Entropy Is Forever

The end had come but missed my presence
I was swallowed up soon by the entropy
As I now stare into the endless darkness
There is so little worth this time leprosy
Waiting to die without a hope to survive
I crawl and scream but still, I am alive
The world to be restored but I'm a ghost
Forever meant to be host of a new world
One where I wasn't meant to experience joy

An untold Viking story

We had moved across the Northern passage
Long centuries before Europeans could see
We discovered a lush, fertile green continent
Long before Columbus had come to ravage
But we chose to go back to our Greenland
Although it was less fertile, we'd felt safe
And then with the downturn in temperatures
Colonies died, never adapted to other ways
Despite the indigenous surviving we did not
We refused to do what they did, foolish pride
It was never about racism, but a belief, hubris
We'd tamed Iceland and our home in Europe
As the world called us the Scourge of the sea
We were called the Vikings, but raid no more
Tamed by the Europeans, defeated elsewhere
We were no longer feared, but were admired
For what we discovered, accomplished
And had carved from history
A legacy

No One Knows

Armageddon by Joseph Paul Pettitt, 1852

At first they focused upon 2012, it seemed to bode ill
Then they said a exo planet called Nibiru would strike
Then Isis, an Islamic End Times militia had appeared
As if to become a catalyst for the last days of humans
Yet the time, place, date and any events are unknown
Only the creator knows, just when plans were begun
And presently, when his plans will be made complete
We wonder how such things could happen, but instead
We should prepare for emergency, even if not the end
For centuries people read prophets, like Nostradamus
Or Left Behind, followed people who said they knew
No one knows the date of return, of the end, terminus
But no one knows a thing, other than to say, it is bad
So instead of worry, prepare, instead of panic, trust
For those who fear and panic, miss out upon the good
They lose sight of the life we have, for the one ahead
It is as if these people just can't wait to be dead
When there is a life going on all around them

Nibiru, exo-planet, public domain image

Meaningless Seconds

Time is a construct of our mind to contextualize existence
It doesn't exist, it isn't tangible, our minds use it as a tool
To live or die and place into order the events of one's life
The sands of time are felt as a child is born or an elder lost
With nothing inside our mind like a clock, no resistance
To a concept that we gain wisdom, in ways good or cruel
On occasion we rise or fall, hopelessly seeking the divine
All without one great clock hanging in the hall of eternity
Ticking forever, without end, each second making its case
Eternity is ambrosia but as flesh beings we can never taste
The fruits of the land of Elysium, or the Garden of Eden
They are out of reach, far beyond our mind's reflection

The Dragon Prows

The winter sea ice was thick, deeply cold and moved slow
Only a tidal wave or a whale swimming through the floe
Forge a path through to open water from a frozen surface
But our ships are dragons, powerful, swift, with purpose
Storied beasts and leviathans of the seas cannot stop them
For we own the surface, from the depths to each horizon
Our way is truth, we fear no other men, only ocean's cold
Lands for our people, fulfill our prophecies once foretold

Haunting Thoughts

My heart bleeds for all of the innocent
As they have all suffered for the world
Wounds never heal, they live in regret
As the world watches, guilt that burns
We never ask them for any permission
And we take from them all they have
Due to them, I've become an apparition
I am a ghost inside, I now only haunt
For the life they lost, few would want
All they know but deserve much more
They are wounded at their core
The world we've made
Has no survivors
But some suffer more
Than the rest

In a Realm of Dream

There in the realm of sleep, of nightmare, of dream

The land of the Mung so very different than our own

The dead are kept busy, feeding the beasts and fires

They are unbothered by things, like fear or even time

The flesh has fallen off, their hands, skull and feet

It is difficult to know their being, they keep on being

Beware when visiting Mung, frightful and dangerous

Everything has its place, even nightmares and dreams
I am unaware how to get there, except by sleep 

