Thursday, July 30, 2015

Abyss hopping

In the heart
Of the silence
Of the darkness
 When allowed to stare
Into my abyss
 I confessed
Uncertain inside
I existed in a world
Where I am struggling seeing
My mind's eye gone blind




My body is broken
My mind is shattered
But still I am human
And I feel
Sorrow and joy together
Anger and anguish
In single body
One flesh
Confluence of many minds
Many feelings
Striking different emotions
Languish in the depths
Of a soul
Never to vanish
Until exorcised


 By death


Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Songs From the Lunatic Choir


  They mean to steal
The fire inside my soul
The pain inside me
Bites, it is so cold
The rains are not forgiving
Unforgiving
A January thaw warms nothing
Clouds burst, thunder crashes
Showering down ice
Cloaking my wings
With frozen pain
I’ll never fly
My life is ashes
Going insane
The asylum’s choir
Will sing
No second chances
When
Life is not sacred
No truth, no beliefs
No redemption
Scarlet colors
Upon
An empty canvas
But now
We are cast
As members
Of the final mass
No ransom
No promises granted
Cursed existence
Failing
Beneath the weight
Of the soul stained
Crimson covered glass
Broken
Unspoken
Missing



“And, drunk with my own madness, I shouted at him furiously, 
"Make life beautiful! Make life beautiful!”   
Charles Baudelaire








Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Dead man stop calling me

No darkness inside me
No evil to guide me
I do not envy your sins
No hate in my heart
No pause to my start
I want to say
I need to mention this again
It is time to rise
It is time
No more thoughts of suicide
I was made to be more
Than a corpse
At the end
Dead man stop calling me
I don't need to take your call
If you really need
Please see me
When my time is done
God give me the strength
To fulfill my purpose
God give me time
To heal my heart
Before I begin
Again



“But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.”  Albert Camus

Monday, July 27, 2015

Drown



Fall the final curtain 
I am frozen in pose
My life was choked
Air drawn out
In every breath
Kept my head 
Beneath the surface
Again your words 
Leave me worthless
I float there
Without air in my lungs
Or life in my heart
Hover in utero
Waiting to birth
After one of my deaths
You can kill my soul
Leave me unwhole
But I will not die
Nor relinquish my flesh
My soul floats in ether
Waiting
Shelter inside
Asylum's chimes
Calling
My mind
Nothing in me
Ready to survive
 What is left
But dying
When our lives 
Are toys for the masters


Sunday, July 26, 2015

Ares and his children

“A good trumpeter has the power to rouse fools into making slaughter”
  
Virgil


“To plunder, to slaughter, to steal, these things they misname empire; and where they make a wilderness, they call it peace.” 

Publius Cornelius Tacitus

His children Phobos and Deimos follow his lead
Ares is impatient but enjoys their company
The acts of war involve fear, terror and bloodlust
And they act in unison
Father Ares, lusting of blood, desirous of hate
Slaughters his enemies, rouses his allies
His actions bring a conclusion
The bodies lay dead in a pile
In a ruddy confluence
A red pond of entrails
And viscera
Soon the dead are forgotten
By all but family
All but those who shared their lives
But now they lay bloating with their flesh rotten
And the morning after 
Sees the crows circle
Screaming at the humans
For their folly
And the souls of the departed
Consumed


“Avenge, O Lord, thy slaughtered saints, whose bones
Lie scattered on the Alpine mountains cold;
Even them who kept thy truth so pure of old
When all our fathers worshipped stocks and stones.”

John Milton


“And it came to pass, when Joshua and the children of Israel had made an end of slaying them with a very great slaughter, till they were consumed, that the rest which remained of them entered into fenced cities.”

 The Holy Bible


“It is a day we remember systematic slaughter of over a million of our innocent fellow Rwandans, an orgy of bloodletting unprecedented in the history of our nation.” 

Paul Kagame


Saturday, July 25, 2015

Holy shit, RUN!!!

