Saturday, June 30, 2018

The Tumor

I set my self on path to betterment
My soul was empty and needed to be filled
With love or hope or something inside
More than this emptiness deepening

I inhaled fire like an exorcist
After a lifetime yet I remained unfulfilled
The years crashed upon my shores like high tide
I was cold to the call of awakening

I broke under the strain of time
And decided I could not have any more
My life was my sole possession
And it was broken to its core

Attachments and chains created bonds
I have nothing to offer and only tears
I have needs that go far beyond
Bitterness ruined my memory of the years

I lost my name
Spent sacrificing for the future
I earned my shame
No glory only now a cancerous tumor


Friday, June 29, 2018

Decide before tasting

I was never told that I had to decide
Before I tasted of the offerings
I was told I had to know before hand
Because one taste was too much to have
But then I found that suicide
And that led me to such suffering
I realized that it was fair to demand
A measure of commitment before I began
Dying
Living isn't enough
Without love
Living is suffering itself
If nothing is left
After the first run
Lying
Is to say
Everything ends well
Everything good is knowable
If I choose to slay
Me
I will end in hell
Well so be it
That is just the way
It will be
















“So he tasted the deep pain that is reserved only for 
the strong, just as he had tasted for a little while the 
deep happiness.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, All the Sad Young Men


Thursday, June 28, 2018

Sacred Ground is Found

Sacred ground is found
In the gentle smiles
Of those who
Cannot afford to hope
Upon a new tomorrow
Tears are holiness
To the broken
Deepest beauty is truly
Found in the hearts
Of those who
Have nothing to show
For lives spent in sorrow
We are the loneliest
With pain unspoken








“We are all walking a thin line between the sacred and 
the ordinary.  The two are never far from each other, and 
sometimes they are the same”  R.J. Blizzard

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

The Harvest





When working down the row
Harvest is begun
The seed thick upon the stalk
Cut down and taken
Like a hunter who culls
Let me be taken
Full of seed and ready
Let this day be done





“If you are too lazy to plow, then you should never expect a harvest.”  Proverb 20:4

Monday, June 25, 2018

White Rose

She lived in a moment
Perfect
Without a stain
No regret
Never to be forgotten
Never forsaken
Beautiful
Like a white rose
Given in innocence
And love
Without any blemish
And she never left
Her dreams were limitless
And she never let them go


Sunday, June 24, 2018

Finally, Lift the Veil

Today I begged fate
To finally lift the veil
Before I gave in to utter decay
My flesh fails
My spirit fades
And I fall before the altars
Of the everlasting
And his unfailing gaze
No more defensive leaps
From the absurd to the vulgar
No more ignorant or naive dreams
Of leaving this existence
And all my baggage
Behind
I make this stand
Without sleep
Without strength
Alone and naked
I beg to be swallowed
By the gaping maw
Of existence and destiny
No more guilt
By association
No more pain
From unseen hands of desecration
This body will no longer exist
For you
My enemy's false accusations
This flesh is no longer free
For you to molest
I stand in spirit
Ready for eternity
Ready for my exit
Unto the everlasting stage
Beneath his everlasting gaze


Saturday, June 23, 2018

apathy kills more than cancer

Screaming pleas
to the everlasting
do not result
in answers
I watched as a cancer
grew and overwhelmed the body
but it wasn't the disease
that killed
but apathy


Friday, June 22, 2018

Spider weaves a tapestry web

I live
and love
I give and
I have forgiven
but I now watch
as a spider spins
a thin fabric of words
telling the story in threads
of a tapestry that is hidden
in the shadows of a life
breaking a heart into thirds
captured by intricate webs
woven by a soul forbidden
by the lightning strikes
each hitting
savagely

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Insincere

Insincere best wishes
Temporary declarations
False hopes for justice
Sweet things most vicious
Smiles & forced castrations
Off limit beauty so luscious
They all wear me out
And wear my soul pale
Birth epic doubts
Destroy the holiest grail
Remove my fears
Let me feel joy
Remove the veil
Wipe the tears
Fuck being glib or coy
I want real
I long for clarity
And true feelings


Wednesday, June 20, 2018

We are the resistance

The enemy wanted to bury us
Wanted to destroy our work
Instead we became seeds of justice
And birthed a new network
Devoted to truth
Knowing the path
Giving us a compass
To become the resistance
Able to outlast
The enemy
High and mighty
And filled with deceit
We might be outcasts
But we are able
Energized
To rise above
To live in honor
To redeem with love
We will rise
We will become
More powerful than before
We will be made whole
By our faith
And redeem our souls

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Locked

My heart stopped that night
Freezing with the bitter cold
My soul died that's right
Without you to hold

You didn't deserve the pain
You never did anything wrong
You left and told me to remain
And since it has been so long

How can I go forward
When all I have is past
I can't escape being cornered
And invited a final repast

I loved you and never stopped
You were hurt from life and more
I was unable to pick your locks
And your wounds were sore

I would give you my life
I'd bear your pain and sorrow
I would give you my love
And every single tomorrow

