Tuesday, March 19, 2024

The Youth Suffer

From my youth I remember everything
The popping, guns sounds and screams
The bullets firing and hitting the ground
We recognized the violence around us
With every dead kid there is no justice
The modern world filled with a silence
As the innocent die there becomes quiet
Blood covers a playground and school
In years society forgets, but never repents
The world won't know what happened
Only something cold and deeply cruel


Monday, March 18, 2024

Too many things

I've so many things to do, so much to make right
So many breaths to take, before I fall to the night
The outside calls my name as I stop there and wait
As a world screams my name while filled with hate
I will become calm, wait for the dawn and breathe
Nothing more to do, nor more to say, but believe
I have nothing to offer, so I pray for grace


Sunday, March 17, 2024

Desert Planet

There's a silence now here but at one time was sound
With the many voices of life, activities, and events
But this quiet isn't one of solitude or inward thoughts
The planet no longer supports life, none of any kind
It used to have intelligent life, witness the monuments
What is now exposed rock, was once a sacred ground
The bleak terrain holds secrets washed away by time
And the winds sweeping across the surface, relentless
Dust storms are ongoing, but barely make any sound
Lost are the millennia, civilizations that lived and died


Saturday, March 16, 2024

The Way of Peace, The Way of War

Over years preparing for the rest of my life
Learning calligraphy, haiku, ink paintings
Practicing sword craft, focus of my blade
As days go by swiftly pass without strife
On my heart is branded, without pain
The branded lessons become engravings
Thus the mindful warrior controls rage
Our world offers chaos, I desire order
To exist I create conditions to thrive
I train my mind, practice for a reason
And whatever I face, I will be ready
My mind makes my sword sharper
And practice sharpens my mind
Training and calm, peace and war
I'm prepared for whatever beckons
To serve my Emperor, to be worthy
My sword, bone, flesh and blood
Will be given fully, for his service


Friday, March 15, 2024

Days of Darkness

The sky had turned black despite it being the day
Three days of darkness begun, start of our decay
We should have been aware, long before the time
But we lingered in pleasure, fantasies of the mind
The sun was missing and we'd forgotten the truth
Had we tried, we'd heard approaching horse hooves
War, Famine, Plague, and Death were on their way
We were more concerned with sex, bread, and circus

iam pridem, ex quo suffragia nulli /
vendimus, effudit curas; nam qui dabat olim /
imperium, fasces, legiones, omnia, nunc se /
continet atque duas tantum res anxius optat, /
panem et circenses.
                                                           Juvenal


Thursday, March 14, 2024

Winter Raid

Into the darkness, into the frozen black
Our ships long ago been drawn ashore
We'd marched for days in deep Winter
Before we'd unleash our surprise attack
During a quiet dawn, unaware sleepers
Now the foes approached nevermore
Moved swiftly, blowing horns of victory
We then showed the enemy no mercy
For they had long practice acts of terror
As our people called for vengeance
Responded with axes, arrows, swords
With no thought to pillage and looting
Intentions were to prevent further acts

"If through storms I need to protect my boat at sea, I calm
the wind on the wave and put all the sea to sleep.” Hávamál

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

The Angel of Death?

This world has been in existence for billions of years
Arrival of a new species or noted appearance of one
Wasn't an unusual thing, specifically great or notable
But the human species, in many forms, changed that
By evolution or creation, mistake or miracle of time
These humans could speak, coordinate behavior, act
The rest of nature hadn't yet shown the same ability
But are humans a blessing or a curse to this planet?
Have we destroyed it, as we scoured it for resources
I've wondered why we exist, and yet, does it matter
Because if we are a curse, we should then wonder
Why were we the chosen as agents of destruction


Tuesday, March 12, 2024

The Promise of the Morning

a bleeding inside that no one saw
the screaming silent worst dream
my flesh decays, I'm made of flaw
I've no memory, for I never sleep
I'll will stand one day, stare in awe
for in the new morning, fear flees
And hope comes with every dawn
to stop bleeding, I need to believe
every single day begins with trust
the night will always fall to day
fulfillment of the promise
of forgiveness to receive