Turn away
Turn away
The wave is coming
And you are its prey
Run
Run
There is nothing
Til the wave is done


Friday, July 24, 2015

Gratitude for being Rescued



“I have drunken deep of joy,
And I will taste no other wine tonight.”
 Percy Bysshe Shelley












In the darkness I was alone
And then you found me
I lingered in the pain
Of life
And then you saved me
I worried that I would fall
And you lifted me
Echoes of my grieving
Existence had hurt me
I was wounded
But no longer
I might tremble in the night
I still scream
During dreams
Nightmares linger
Still but
Fear doesn't rule my life
Because you give me hope
You give me the strength
To survive
Your love gives me more
Than the pain takes away
The days are endurable
And the nights I survive
Because with you I have
More truth to fight the lies
As a child I believed
I'd be alone
I would always despair 
I needed you
Never thought you'd appear
A needle in the haystack
Confusion suddenly cleared
I would never have been able
To rise above without you
By my side
I love you
Only you
You are the reason
I go on
And that I am alive




1 Corinthians 13:1-13 

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ... "















Thursday, July 23, 2015

dynamic forces, creation/damnation





I believe that the ultimate purpose
Humanity is to find
Is to create
The opposite of this is something
Occupy Human minds
Is to destroy
What do you believe
What do you do
We are meant to emulate our creator
Who created everything
Who set the stars in the sky
Who fashion planets out of dust
We are meant to create
Lives, art, buildings
And others seek
To destroy all there is
For they've divined that creation
Is for them harder to achieve
And damnation
Is the goal

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

The Gloaming


The beauty of the new dying light
The world set fire by the birth of night
The cloud caught remnants
Shed by fleeting waking hours
Day turned gaunt
Working world wakes at dawn
While the world sleeping will haunt
The dreams and spawn
New stories to tell
In the green glory found
Every night
In the gloaming



A passing ship cuts through the water's surface
Separates the waves and the calm
In the darkness the moon's light
Can be a holy chalice
Here upon the water it shines
Like a distant guidepost
Reminding us of her nearness
Despite our being earthbound
And possessing no wings
To fly
Grounded
Forever perhaps
But we can appreciate
The passing light
Of the gloaming


Staring upwards
Alone in solitude
Wondering if I am alone
Just watching 
The moon rise
And the sun die
As if some mysterious being
Changes roles, crossing
Over to take the guardian role
Of the watch
Anew
Over earth
Made more beautiful
In this
The gloaming


Silent but for a strange knocking
It echoes along with a washing
Of waves and wake against the walls
There is a calm here
Between the harmony of the sky's beauty
And the water's rhythm
It is broken only by humans
And rare, broken acts
That speak their own language
Anguish
Hurt
Sorrow
And the peace can only hope to help
Because unspoken broken hearts
Never know the answer
Even in the gloaming



“It is a grave injustice to a child or adult to insist that they stop crying. One can comfort a person who is crying which enables him to relax and makes further crying unnecessary; but to humiliate a crying child is to increase his pain, and augment his rigidity. We stop other people from crying because we cannot stand the sounds and movements of their bodies. It threatens our own rigidity. It induces similar feelings in ourselves which we dare not express and it evokes a resonance in our own bodies which we resist.”  Alexander Lowen

“But when one does not complain, and when one wants to master oneself with a tyrant’s grip — one’s faculties rise in revolt — and one pays for outward calm with an almost unbearable inner struggle.” Charlotte Brontë

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

When the Dead will Dance


Danse macabre
Dance death dance
The harvest of the human crop
Begins anew with every day
My bones rise
Follow in the line
Of dancers and the dead
They cannot stop
The parade goes on
And walking bones 
Are not in pain
They neither mourn
Nor do they sob
The parade of the dead
Marches on 
Whether to heaven
Or oblivion
They march together
Whatever they've achieved
Whoever they are 
Society might believe
That they are important
Or that they are not
But death is a democrat
And takes everyone alike
We might wish to live
We might be happy to die
Kings, Paupers, Knights, Beggars
Are the human harvest
Time to say good-bye



