Friday, April 20, 2018

inside the disguise

does the fact that I exist
cause a disturbance in the matrix
if I don't care
I am not in despair
I am one
I have begun
This masquerade
is nearly done
My lies
Are my disguise
There is nothing
Worth unmasking

Thursday, April 19, 2018

To a very naughty man

With every step you take
You come closer to the kill
For you prey upon the weak
Breaking every promise you make
Unfulfilled
You deceive
Yourself and others
You are your own god
Making every rule
And no one remembers
Or even reads the fine print
Of the gods they believe in
I do not believe
Will never bow before you
Nor receive your forgiveness
For it is not for you to give
Nor will I make that request


Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Cursed

I don't know why you left
I don't know why I was cursed
With a heart that yearns for more
Than I will ever get
I don't know why I was given birth
I don't know why I was hated for
Loving someone
I was never going to be with
And now I am broken
And refuse to go forth
No reason to go on


Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Frozen Fire

One offers fire, and being burnt
The other is cold, so cold it hurts
Being cremated for the offense of getting near
Or being frozen, with frozen tears
The options are opposite
Without hope both are impossible
I am tired of the extremes
And have no defenses against these schemes
Let me go
Let me fly
Let me go away
And when I'm done
Say goodbye


Monday, April 16, 2018

High King of Heaven I serve you

None more worthy
Than he who is king
None more guilty
Than I who he redeems
Forgive me
Oh great lord
For I am broken and dirty
And can't free my self
Only you
Great King of Heaven
You did bleed
For me
I raise your banner
And speak your name
Committing my every breath
To your honor
Take my life from my flesh
And let my soul be renewed
For you are King
And I am nude
Before you
All my flaws exposed
Nothing from my lips is enough
To speak the truth
But I can start
You are God and I am not
I am yours
You've broken my curse
Broken my chains
And healed my heart


Sunday, April 15, 2018

Prepared

Fire eating away my soul
I bled into the black
My sorrow ate away my future
Consumed and devoured me whole
I rejected all of those lifelines
Sent to me in despair
I am not dying, I wouldn't dare
Sheets of rain falling, down
As the stars and planets align
There is only oblivion
Waiting
And then who knows what else
Death is divine
Sole master of life
I give in to his call
And give up this noose
For knife
I will be alone
For a while
Until you hear it
Slice



Saturday, April 14, 2018

My God, My Lord of my life

My tears fill the oceans
And they fall from within
Full of my sorrow
For my life, an eternal sin
Endlessly drowning in
Casks of toxins
Draughts of poison
Outpourings of my emotion
I was left behind
Never chosen
Cast out and abandoned
My broken dreams and mind
I have no reservoir inside
So I am forced to move forward
Long have I loved
Long have I lost
But still
I am waiting forever
Never counting the cost
Redeem my grieving
Make me whole oh Lord
I am alive
By the barest measure
Lord make me yours
Let me be your work
Let me know of your depths
Exact as clockwork
Beautiful as art
Lift me please
From the clay
From the murk
I long to be alive
But cannot restore my flesh
Nor my spirit alone
Only by your hand
Will I revive


Friday, April 13, 2018

never said

he never said he was the one
and those documented visits
and the unsent letters
the broken promises 
my broken spirit
left me hanging
from a rope
by the neck


Thursday, April 12, 2018

etched in stone


etched in stone our souls lay
barely noticed and remembered for nothing
ignored for what we say
ignored for being trusting
we fade beyond viewing
and slowly
so slowly
our flesh decays
into the past

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Death by grain

Treated worse than dogs
The food they grew stolen
Sold by the dictator to show the world
That his system worked
Look world
Look at all of this grain
Enough to feed the masses
Growing abundantly
Even in Ukraine
Yes it grew
Despite the truth
That a famine was ongoing
And the Ukrainian farmers
Grew enough for themselves
Stalin, named for steel
Hated their wild spirit
And committed genocide
By starving them, and killing them
By withholding
And exporting the grain they had grown
Death by wheat
From the highest of power
To the least
Irony was never lost
Stalin was a beast
Nearly 4 million did die
The state was ascendant
Stalin was able to name the hour
Of the Ukrainian spirit's doom

