Thursday, April 17, 2014

Forgiven

Some people
Due to pride
Refuse to be
Forgiven
No matter the toll
No matter the time
The cost is inside
The wounds unhealed
I cannot hold a grudge
No matter the crime
I do not hold it against him
This is not a judgment
I am not holding trial
I am not a judge
I am not willing to be
Forever hostile
I can be hurt
I can be offended
But given time
I can heal
And move on
I spew no bile
I offer no wicked guile
I am only human
Licking my wounds
Moving forward
After having rested awhile
I will be ok
Forgiving him

Extending an olive branch if they'll take it.


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Cancer Update

The Chemo ended a month or more ago
The Radiation has ended last week
The Cancer is considered to be in remission.

I am not done with life, and I have many stories left to tell, both fiction and non fiction.

Thanks for reading my blog.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

A cancer inside reminds me

I barely escaped alive
And now I see I was wrong
To give my heart to you
Something in me died when you went away
I endured, I survived, but it is still there
A cancer inside, a tumor in my mind
Missing you, it isn't fair
You said you loved me
Then left
You said you'd be there
Then you were gone
I said I loved you
You laughed
You win, I know you've won
You never think of me
But you are always in my dreams
You never speak of me
When I can't even think
Without wondering where you are
It isn't fair
Because I want to die
And you've gone on
I just twist in pain
Au revoir
Farewell again
Goodbye

Saturday, March 29, 2014

This World Dies

The world beneath our feet
Eventually dies
Facing forever
The confusion of eternus
The terminus point of time
Take my hand
I beg you to join me
We will get there
If we stand together
Reaching the promised land
I no longer need to dream
Knowing, I understand
Dreams aren't solely from sleep
Never give up the hope
That keeps you alive
There is nothing that can thrive
In the depths of my delirium
Except the hope
That keeps me breathing
Join me in eternity
Pure serenity
The end of time
Fields of grain
Endless
Ripe
Waiting for the harvest
By the master's hand


Saturday, March 22, 2014

RISING AFTER FALLING

Rising
When all hope is falling
Standing, when you'd rather pass out
When the sounds are screaming
Your inner voices full of doubt
You might rather it's eternity calling
When you can't sleep for the dreaming

Rise, then
It is all you can do
Unless you are a slave
Or choose
Fading memories
And their false machinations
Against your fate

Rise
There is only resistance
In the face of the enemy
If your aim is true
To give in is a catastrophe

Rising, after falling
Even when the world is pushing you down

Rising again, even knowing that the pain is coming again
Even with your fear showing, it is your destiny
And no one can take it away

Rise
I am telling you rise, there is no choice
Rise
For the world needs to see
Someone who believes in something
Not giving up
Not living in misery



Tuesday, March 18, 2014

White Redemption




















The trees were leafless
The winter had been long
I walked through the valley
The snow was deep, undisturbed
My path was new, my own
The wind harsh, sang its own song
I was just passing through
My footprints left behind
A memory of my path
Telling its own truths
My purpose was unrevealed
The singular way
Of the most unrighteous
Breaking the virgin crust of fallen snow
With dirty boots
Overhead a raven flew watching my progress
Above me it soared
As I walked through the white
Feeling my hopes falling
As I became exhausted
The way was my own
Never tread before
I was a sinful man
Alone
Upon the land, so cold and isolated
Walking where others had not ever walked,
Or even ever been
This frozen place was home
I could find my self but could I be redeemed
Could I find forgiveness in this land without a stain
My steps forever tarnished the ground
My path was found while the burning footsteps remained

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Across Lavender Fields

Walk with me a while
Hold my hand as we
Cross the fields of lavender
Smile at me
Let me see you happy
I am redeemed with you
Again
Time stop now
Let this moment never end
But it won't
It marches forward
Relentlessly
No matter what we do
Time flees
And in the winds
Blow my years
Away
Into the wind our days are tossed
Every day more blows away
Our youth is a wine
Spilled the vintage lost
So hold my hand now
We may never get another chance
To dance together
In the fields of lavender
So beautiful and serene
Be with me
Forever
Be with me


Saturday, March 15, 2014

Unwanted

Worse than accident
Not a mistake
Rather a crime
The purpose of love lost
In the screams of one's lust
Brutal power decided
The seed planted in anger
And never again could she trust
Because now she bore the cost
9 months of waiting
For the harvest of that crime
Ignored when it came out
And it grew in time
A bitter reaping
Of a horrible sowing
And a child born without love
Without knowing
Just innocent
Now sleeping
Never crying
Never dreaming
Waiting for the day
That he'd be wanted
















Photo Source

Thursday, March 6, 2014

No More Fear

No more fear
The hour is here
The breakout is begun
After a lifetime battle
Between darkness and light
My life has been
An endless trail
Sleeping with eyes open
Living without life
Screaming with my lips shut tight
The nightmare of waking
The forbidden hoping
I ran with legs that would not move
Alone in the fight
Because of the fear
I barely existed
So afraid to live
So afraid to fall
I've been commanded
To fear not
So to live I must go on
If I love I must live
I exist so I must forgive
And learn to fear not
Let me be free from the fear
Let me be redeemed
Of an unliving life
Give me strength
For the road ahead

