25 times and nothing

By a knife just once
Many more by pills
Twice by tightened noose
I tried so hard to give up
But I was a failure in life
I was a failure in death
I kept lingering
With no hope at all
I never had it again
Hopes I once had, hurt now
As hunger dogs planned to sup
Bleeding into their cup
I was unable to think how
Bleeding ink wasn't new
I begged God made vows
Make me take my bitter cup
Let me pass from view
But now I kept existing
Lingering in the ghost veil
My being was emptied
My flesh a facade
Once physical
Now just dust
No memories
But hope lost
26 times never happened
25 was enough to learn
Life is a gift
One you cannot earn

My Heart is Scarred

Not by my own hand, I know shameful
I'd nonetheless prefer to be with her
With her I knew, darkest thoughts are dust
Without her, my life isn't worth the rust
Her scent, her voice, her mind, still linger
All are forbidden from my presence
Her gentle touch, her affectionate kiss
She was my only love, only soul mate
And now and ever I am in an abyss
Sorrow has a clasp upon my heart
It rarely beats, now so full of scars
But it will once again
Upon her return

To Serve You

When you asked me to feel
Know that I am never not
My dreams are dark, surreal
Oh I know, I am no god
In this bizarre, bleak reveal 
My dreams betray my life
Showing the way I'm wrought
Bleeding the tears I've fought
Your lips spoke to my desire
You caused me to be inspired
Breathing fire into my being
You're the dream I believe
As days grow meaningless 
As the nights pass swiftly
The empty markers of time
Can't be given meaning
Not by others nor by me

I remember once being
Then falling from your hold
But soon I will pass from here
Alive as I walk upon streets of gold

After the Strike

A layer of ash lays on the surface of the planet
Fires had burned upon meteor strikes, volcanic blasts
Still needed to walk from shelter in the darkness caves
The corpses all scavenged by smaller carrion eaters
But we needed a consistent source of food, water
The black sunless days left no sun to feed the plants
Millions of books and data were saved from disaster
But what good are they, if we can't survive long
All our food is dying, and the plants cannot grow

Abscess of Eternity

In the emptiness, the abscess of eternity
Nothingness reigns, asylum for insanity
Die with urgency or live remorselessly
The globe spinning, entropy winning
As lives of wonder yet pass asunder
The end of all happened long ago
Time releases all of her legacies
We can't see time as it thunders
All that remains are memories

PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY and OZYMANDIAS

UKRvR

Their Mother gave them life, she fed them, led them
Liberated them all and what did they all have to say
Leave me be, go away, I want nothing to even remain
Restless child hearts and freedom meant more than pain
Instead of being brothers we were, we'll have no mother
And in the final end, what does it matter, dying for flags
We don't have any hope, we never did, but still endured
Why were we ever able the thought, what did we have
As tanks and SS units, slaughtered Jews and Partisans
But in the end, mother defeated them, we just existed
Staring over borders of wheat, buried dead, who are we
We were brothers, born from the same mother, and now
Killing others with a same venom of one slaying evil
Flags are meaningless but apparently, brothers are too
If failing to find peace, all is lost with no retrieval

Motionless

Alone I had lost my way, forgetting is easy
Alienation, stagnation, darkness is clarified
My spirit burns off a low earth atmosphere
A hopeless trajectory dying, almost teasing
Nowhere to escape, can I rise above screams
Life is empty, silent, as reality streams by

A day later

A day later, couldn't stop smiling, my life had in truth, begun

A day after day of pain slowed, fallen from view, so sweet

After days I learned truth, whatever was wrong could be right

The end of being told I'm wrong about everything, so perfect

On my first night, those words without relent, no more shame

And everything changed, looking forward to days with you

Never trusted that my faith was enough, but here you came

Your love was a miracle, and directly from the hand of God

When I heard you called my name, I could rise from the fall

In a Courtyard of Nightmares

If you will stand
 As all others bow 

Now alone as the sacrifice

The hubris leads them
Until your great fall

Madness screams inside
Once cast the view

Now it seems allowed

The monarch has arrived

That throne is occupied

The citizens are proud

But do they not know
He is not one of them?

Do they care enough

Do they believe now
Should they wonder

Are they uninterested

Or have they given up

Unwilling to have less

Unwilling to give more

The times have ended

Fear of dangers is real

Panic strikes one's core

In a surreal nightmare

Nothing matters
Not even a bit

Anymore

Burning inside with Awareness

Waiting I consider the whole cost of this scene
My ride is not complete, goals are but dreams
For all of our wounds, I suffer, and death

With the broken heart, I am in grave pain

For all the madness of war and dying flesh

With the broken mind, I'm called insane

As winds of sorrow grow I will endure

Because I've been shown love, so pure

Our folks' call echoes across generations

Our land, people joined, we are a nation

Never again will we be given over to war

Our flesh alive, yes we will be restored

As the Kievan Rus, to home we'll run

Knowing our land and people are one

Народжені воїнами та хліборобами, поля дають урожай

життя, а воїни заважають іншим красти плоди землі

Let the crows dance upon the grounds of my remains

Why give damn anti-depressants to a suicidal man, why do you need to blame? Why give drugs that lengthen life when it means I'll face more pain? How much suffering is enough and who do I need to please? What fears do the rest of you have and being unwilling to let me leave? Why do the people in my life make such demands? What if life isn't the same for you as it is me? I never cared to pass tests for permission, just to let me go. Why can't you understand? I've been paying my costs, long before bills came due, trust that I still love you. I'm just tired, exhausted from tolls, telling lies that I've control. Take my flesh, take my remnant personal affects, mark them as artifacts of a lost communication, now gone silent... The crows will dance, in joy of a feast, as they hop upon the site of my remains.

“Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.” Jean de La Bruyere

The Zoo Masters Watch

They had hovered above the near space atmosphere

Always hidden in sun's glare or the shadows of night

They released probes to watch us, observing humans

Humans had spent the vast wealth of food, resources

Upon the wealthy, forcing the rest to become slaves

Humans so prone to violence, build better weapons

Given human proclivity, trade hope for better blades

Violent and ignorant by choice, extinction beckons

They watch, never intervening, they yet still fear us

Far beyond our level of technology, they'll fear us
So they stay, making certain we never escape
Making certain we never come near
Whatever we believe are our boundaries
Whatever we believe or think is fake
Never let us escape this cage

In this Time of Silence and Thought

It is a fool thinking he can fight battles by himself
No quest is ended in success with the single actor
I've long ridden on back of my iron forged beast
Already even with victory in view, I've company
Those who've woven stitches sealing my wounds
As my sword maker and forge masters armed me
I am not alone in claiming victory, or my destiny
If I am unfinished or choose, at last, to go home
My steps were known, my life was made ready
By the words, actions, crafts found in all others
I have only done this with a crowd behind me
And words written upon my heart by a mother
I am not alone, and I have never been