Monday, July 31, 2017

Break Your Fucking Phone

You say how I am clueless
Well I never claimed to know
While you tease and tempt my flesh
You fail to see my heart is fallow

My heart is cold and dead
I've been through too much
To somehow now accept joy instead
Of your treacherous soft touch

You killed it last time
When you promised but never
And now I refuse to be moved inside
That we might ever be together

And now you hold my heart in contempt
But that isn't my fault, or flaw
You reached inside me, called me bent
And yet you continue to call

Erase me from your contacts
Wipe me from your list of friends
I'd rather not be attacked
Let this connection end

Let it end
Let it end
Don't look at me again
Just let it end


Saturday, July 29, 2017

you win

If love isn't a game
Why'd you try to win
If love isn't a game
to be played
Why did it hurt so much
Within
Worse than condemnation
I gave up before you said let's begin
And now I have nothing
You act like you won
And my heart is forfeit
Again

Dedicated

Friday, July 28, 2017

regret

how were you able to insinuate yourself into such a small crack
in my foundation, so thin, so dark and distant
how were you able to make me question everything I know
with a raised eyebrow and smirk
I look straight forward
Your machinations mean you are deeply twisted
how would I survive
if I'd not remembered
all the misgivings your presence caused
my heart was moved, but my mind resisted
but after years
I still dither
and remember
why you were able
and I am unable
to forget
so I regret


Thursday, July 27, 2017

to leave all I know for your scent, of jasmine

you told me that
you loved me
how could I live
with the passion
chained and tame
because a person
you never met
didn't do something
you'd ever imagine
you invited me
to abandon everything
for your scent of jasmine
for your offer
of endless things
that are never endless
I am unable
even fragile
I am broken further
for your words
and I
have never been willing
or able or desirous of a life
with someone I've never met
for the hope of something
that would end soon after the meeting
you told me I was weak and I am
but not for the things you think
in the confidence of a friend
you saw an edge and pursued
what was not yours
and I am weak
because I listened

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

a small disagreement, intractable choices


It began over tea
2 important people discussing trade
And the interpretations of a piece of paper
Both men had recently signed
No one could have believed
The world would be destroyed
Over two small voices disagreeing
With pristine smiles and protocol
Social etiquette spoken perfectly
Over the rights to remove ore
Or fuel or crops or cheap labor
Who had the right
No one
Who should have gained?
Everyone


We watched in horror 
When our reasonable leaders
Found themselves unable to discern
A mutual path
And with that
The two reasonable people retreated
Back to their polite words
With intentions to take
What they could have shared
Choosing water over wine
Choosing fear over generosity


An aircraft flew too close to a shoreline
Too close for comfort, inviting wrath
The approaching craft had ignored warnings
Or was the jet's communications flawed
It flew over the land controlled
By the others and had ignored challenges
Obviously meant to provoke
Saw the one side
Ordering their jets skyward
Reaching the atmosphere
Challenging the other
Silenced to be answered
By rockets and missiles
 

Deftly avoiding the enemy fire
The pilot shouts into his flawed microphone
Realizing he is flying over dangerous territory
He turns his jet around but the missiles strike
And he is destroyed
When his cockpit recordings are played
The country he was from hears only
My God, what happened?
His attackers hears only
Intruder: turn now or be shot down
No response after numerous warnings
This has to be treated as a direct attack
The drama could have been snuffed out
With words that weren't polite
Accidents happen
But that would require
Calm heads
And instead
Missiles launch
From silos
Submarines
Jets
And space
Answering the intrusion
As they perceived the threat

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Terminus

I have received the warnings and ignored them
I have no worries
For the cost of life has left me numb
My flesh decays as time betrays every single thing I am
My body is preparing to die and it has been
Since the first moment I opened my eyes
My first breath turned over the hourglass
Time was set into motion
My one tear drop of water
Entered the ocean
Life is extinguished
The obituary reads plainly
Not giving a reason why
For now I am alive
And soon I will be dead
There is no applause
The drama is finished
And I exit
Knowing I have changed nothing
But I was there
When the world was alive
And now I am gone
But nothing is wrong
I am the victim of time
Of the hourglass running empty
And I do not intend upon surviving
Human life is a moment
Eternity is timeless
I offer no apology
I do not ask to say one last goodbye
I am ready
Everyone is
Without knowing
Anything



Monday, July 24, 2017

Til I find the heart














I listen to the rain and it sings
A song for the broken
The prayers unspoken
A song for the hopeless
The wounded and ashamed
Who will never find their way

I listen to the train going through
It rumbles along with a rhythm
That tells the truth
It is the heart beating
Pounding
It is the soul retreating
The sound is soft and loud
All at the same time