Monday, March 11, 2024

I will survive the final storm

It is different to do a thing than to know about doing
And it is a different thing entirely, than to long to be
In my life I want to live by my righteous actions
But there is only one way to learn, it is by asking
The task before us all, is to understand our purpose
Our future is burning now, it should concern us
As we live in a world of cynicism and apathy
We suffer from a lack of any hope or empathy
Death of my flesh offers me no fear, or entropy
So I will endure
A heart of honor,  my spirit is my fire and breath
I will rise up, live to find a way that is finally pure
For I am ready to die, I do not fear death
For in spirit I will live and find my life




Sunday, March 10, 2024

The Cycle

In this cynical age, where innocence is seen as false
A form of cyclical rage, expressed for the failed cause
We are alive, but we aren't living, we watch spectacle
All voyeurs, well unforgiven, it's time to be skeptical
Modernity chokes upon the decay, there is no escape
As our existence fades, as our life we now just chase
The hope that we can do more than simply just exist


Saturday, March 9, 2024

Entropy Is Forever

The end had come but missed my presence
I was swallowed up soon by the entropy
As I now stare into the endless darkness
There is so little worth this time leprosy
Waiting to die without a hope to survive
I crawl and scream but still, I am alive
The world to be restored but I'm a ghost
Forever meant to be host of a new world
One where I wasn't meant to experience joy


Friday, March 8, 2024

An untold Viking story

We had moved across the Northern passage
Long centuries before Europeans could see
We discovered a lush, fertile green continent
Long before Columbus had come to ravage
But we chose to go back to our Greenland
Although it was less fertile, we'd felt safe
And then with the downturn in temperatures
Colonies died, never adapted to other ways
Despite the indigenous surviving we did not
We refused to do what they did, foolish pride
It was never about racism, but a belief, hubris
We'd tamed Iceland and our home in Europe
As the world called us the Scourge of the sea
We were called the Vikings, but raid no more
Tamed by the Europeans, defeated elsewhere
We were no longer feared, but were admired
For what we discovered, accomplished
And had carved from history
A legacy



Thursday, March 7, 2024

No One Knows

Armageddon by Joseph Paul Pettitt, 1852

At first they focused upon 2012, it seemed to bode ill
Then they said a exo planet called Nibiru would strike
Then Isis, an Islamic End Times militia had appeared
As if to become a catalyst for the last days of humans
Yet the time, place, date and any events are unknown
Only the creator knows, just when plans were begun
And presently, when his plans will be made complete
We wonder how such things could happen, but instead
We should prepare for emergency, even if not the end
For centuries people read prophets, like Nostradamus
Or Left Behind, followed people who said they knew
No one knows the date of return, of the end, terminus
But no one knows a thing, other than to say, it is bad
So instead of worry, prepare, instead of panic, trust
For those who fear and panic, miss out upon the good
They lose sight of the life we have, for the one ahead
It is as if these people just can't wait to be dead
When there is a life going on all around them

Nibiru, exo-planet, public domain image

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

Meaningless Seconds

Time is a construct of our mind to contextualize existence
It doesn't exist, it isn't tangible, our minds use it as a tool
To live or die and place into order the events of one's life
The sands of time are felt as a child is born or an elder lost
With nothing inside our mind like a clock, no resistance
To a concept that we gain wisdom, in ways good or cruel
On occasion we rise or fall, hopelessly seeking the divine
All without one great clock hanging in the hall of eternity
Ticking forever, without end, each second making its case
Eternity is ambrosia but as flesh beings we can never taste
The fruits of the land of Elysium, or the Garden of Eden
They are out of reach, far beyond our mind's reflection


Tuesday, March 5, 2024

The Dragon Prows

The winter sea ice was thick, deeply cold and moved slow
Only a tidal wave or a whale swimming through the floe
Forge a path through to open water from a frozen surface
But our ships are dragons, powerful, swift, with purpose
Storied beasts and leviathans of the seas cannot stop them
For we own the surface, from the depths to each horizon
Our way is truth, we fear no other men, only ocean's cold
Lands for our people, fulfill our prophecies once foretold