Orphaned

They sent my father to the mines, to dig coal, to serve a sentence
We were told he'd spoken wrongly about the Czar, and punished
Sent to Siberia, to suffer, to work until he was no longer able
And then would no longer live, nor ever come back
Mother and Babushka tried to raise us, but they got sick
We were told that they had TB, and quickly died
No one bothered to check upon us, we were just orphans
Never understood why some eat well, but we were worthless
And the worthless bury their own parents, hoping to beg scraps
We knew winter took no pleas for mercy, and was coming soon
So we chose to face it with no hope, and pray for some miracles
Accepting our fate, whatever it might become

As Time Ticks

I waited for so long, I thought I might break
Because forever takes a so long and so does fate
I watched as a universe collapsed, upon its self
I was aware there was nothing real, nothing left
In the moments I counted and left without time
For forever is innumerable, eternity is sublime
A prisoner of expectations is a form of torture
I close my eyes, if existence requires departure
I am ready, and prepared as best as possible

Mother

Am I worth the blood, did I cause the pain, did I cause the curse
Did I live a life worthy of your suffering or the pain of my birth
You deserved so much more, from beginning, to break the chain
Your life was so worthy of the task it was given, despite my stain
I am thankful, however imperfect, however deep my own flaws
With this journey, complete with pain, blessed by love and awe

The Perfect Allure

The beauty of your form and the scent of such an allure
Your being is iconic, must be designed by artistic minds
I long to just be with only you, but my being is impure
How to express my love for one who is so very refined?
Do you hear my prayers to God to be heard or even seen
Do you sense my soul's call or must you need to believe?

A Red Tide

The waters were crimson, as in a blood tide
We jumped from our ships, weapons lifted
And met there by other people ready to fight
We'd no fear, but perhaps we should have
In the near freezing waters, we lost our lives
Our ship then emptied, our intentions ended
Bodies floating, bloating in the tide
We waited but no Valkyries arrived

Hubris allowed the Vikings to strike

The people of the mound city
With paved streets and walls
Resplendent, rich for their era
All wearing garments of finery
The arms they bore never used
A few in suits of great armor
Believing themselves mighty
And still, they were not
They were simply fortunate
Upon the top of a mound fortress
Inherited from a dead people
The day of the demise came
No forewarning or awareness
Of the disaster about to strike

It was upon a new moon, sacred
A circle of people, around a fire
As a voice begins, others follow
The flames keep the group warm
But the sounds could well inspire
Even should life become hollow
With those beliefs, with comfort
How can one take in the warning
In hubris, there's no fear
When the fishing crews told them
That the Viking ships are coming
Elders accused the people of lies
Despite seeing these dragon ships
Even obscured by all of the mist
The forms of ships and dragons
Sound of ships crashing through
With every wave and current
Came a human moment of effort

Saxon shores now waited, alone
Through that fog comes a force
The moment of destiny awaits
As the raiders quietly arrive
By swift action, special stealth
The mound then became a grave
Before leaving mound fortress
Everything valuable was taken
Every gaudy jewel and gold
For trading, for ore and foods
Their children would not starve
To bring home to their people
Honoring the dead with horns
Norsemen set the village alight
In the future nothing is known
About these wealthy people
Who thought their wealth
Would keep them safe
And now, emptied
Only the walls remain

Entropy, Empty

We rose up, from the clay, after
Drowning in a primordial ooze
The genesis experiment failed
Mind reeling, sorrow swallowed
Taking a paradise and ruining it
Asked for our motives and proof
We stare blankly, no empathy
Had we cared, damage remains
We'd a world perfect, refused it
Our species demanded perfection
For our hubris, we created entropy
Order fell into chaos, insurrection
This world was covered in shadow
Waiting in vain for a renewal
But it would die, without restoration
We've nothing to offer, but silence
For we have nothing but guilt
And we deny our shame

We lifted the Raven Banner

The Viking people had no options for a better existence
With only the Baltic sea, majestic fjords, and little land
Forced to reach out, with ships, we explored this world
We would navigate the globe, using stars and intuition
Fighting battles, finding victory, due to our persistence
The world was rich in resources, always in other hands
We reached other shores, with a raven banner unfurled
It was not out of evil we traveled, it was not ambition
With more mouths to feed than farm land or resources
We understood morality, but life isn't the same for all
Gold is meaningless, feeding our children was our call
History has rarely told our story well, but we existed
Remembered as violent, no guide save violence
We didn't simply attack others, yet effective in war
We'd truly legitimate reasons and motives to act
Hunger led our people's travel across the globe
We had to discover new lands, find new homes
Discovery then was a by product of the hunger
But even now if we are looked on with anger
The violence as chosen route was not our own
Nor was it something we even longed for
For every line creating borders on a map
Each were certainly drawn by a conflict
Our people did so, as a means to an end
But our discoveries were lauded well
Iceland, Greenland, Vinland, Markland
Discovery was our greatest legacy

Free!