Monday, July 20, 2015

When Night Falls Upon the Earth


She is lovely
But not an enigma
Her ways are not mysterious
She is divinity
Never missing her duty
She is fearless
Her movements are willowy
Her duty to earth
Unspoken but deep
She looks upon the globe below
And when the moment
Is appointed
Her veil falls
And day's light ends
A gray for time
Traps the last light
A gloaming exists
Between day and night
And soon
Her black veil
Has covered the world
She mourns her lover
When the morning begins
But he will return
When the appointed time 
Happens again
And he waits
For her embrace
And in her heart
She burns
To embrace him
Again and again


"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

e. e.  cummings




"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night."
Edgar Allan Poe



She Walks in Beauty

By Lord Byron (George Gordon)
 
She walks in beauty, like the night
   Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
   Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
   Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
   Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
   Or softly lightens o’er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
   How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
   So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
   But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
   A heart whose love is innocent!


Sunday, July 19, 2015

Frozen Cattails


The first hard frost preserves the scene
Nothing to misunderstand, forward and clean
The remnant life awaits, for the approach of Spring
When the world will awake, new life will sing

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Frozen branches


Reaching out to spread the organism
Coated with frost, becomes a masterpiece
A view of white, with patches of gray
Still the tree tries to live, in this way driven
Tries to bear the weight, not moved by caprice
It has urges, a life inside, that is fire but not flame

Friday, July 17, 2015

Orthodox ideas

If you agree with them you are allowed to carry on
If you do not, you are branded a pseudo science sinner
The orthodoxy will soon remove your computer
Replacing your pen and paper with crayons
There is no side that ends up the winner
Never allowed to join any academic staff
If one does not conform to orthodox beliefs
They will not be sanctioned to perform research
Science has become to the orthodoxy a religion
The orthodoxy seeks to learn, but see their funds increase
From taxes or endowments, collections for science church
Those who suffer for the orthodoxy's pleasure, suffer legion

“Scientific prayer makes God a celestial lab rat, leading 
to bad science and worse religion.”  Michael Shermer 



Thursday, July 16, 2015

My Love Isn't Less Because

If you tell me that
You don't love me
It will hurt
My love will become unrequited
But it doesn't mean it will end
If you tell me that you hate my name
You cannot stand me
My love will remain
Because love doesn't diminish
By the hand of others
I am not able to love
Only if I am loved in return
I am only then loving
For the reward
I love because I do
No matter how it might burn
Either in my heart
In some bitter regret
Or in my grieving soul
Because I am not loving
In order to be loved
Love is not capricious
Nor a whim
If it ends for any reason
It might well be a lesson
Because I will not forget
What my heart has done
I can only follow
And remember
I will not lament that I loved
Only that I am wounded
I will learn to be moved
From the mercy of the moment
When my heart reached out
And try to reject the sorrow
Of the pain
And remain
With a love unspoken
I won't love less
Because my love
Is not an emotion
It is life



Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Chains of a Slave

In chains from the beginning
A slave has no shame for his birth
Yet he has to account
For this curse
The chains keep me from flying
Breathing and growing
Yet I have learned
I can become master
Of the sky
By how I determine
The fashion in which
My dying
And how I live
By my choice
To lose the chains
Or embrace
Them around my body
For now and ever more
I can stay upon the earth
Safe and never tested
Or I can loose these chains
From my feet, and wings
And soar
And lose sight of the ground
It is my choice
My will
For the one
I call my King

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

I am a Stain


















Maybe I am simply an infection
A bubbling virus or a bacteria
Causing death or damage to the brain 
Perhaps I am a disease 
Pulsing through the veins
A non-specific cancer
A disease of the heart
A strain of evil
Or a human stain
Because I know I am hated
I am someone unwanted
Abandoned at birth
Ignored and thrown away
Thought to be an idiot
An imbecile















Left to drain
Told to be quiet
In the silence of a life
Where everyone is allowed
To speak, to share
I am not proud
For I am a stain
And it is time
To leave
Drain my shadow
Leave no image
Empty my humanity
Pour down the red rain

 
I am a simple stain
Upon the white flag
Of surrender
No one will remember
That I was ever 
Ever here
But for the stain
















Society has shown me
It has told me
It owns me
But to them
I have no use
Society cannot understand
A being like me
Who refuses chains
But refuses also
To play the hierarchy
The societal games