Monday, March 4, 2024

Haunting Thoughts

My heart bleeds for all of the innocent
As they have all suffered for the world
Wounds never heal, they live in regret
As the world watches, guilt that burns
We never ask them for any permission
And we take from them all they have
Due to them, I've become an apparition
I am a ghost inside, I now only haunt
For the life they lost, few would want
All they know but deserve much more
They are wounded at their core
The world we've made
Has no survivors
But some suffer more
Than the rest


Sunday, March 3, 2024

In a Realm of Dream

There in the realm of sleep, of nightmare, of dream
The land of the Mung so very different than our own
The dead are kept busy, feeding the beasts and fires
They are unbothered by things, like fear or even time
The flesh has fallen off, their hands, skull and feet
It is difficult to know their being, they keep on being
Beware when visiting Mung, frightful and dangerous
Everything has its place, even nightmares and dreams
I am unaware how to get there, except by sleep 


Saturday, March 2, 2024

Orphaned

They sent my father to the mines, to dig coal, to serve a sentence
We were told he'd spoken wrongly about the Czar, and punished
Sent to Siberia, to suffer, to work until he was no longer able
And then would no longer live, nor ever come back
Mother and Babushka tried to raise us, but they got sick
We were told that they had TB, and quickly died
No one bothered to check upon us, we were just orphans
Never understood why some eat well, but we were worthless
And the worthless bury their own parents, hoping to beg scraps
We knew winter took no pleas for mercy, and was coming soon
So we chose to face it with no hope, and pray for some miracles
Accepting our fate, whatever it might become


Friday, March 1, 2024

As Time Ticks

I waited for so long, I thought I might break
Because forever takes a so long and so does fate
I watched as a universe collapsed, upon its self
I was aware there was nothing real, nothing left
In the moments I counted and left without time
For forever is innumerable, eternity is sublime
A prisoner of expectations is a form of torture
I close my eyes, if existence requires departure
I am ready, and prepared as best as possible


Thursday, February 29, 2024

Mother

Am I worth the blood, did I cause the pain, did I cause the curse
Did I live a life worthy of your suffering or the pain of my birth
You deserved so much more, from beginning, to break the chain
Your life was so worthy of the task it was given, despite my stain
I am thankful, however imperfect, however deep my own flaws
With this journey, complete with pain, blessed by love and awe



Wednesday, February 28, 2024

The Perfect Allure

The beauty of your form and the scent of such an allure
Your being is iconic, must be designed by artistic minds
I long to just be with only you, but my being is impure
How to express my love for one who is so very refined?
Do you hear my prayers to God to be heard or even seen
Do you sense my soul's call or must you need to believe?


Tuesday, February 27, 2024

A Red Tide

The waters were crimson, as in a blood tide
We jumped from our ships, weapons lifted
And met there by other people ready to fight
We'd no fear, but perhaps we should have
In the near freezing waters, we lost our lives
Our ship then emptied, our intentions ended
Bodies floating, bloating in the tide
We waited but no Valkyries arrived



Monday, February 26, 2024

Hubris allowed the Vikings to strike

The people of the mound city
With paved streets and walls
Resplendent, rich for their era
All wearing garments of finery
The arms they bore never used
A few in suits of great armor
Believing themselves mighty
And still, they were not
They were simply fortunate
Upon the top of a mound fortress
Inherited from a dead people
The day of the demise came
No forewarning or awareness
Of the disaster about to strike

It was upon a new moon, sacred
A circle of people, around a fire
As a voice begins, others follow
The flames keep the group warm
But the sounds could well inspire
Even should life become hollow
With those beliefs, with comfort
How can one take in the warning
In hubris, there's no fear
When the fishing crews told them
That the Viking ships are coming
Elders accused the people of lies
Despite seeing these dragon ships
Even obscured by all of the mist
The forms of ships and dragons
Sound of ships crashing through
With every wave and current
Came a human moment of effort

Saxon shores now waited, alone
Through that fog comes a force
The moment of destiny awaits
As the raiders quietly arrive
By swift action, special stealth
The mound then became a grave
Before leaving mound fortress
Everything valuable was taken
Every gaudy jewel and gold
For trading, for ore and foods
Their children would not starve
To bring home to their people
Honoring the dead with horns
Norsemen set the village alight
In the future nothing is known
About these wealthy people
Who thought their wealth
Would keep them safe
And now, emptied
Only the walls remain