As a child of rape, I could easily be seen as a stain
But my life has meaning, I was allowed to reclaim
Time, as an adult to embrace differences from you
I'm not forced to accept my beginnings, a life new
My turn to choose my path, unafraid of the wrath
I'll take that new path ahead, full of pain and joy
Without fear, I stared death in the eye, and won
My future offers much, rest of my life is begun
With no more cancer, no more fear
And no tears, only more time
More hours, seconds, even years
And that, with love, is enough

Thank you for your support
Beth Ness, Jonathan Ness
Katya, Sophie, Isabella
Dr Teresa Wrobbel
Erik, Mike, Mike, David & Bryan
All of my best friends
All of my friends
and To my mentors
My life teachers, parents
And God who ordained it all

Forever's Stream

As before your holiness, let me be pure
Upon great altars of gold, I am incense
Let my scent bring you a sweet aroma
You are brighter than any aurora borealis
I know only a sip of the eternal chalice
But I long to taste of the forever stream
Let my sins be washed and made clean
Let this life finally be redeemed

No Return

I don't know who made the mistake
Or even the who who caused my failure
So I'm guessing it was probably me
I've waited in stasis, released into the future
The world we spend existence, offers no true answers
Shuffling between our addictions, cholesterol, cancer
What's the point of lasting to that point of no return
We are made to choose, between freedom, or to burn
So if you would, if you can, forgive me please
I have to move on, and life is lasting so long
To go beyond, I have to heal what is wrong
So please release me from this jail cell, please
I can't suffer longer, my dreams are hell bent
And the end is not a blessing or hopeful event
It is simply terminus as a journey has a final end

An Avenging Lion Strikes

Millennia past, men still fought wars, battles, skirmishes
When the pharaoh Ramses the great marched to Kadesh
Riding in a chariot, fully armed, bow, arrows and lions
A fortified city marking the delineation between empires
His troops came on slowly in formations, with little worry
As the troops of Hittite Empire filled chariots, and charged
The slow moving Egyptian forces were stunned, and died
The Egyptian survivors fled, others gathered into small units
But when the Hittites found the Royal camp, and threatened
A great pharaoh, taught since youth to fire arrows precisely
Began to attack those who had ambushed his own forces
One by one, he made the Hittites pay, with death, disaster
Often when official records were made, the lies were prolific
But Ramses the great had acted in such a way, few wondered
The records understated the toll of his arrows, few questioned
Initial attacks took a toll that was beyond measure, but revenge
Revenge by Ramses and his royal vanguard slaughtered the foe
Leaving little question, who upon the battlefield was superior
Many wonder in the present if the truth was known
Ramses slaughtered an army, leaving Kadesh undefended

The Flood

I am swept along, as the waters of the flood flow
Lose track of my direction, my dreams and hope
Left alone, broken, with an unstopped blood flow
Rise above the surface, I fight just to take a breath
I can't survive long, but know the truth just grows
Let my spirit live, and let die my fetid fading flesh
Oh God let me go, let my being rise to see you
Oh God I am ready to live, finally, with my death

Today

You knew who I was, immediately, with precision
As you carefully placed me in my mother's womb
You called my mother to give her the horrible task
To carry a life she had no desire to create, wounded
I'm alive for a purpose, not a stain, God may I ask
Why is each victory, each legacy, poisoned by fears
Why does something new, hopeful lead to suffering
Made to carry me and to suffer from the birth pains
Why give her a burden, for so long, only for tears
I don't know all the answers, but I have no shame
I am willing to go forward, knowing I might fail
You are God and I am not, I thank you for the years
Because I was given a new family, 54 years later
And you gave me a brother, a mother, and sister
To let me know, I had family, redeemed by you
My one and only vindicator