I am human and therefore
I possess value
I am unique
I was made different
I was made to be more
But
To the tribe
To the hive
To those who think
Someone like me
Is a being who is arcane
To the greater number
That judges me
I am worthless
Yes, I am a stain
And nothing can wash me
Except on the inside

Monday, July 13, 2015

No more on this side

For the last time
I will not repeat it
In case you can't recall
What does it matter
That I gave you all
Why does it move you
Why do you still call
I am not your lover
I am not your friend
It was the choice you made
I still live, despite the fact
You were the one I asked
To dance




The Hawk's Human

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre, 
 The falcone cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world... "
W. B. Yeats




Looking down
From far above
Above the castle
There were eyes
And wings
Gliding
Staring
Hunting
Guarding
The grounds
Nothing went on
Without notice


The falconer's arm
The call
The garb
Were used
In unison
With the partner
Two species
Trained
But was species
Being trained
The falcon
Or the falconer?

"Itque palam est, quod ars venadi cum avibuw & ars est, 
& eceteris venationibus nobiliar, & dignior, & ideo prior."

Frederick II of Hohenstaufen, Holy Roman Emperor, 
De Arte Venadi Cum Avibus (The Art of Falconry) - 1248

















"Et tout anisi qu’on ne scaroit lire sans congiostre les lettres; 
de mesme on ne peut estre Fauconnier san cognoistre les 
Oyseaux ce qui est le principe de cest art."
Charles d’Arcussia, La Fauconnerie, 1589









Sunday, July 12, 2015

Enter End Game

We believe ourselves wise
But we contribute to the end
Building weapons and machines
Stealing the lives of youth
We can't see our own lies
From the gruesome portents
Crushing hopes and dreams
Spreading falsehoods not truth
The end game was begun
The world was frozen in place
War games as hatred identical
Wars are never truly won
Treaties never lead to embrace
Our hope imperceptible
The final move is not ours
But those who hold power
We cannot know how to survive
We've waited endless hours
For the resolution is devoured
Humanity can no longer thrive


Saturday, July 11, 2015

Grieve

With silent empathy
I've watched her fade
Life spreading her legacy
Even still, my life delayed
I can't go on without her
So, I bow and pray
But it didn't do any good
Life has betrayed
Her good acts
My prayers and fears
There is nothing left to say
Except words that reflect my grieving


Friday, July 10, 2015

Outcast

I don't agree so I am often outcast. I've made decisions that leave me vulnerable to attacks.  The result isn't my doing, I don't love pain.  But they refuse to allow individuals to resist, they try to use shame.



Thursday, July 9, 2015

Last Stand

Most cannot understand
The grieving inside you
And yet, it goes on and on
So they give you tasks
Not for you, but for their needs
The accusers demand
Your compliance to their beliefs
I refuse to obey them
I refuse to allow them to succeed
My flesh is not theirs to wound
My mind is not their slave to act
This is my testament
Even if it kills me
This is my last stand


Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Made Holy

I left home, I walked where no one had ever
I said nothing, not wanting to break the quiet
Beautiful, with a cloak of mist made me shiver
A holy place, where the spirits were not silent
My spirit burns eternal
My flesh a moment in time
There needed to be no sermon
Made holy by the voices inside




Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Nightmares or Dreams

Bram Stoker
 “Even if she be not harmed, 
her heart may fail her in so 
much and so many horrors; 
and hereafter she may suffer--
both in waking, from her 
nerves, and in sleep, from 
her dreams.”

There are dreams
In which you succeed
Only to wake
And have them fade
Never to replay
There are the nightmares
That linger
Every time
You close your eyes
And you beg to die
But you wake up
And meet and new day
But the worst thing of all
Is to exist
Without
one single moment
In the dream lands
No sleeping thought
Because you cannot
Imagine well enough
To be bothered by your mind
You don't care to stray
From this comforting place
You can't imagine a world
That might not be like this
So you hide your mind away
In an asylum
And sleep
Like a dead man
Like the dead
Without a single dream
Before long
You stop waking
You forever sleep
And never live
Enter into eternal decay
Neither in waking life
Nor a hero in the dream state