Sunday, February 25, 2024

Entropy, Empty

We rose up, from the clay, after
Drowning in a primordial ooze
The genesis experiment failed
Mind reeling, sorrow swallowed
Taking a paradise and ruining it
Asked for our motives and proof
We stare blankly, no empathy
Had we cared, damage remains
We'd a world perfect, refused it
Our species demanded perfection
For our hubris, we created entropy
Order fell into chaos, insurrection
This world was covered in shadow
Waiting in vain for a renewal
But it would die, without restoration
We've nothing to offer, but silence
For we have nothing but guilt
And we deny our shame


Saturday, February 24, 2024

We lifted the Raven Banner

The Viking people had no options for a better existence
With only the Baltic sea, majestic fjords, and little land
Forced to reach out, with ships, we explored this world
We would navigate the globe, using stars and intuition
Fighting battles, finding victory, due to our persistence
The world was rich in resources, always in other hands
We reached other shores, with a raven banner unfurled
It was not out of evil we traveled, it was not ambition
With more mouths to feed than farm land or resources
We understood morality, but life isn't the same for all
Gold is meaningless, feeding our children was our call
History has rarely told our story well, but we existed
Remembered as violent, no guide save violence
We didn't simply attack others, yet effective in war
We'd truly legitimate reasons and motives to act
Hunger led our people's travel across the globe
We had to discover new lands, find new homes
Discovery then was a by product of the hunger
But even now if we are looked on with anger
The violence as chosen route was not our own
Nor was it something we even longed for
For every line creating borders on a map
Each were certainly drawn by a conflict
Our people did so, as a means to an end
But our discoveries were lauded well
Iceland, Greenland, Vinland, Markland
Discovery was our greatest legacy

Friday, February 23, 2024

Free!

As a child of rape, I could easily be seen as a stain
But my life has meaning, I was allowed to reclaim
Time, as an adult to embrace differences from you
I'm not forced to accept my beginnings, a life new
My turn to choose my path, unafraid of the wrath
I'll take that new path ahead, full of pain and joy
Without fear, I stared death in the eye, and won
My future offers much, rest of my life is begun
With no more cancer, no more fear
And no tears, only more time
More hours, seconds, even years
And that, with love, is enough

Thank you for your support
Beth Ness, Jonathan Ness
Katya, Sophie, Isabella
Dr Teresa Wrobbel
Erik, Mike, Mike, David & Bryan
All of my best friends
All of my friends
and To my mentors
My life teachers, parents
And God who ordained it all


Thursday, February 22, 2024

Forever's Stream

As before your holiness, let me be pure
Upon great altars of gold, I am incense
Let my scent bring you a sweet aroma
You are brighter than any aurora borealis
I know only a sip of the eternal chalice
But I long to taste of the forever stream
Let my sins be washed and made clean
Let this life finally be redeemed


Sunday, December 31, 2023

All things end? Well for now maybe...

As of right now, my blog is upon Hiatus.

I'd rather write daily, but my doctor said years of writing 80 hours a week and sleeping less than 5 hours a night have led my body to the dreadful state it currently finds itself.

I'll be back in April.

Thank you for your support and readership.  Bless you for taking the time to read and reply on the social media where I post.

For now, please enjoy this richly beautiful and consequential song by Natalie Merchant. It is called Carnival and it reflects upon what we see, versus what is real, what we think, versus what actually is going on.  CARNIVAL

No Return

I don't know who made the mistake
Or even the who who caused my failure
So I'm guessing it was probably me
I've waited in stasis, released into the future
The world we spend existence, offers no true answers
Shuffling between our addictions, cholesterol, cancer
What's the point of lasting to that point of no return
We are made to choose, between freedom, or to burn
So if you would, if you can, forgive me please
I have to move on, and life is lasting so long
To go beyond, I have to heal what is wrong
So please release me from this jail cell, please
I can't suffer longer, my dreams are hell bent
And the end is not a blessing or hopeful event
It is simply terminus as a journey has a final end