Dedicated to my DNA family, Mother Donna, Brother Nate, & Sister Denise

The Loser

Trained to fight, trained to kill
I was one called on to win
But the Emperor said I was a loser
 I said Yes I am, I know I am
I did things my way, that's the play
They said if I lost again, that I'd be damned
I am, and still I live, and so here I'll stay
You made me a warrior for the ring
A gladiator who would fight and win
So crucify me, like you do your enemy
And be sure to do it painfully
Hang me from a tree, permanently
It does not matter what you do to me
No one lives forever, and some barely live
In the lives they are given
Do your worst, string me up, let me go
Take me, break me unfurl me like a banner
I'll bleed out my flesh, but not one word
Not even words you cannot forgive
Just dying, just knowing I'm gone
Everything someday shatters
Knowing there's nothing left
You might think my heart is cleft
The world will fade, and decay
Screaming with the blood splatter
Without a path forward, there's nothing
We've turned to dust
The burden was crushing
But now I am done
Je suis fini, fini
From this flesh
To never draw
Another breath
I am free

He is the guardian of the Bifröst bridge

The Bifröst is a great burning rainbow barrier
That separates the realms Midgard and Asgard
The bridge is carefully watched over, vigilantly
By sound and sight, carefully by god Heimdall
Who bears a great horn, to call the gods in alarm
While he carries and uses the frost brand sword
Hofund, which has a powerful magic about it
One blow, the enemy frozen, covered in frost
And when he sees the enemy approach, is ready
His perceptions of sound and sight and more
Are far beyond any human, and most every god
The bridge is vital, and he is heroic as a watcher
Should he fail, Asgard will become vulnerable
He serves all of Asgard, and refuses to fall
For however he serves in solitude
He prefers it to the chaos of defeat

My Angel

I never saw her without there being shine around her
I could never dream of her without my being saved
My being blinded by her beauty was an act of mercy
For I couldn't hear the truth in every thing she said
With my mind focused things that were not worthy
She spoke truth and light, made me want to be alive
After a lifetime filled of failing, wanting to be dead
She gave me reason to endure, reason to even thrive
I understood my purpose as more than some absurdity
So I'll rise to meet this day, even with all my pain
Because she showed me the path, I saw the way
The world tried to drown my vision with lies
But she saved me from being insane
The world wanted me dead
But she allowed me to live instead

Dedicated

Painting in Blood

I heard your ghost whispering in my ear
Telling me to use the knife, use violence
But I've been alive long enough to know
That my bleeding isn't going to change it
I've paid far too much for all of my years
For the willingness to listen, only silence
But you call for my blood to simply flow
Call on me to die, with my blood paint it
That I listen is my flaw, my error incarnate
I plan to endure more than flaw, than hate
I want the pain to be in me hundred fold
That I've so caused to exist in others
I want the devastation to show
How I've ignored my beloveds
How I've embraced my shame
How I've bled out and splattered
By my wrist slashed in shreds
Into the full length mirror shattered
I deserve worse, I've been a curse
And when I've died
No one will bear false witness
To the crimes I've confessed
I'll bleed, I'll bleed, and bleed
And the stain is permanent

“Energy and motion made visible – memories arrested in space” Jackson Pollock

Scott never learned

I was born wet from birth, with the curse of the original sin
We are all imperfect, hurting, wrapped in a fire of violence
There the cowardly bullies of my past had tried to hurt me
They'd no idea, they made me, with that pain used to control
They hit me, slapped me, called me an idiot, or a f*ckhead
With every punch, hardening my skin, forged it into steel
They wanted my heart, to turn it into something very dirty
They'd wanted my obedience, especially my obeisance
Wanting me to be someone bleeding, and pleading
Blacking out my soul with pain, torment and torture
They'd tried to replace my freedom to be, to believe
In retrospect, long ago in the past I see their lives
Imprisoned in their mind, or stone cold dead
I can't laugh at them, we're all made of flesh
Born imperfect, screaming for breath
I refused the demands, to be filled with a rage
Let their anger burn them out, alive in a fire
But will they ever change...
Hey Scott, ever quit those nasty habits?
Ever feel remorse for killing the kittens?
Did you ever graduate from a school?
Have you learned a trade in prison
Will you ever see freedom
After the drugs you sold
Killed an innocent
In an intentional overdose

