Monday, January 22, 2018

Hunger


I hunger for you
As a man who has been empty
And seeking the flesh
Of another
My soul burns askew
Because my modus vivendi
Does not allow me
To simply take from a lover

Your form is so very tempting
Your manner so elegant
I lose my breath
And have never been eloquent
I am led to you and am melting
Your flesh so exquisite
Waiting will cause my death
My desperation is evident

I am yours
Take me
Cure my pain
Need me

Sunday, January 21, 2018

The Northern Crusade



In a land of frozen ground
Swamps of mire and clay
Wheat fields for miles
Two titans of steel clashed
Lives were frozen in fear
As warriors of renown
Fought in a haze
Of hatred and denial
Evoking memories of the past
Wearing armor, steel and spears
An epic battle fought upon the ice 
Neither empire still lives
Over time they went extinct
They fought again and again
In the present we can see
No one gains victory
When two people are slaughtered
And only hateful legacies
Remain

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Saturday, January 20, 2018

Being chased

The snow makes every step look burned into white
As if every sin I've committed is burning bright
An unforgiven, unbreakable dark hold
That will chase me
Until I die


Friday, January 19, 2018

Ascending

I will not untie the knot
That holds my soul
Together
I 've been given my lot
And have no control
When I fall through the aether

I am born unto this place
My soul wet and new
Shivering from birth
My flesh and spirit embrace
Entwining the truth
Breaking every curse

Upon my death
My temporal state passes
I will ascend
And will be reborn
When this journey is at an end


Thursday, January 18, 2018

Slave to fears

I have been a slave to my fears
And you've broken me with words
Slashed and burned my heart
Your heart plays musical chairs
And whoever you choose is cursed
Your cruelty is state of the art
I refuse to surrender
Because I remember
That I do not need to be
Your focus of hate

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Adieu

Nothing you could have said
Could've wounded me
like that
Did
Since you think
Our love is dead
I'll no longer pretend
To be a diplomat or acrobat
Regarding the status of us
Because there is no justice
When love is the venue
Where our emotions are dissected
And examined
No more innuendo
Only two who feel dejected
Rejected
Left without hope
Except
Please understand
I know but a few things
Yet, the one thing I know
Without hesitation
Is that my love
Is completely true
And it burns so hot
I am wounded
Because my love
Burns only for you
Until you realize that
I will live apart
Far away from here
So for now
Or ever
I bid you adieu


Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Fit it

I never have been able to make my memories fit
The truth of what happened between us
Unrequited love is the only thing worse
than unrequited hate
The corners of the expanse of my mind are lit
By the fire you caused inside me
Burning all the things
That never mattered
A desire insatiate
A mind full of broken dreams
Of a life not spent together
I said I'd love you forever
And that promise seeps through
Every atom of my flesh
Every moment of my breath
And I will ever regret
Never tasting the lips
Of the one who moved me
And still
Beyond imagination

Monday, January 15, 2018

Upon my knees

Weary as an escapee
Fleeing the huntmaster's hounds
My body is done
I can't go on
My king, my king
The shine of your crown
Blurs my eyes
Forgive me please
I say that I am exhausted
But what I truly am is finished
It doesn't matter where I was going
The journey is ended
No matter the fanfare at the beginning
My heart has learned
My brain has grown
And my love for you,
My king
Is undiminished
But the road has been so desperate
My heart has grieved so much
I buried so many companions
I can't bear to still walk upon this
Now Holy ground


Sunday, January 14, 2018

Me the father, Her the mother

When I first got married
I was filled with fire
And lust
I had found a sanctuary
With one I desired
And could trust
Then the years rolled
And sorrow took a toll
Losing our hearts to loss
Unborn children in utero
We finally made it through
With a son so glorious
We forgot about each other
Now it was me the father
And her the mother
How could I have known
I'd felt the joy
Didn't realize the cost
Of being still in love
While being fulfilled
By the love of the new son
And now he leaves
Back now to the same two people
Who had been there at the start
Will we be lovers
Or just two old farts


Saturday, January 13, 2018

Not again

Stop the flood
End the torrential rains
Inside my heart
I am losing blood
Going insane
I can't start
All over again
End the deluge
I'm not deluded
I know where I am
And can't take the pain again
Stop the flood
Broken memories and hurt
I'd give anything
For my brain to stop replaying
The same things I've done
Over and over
It rings inside my head
I'd give anything
For the chance to become deaf
Inside
Stop the flood
I can't do this
Not for anyone

PTSD


Friday, January 12, 2018

Defiant

I can't count the times I've tried
The failures are piled so high
Giving up when the cost is death
Means never stopping to cry
I never regret mistakes
If I truly repent
Move forward
My heart might break
I can't forget
Even if I cry inside
I know the price
And keep trying


Thursday, January 11, 2018

Swimming with the Piranha

Loving you is a catastrophe
You make me cry
You make bleed
Severing my limbs
You make me scream