HOLODOMOR 



Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Hiding

I don't want to tell you
What is going on in my mind
I need to keep my sanity somewhere
Somehow I've got to find
A place to breathe and hide
So don't call for me
Don't shine the flash light
At these shadows
Don't click the light switch
Don't ask my friends
Where I am
Just leave me
Let me be me
Far from your hands
Leave me there
I need some space
Can't take more pain
Give me time
To find the place inside
Where I can breathe
Where I can be
All alone
With myself


Monday, April 9, 2018

Burns inside

Sorrow burns inside
Failure corrupts my mind
I dream of you and know
I'll never get there
The galaxies collide
I knew you lied
But I never let it show
Because I don't care
I am a loser
I am an idiot
There is nothing inside me
Worth knowing
I am Judas Iscariot
I am death
I am a fool who mocks the truth
And I love you
So I lose
I lost
And am forever burning
In the pit I created
Of my life's worst fears
An accumulation of my life's years



Sunday, April 8, 2018

Buried

Before I pass from this dimension
I share this confession
Every time I wake from sleep
I've cost myself a chance to be king
Of an intensely beautiful dangerous place
And you know, the depth of that dreaming
Is more than I could ever perceive waking
The coffin keeps me safe from the probing questions
And how my somnolence rules my mind
I endure photophobia
And then the infections
Burn
I am not like you
I long to be the king of the night
My name is Nosophoros
I've watched life pass
Into the grey
I have taken arms to fight
To become the Lord Knight
Of that world
Watch and wait
Soon the night will cover your existence
And sleep will be all there is
And all you'll ever wish to have


Saturday, April 7, 2018

One way road to hell

I wandered along a one way road
And still, somehow, I was lost
A failure in all ways it would show
I confused reward with cost
And now I have nothing
But I had nothing before
So I was left with oblivion
But no one was keeping score
So it didn't matter
Nothing ever did
Nothing did
I need to stop
Turn back
And surrender




Friday, April 6, 2018

I wonder and then shrug, who cares

She said she loved me
But nah, she lusted
The other said she hated me
And you can trust that
Hate is greater than lust in depth
And my emotions are clear
I don't trust either
Both said they'd love me forever
And today, neither love me at all
So in the future when they say always
I'll replace it with never
And at least I'll know
The truth



Thursday, April 5, 2018

Thorns

Some think they are wise
But they do not know
They wish to take away its grace
With no understanding of the plan
Thorns upon a rose
Does not make them
Any way less perfect
It makes them
Dangerous
Venturous
Made by an architect
Of the universe
Who has no flaw


Wednesday, April 4, 2018

At the Gates of Vienna



Who stood against the Turks
When Europe almost fell
Who stood against the Persians
At Thermopylae and Plataea
It wasn't by accident that they never ran
Some are called to die
Some are called to march to the Hells
War is a mother of many orphans
Courage is the blood of the fallen
Vienna stopped the invasion
Giving life for the rest
The Gates of Vienna are covered in blood
With the warriors souls covered
In courage uncommon

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Bombs

Every bomb equals children going hungry
And the recipient of the bomb in anger
Dead
The bombers live for power and money
Wars are fought for the bankers
Children now receive no bread
Blood is shed
For the rich
Who never fight
For the people
Who never know
Why the wars go on
Their blood is shed
And the wars go on
Forever amen


Monday, April 2, 2018

Games

I was completely unprepared
Because I was truly unaware
That love could be
Such a brutal game
Of hide
And seek
I counted and sought
For the other and found
Absolutely nothing
But my broken heart
In the darkness
And my self esteem
Broken apart
By the notion that now
What was found
Is now lost
Without the hopes
Of being loved
I paid double the cost
For I had neither love nor hope
Neither dreams fulfilled
Or joy distilled
I had lost the game
And was penalized
For life

Sunday, April 1, 2018

gossamer veil

my heart like the sky
my winter weary mind
covered in white
clouds so full
the moon is hidden
shrouded in mist
snow the least of worries
the fallen snow pristine
the joy of playing
unavailable to me
it is only for children
to be young would be a dream
but the land is forbidden
so deeply embedded
in the sorrow of maturity
we lose our hope
amidst the pain