Time Break

I heard it all
When time broke
Echoes of the screams
Sands escaping
Seconds lost
All flee the glass
Time shattered
No more reality
Sorrow grasps my throat
Nightmare replaces dream
Bright lit Apocalypse
Posted upon a marquee
I've lost my flesh
And all I'm made of
My breath
All I'm afraid of
And the walls fell
The great collapse
Nothing left
To live for
To fight over
But killing
And for the sake of it
Tasked to be the last
We've run out of life
We've run out of time
And there's no shame
Great enough to cover
All that we have done
To our home and kind
To our beliefs
And our minds

greed's cost

It began knowing with our world inevitably doomed
We began to see corpses laid out, displayed in every room
Flesh gardens, orgies of death, this at last was our tomb
We should've known, we should at least had been aware
But we saw the earth as a room for secret erotic pleasure
Instead of a place of consequences, cost of illegal acts
Here was a great God's lair, boxes and piles of treasure
Rather than be concerned by power, we made it our task
Leave the palace with every ounce of metals and arts
Quietly, embracing that we were the thieves in the night
Soon the night dark was illuminated, the crowds grew
Someone violated their temple's secret rooms of gold
And for that act of desecration and vulgar theft
The thieves would be made to finally pay

copyright status unknown

Who knows? The stars? The earth?

From the very farthest reach of light and sound
To the closest intrusion of discomfort and pain
A human body perceives in ways it doesn't know
Light waves go through it, do they leave scars
Quakes are measured waves through the ground
But do they affect us outside of falling and scale
A ball can be projected a distance with a throw
Does gravity yank it down, arrest how far it goes
Of course, there are many things we can't know
But the earth doesn't know how heart's weeping
Stars cannot perceive my mind's thought waves
Am I wrong again, or I'm ignorant about that too?
I don't know, but if they know that, I'll give up
I'll just wait for it to tell me what to actually do
It'll save a step, no one need worry that I'll fail

All Father

For you All Father, I am afire
You who who called my true name
Out from the blue, from amidst the mirk of combat
You said my name, without notice or sound
I surrendered to you, and am yours forever
my spirit wild, I never died, stolen by your maids
seeing that I never relinquished to humans
in the madness of mind, I answered your call
my heart and love made wild, I'm untamed
all how you made me, act of a creator's hand
due to you, I am yours, I am in your thrall
In sacred Asgard, I will drink your mead
In holy Valhalla, dine with my lost kin
And then when called, we'll serve our lord
Fighting the armies of giants and trolls
Until Yggdrasil burns down
Until over, Earth, renewed
By your thought and word

To my Viking kindred
To my brother and sister
And all who left before me

I am broken

Broken into pieces, quartered by the blade of living
The pain blocks thoughts from rising, and forgiving
My life was spent on held grudges, false promises
And I have but nothing, due to hate's accomplices
I've lost all memories, and I am forever now lost
Hanging from a gallows, without the rope
Futures merges together with ruined past
Forgive me, please oh my God
For no longer having hope

The Returned Liberator

When was here before, he freed the slaves, broke the chains
But he is now off planet, kept alive, in a tomb of glass
Entombed, in a megalithic structure of polished gemstones
A king lay sleeping, as guardians of stone prepare his return
His will was never to conquer, only love, bring about unity
Taking the liberated with him, leaving behind the former masters
He is flesh, despite sleeping for millennia, rather than bones
His sword bears the fire of truth, the words that truly burn
The planet orbited now stands still, unaware of the eulogy
As they bow and accept, begging for forgiveness and calm
They were given a time by which to acquiesce, and failed
Yes the planet dies, now comes new dawn, justice prevail

