I endured
My self inflicted torture
A peculiar torment
To my shame
Instead of living
I spent my life dreading the moment
When you would pass from this place
And in the end
I was not ready
And I could not have imagined the pain
Nothing could have prepared me
For the grieving
For the guilt of being
Left behind
Without you
Loving you
Not having you here
My heart is breaking
To this day
Every day
Nothing relieves me
Not even the belief
That redeems me
And now
My memory
Creates a ghost of you
And I am ever
Lingering
In the echo
Of your being
In my existence
My heart is stubborn
Sorrow filled
I've not yet accepted
Your passing
But God doesn't require
My acquiescence to his will
But I am in a place still
Where I neither live
Nor die
My will is stubborn
Cannot accept
Because I am
Missing the person
Who was my life
For so long
