Sunday, October 30, 2011

I give up

I’ve been broken, been broken badly, and there is nothing I can say. I am in love, and that drives me mad, I’ve done what I’ve done, and it has not paid. All I am is here, offered up to you, and now I am here, and you are there. Offered up to you, an incense upon an altar, I am nothing without you, and now my heart has been slaughtered... I give up, I give up, I give up, there is nothing left.

I Give Up There is Nothing Left

Snatched out

My heart is gone
Snatched out by the one
Who won my love
I was beautiful
In her eyes
She made me see
That life was more
Than enduring pain
She made me feel
She made me survive
I love her
I need her
I want her
I thrive in her orbit
I am alive in her love
I want her to know
I can't live without her now
She burns within me
My heart knows no other name
And I am waiting
Until she requits
My offered hand
I love her
No matter
The loss
No matter
The gain

Friday, October 28, 2011

Embrace, Taste and Chase

Between today and tomorrow
There is nowhere you can go
That I won't see you

Between here and there
There is nothing you can do
That can separate my heart from you

I loved you then
I love you today
I will love you unto forever
There is only you
Inside my heart
There is only now
For us to start
Because forever is long
And life is short
And every thing I know
Is still true

Embrace me
Taste my lips
Twist off the top
Of the wine
And let me chase
Until you are mine
In my arms
For all time
Let me chase
Not for the sport
But for what happens
When you are inside
My arms
Holding you
Forever again
Because I remain

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Temple, Stone, God, Self

Stone temples emotionless
Cold even in summer heat
Every moment of life
Is spent in a dance
With death
And eternity
Without a chance
Of perceiving
We are temples to God
The earth is our mother
Made of stone, and clay
And water
How does our impermanent state
Reveal the depths
Of the uncertainty
What is life
What is purpose
There is no point in why
There is only this
We must make our way
Create our purpose
And carve our path
Or pass from this existence
Without reason

"Don't let them tell us stories. Don't let them say of the man sentenced to death "He is going to pay his debt to society," but: "They are going to cut off his head." It looks like nothing. But it does make a little difference. And then there are people who prefer to look their fate in the eye."

Albert Camus

The End of The Matter

The Eagles of the Iron Crooked Cross
Would take to the skies
One last time
In the precious scientific creations
Of their parent evil state
They'd rise up above the clouds
Faster than they could be caught
Proud sons of the Fatherland
They'd drop their bombs
To kill
Whoever was beneath
Continuing a holocaust
If only they were allowed

Wandering in the Rain

I've walked across the country
I saw things a person shouldn't
Ever see
But the world hurts
The sorrow burns
Inside hearts
Beating to the sound
Of that rain
Coming down
I keep walking
Rain keeps falling
The world isn't changing
Makes me cold
Down to my core
And I think why bother
I've seen tears fall
Like its raining
In the end who knows
Which has fallen more
But it isn't a mystery
To solve
It doesn't matter to me
My heart is torn
I know that the world won't change
And I can't stop it
From turning and going around
Even as the rain goes from gentle mist
To downpour

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Shadow of Death

We allow hunger in a land of plenty
We create hunger to make money
We allow the innocent to die
So that we might possess
We are victims of our own greed
We are the designers of our fate
We bear the burden
Of the acts of our own hands
And the bitter fruit that grows
From our planted seeds
We chose to be the pestilence
We now live beneath
The shadow of death
We left Eden
Abandoned it
By our choices
We yearned for knowledge
We reached up for the torch
That Prometheus offered
We yearned
And that is not the same
As earned
As I walk through this broken land
I see the remains of better times
I see the work of a creators hand
And the destruction of that world
By modern apes playing with guns
By fools and idiots tossing bombs
The world is still burning
The smoke is still here
But there won't be anything
Even as the world still turns
We were offered paradise
We chose the abyss
We were offered perfection
We chose sin
Reason cannot replace reality
No matter the logic involved
Science cannot replace truth
Regardless of the motives
And problems it solves
We are given a choice
Stare at the ruins
And ignore the message
Or build over it
Atop the ground
Plowed over
Broken once
To grow
And now lays barren
And dying
By our hand


I am being pulled down
Into the abyss
The decay is killing me
I cannot breathe
The downward spiral
Pulling me in
But I
I might be dead before
I drown
So dead within
All the miseries
All the pain
All the misbegotten legacies
All the screaming
All the things I didn't do
All the things I did
Made of flaw
King of sorrow
Made to sin
Born to die
From the first breath
I've been crying
Can't take in the air
In the depths
Of my own
Toxic spillage
Within this frame
Of flesh and meat