Life's Dangers

If the claws and teeth can't penetrate this armor
Simple words of hate pierce and make me bleed
My heart is a fountain, holding a soul and blood
Yet in another world, I'd be master of the flood
But, on my own planet, I am a flesh bound fool
And all I am spills forth, with no end, teaming

“Humilié par la vie, qui l'un après l'autre avait soufflé ses rêves,
Don Ruggero mettait la démence entre sa défaite et lui.”
                                                                Marguerite Yourcenar

Life isn't Perfect

If we are all born innocent, how is it we become different
What is it about our nature that leads to violence and hate
If we're born perfect, why do we live and die in a regret
What's our purpose, how can we ever avoid a same fate
Life begins with hope and life requires great courage
It might be hard to remember, we face trials, we fail
No one is perfect, so let us all allow a hope to prevail
Forgiving others always as they forgive us as well
Life is not perfect, but the creator is, and has been
So we must trust that there is more than we see
If blinded to much, we must trust in belief

A Walk of Discovery

Walking in the tall grass, the weeds sway with the wind
I've no path, no map, nowhere I'm planning to go to see
The cold breeze leaves my flesh chilled, but I am moved
Nothing is perfect, I am blind to my own flaws, my sins
As I walk, beneath a rush of grasses that part like the sea
I see only beauty, this world so unspoiled, as if in youth
So why must we fade, age unto death, and enter forever?
All that matters, is that we the find one to do so, together
As our minds attend to the fear of death, I take one breath
Knowing there is more to know, and more than this flesh
I thank the eternal for the perspective, and the life to live
I thank the eternal for the chance to breathe, and forgive

One Who Has Always Loved Me Deeply

My constant companion, my greatest comfort
If my world is amiss, she'll be in my arms with love
When I am lost, can't find compassion or hope
She somehow knows, finds me, gives me love and more
My life wouldn't be worth a cent, without her near me
She has a name, it is Katya, Russian for little cat
I'd be lost without her, unwilling to move on
I have found love that burns in my core
Without her my life would be found in oblivion
But fortunately she loves me, she is my heart's desire
She loves me, inspires me, and doesn't keep score
I believe her love is from the hand of God
She heals me, comforts me, and redeems me
Even as my God grants me her love
He has seen to making me complete

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I surrendered to the pain so long ago
It became my only companion, and so
There is nothing you can do, to help
There is nothing you can do that hurts
All I have is within me, in flesh, in soul
As I stare into my own bottomless hole
I will die when I am called to do so
I won't shed one tear, I lose nothing
But more pain I cannot stop the flow
More tears when those I love all go
I lose nothing, there is nothing
But the pain held inside of me

I'd Rather Serve My King

Some say I should just give in, and let her swallow me whole
But I've nothing to offer, but my flesh, my bones, and my soul
I choose service, its not compelled, a sword is given, not taken
Now, I stand with my flesh exposed and every dream forsaken
For she chooses to demand, never ask, and I am left for dead
She prefers conquest over love, she'd own my being instead
I serve another, much greater indeed, and I am no slave
I will never leave my King, for he forgives and saves

The Blind and Cruel

Blind and old, looked upon as a fool
The world can't perceive kind from cruel
I saw the ending long before it had begun
Watching earth plunge headfirst into the sun
We starved the poor, used them as chattel
Worked our slaves in every industry of Hell
And now as we watch without any emotions
As paradise is dying, pollution replaced oceans
We can't breathe, and we are forced to stay
Survival is to find a way to enter cold space
And never look back upon the catastrophe
The one we ourselves created, willfully
If there is a chance, I can't see it
Blind eyes and broken mind
We've earned our punishment
To die on Earth without hope
Like all we condemned before us

Hymn of Blessing to Follow us

You whispered a hymn of blessing
As the rain poured upon you, gently
A baptism straight for the heavens
You were blessed, you blessed me
And the world and all professions
All called out your sacred name
They sought you, but not for fame
Instead for your spirit and flame
I bow in armor, raise my sword
As you send us with holy words
To go forward and speak of grace
To walk the planet, in your name
To share your great truth
To increase the faith