Thursday, December 28, 2023

An Avenging Lion Strikes

Millennia past, men still fought wars, battles, skirmishes
When the pharaoh Ramses the great marched to Kadesh
Riding in a chariot, fully armed, bow, arrows and lions
A fortified city marking the delineation between empires
His troops came on slowly in formations, with little worry
As the troops of Hittite Empire filled chariots, and charged
The slow moving Egyptian forces were stunned, and died
The Egyptian survivors fled, others gathered into small units
But when the Hittites found the Royal camp, and threatened
A great pharaoh, taught since youth to fire arrows precisely
Began to attack those who had ambushed his own forces
One by one, he made the Hittites pay, with death, disaster
Often when official records were made, the lies were prolific
But Ramses the great had acted in such a way, few wondered
The records understated the toll of his arrows, few questioned
Initial attacks took a toll that was beyond measure, but revenge
Revenge by Ramses and his royal vanguard slaughtered the foe
Leaving little question, who upon the battlefield was superior
Many wonder in the present if the truth was known
Ramses slaughtered an army, leaving Kadesh undefended


Wednesday, December 27, 2023

The Flood

I am swept along, as the waters of the flood flow
Lose track of my direction, my dreams and hope
Left alone, broken, with an unstopped blood flow
Rise above the surface, I fight just to take a breath
I can't survive long, but know the truth just grows
Let my spirit live, and let die my fetid fading flesh
Oh God let me go, let my being rise to see you
Oh God I am ready to live, finally, with my death



Thursday, December 21, 2023

Today

You knew who I was, immediately, with precision
As you carefully placed me in my mother's womb
You called my mother to give her the horrible task
To carry a life she had no desire to create, wounded
I'm alive for a purpose, not a stain, God may I ask
Why is each victory, each legacy, poisoned by fears
Why does something new, hopeful lead to suffering
Made to carry me and to suffer from the birth pains
Why give her a burden, for so long, only for tears
I don't know all the answers, but I have no shame
I am willing to go forward, knowing I might fail
You are God and I am not, I thank you for the years
Because I was given a new family, 54 years later
And you gave me a brother, a mother, and sister
To let me know, I had family, redeemed by you
My one and only vindicator


Dedicated to my DNA family, Mother Donna, Brother Nate, & Sister Denise

Tuesday, December 19, 2023

The Loser

Trained to fight, trained to kill
I was one called on to win
But the Emperor said I was a loser
 I said Yes I am, I know I am
I did things my way, that's the play
They said if I lost again, that I'd be damned
I am, and still I live, and so here I'll stay
You made me a warrior for the ring
A gladiator who would fight and win
So crucify me, like you do your enemy
And be sure to do it painfully
Hang me from a tree, permanently
It does not matter what you do to me
No one lives forever, and some barely live
In the lives they are given
Do your worst, string me up, let me go
Take me, break me unfurl me like a banner
I'll bleed out my flesh, but not one word
Not even words you cannot forgive
Just dying, just knowing I'm gone
Everything someday shatters
Knowing there's nothing left
You might think my heart is cleft
The world will fade, and decay
Screaming with the blood splatter
Without a path forward, there's nothing
We've turned to dust
The burden was crushing
But now I am done
Je suis fini, fini
From this flesh
To never draw
Another breath
I am free


Monday, December 18, 2023

He is the guardian of the Bifröst bridge

The Bifröst is a great burning rainbow barrier
That separates the realms Midgard and Asgard
The bridge is carefully watched over, vigilantly
By sound and sight, carefully by god Heimdall
Who bears a great horn, to call the gods in alarm
While he carries and uses the frost brand sword
Hofund, which has a powerful magic about it
One blow, the enemy frozen, covered in frost
And when he sees the enemy approach, is ready
His perceptions of sound and sight and more
Are far beyond any human, and most every god
The bridge is vital, and he is heroic as a watcher
Should he fail, Asgard will become vulnerable
He serves all of Asgard, and refuses to fall
For however he serves in solitude
He prefers it to the chaos of defeat


Sunday, December 17, 2023

My Angel

I never saw her without there being shine around her
I could never dream of her without my being saved
My being blinded by her beauty was an act of mercy
For I couldn't hear the truth in every thing she said
With my mind focused things that were not worthy
She spoke truth and light, made me want to be alive
After a lifetime filled of failing, wanting to be dead
She gave me reason to endure, reason to even thrive
I understood my purpose as more than some absurdity
So I'll rise to meet this day, even with all my pain
Because she showed me the path, I saw the way
The world tried to drown my vision with lies
But she saved me from being insane
The world wanted me dead
But she allowed me to live instead

