Sunday, August 31, 2014

In Love and Sleep

Hylas was a poet
A warrior, and friend
A companion of Heracles
Became tired, exhausted even
From the epic journey
Still without end
Laying upon the river bank
He heard the water rush
And soon fell asleep
And there he dreamed
Of the world called 
The land of the Faer
Filled with beauty
And longing
And magic
He woke with a start
To see a nereid watching
From water's edge
As he slept
He couldn't decide
If he was awake or still dreaming
So he gently welcomed 
Her attentions
And drifted
Back to dream
Of where he was
In sleep

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Then I was alive

I knew
From the moment
Of meeting you
That you were different
From the basics
To the tangents
From the words you spoke
To the thoughts you held inside
You came before me
Like you were heaven sent
A messenger telling me
Not to jump
Not cut
Not to hang
I took your hand and went
With you
I still don't understand
What goes through your thoughts
But I am content
In the moment
Because of you

Friday, August 29, 2014

Your Celestial Beauty

Like looking
Into a blazing sun
I saw you once
And I went blind
Your beauty burned
Into my mind
My suffering had begun
No one can replace you
Burning inside, me
No one can be your love
I can not embrace you
I am not the one
So throw me out
Throw me down
Leave me behind
I will still burn
Like a nova sun

Thursday, August 28, 2014


Some who don't believe
Suggest I should try to die
Because I believe in eternity

Some who do believe
Say there should not be suicide
Because it violates God's creed

I say that my life is my fate
My journey comes from inside
And my path isn't for debate

I do believe
And have tried 
To live in a way to please my God

I hang on here by a thread
Because of those who I love
But I'm ready for the Isle of the Dead

The thread weaves through my life
My son and my wife
And all of my family and friends

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Damn him

As if it needs to be hidden
So surreptitious
They say that he can make you do it
Cupid makes people fall in love
By shooting their hearts with arrows
Love is so capricious?
I say if anyone sees him doing it
Grab him before he flies away
And shove those arrows
Where his butt cheeks narrow

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I am Broken, Again

Broken again
Your arms reach out
And my fear is tamed
I can't help but hope
When I hear your voice
Calling me
To be embraced
In your arms
Soothed until
My tears fade
There is only you for me
Nothing else helps me through
This existence tears
Me apart at the seams
Your love frees me
Mends my heart
Reminds me of heaven
Let me soar in the sky
Where I touch the stars
With you
Your hand in mine
Soft but holding
Me from falling
Like always
But caught
In your arms

Monday, August 25, 2014


Her beauty moved men
But she was more than beautiful
Bright and thoughtful
Was filled with questions
Lived to know the answers
She was wounded by life
But still tried
When is a life perfect?
When can we know it is good
Cathy sleeps in Elysium
I miss her now and forever
But she can now find all the answers
And is no longer misunderstood
Farewell beautiful spirit
Broken for the pleasure of others
Farewell my friend
You live anew
While my sorrow smothers

Sunday, August 24, 2014

The Far Edge of Existence

I walked all the way
To the far edge of existence
I didn't find you waiting there
Like a kid for Christmas
What there was
What there should have been
Two different things
But I got neither
For my persistence
All I found
Was wanting
And no relent
To the torment
Of being without you 
Not even for a fucking moment
I  miss you
Your scent
Your sound
Your presence
And I am left alone
Forever in your absence
And still searching
Finding no 

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Grieving the Innocence Lost

I believe that
We are courting doom
Not by ignorance
But apathy
And the lack
Of humanity

Someday soon
We will be able to clone
And selectively breed
So humans can live longer

That is
Except for those
Harvested for parts
Killed in utero
For the convenience
Those bred to die
The future world
Will be even more cold
As we become meat
And wars are no longer fought
For virtues and ideals
But for gold
Wrought from greed
And the human transformation
Into machine

Henry Adams 
Photo Credit: / Public Domain Mark 1.0

Friday, August 22, 2014

Room in your heart

Despite knowing the truth
I sometimes wonder
Why it was like this
Why was there room in
Your heart, your heart
You took me into that heart
I will never forget
Never regret
One single moment
Because of you
If I were passing through
This life alone
It would have killed me
Still might kill me
If I am without you
But your heart had room
So I know where the truth is
It is in your heart
In your love
And I am glad