I have nothing more than that
You are all I wanted
Since you left
My life is haunted

Please come back
Please come back

I can't change your past
but will love you forever
even if that won't last
I love you



Monday, June 18, 2018

The Fool's Parade

No that wasn't me
You could never see
I drank it down
Far too soon
I wasn't in costume
It was no epic play
I walked in the parade
To the end of the day
It was no charade
No masquerade
I meant to end it
Like no one else
Had ever ended it
I've never had top shelf
Hell I've never had coach
Let alone
So I wanted to walk to the place
No one else could see
As I broke down
Crying
Anywhere but home
Anywhere but here
My ideas aren't clear any more
About dying
I can't tell the future
Nor will I obfuscate
I pay no attention to the words
By those who forbade
To those who doom my flesh
To a place of endless shame
And I refuse to breath
A final breath
To please you
To hide
To go away
Far far far
Away
Ever again
I will remain
Until this fucking movie is done
Until eternity is begun


Sunday, June 17, 2018

She beckons me to fall


Her form maddens my flesh
Her eyes and lips expose my shame
I lust her
Yes I want her
And I do not understand the burning
To love unrequited is death
She shows me no mercy, la dame
She flits about, she flirts
She causes me pain and to suffer
I am captive to this yearning
Despite my oaths
Despite my banner held for another
She is at once my longing
As well as my muse
Soon this lust will smother
I know my path is now crooked
And I must be renewed
But now I must have her
And I cannot have her
She is one I must risk everything to have
My heart bursts like thunder
And she rides away with a gentle giggle
I am lost to the woes of my longing for
Gwenhwyfar, yes glorious Jennifer
Queen and wife
Of my king

Friday, June 15, 2018

A Journey

After a lifetime of consequence
Knowing there is a price
For every opulence 
I sailed to the beyond the known lands
Drift in space while you linger
In awareness of the sacred and wise
Spent a lifetime with blood upon my hands
And I have tried to wash finger by finger
Standing in the awe of the undisguised
My eyes are open
I hunger for truth
Despite the cost
I still am hoping
To know what is good
To find something I have lost


Thursday, June 14, 2018

You don't know how to

I bleed
Continuously
I cry
Shamelessly
You break me and don't know
Or understand my tears
You don't love me
And you cause all my fears
I don't know why that
You are so
Hurtful
Why you are so very
Cold
You seem to love to cause me
Grave pain
To despair
To fall into the darkest place
Without escape
Without kisses, affection
or even a soft embrace
You break me
You hurt me
You don't even know
How to come face to face
And tell me
All these things you feel
Obviously feel about
Not loving me


Wednesday, June 13, 2018

we must never forget

Why do we ignore the truth
Why do we forget the destruction
We pretend not to regret
Hatred of others was a seduction

"He who defends the Jew harms his own people."  Joseph Goebbels 

The liberators of the camps
Were horrified by the world they found
Millions upon millions destroyed
Their ash poured upon the ground

“Evil in the Third Reich had lost the quality by which most people recognize it—the quality of temptation."  Hannah Arendt

Denial is for the guilty
For those who wish it had gone their way
Denial is for the weak
For those who never stop their hate

“Monsters exist, but they are too few in number to be truly dangerous. More dangerous are the common men, the functionaries ready to believe and to act without asking questions.”  Primo Levi


But still the smoke billows
Still the dead are forsaken
The world ignores their fate
The sleeper to truth must awaken

“Here. Here I am.
You've taken everything from us, but not who we are! We still exist! One day grass will grow here and overgrow the ruins. Or day this will be forgotten. But you... No one will ever forget you! The shame of humanity.”
― Bruno Apitz, Nackt unter W├Âlfen 


Tuesday, June 12, 2018

A Moment Upon the stairs

He paused to say goodbye
As he was not able to stay
The king had called upon him
And his cavalry unit
To fight the invading force
On the southern islands
She could only utter a sigh
She couldn't meet his gaze
A heart breaking within
Both minds lucid
Aware of the threat of the invader Norse
This moment silent
As love needs no words

(painting by Frederic William Burton)

Monday, June 11, 2018

to dance in star's light

dancing in the star's light
in the meadows at midnight
she and her sisters are joyous
in the dark they lift their voices
nothing can remove their smiles
as princesses of the emerald isles
they float with such grace
they feel no shame
and they gloriously dance
they do not have human fates
nor human names
with lives of happiness
and romance


Sunday, June 10, 2018

For My Beautiful Lady

For the last decade I've crossed the world
With only my horse and the path before me
As company
I rode, devoted to my quest
I rode


From the snows atop the Great Wall of the middle Kingdom
To the jungles of the Angkor Wat temples
Was there ever a doubt that I'd follow
I wished only to dance with you to the sound of Pan's flute 


From every barbarian land to Rome's Imperium 
Your beauty is remembered from earth to the heavens
With grace and talents that would tempt Apollo
I have never paled in this righteous pursuit


The world is far too great 
To contain your majesty
And I will never end my quest
I refuse all demands of destiny or fate
My love for you is woven as a tapestry
And whatever the cost, I shall pass the test