Sunday, October 23, 2011


Never loved me
Never kissed me
Never cared if I were lost
Late, overtime
Never worried if I loved her
Never cared if I was true
But she knew
I loved her
I'd love her lips
I dreamt of her kiss
I dreamt of her
Dreamed of the children
Someday we'd have
But she never did
And I show her tenderness
Even in her apathy
I show her my soul
Let her speak her mind
Despite her disinterest
In knowing mine
And It hurts me
It bleeds
To know I am worthless
To the one I need


I bear the lance
That wounded the Christ
Meant to kill a God
Who had bore my sins
His was the finest vintage
His was the finest of wine
His blood is in my veins
For I am a Merovingian
And I am not a God
But I remain
Part of the Holy blood line
Every descendant
Is a holy chalice
We are the holders
Of the Grail
Through the blood of our body
No war is holy, no killing is good
But we defend
All that is righteous
By our blood
And what was earned
Upon the cross of wood

Saturday, October 22, 2011


I no longer exist
But in snapshots
Of memories
And photographs
On paper
In albums yellowing
I've been erased
From her existence
In all my deeds
Whatever we shared
Is now mine alone
She is trapped in this flesh
And can taste eternity
But cannot quite get there
Until the casing of her body
Is done


They may shackle my wrists
And hang me high
But I am not a slave
They may whip me
And wound me
They may scourge my back
And make me bleed
But I am not this flesh
That is ripped
I am not the body
That is broken
The spirit within
Continues on
And is enslaved
To no one
My life is mine
To give
My soul is all I have
And it is mine
Deeply held
I might be bleeding
And cry
But I am free
So long as I breathe
And have life
In my spirit
And freedom
In my mind

Friday, October 21, 2011

The only thing that is

Without purpose there is nothing
Without meaning there is nothing
Flesh lives and dies
Matter changes forms but in reality
It exists only, simply
Without purpose
Ceaseless is our suffering
For what purpose
I don't know
All I know is nothing
There is nothing
Without purpose
So there must be purpose
Or there is nothing
Now to find it


The sweetest mercies given
The sweetest grace poured
Upon me
For my sins
That burned within
How could I ever survive
The fears and doubts
All my lies and betrayals
All the toxic garbage
That drag me from the throne
That keep me from your presence
Without the sweetest gifts
From you
Redeem me
I long to hear your message
Please forgive me

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I believe

Crushed by the din
Drowning in despair
Overwhelmed by the pain
I long for you still
My sanity is bent
The decay begins
All my dreams have gone
All my days are gray
Since you left
I have crawled into darkness
Where no light can reach within
When you went away
Left this mortal plane
You are gone but my heart feels
Your presence anyway
Next to me
Calling me
Whispering my name
And I can’t reach you
But believe
I believe


From nature, the woven beauty
Intricate and delicate
Seemingly random
Spellbinding and glorious

To humanity, bright and determined
Able and scholarly
Aiming to build
To create anew
To make its own horizons

But perfection is not beauty
Large will not replace amazing
Uniform is not the same as law
And creating is not reproducing

When man creates he also destroys
When man consumes he also kills
When humans rise
The world must fall
And no one is left fulfilled

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


Pride in things I've done
Pride in things I might do
Pride in the days to come
Over things
I own
Things that aren't true
I accuse myself
No need to be accused
I am the one who failed
There is no excuse
The devil is silent with me
Even if I could be redeemed
I blame my self
My outlook is bent
Rightly so, I deserve to be condemned
I always choose to be the one in the center
It is my being that is important
In my heart my pride will betray me
Selfishness the theme
Vanity is my loss, it is time to start
Accepting my fate as the one
Who nailed Him to the cross

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

In the Garden

Did she exist
As a person
Was she a myth
Did she live a life
Did she know
Her name
Her purpose
Her eventual fame
As the mother of life
Upon earth

Was she created of clay
Given life
A rib from a man
Was she aware
And fair

Was she a petri dish
Where DNA
Was woven together
By science

Did she know her maker
As she walked in the garden
Did she know his name
Their names?