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Toxic Life

I did endure
Called from the darkness
Survived toxic waste
Avoiding cultural pollution
Having seen life I know
Truth is not the solution
Death is not an answer
My life has been apportioned
And I accept my punishment
Execution by your hand
Have I survived
My adult abortion
No matter how I am judged
My continued existence
Reveals only resistance
To the notion
That others control my life
Your decision
Negates my position
Within the boundaries
Of your womb
It became my tomb
A pool of blood
In which I drown
Flushed down
With all the waste
Rejected for the flaw
Of being unforgiven
For being called
Out the darkness I crawled
As life retaliates
Against my life
Unworthy of living
Conduis-moi comme
Un agneau à l'abattoir
Je chagrin ma chair

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Goodbye Good Friend

Good friend
I could see it in your eyes
You looked so tired
Then I never saw you again
Until you were gone forever
Dressed to be buried
Your frozen frame displayed for all
In a pine box with soft velvet
People walking by crying
You laying there
Not sleeping
Your spirit flown
Walking away
No more pain
Winter always follows Fall
Seasons pass by
I can't say
I wish you were still here
You are now
On the other side
That has to be better
Than this place
Where all dreams go to die
If you are listening
I love you
I miss you

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Abyssus Abyssum Invocat

Abyssus abyssum invocat
From our place 
Upon the face
Of this earth
We have only to view
All of nature's beauty
To see
We are not cursed
But blessed
By the depth
Of eternity
Where the deep
Calls unto the deep
We are created
To create
To enter
We are alive
To give love
And to give
And forgive
One another

Monday, August 18, 2014

Wounds Unseen

Wounds of my being
From love unrequited
From life
Within a world with hurt
Leaves scars
Scars that are hidden
While I remain bleeding

My scars are still there

I see them in reflection
While others do not
I see them all
My wounds are unseen
I know what life does
What love does
What we do not have

We know that our hearts
Will be broken
Before the final fall
Our soul bears the pain
Of the sacrifice
We are made new only by offerings
Of tears and wholeness
For our broken spirit

Remains with memory of the pain
Remains with the scars of the day
We confessed our love
We opened our hearts
To one who could break us
Give our love justice
By returning it
And that turns the cost
Into nothing

Sunday, August 17, 2014

The Sea, The Devastation

So horrible
None could believe
It had happened
It was reality
Despite the surreal power
The event with
Stunning results
We remember
We remember so that the future
Does not forget
The tales that the elder races still tell
A catastrophe
So powerful
To be the death knell
Of a civilization
Bells rung in honor of their loss
In every port
Showing simply
Their respect
They struck the bells
In solemn memory
For the sorrow
A distant continent
Fell from view
During a shattering quake
With enormous swells
The waves grew
Wounding the earth
Where the sea reached up
And swallowed down
The near west of the land
Near the gates of Hell
A castle upon the coast
Killing the people
Fear was rampant
Terror the common woe
Destroyed citadels
Left behind
They moved inland
The ocean reached forward
And swallowed
And the bones of the buildings
Speak only of the toll
Of the final days
Of the place

Saturday, August 16, 2014

The Úlfhéðnar of the Rus

For his pleasure we were called
To be the children of Odin
We are his warriors
And have moved
Across oceans
Over deserts
Through forests
To reach the destination
The ground trembles
As we arrive before
The enemy’s fortress


Are we prepared to die
If the Grey god calls
We must be ready
We are primed for battle
The war horns call out
Making my blood boil
My breathing rhythmic
My pulse rising
My rage grows deep
Inside me churns
About to escape
The beast within me


My muscles contract
My countenance focused
I abandon my shield
In each hand I hold an axe
I enter battle
And become
A crimson wave of death
Soon I am covered
My hands become sticky
Slimy with the blood
Of the enemy
The Valkyries
Will soon be busy


The field smothered
With broken bodies
The grass becomes greasy
From the enemy’s blood
The fields will someday bloom
My body is wet
Red from the viscera
Covering me
Valhalla is watching
This battle is proof
I’ve harvested already
So many men
The realm of Hel
Will be pleased
For I’ve sent men
To the land of the dead