I am awakened by the sound
Ever moved by a heart
Longing to hear the pulse
Of the womb
Where my life had begun

I don't cry
I just know inside
There will never be a day

When I see her face
I save room in my soul
For when I know
I was loved
Wanted
Found
Held close to the heart
Of the one who gave me
The life I have
Now






Sunday, July 23, 2017

Curse

"The only real life is the collective life of the race; individual life has no existence except as an abstraction." Auguste Comte

We debate our place upon this planet
Some worry, some ignore
We argue and debate but still we act
The earth will endure, humans will die
It won't take a blink and well be extinct
Earth was fertile and allowed us to multiply
To roam and gather

We've cursed this world
Along with it the oceans and creatures
And air to breathe
Our existence is not promised
The earth will soon reply
As a human stepping on ants
Then into the eternity stream
We go, washing ashore
Upon the endless banks of eternal oblivion

Our self important species will be gone
And only for a moment did we have our chance
To ascend, rather than live in the depths
Slaughtering each other
Being born simply to die
Perhaps for parts
Or vacuumed out of the womb
Without caution

Our beliefs that we are mighty
Comes from the fact
That we believe ourselves intelligent
But we have not given earth thanks
Only a curse
We are nothing more

We'll soon see
How mighty we've become
We'll reproduce life
But we'll deny it humanity
We'll make it in a petri dishes
We'll clone ourselves
And harvest the parts

If we change perhaps we'll survive as a species
But it is uncertain
And no one gets out alive
No one

Saturday, July 22, 2017

A certain mystique

I have never seen such a person
With beauty in her frame
Her heartbeat echoes in my ears
And pulses in my chest
Burning like flames

She is electric and so unique
Possessing a spirit
I can feel from miles away
I become lost in her mystique

When she draws near
I'm beyond consolation
I fail to say what I think
Or even what I feel
I am profoundly weak
The closer she approaches

Love isn't something I control
It burns inside me, taking a toll
Obeying no boundaries or barriers I have no defense
No way of stopping the dreams in my mind
Or the fire in my heart

Passion builds
Thoughts escape
I am frozen in place
The moment I catch her scent
I feel the fear reaching up
Her eyes cut through my flesh
My heart is bare to her sight
And I can't fight
I can't hide

I confess
This passion burns
Crawls into my throat, setting my soul afire
And nothing will fight the flame
My thoughts are wild
My body screams as I finally whisper her name

I know just one thing
She makes my soul sing
Alive with hope despite my fears
I could spend the rest of my life
Just listening
But sooner or laterI will arrive at despair
And the words will fall
From my mouth
Someday

Friday, July 21, 2017

Can't forget the debt I owe

I miss you and wish more than wish that you never left. You lifted me up with your love.  I never can forget who you were and what you were to me.

I am left bereft of all I was because your presence in my heart feels the absence now.

I can never begin to start counting all the ways that you were love , you were hope.

You held me so that I wouldn't fall, held me so I could rise up, from the ever sinking place I lived in.

Where are you now? I cannot wait to be with you again.

Ascending

Let me just touch your hand, and remember

You were light and life that allowed my eyes to see.
Still ascending


Thursday, July 20, 2017

dreams

Your name lingers upon my lips
The taste of them
Dances upon my tongue
I could gaze into your eyes
Forever
My walls come undone
I know your form by memory
I recognize your touch
And know where it comes from
I could dream about you
I long to be together
Now I am quiet
Alone but not by choice
When I sleep I dream you near to me
Together we become one
I awaken only by your voice
How I long to be yours
In my life
In my dreams
In my sleep
My soul covered in scars
That only your love can heal
I am in deep
My secrets you know
And my heart you can keep
Because I love you now
And forever
ever


Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Never knew what I was doing


I never knew what I was doing
I never knew what I was suppose to do
My heart broken so many times
I didn't know I was losing
Just trying to be true
In my heart and mind
Now I am alone
With an empty home
I only know my heart is breaking
Surviving is going to be an undertaking
But does it even matter
I don't know
Who wants to go on
When your heart is shattered
So I might just go
I was a fool all along
And I don't know why
Never know why
Goodbye




Tuesday, July 18, 2017

The Colosseum's Sands are Red

My body waits the damage
I will certainly suffer
From my labor
A worker in blood
And slaughter
If I win someone dies
If I lose I do so
Laying thereafter
Upon an altar
Memories of me will be
Without joy or hope
For my arms are enslaved
And I can never win
My body serves
By the emperor's whip
And whim
When I die
I will awake
Where the fields grow tall
And the sun is warm
Every path I take
Will lead to home
For Elysium
Waits for those
Who die
As heroes