Dedicated

Saturday, December 16, 2023

Painting in Blood

I heard your ghost whispering in my ear
Telling me to use the knife, use violence
But I've been alive long enough to know
That my bleeding isn't going to change it
I've paid far too much for all of my years
For the willingness to listen, only silence
But you call for my blood to simply flow
Call on me to die, with my blood paint it
That I listen is my flaw, my error incarnate
I plan to endure more than flaw, than hate
I want the pain to be in me hundred fold
That I've so caused to exist in others
I want the devastation to show
How I've ignored my beloveds
How I've embraced my shame
How I've bled out and splattered
By my wrist slashed in shreds
Into the full length mirror shattered
I deserve worse, I've been a curse
And when I've died
No one will bear false witness
To the crimes I've confessed
I'll bleed, I'll bleed, and bleed
And the stain is permanent

“Energy and motion made visible – memories arrested in space” Jackson Pollock


Friday, December 15, 2023

Time Break

I heard it all
When time broke
Echoes of the screams
Sands escaping
Seconds lost
All flee the glass
Time shattered
No more reality
Sorrow grasps my throat
Nightmare replaces dream
Bright lit Apocalypse
Posted upon a marquee
I've lost my flesh
And all I'm made of
My breath
All I'm afraid of
And the walls fell
The great collapse
Nothing left
To live for
To fight over
But killing
And for the sake of it
Tasked to be the last
We've run out of life
We've run out of time
And there's no shame
Great enough to cover
All that we have done
To our home and kind
To our beliefs
And our minds




Scott never learned

I was born wet from birth, with the curse of the original sin
We are all imperfect, hurting, wrapped in a fire of violence
There the cowardly bullies of my past had tried to hurt me
They'd no idea, they made me, with that pain used to control
They hit me, slapped me, called me an idiot, or a f*ckhead
With every punch, hardening my skin, forged it into steel
They wanted my heart, to turn it into something very dirty
They'd wanted my obedience, especially my obeisance
Wanting me to be someone bleeding, and pleading
Blacking out my soul with pain, torment and torture
They'd tried to replace my freedom to be, to believe
In retrospect, long ago in the past I see their lives
Imprisoned in their mind, or stone cold dead
I can't laugh at them, we're all made of flesh
Born imperfect, screaming for breath
I refused the demands, to be filled with a rage
Let their anger burn them out, alive in a fire
But will they ever change...
Hey Scott, ever quit those nasty habits?
Ever feel remorse for killing the kittens?
Did you ever graduate from a school?
Have you learned a trade in prison
Will you ever see freedom
After the drugs you sold
Killed an innocent
In an intentional overdose



Thursday, December 14, 2023

greed's cost

It began knowing with our world inevitably doomed
We began to see corpses laid out, displayed in every room
Flesh gardens, orgies of death, this at last was our tomb
We should've known, we should at least had been aware
But we saw the earth as a room for secret erotic pleasure
Instead of a place of consequences, cost of illegal acts
Here was a great God's lair, boxes and piles of treasure
Rather than be concerned by power, we made it our task
Leave the palace with every ounce of metals and arts
Quietly, embracing that we were the thieves in the night
Soon the night dark was illuminated, the crowds grew
Someone violated their temple's secret rooms of gold
And for that act of desecration and vulgar theft
The thieves would be made to finally pay

copyright status unknown

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Who knows? The stars? The earth?

From the very farthest reach of light and sound
To the closest intrusion of discomfort and pain
A human body perceives in ways it doesn't know
Light waves go through it, do they leave scars
Quakes are measured waves through the ground
But do they affect us outside of falling and scale
A ball can be projected a distance with a throw
Does gravity yank it down, arrest how far it goes
Of course, there are many things we can't know
But the earth doesn't know how heart's weeping
Stars cannot perceive my mind's thought waves
Am I wrong again, or I'm ignorant about that too?
I don't know, but if they know that, I'll give up
I'll just wait for it to tell me what to actually do
It'll save a step, no one need worry that I'll fail