In the future
Upon this site
Young lovers will walk
Here and there they might find
A trinket or bone
From the warriors fallen
The enemy dead left behind


To my king, I am his weapon
To the enemy, their doom
A disaster I am
Every blow will land
They pile up before me
All of them dead
The enemy was driven
From the field
Like dust before a broom
None escape
None stand alive
And all I see is red


Friday, August 15, 2014

I'd Rather Dance and Sing

I have slept during the scholar's teaching
Have imagined Elysium in the company of saints
Drifted off in thought
I have dreamed of a world without pain
While the world burned
I slept rather than learn
Because I am content
The world calls my name
It is too serious
I am too tired
The world is busy
 Making gadgets and gizmos
 Fighting many wars
They tell me to be ashamed
I believe in peace
I believe in simplicity
And care nothing for fame

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Not Again

You tell me not to cry
You say it every day
Tears of pain go away
But the scars remain
Upon my body
Or my soul
Your strict hand
Teaching obedience
Cannot understand
What you did to me
Nor I your desire to control
All I am
If you loved me
You would not do
What you do to me
You don't give a damn
You don't care at all
And my life
Is still in shambles
And my heart
Is still on fire
From the humiliation
From the domination
So I cry
And the tears go away
But they'll be back
When the day is done
I might lose
But you haven't won
I might die
But you'll never control
All I am
Ever again
Don't look away
I'm unashamed
Of my voice
Of my fist

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

What is left after the pyre

I ask why, why try
To change the world?
When time passes
And I stand still?
Everything that lives
Will some day die
Everything in me
That is good
Will flee with my ashes
Light the fire
Cast my ashes upon the wind
Rise to the sky
Place my body upon a pyre
Choose the truth, not the lie
Face the reality
That we are impermanent
Our flesh will not transcend
The moment
Only your soul
Will fly
From this place

Tuesday, August 12, 2014



Thanks to JM Hunter and Evette Langford for their format and design help.

A collection of journal entries, prose, and verse, in the world where Cthulhu is a God.

Words by Alex Ness
Art by Caspar David Friedrich

Monday, August 11, 2014

Great Theseus

Theseus, child of the earth
Also born of the Gods
Possessed of a birthright
A royal charge

One day he'd be king
Son of two fathers
Raised in secret
By his mother

He grew up loved and brave
A child of destiny
While his peers
Hungered solely for power

Theseus was different
A DemiGod
Young but wise
Courageous yet insightful

Theseus was nonetheless willing
To give his life for his people
After Athens had angered 
The King of Crete, Minos

He, who long harbored a grudge
Asked for a ritual sacrifice
The youth of Athens
Would die in fear

Prey within the labyrinth
The Minotaur would hunt them
Would track them
Slay them

He hungered to feast
Upon the innocent
The slaughter of Athenian youth
Would feed his belly

Despite his lineage Theseus would face
The possibility of a cruel death
By taking the place of one
Meant for the sacrifice

He was given spool of thread
By the daughter of the Cretean king
Who had fallen in love
And didn't want Theseus dead

With stealth he made his way through the maze
Theseus was ready
Found, then attacked the minotaur
And struggled until only one lived

Theseus rose from the ground
Having killed his foe
And the aura of fate
Embraced him

He was a hero
A Demigod
A man
And king

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Farewell Dominic Postiglione

Dominic Postiglione was one of my first and most steadfast supporters of my work.  He passed away today.  And he will be missed, deeply.  Farewell friend, I offer a Viking funeral for your courageous heart.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Just a Walk in the Forest

They say that the
Ghosts of the hopeless
Live there
Within the glory
Of the woven green
A mystical fantastic
Life spun forest
God's hand is evident
In the complex creation
Where plants and animals
So beautiful and perfectly silent
The ghosts scream without sound
For this is holy ground
Never to be disturbed
By the hope of man
The dead live there
Taken there
By their own hands