Monday, July 17, 2017

red wine

I experience the highest ecstasy
Upon seeing you
My heart beats a symphony
My soul's hunger is relentless
Longing for you is torment
I drink in the air for it has known your lips
Your beauty is most fair
I long to taste your soul
I linger in your scent
The promise of your kiss
Is finer than the finest wine
From the finest vintage of grape
And I long to kiss your neck
I am unable to sate my desire
For your embrace
And my soul finds joy in your presence
And your spirit's fire


Sunday, July 16, 2017

Prometheus Suffered

Choirs of children should sing
Angelic anthems to him
The titan who sacrificed all
To place in our hands
Fire and of light
Knowledge and power
It cost the Prometheus everything
He suffered for our kind
We could never pay
For the gift he gave
Now was the hour
Of human ascendance
Now was the time
We learned our destiny
And it was Prometheus who suffered
For our gift
Let us remember
His legacy

Saturday, July 15, 2017

sometimes I think

The hallway was quiet
There I was I shuffling along
I saw you walking towards me
You smiled and said hi
Walked away in my silence
Nothing was wrong
I was far too shy, silly me
My failure left me feeling crucified

My heart was so very broken
To ever know what to do
In the face of opportunity
To speak to you

My spirit sank as you faded from view
Walking back to your dorms
My life is better now than then
I don't live in the past
I do stop and think of you
Because of my inner storms
I was trapped in a paralytic zen
And the moment passed

But my heart was so unspoken
And I longed to speak to you
In the face of someone so lovely
I didn't know what to do



Friday, July 14, 2017

suffer

Suffer
We suffer
Able to see the darkness
But unable to change
Bound in chains
Enslaved by pain
We are deceived
And beg for our release
But it is not before us
We are blind to our vanity
We are held tight by hate
And refuse to live
Trapped in slavery
We simply move our flesh
Act like it matters
And pray for more
Until our final breath



Thursday, July 13, 2017

This Throne

Standing outside
Trying to look within
But my vision fades
From dreams of suicide
And nightmare of sin
This misery pervades
I am my own demon
Burning inside my shame
I can never escape
All that I am
I scream silently
In the vacuum
Of a sort of solemnity
Of knowing
I am the demon
Of the darkest hell
That wears me
Like a cloak
He rings the loudest bell
Chiming my distorted anthem
My soul for sale
But no buyer for me to sell
Who am I
But my most ardent foe
And now I am ready
To sit upon my throne
Of shattered dreams
Before my fetid path
Of destruction
And rivers of wrath
Far less
Than I deserve

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

life riddles

enigmatic desires
glowing of the fire
with radioactive tragedies
waiting to transpire 
this life of riddles
death of knowledge
crippling pain of knowing
of the choices and niggles
of beliefs fallen
with dreams overflowing
not knowing is not uncaring
it is ignorance begging to be shattered
as long as I am waiting
I avoid the disaster
avoid the catastrophe of me
stained glass bleeding
from the impact
of thought to deed


Tuesday, July 11, 2017

dream into being

once I believed how hard it would be
to dream a life into being without needing sleep
secret keeping without grieving
selfishly longing for more love than I have

without guilt of want
loving others without pain
being loved without the shame of wanting

I know only that I am worth love
but who am I to be so proud
to long for more than I have

I beg for only one thing
that I be allowed
my dignity


Monday, July 10, 2017

I was a fool

Knowing her
Took a toll
The memory of her
Burns in me
Like fire or gasoline
She is a cancer
Burrowing through my flesh
She was a disaster
Robbing me of my will
Castrating my manhood
She had taken complete control
Destroying my soul
My mind shattered
I have no answers
Except to bleed
Until I die

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Despite wearing armor

They were beautiful
Seeming to him
To offer
Hours unending in pleasure
Broken by their desire
Made to break
By upholding vows
And codes of honor
They enter damnation
Although covered in armor
Armed with weapons
Of the finest construct
Deeply wounded
Fighting battles
Of will and
Grotesque temptation
More is to be lost by a knight
For a soul in the combat
Of will and the lust of a man
One cannot dare lose
For he will be stained
Never able thereafter
To ascend and become
A king's arm
Or his shield
For he will be stolen
From his path
And never return
For the sins in him burn

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Blinded

The earth moves
The tides fall
The moon dims
The echoes call
Singing your destiny
As the entropy 
Is laid out before you
There is nothing left
And no reason
To still exist
No more history
No more legacies
You are a blank slate
As you stare into the sun
Blind yourself
Deafen the sounds
Of a society
Dying
I hunger
And the world
Is empty
All I have
Is to swallow pride
There is not enough
Not enough
To sustain me
I walk into the light
My tribe waits to see
Should I die
Or should I live
My flesh is no longer to be











“I am the spirit that negates.
And rightly so, for all that comes to be
Deserves to perish wretchedly;
'Twere better nothing would begin.
Thus everything that that your terms, sin,
Destruction, evil represent—
That is my proper element.” 


Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust


Friday, July 7, 2017

Bleach in the sun


We never saw the dead
Though they were there
Bones were all that remained
A slaughtered Legion
So much bloodshed
Did they have courage
Had they dared
Remnants washed away
With the rain
They sleep in the grass
Fallen for so long
Their mission forgotten
Our shame it is
They lay for us
But we've forgotten
The names

Thursday, July 6, 2017

I am ready





At the end of this play
I need no direction
My lines are memorized
Without effort
Alone I am done
By a thread I am held
And I twist
Spinning I turn
I perform a pirouette
I am covered by the veil
Gossamer thin
My will resists
I am ready
I am ready
I will release
And fall
I live without a net
So when I fall
I receive
The sweetness of the kiss
Of Azrael
Angel of Death
My life is a drama
And every play
Has a final act
Let the thread break
Let my play end
I've done my best
Let me say
I am gone

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Slap me, I am dreaming

slap me
I am dreaming
I can't stop thinking
how you make me feel
you make my heart dance
with every promise you make
by your smile
by looking into my eyes
by the words
you never say
in my mind
you are in my embrace
take a chance
and let me be yours
forever to be
in your arms
forever to be
hopeful and awake
because I've been dreaming
instead of living
I can be forgiven
for that
because you make me
dream


Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Waiting for redemption

The time has begun
For our hearts to care
To be more than flesh
We must be redeemed
By our acceptance
Of forgiveness
To abandon despair
To accept
Grace and mercy
Though alien concepts to some
As our foundation
From birth to adulthood
We become aware
Of the falsehoods and inequities
That fill our existence
But there is no damnation
In the hall of our king
We can aspire
We may ascend
To the lofty place
If we are generous
If we are kind
As our lives bless others
Mercy and grace are our calling
The lives we live will inspire
Inside us instead of anger
We will feel joy
And by that
We will rise
And become worthy
To serve our king


Monday, July 3, 2017

Peace

The surface of the earth
So very austere
It allows no false promises
I stand with care
Ready to dream
I am seeking
I am hoping
I am willing to dare
I close my eyes
Open my wings
Lift from the ground
Floating above the surface
Of the green and blue earth
Stars like candles
Below watch the worshipers
In awe and unified
Lighting the evening
Visions of the gods
Shooting across the night sky
The universe is alive
Awake and aware
Calling us
To surrender our fears
To allow ourselves
To fly




Sunday, July 2, 2017

The Ruins

As a group we left
On the way back up
The HQ was on the ice
To share our news
We were successful
Beneath the frozen surface
Of the moon of Jupiter
Called Europa
Named for the lover of Zeus
Who was called Jupiter
By the Romans
We were the first team
To enter the ocean
To see what we saw
Ocean surrounded
Down to the sea floor
Which had a glowing white core
We thought it
Glorious
Mystical
Sacred
How very appropriate
For what we found
Was a rock structure
That looked surprisingly like
A step pyramid, abandoned
Our polar equipment worked
The scientists in the team
Expressed great joy
While the military divers
Were careful and kept alert
We had tried to swim
All the way down to the burning glow
That kept the ocean warm
We didn't know exactly what we saw
But we knew it was ... unique
To human eyes at least
As we jet to the surface
We soon saw the opening
That we would exit through
And then hovering above us
A form familiar to earthmen eyes
Only 10 times greater in size
It was a Cephalopod
Soon it demonstrated its lethal reach
Slaughtering 16
Of a team of 20
The bluish white water
Turned now red
I climbed through the entry hole
And called for the earth team
To assist in retrieval
Of the team
The ruins below were secondary
To the safety of the team


Our first contact with life outside of earth
And it slaughtered 3/4 of our number
Not unlike human first contacts
Between cultures
Violence is our curse

Saturday, July 1, 2017

the Ocean's Power

the wind pushes the tall grass
the changing of the tide
soon draws near
nearly malevolent
the wind is whipping
a storm approaches
and waves swell
the shore was a sanctuary of quiet
no noise from humans at all
the solace of silence won't last
all forms of animals despair
of ever surviving the hell
the grey ocean has now turned
to white peaks, and crashes
what had once been calm
a churning caldron now
wind, sea and land collide
and hit the shore and shatter
every stalk of grass bend over
like a deep bow,  o' salaam
flocks of sea birds disavow
all of their foolish chatter
for it is not safe
to gather here
the power of the ocean
is like a bomb
waves of power
echo