Was the Garden alive
Or was it a laboratory
Filled with science
Striving for perfection
By some distant hand
Or was it all a story
And is human kind
An infection
Set like fire
To the earth
Since our birth
Since our genesis

Sleepless sleep

There is only night
The darkness throughout
I am bleeding inside
Outside this existence
Ceaseless pain
I shake
When I sleep
I shiver, I shake
I close my eyes
To this endless chaos
To the pain without end
Life is living
A walk through my sleep
Not a dream but a nightmare
In the depths of this abyss
The insanity reigns
The heat cooks our flesh
We are lost in this
The anger of the beast
With hunger that cannot be
The fire of hatred
His testament
Leaving emptiness
The darkness bears witness
To the fear of death
The silent oppression
Oblivion of expression
The quiet is haunting
Consuming dreams
Of the city

Monday, October 17, 2011

Ruined, Burnt and still Smoking

I see the end
In the smoking ruins
Burnt by man
Before us
Given unrivaled prosperity
We squandered it
The future is dead upon arrival
Existence is a gift
It is not earned
Belief in inevitable survival
Is the death tome of this world
We've made the earth unlivable
Visions of apocalypse
In my mind burned
We've strayed so far
From who we should be
From the legacy of birth
We exist
We do not thrive
We hunt down all life
And make it die
Instead of paradise
We are making a desert
Barren from our waste
Barren from our consumption
No redemption
The world will burn
From horizon to horizon
We are done
And I am undone

Sunday, October 16, 2011


Emptied of people
Quiet and still
The city awaits
The call
To no longer stand
To no longer exist
Standing while others fell
Built by human hands
Without art
Only utility
Built in a forgotten age
This world is consumed
There is no longer time
Of its memory
No legacy no history
No destiny awaiting
The world moved on
And left it behind

Friday, October 14, 2011


Consumed by fire
Devoured in anguish
Pain unending
Chaos reigns
I languish in this world
After the sacrifice
Of burnt offerings
Destruction rains
Nothing left
But the bitterness
Of my tears
And the pain
Of regret

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Eyes bleeding

The tears burn from the salt
Making a path in open wounds
From the past injuries
My eyes keep crying
The world is still dying
It is not a mystery
We live in a tomb
We've killed the living planet
And we refuse to see
We are shitting in the womb
Of our children's world
Because it still turns
They can't see
The damage is already done
So many reasons
Not just one
So many guilty
Not to be outdone
We go on
Sucking the air
From the lungs
Of the newborns
Shitting in the grave
Of those who might save
This place we live

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


She said I was a disease
Stained like church glass
My flesh tells the story
Hollow eyes shallow breath
Begging the future, begging for death
Waiting to breathe
Just another day
I am the disease
My world is broken
I cannot speak
My faith is crushed
With no relief
She doesn't even know
How her words
But I am the stain
I know that
It shows
You can see right through
All my words
You can ignore me
And you can until
This life fades away away
Because her words slay

Monday, October 10, 2011


Staring at my bleeding wrist
Where I just made the cut
I am thinking about the cost
Of living
And am going to drink my own blood
Eat my own skin
Chew upon my flesh
To get at the darkness within
Cutting my arms
Cutting my body
Mutilating my being
So that I can feel
Like somebody
Cutting away
What remains of this day
Losing this skin
I am stuck within
When I am finished
Maybe I will feel
When it is done
My body won't look so wrong
Cut the bits that stick out
Pull off or out what doesn't fit
Yeah I am guilty
Of all that I've done
Try me for murder
Don't acquit
Let me die in prison
Of my own life
The cutting helps me
Forgive the one
Who hurt me
Who made me
Burn so inside
I want to
Just be someone else
If I have to be alive
Cut away
All that remains
See inside my soul
If I matter at all
Nothing is left
Feeling so unwhole
Why do I bother
Why do I care
I can't climb it
The wall stands before me
And it is so high
So tall
I can't see
Forgive me
Just kill me
Let me go

You loved me, I loved you

Not a secret we shared, no
We loved
I looked into your eyes
And saw babies we'd have
The future
I soared so high above
Because you loved me
But I crashed
In flames
When you went away
I was destroyed inside
Because I believed
No relief in sight
Only memories
Of passionate nights
And remembering
I still love you
And don't know
Why you left
What did I do
It was so right
And now with you gone
I am undone
Nights are so long
And I have no hope

Love gone so wrong
Tears falling
They choke me
And burn
But I can't die
I see you
Your love redeems
And I am waiting
Until you return

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Deepest wound

Stare in the eyes of the survivors
Tell them the lies of denial
They witnessed hell
And there is no turning back
Oblivion is permanent
Despair is an endless well
Black and without form
Where hate is the fuel
The Holocaust still burns
In those who experienced it
The liberators who saw
The living dead
The death camp guards
Who inflicted it
The fires of the ovens still burn
The stores of Zyklon B
Still stand
The trains still run
On time
Delivering the condemned
The sign still stands
Offering freedom for work
Which was a lie
The dead still talk
The wounded still bleed
The dying still pray
To a God that did not act
To avert the tragedy

Julius Streicher
“The Jew always lives from the blood of other peoples, he needs such murders and such sacrifices. The victory will be only entirely and finally achieved when the whole world is free of Jews.”

