You asked
So here is the answer
Don't hate me for it
I only tried
Once in earnest
The other times
just moments of weakness
never fulfilling the act
to save me from
the screaming pain inside
I really should
Have just died
But I survived
and now
I have the same pains
But can't relieve them
And I have family
And I cannot leave them
But I am
Less afraid of living
And less interested
In dying
But my life
Can be said to be
A lie
Because
I write about how great
Life is
How life is important
And all the while
I am watching the clock
Ticking
Waiting
For the ferryman
I have coins in my pocket
For my eyes
I am ready
And I have been
For such a long
Long long time
