
By spring our skeletons rattle
In the empty armor
We wore to the ambush
And never
Returned in victory
Dulce bellum inexpertis

Friday, December 2, 2016


How many tears fall from joy
How many are from pain
How many are from sorrow
When I was just a boy I thought I was insane
And wanted only no more tomorrows
Instead they came like a flood
I was never whole
With my being bleeding out
White from loss of blood
And now
The waves breaking
Sleeping in coma
Never waking
Charon waits for me
Upon the river Styx
Asks me for the toll
After a world
Filled with lies
Existence never stops
Sucking out
Every bit of my soul
So I have no coins
For my eyes

Thursday, December 1, 2016


When you were with me
The garden grew
Without care
Or planning
Red roses
Lush greenery
When you left
Song birds flew
From branches hanging
Black roses
Beauty mortified
It was you
Who invited life
Now without
I walk
the desert
Left behind

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Depths of misery

Nothing to do but to hate the one
I've become
Nothing to see in me but
The failure I am as a son
When this life has run
The length of the time
It is meant
I can never know
Why I failed
Or in what column
Or sort
And then
How can I wash off
The stink of loss
The stench of worthlessness
And the rain of the empty
Pours over me
Will it bring
A metamorphosis
Or will I lay shaking
In the depths
Of my misery
Of this
My faithless existence

Tuesday, November 29, 2016


We break
We are depressed
We sing our sorrow
With every step
We lose our faith
Our beliefs
Stealing every breath
How can we breathe
We grieve our future
While losing tomorrow
Fears like a spider's web
Fully weaved
And now what is left
What will we lose
If we never forgive
Never forget
Holding debts
Like a madmen possessed
What is left
But regret
Singing in our heart
Sorrow in our minds
Borrowing pain
By holding it all

Monday, November 28, 2016

find a way to be redeemed

I have walked for many miles
And have thought
Too many thoughts
I've lived in denial
Can't remember
All the times I fought
I am still moving
And refuse to stay silent
Because if I do
It crushes me
I become suicidal
There are so many words
That bubble inside of me
I can't stay quiet
No matter my misery
So I keep upon this journey
And remember my past
Refuse to give in
No matter what
I've been asked to do
Because I won't
I just can't
There are not shortcuts
Even with a heart of hope
You just have to be
Willing to bend
Allow yourself to fall
Find some time to mend
And remember how long
How pitiful this
Would all become
If you did it
Even win it
Without love
And you forgot who
You are supposed to be
Just keep moving
And find a way
To be redeemed

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Even the Atoms hum

A sweet scent lingers
In the air, after you depart
Reminds me by all my senses
Why I believe
In the power of your soul
In the majesty of your heart
Your eyes are my portal
To a different universe
And I travel there
To see a future
For I am your suitor 
Your beloved
Your unworthy servant
Dutiful and below
Your highness
So beautiful
Your being is erotic
And no one
Is able to quench
The fire inside
Once begun
It makes me shiver
Because of you
Your form is my delight
Your mind my treasure
I hear sounds of pleasure
From the atoms
As they hover around you
Attracted to the sight
Of your body
It is powerful
It is desire
That is beyond my
My inclination
Is to dive
Let my soul fly
In your sky
And never
Ever let me

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Just words

It is just words
I know but
I loved you always
I never told you
How much it hurts
To be here
And you there
I feel cursed
Compelled to be
In constant desire
With someone
I can never be with
Being on fire inside
For one
Who is forbidden
If I let it linger
It will grow perverse
I will become
And worse
From the isolation
So I let you go
In my heart
Even if it kills me
For it will kill me
In any way
If I do not
Just words
I love you
And I let you
Because I know
I have to
And do

Friday, November 25, 2016

Eternal Conflict

Eternity is beyond
The flesh and temporal existence
Once there in that reality
The light is not blinding
It is revealing
The darkness does not cloak
It is a state of mind
There is no such thing
As choosing between lesser evils
There is only knowing the truth
And identifying lies
Understanding the consequences
Of immorality
As taught by the Prince of Hell
The Lord of the Flies
As a warrior
I long to serve my king
I take up my shield
My sword
My armor
My helm
And entering battle I sing
Praises to him
For the truth is unwavering
And there is nowhere
Nothing greater
No thing greater to die for
Than that truth
The light
The creator king

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Walk into the dark

We are told
To be obedient
We are sold
The perfect way
We become
What we endure
We are done
Before we say
Please leave me
Do not think
That you can help
Allow me my sorrow
Allow me my time
I need to grieve
That's all I have
Not the past
Not tomorrow
Nothing works
So let me be
There is no one
Who will save us
From ourselves
We create
Our personal prisons
And we dwell
In our own hell
into the darkness
Knowing I
Am not alone
I have my memories
That never leave
And I will bleed
Into the black

Saturday, November 19, 2016

A letter home from war

Father of my family
Mother of my land
Dear Rome
Great and wise Emperor
Mighty Caesar
So august are thee
I have marched for you
In the cool autumn mists
Of Hibernia
I have climbed the walls
Fought near Pictish rings
In Caledonia
I have crawled
Wounded and bleeding
Upon Roman roads
To Londinium
And I haven't seen my home
In a decade
I was born alone
And have upon this earth
Sought to serve you
And honor your ways
I have roamed
As it were
With many good men
Does my family recognize
My voice now as I've aged
Would they hide their face in shame
For the wars we have waged
Dearest Rome
Mighty Caesar
I long to see the hills
But I fear that
My Legion
Will be damned
With unconquered lands
Left to crush
With wild men left to kill
And to the last drop
Of good men's blood
Your dreams shall be

Friday, November 18, 2016

Before Mammon

Some desire to know him
They should instead feel shame
Some seek to worship this beast
And bow before him
His name is Mammon
But to understand his way
Does not require inquiries arcane
His throne is built
Upon desire
Upon envy
Upon golden coin
And silver rain
He is a prince in his realm
The fires of Hell are his domain
He taxes our selfish nature
With his will he compels
Human nature to fall
Into his pit of slaves
Who he controls
Where he sells the souls
And casts out the bones
To be gnawed upon
And the souls in time
As they fall apart
And they fade from view
Over the millennia
Of torture
And slowly learning
The eternal truths

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Behind the final veil

The reaper tends
His field of harvest
Life decayed
Far past
The time of crisis
After so many years
Of the human virus
We've ignored the signs
Telling us
It is forever the end
The plague has struck
Mankind has faded
The reaper has reaped
What he had sewn
The day is over
The vintage tainted
The wine poured out
And the day

“I have no idea what's awaiting me, or what will happen when this all ends. For the moment I know this: there are sick people and they need curing."  Albert Camus, The Plague


Forbidden circumstances
Nothing left inside
Blank stares
Taking chances
Closed minds
Preaching to the masses
Playing a game
Called hangman
There is no winner
And to play you will die
Losers all around
Can't face the end
Can't choose the noose
In the end
They cut you down
You'll lay in a heap
Upon the ground