Winston Churchill
“Some people like the Jews, and some do not. But no thoughtful man can deny the fact that they are, beyond any question, the most formidable and the most remarkable race which has appeared in the world.”

Joseph Goebbels
"I am of the opinion that the greater the number of Jews liquidated, the more consolidated will the situation in Europe be after this war."

Elie Wiesel
“For the dead and the living, we must bear witness.”

Heinrich Himmler
“We have - I would say, as very consistent National Socialists, taken the question of blood as our starting point. We were the first really to solve the problem of blood by action, and in this connection, by problem of blood, we of course do not mean anti-Semitism. anti-Semitism is exactly the same as delousing. Getting rid of lice is not a question of ideology. It is a matter of cleanliness.”

Hans Frank
“A thousand years will pass and the guilt of Germany will not be erased.”

Anne Frank
“I don't think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains... My advice is : "Go outside, to the fields, enjoy nature and the sunshine, go out and try to recapture happiness in yourself and in God. Think of all the beauty that's still left in and around you and be happy!"”

Adolf Hitler
“The holocaust is the solution to the Jews final question”

Anne Frank
"Our many Jewish friends and acquaintances are being taken away in droves. The Gestapo is treating them very roughly and transporting them in cattle cars to Westerbork, the big camp in Drenthe to which they're sending all the Jews....If it's that bad in Holland, what must it be like in those faraway and uncivilized places where the Germans are sending them? We assume that most of them are being murdered. The English radio says they're being gassed."

Adolf Hitler
“And we say that the war will not end as the Jews imagine it will, namely with the uprooting of the Aryans, but the result of this war will be the complete annihilation of the Jews.”

Viktor Frankl
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

Statistics of the Dead and those who Survived

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Bring the Angel of Death

There are those who watch
With wisdom they know
Our folly, the endless wars
The scars of living,
We've become shallow, hollow
The Whore of Babylon called us
And we joined in
We bled our innocence
And consumed our iniquity
Cry worthless tears
Our shame of the sin
The lack of repentance
We give back the gift
Of life
In exchange for the pleasures
Of the flesh
I called the Angel of Death
For my life was over
I couldn't find the answer
My sins covered it
With a sort of cancer
That burns
My guilt rises
My being dies
The Angel of Death is waiting
And I will kiss his lips
To save me from

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


Hands lifted up
Arms spread wide
My heart is bared
My dreams denied
I am broken
I cannot stop you
I have no weapon
I have no motive
All there is my life
I have to nothing to give
All I have is this heart
And you've stolen me
You've wounded me
Abandoned me
I refuse to live
In this world
You've made

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

In the rushes

The tall grass so high
I can't see over
I know she is there
This hunger smothers
Her beauty makes me cry
And I desire her so
I can barely think
Until I see her
Laying there
Upon the shore
Is she waiting
Or is she dreading
My approach
I long for her
I walk
Until I see her
Through the grass
Grown so tall
She is beautiful
And I am so tired
Of waiting
To be hers

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Absolutum Dominium

Only one above the rest
Only one higher than the highest
To be and to be above
The power is the message
The Empire makes fate
Destiny is determined
By the will of the state
The Emperor and his minions
Will make the truth
Out of straw
Will make reality
Its legacy
Absolutum dominium
Absolute power
Within the one
The empire is a living organism
Breathing in strength
Exhales the perfect system
The empire
Waits for none
Awaits schism
Between lesser states
And lesser men
It exists
Ad honorem

Saturday, October 1, 2011

The locusts overhead

I dreamed
I dreamed
A nightmare of fate
I can't escape
I screamed
I screamed
The curse I have embraced
The sleep of the dead
I taste
The bleeding
The bleeding
The black plague of sorrow
My eyes have been blinded
From what I have seen
I don't remember
What I cannot know
I am dispossessed
Of the world I bleed
Brother Ares
Deimos the unworthy
Phobos the unclean
All consume me
Making me pale
Weakened by the bleeding
Devour me
Leave my flesh cold
Lifeless and gray

Storm Approaching, Wisdom Flees

We are blessed with life
But have become the curse
We are the first born
And mistake fortune
For being deserved
The mystery of life
Is that the last
Shall become first
There is no clarity
No focus of thought
Our sins have caused it
We have given birth
To this approaching wall
In the face of the storm
That will cleanse the earth
The ravens flee
From all that we have wrought
Flying swiftly
For they know
We will not be redeemed
Until the end is done
When victories are won
When the blood never ceases
To flow
From the bleeding
From the self inflicted wounds
Until we are undone
Bled white
Unto the end
When the unseen hand
Pulls the curtain closed
The veil opens
And flesh is rent
To be consumed
By the fires
Of eternity