The Suicide Forest

Photo Credit

Thursday, August 7, 2014

A Problem with Numbers

Like a clock
Or a watch
Or sundial
I endure
I move on
I run
I am alive
When others leave
I can't see
I should
Move on
Knowing you ran away
I live
But don't know
I bothered
I am all I ever will be
I am who I want to be
But you
Don't like what I am
Or who I might become
So that is a problem
A problem without an answer
tick ticking
Clock goes on
Spinning around the numbers
Faster and faster
I know 
I can't last

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Our Own Crucifixions

We often prefer the lie
But not for the ease of belief
We need hard realities
Broken down
The stories we are told
Rarely are true
But they are portions
That are more real
Than truth
Small little fictions
To remind us
Of the reality we understand
We forget
Our own crucifixions
We forget
How life takes our joy
Snatches it away
With nails through our hands
And our very own
Crown of thorns
That we pull down
Upon our skull
We sorrow 
But we linger
In the echoes
Of the pain
Of the moment
When that is

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Hope Is a Liar

From here
I don't have to be
Anyone but me
In my home
I never leave
Like a movie CD
Stuck in place
Playing the same scene
Misery over and over
Forever took too long to end
Legacies entwined
I wish to be alone
Leave me my friend
I wish to die
I can sit in this room
Without your company
Without your presence
To give me hope
I prefer living without
Hope is for those 
Who will lose
My life is my own
To give or take back
From others
Nothing needing to be atoned
Because I never understood
Buffered and not in colour
Thoughts of despair
That only exist
Because you insist
That you care
But you do not
So I resist
Your love isn't fair
And never will be

Monday, August 4, 2014


Approaching midnight
The last train leaves the station
For the terminal
I am desolation without solace
I have sought your way
My body is frail
Without you I fail

I fall to the ground in a heap
Alone staring, at the track
I walked the path
Of the righteous
Without righteousness
Without fulfillment
Without the joy

Enduring only wrath
By my own hand
I am the destroyer
I am the one
Who murders memory
I will destroy all evidence
Of my existence
Leaving only a legacy
Of pain and sorrow

I wait, without hope
For you to return
From terminus

Raw pain empties
Into nothingness
Ghosts in my mind
Of past days fleeting
I have only one hope
For justice
And it is you
Redeeming me

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Soul Afire

In all my wretched existence 
I never saw anyone like her
She was a dream in real time
Perfect and exquisite
A poem in body form
An image I could not extinguish
She filled my mind with
A fire inside my soul
Burning with her name
Across my heart
So intricately woven
I am without shame
She is elegant beyond words
Moving so quickly
Through my thoughts
I can never relinquish
Her memory from my being
So delicate this soul afire
Consumed by passions
While I linger
In the moment
She took my heart

Saturday, August 2, 2014

No Anchor

Like a ship in a whirpool
Having no anchor
A mystery I have found
I beg for the answer
What is the point of existence
Without some holy ground
I am alone with my thoughts
While the world pulses
Pulls me down
Sinking beneath the waves
Reaching up to be saved
My flesh watches me drown
And I am alone
Without my cloak of flesh
Possessing only hope
For redemption
Come take me

Friday, August 1, 2014

Crushed heart, lost breath

Taking a deep breath
Holding it in
The pain holds me
Tighter than a vice
This life
Crushes me
Makes me hate myself
Which isn't fair
But what the hell
Everything I do
Everything I say
Rings a bell
And I am thrown
From the ring
The curtain falls
And I am escorted
Off the stage
But I keep trying
Keep crying
Dreams are shattered
Hopes scattered
Unto the wind
For I love
So I lose
For I feel
So I shriek in pain
But I will go on
Because the only thing worse
Than failing
Is quitting
My grieving will never end
So the bleeding
Pours from me

Complete Control

My eyes are red
My neck is stiff
My body has not received rest
But I am alone
Alert, and confused
Dare I speak it
Dare I confess
In the midst of the darkness
The entire of the sleep is lost
When she visits my mind
Whilst I dream
I toss over and again
And wake
A mess
She was never my lover
She was never close
To my heart
But she dances upon my chest
I sleep in portions
If ever, or at all
Dreaming of her there
Crushing my mind
Sucking out my soul
Making me fear
To ever sleep
For she
Is in
Complete control