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Never Grieve the Flesh

I longed to hold her hand again
To tell her what she meant to me
But an angel interceded
And said
Never grieve the flesh that has passed
Grieve the love that was lost
Grieve the knowledge found
Grieve the memories cast aside
But not the flesh
For it will never last
Only the spirit is free
Only the spirit is eternal
And it will never die
Grieve a little
Even cry
But the spirit is free
And now it will fly
The flesh is a moment
The spirit is forever
So take my hand and try
To never grieve again




















Photo Source

Adams Memorial
modeled 1886-1891, cast 1969
Augustus Saint-Gaudens
Born: Dublin, Ireland 1848
Died: Cornish, New Hampshire 1907
Roman Bronze Works (Founder)
bronze
69 7/8 x 39 7/8 x 44 1/2 in. (177.4 x 101.4 x 112.9 cm.)
Smithsonian American Art Museum
Museum purchase
1970.11
Smithsonian American Art Museum

Sunday, February 23, 2014

The Elves Dance

They dance
Beneath the ceiling of the sky and the rising stars
When the sun falls from the horizon
In the lands of the high King
In the between the world
Of man and faer
In the dusk and in the twilight
They dance

The high King calls on all
To be always joyful
But only the elves obey
And they dance
Celebrating life and lore
From the land of gray
Alive but entranced

They form a circle
A mist rises
No human eyes
Can understand what beauty they see
Before them
The elves know who they dance for
They know why they dance
They are filled with unbridled joy
For the King and all of his creation


Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Prophetic

Who I am is unimportant
I still have a voice
To speak
I have been made to seek
The truths that truly
Turn the planet
Instead of toxic poisons
That leave us frozen
In a coma
You cannot plan it
The truth strikes
When you are least prepared
Ready to avoid the choices
For it is the way
Of the one
Who called me
To walk
This journey
There is a truth that flows
I am broken
But through my being
Broken
I am made whole

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I am begging you, my love

Exhaling
Never breathing
A crushing vacuum left by the air
Leaving lungs, leaving
My bones and mind reeling
From the abject pain
When you left, you left me emptied
Poor in almost everything
But rich in sorrow
I still believe
There is no question
No doubts
My heart only beats
My lungs only breathe
Not living, not quite dead
I only live
When you are in my life
Come back
I fall to my knees
And beg
My love
My love

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

My designs

Given over to my designs
My flesh leads me to places
That makes my soul cry
For to sup is good
To be a glutton is to sin
Give me my share
And nothing more
Or my soul
Becomes the whore
Slavish, and sluttish
My temptations and needs
Torn
I want
I need
I need need need need
Love
Nothing less
Nothing more

Sunday, February 9, 2014

The Eternal Spring


Your footsteps disturb the silence
And I become aware of your presence
By all of my senses
The scent on the air
The electric pulse in my flesh
From the tug upon my heart
Your being tempting mine
Your soul to mine singing
I can taste your lips
From the last kiss we shared
In the depths of my soul's winter
You arouse in my soul eternal spring
And I long to be renewed
Again
And Again
And Again

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Hoarfrost

Lungs burning from the cold
The deepest winter in the air
In an abandoned field
In the heart of nowhere
I glimpsed a scene
That defied the grip of despair


















Photo Source Petr Kratochvil

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Mount Zion

With my life's failures left aside
There is a place I am heading to
Mount Zion
My life has been one long journey
Up to the mountain's side
With hope for a better day
With a memory for the past sorrows
There is a place I seek
I have been climbing to my destination
Maybe I won't reach it tomorrow
But I still climb
I will reach the peak
At the end
And I must not relent
I tire, and slow down
But I will never stop
There is a place
I long to visit
Mount Zion





Wednesday, February 5, 2014

River Washed In Blood

Thukela River
Thukela River
Where the current flows
Still it empties the remains
Of the massacre of enemies
The deciding at Ndondakusuka
Of Cetshwayo's kingship
The losers cut down
The victors attacking the lost
Spears were washed in the blood
Impi raging aftermath
The victors knew no honor
The dead pushed in the water
Raising the level of the river
To a red flood
Leave no mothers to have more warriors
Leave no children to oppose this king
Just mix the blood and water
In unholy confluence
Until the river waters are thick as mud



Friday, January 31, 2014

Your accusations wound me not

Remember when you raised the question
Of why could I do what I did
I apologize for my mistakes
My transgressions
But I never ever did that thing
You blame on me
So go ahead with your inquisition
Go ahead and blame me for whatever you like
But I am honest and I never lied
About it
So your insistence that I was the one
Who broke you and wounded you
Fails to wound my conscience
But my denial is inconsequential
So long as you keep this bitter seed
Burning inside your heart
I am not perfect
I am flawed to the bone
But I can sleep and dream with no problems
My conscience does not bother me
I sleep deeply
But you have to live with the truth
That I never loved you
Nor gave you hope
I was never the one
And you blamed me for things
I'd never do
Nor would ever have done



Saturday, January 25, 2014

My Elizabeth, My Angel

She is human
But could well have been an angel
Heaven sent
In the deepest hours of my suffering
She offered me solace and respite
My torment would have been unending
Without her care and charity
The endless fight
The sorrow of my flesh
Could have broken me
In this slight convalescence 
But for her love
She offered me her being
To comfort me during my throes
And I lingered in her presence
Gratefully supping
Upon her offerings
Bel amour
My love
Doorway to heaven
My beautiful love
You allowed me to deny
The end's beckon
And now I endure