Swimming in a kid's pool
You smile at first
And then the sharks strike
The piranha attack
I am just a fool

With no hope on the horizon
I resist
But I am just your pawn
I refuse to fight
And you stab me in the back


Wednesday, January 10, 2018

At the end


Je suis fini

If there is nothing left to live for, is it worth dying for?
Is wanting to die worse that not wanting live
What if the world burns like thermite
What if my existence is a burden
What if the world considers me to be a parasite
I stand unconvinced of my purpose
There is less and less having any sort of worth

Je suis fini

I am done

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

COLLISION


The gods and mountains of the earth watched and whispered
Soon a culling of the young would happen
One future Emperor versus a sitting Emperor
One ascendant people against one in decline
The Persians and allies were insulted by the invasion
By the Macedonian army and sister states of Greece
Thracians and Greeks led by the divine
Two armies meet, clashed, and slaughter ensued
The gods and earth watched two armies bleed
Spilling the youth blood
Young warriors who could never be replaced, new wine



"Our enemies are Medes and Persians, men who for centuries have lived soft and luxurious lives; we of Macedon for generations past have been trained in the hard school of danger and war. Above all, we are free men, and they are slaves. There are Greek troops, to be sure, in Persian service — but how different is their cause from ours! They will be fighting for pay — and not much of at that; we, on the contrary, shall fight for Greece, and our hearts will be in it. As for our foreign troops — Thracians, Paeonians, Illyrians, Agrianes — they are the best and stoutest soldiers in Europe, and they will find as their opponents the slackest and softest of the tribes of Asia. And what, finally, of the two men in supreme command? You have Alexander, they — Darius!"  Alexander the Great as recorded Anabasis Alexandri by Arrian

Monday, January 8, 2018

NOOOOOO

Every movement watched
I can't sleep let alone dream
My heart no longer trusts
My mind only screams
Let me be
Let me escape this torment
Not one moment
Lived away from her sight
Memories haunt me
And then I lose my mind
Again
I resist
But the indecision
Casts me deep
Into the dark abyss


Sunday, January 7, 2018

My Majesty, My High Queen

I prayed for an angel and God acquiesced
She was sent
Her porcelain skin
Red hair and lips torture me
As does her voice
And glorious scent
That I catch upon my tongue

She is the one
But every time
She plays demure
I've known her
My entire being
Even before we met
Elle tient mon coeur
 
The wild atmosphere is full of spark
When she opens her eyes
The rains start to fall
Celebrating the entry of a monarch
The sky still cries
Because didn't accept the call

This life, this hope I have
Compels me to love 
You are the one
And my dreams are begun

The mountains reach to heaven
Any time she smiles
I ask if you ever awaken
I have to sleep to enter her procession
Without her I enter exile
And accept my fate being forsaken

I cannot bear this burden
Of being a fortunate son
My heart is shunned 
I worry of coming undone

Now and always have been
She is the majestic queen of my life
Into the heavens I gaze
And I pray to enter her dreams again
Should she take my hand as my wife
My heart would burst ablaze


Saturday, January 6, 2018

Sand

Lives pass so fast
There is a feeling
At the end
That you are being pulled
Into the abyss
Of time
Forces you can neither see
Nor know
All there is collapses
Like a great plan
Shredded by circumstance
And chance
Our lives are seconds
Sand passing
Through a god's hand
In a desert and desolation
A wasteland
We are dust
Tossed by wind
And we dance
Without control
Only to have some hope
That the music is inside
 Will take us to the promised land




























Friday, January 5, 2018

Burning Pain Within

The burning pain within
Is not raging sin
It is the pain of birth
That echoes still
That holy fire inside
Cannot be cyanide
It is the memories of the death
Of our warm embrace
Of the womb
We are all shattered
Our dreams and hopes scattered
By the life we are forced to live
That leads us to the tomb


Thursday, January 4, 2018

By his hands created

Alone with my creations
I have watched from the heavens
With a thought the earth formed below
I have seen the stars form in the sky
Celebrated when the temporal and eternal
Joined together in wedding
Celebrated with the sun
And sent the winds, rains, and snow
Watched as beauty
Led Gaia to cry
I have watched humans
Grow up from children
Rise from the mud and the sea
To become makers of destruction
For their own amusements
And I have looked away
As free will led them to die
By their own hand
Their creations escaped


Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Questions about our ancient ancestors

The ancient world was the mother
Of so many wonderful things
So many beautiful creations
So many mysteries
Did they leave this planet
Were the ancients far advanced
Did they fight modern wars
Only to die in catastrophic collapse
Or were they able to leave
Before the final attacks
Why did they leave such
megaliths
So different than our imaginings
Will they come back
Will they forget we exist
Far from here
Or did they die as we will
In a devastating climactic shift?