Monsters

You needn't have a full moon
Nor sharp teeth
You don't need evil scientists
Nor do you need blood of virgins
Or sacrifices
Monsters need to be charming
Have lots of money
And power

The Last Roman Legion

Dedicated to my esteemed professor of Ancient history, Ronald Marchese.

Lay with me

Plague Seeds

4 Horsemen

Hot Gates

Take me...

Normal

Another black September
With only bitter seeds
Of memory
My life has burned unto ashes
Captive to my senses
Sensory slash and burn
Normalcy is pointless
My life torment continued
All that is left is the embers
I have raped my innocence
Leaving nothing behind
But delicious thoughts
Of suicide
Because the fear of living
Leaves me normal
Slave to my master
Grieving the lost
While serving his whim
Capricious fate
And vicious destiny
Command my legacy
Again and again

Begging you

Sometimes when I fall apart
I cry and it feels like I am losing
Every vestige of my sanity
God please grant me mercy
For my failed flesh so dirty
And my falsely treasured vanity
My ego destroys faith
I am needing to know
What else I can do
I want to be clean again
Because I can't remain
In the place where I am
It is one of brokenness
And so much sorrow
I have nothing to gain
By holding on
I have nothing to lose
By giving in
I want only to shed
The sin inside me
Beneath my bone
Beneath this skin a heart beats
I am fragile
Dying by the breath
Begging to find love
And asking not to die alone
Forgotten
Ignored
With no hope
Or reason
For the journey

Calling us from the dust

We ask
Without reply
We wait for an answer
Ignoring the doublespeak
Of a technocracy who killed its gods
Devoured its children
And blackened the horizon
Seeing a future turned empty and bleak
We seek but we do not learn
There is nothing left but hate
For the enemy, fictional or real
Our species exists but our moment of action is now
The balance of terror between violence and peace
Is tread without care
The world makes choices
But humans have more power than brains or wisdom
We rejoice over our discoveries
Ignoring the fact that power will be found
In the hands of those who desire to use it upon others
While the lesser villains look on jealously
Aglow with joy for the possession of nuclear fire

Rain down on me

I told her I loved her
And she went away
Then she came back
But she didn't stay
She broke my heart
And now I know
I will never love again

In the darkness of my solitude
There is no one to comfort me
Only my mind with my
Hateful thoughts that intrude
And I know, I will never love again

Rain down
Misery rain on me
Rain down
Break me and set me free
Wash me away
Set me free
From my pain
Let me go
So I can be free
To never love again

just let me go

No
you are not my mother
yes I know
I have it
the signs all showed
my problem was found
I am an addict
of everything I touch and want
wash me and I am covered
moments later
I cannot resist it, in fact, I dive in
So leave me
I will not recover
But it is my life
Let me have it
There is no safe haven
So just let me go
I can die on my own

Beauty is more than

Rain pounding
Mist covered mountains
Leopards prowling
Wolves howling
Hoar frost upon branches
Grand canyons
Or babies smiling
Beauty is found in many places
In many bodies, many faces
But it comes from a single source
I praise the creator for his acts
Beauty is reflected by his hand

A rare political addition to my post, click the link to consider joining or supporting the Nature Conservancy, I think it is a worthy consideration.

LINK

Surge

When people tell me humans are so powerful
The nuclear bombs, the pollution, the industry
I don't doubt them, I think humans emerge
From the primitive ooze of evolution
Genocide, war, Chernobyl, Bhopal, Agent Orange
Humans have taken every good effort
And bad too
And have used that effort to full effect to purge
To destroy, to cause complete annihilation
And still, when I see the storm surge
I am not impressed by what humans can do

A Knight who was different

He was fascinated by them
Those of the glow, and so fair
Unlike his comrades in arms
He wanted to believe, he cared
For to him he belonged
He wanted to be among them
He longed to be loved by them
His ancestors must have been in their tribe
So he believed
Because when others saw woods
And glints of light
He saw domains of the children of the forest
And their spirits offering to invite
He dreamed of this world
And to be someday
Among the beautiful
To be in their hands
He saw nothing else so fine
For he was part man
And other parts divine
Though he had no reason to know it
His ancestral roots were deep in the ground
That drank the same water as the Faer

This poem is about Faeries and the myths of Celtic and ancient lands.  I've written an award nominated book, Visitations into Sidhe and Tir na nOg, and I adore a number of books, written in the past, but timeless, dealing with children of the gray lands, the Faer, great knights, heroic queens, and more.  I suggest if you are a fan that you check out the displayed books, as well as my own.

Drawn

In the light of the early morning
Love comes at dawn
Two of hearts
Like rapiers in a duel
Clashing steel sings
From the start
Simple lust is cruel
Majestic love grows wings
In flight together
Pouring down mercy upon the other
Lust is quick and love is long
And by love
My heart is drawn
Forever ready
Forever singing
Forever you are my black swan
Unique and fair
I am your man
The future is won
Together
From now on

Rending my cloak in grief

My grieving cloak
I rent
You poisoned my mind
Toxic rending of my flesh
Oh you play with my heart
oh you do
But you could never comprehend
How I loved
I never ever said we'd end
I saw a future together
Forever til I died
But you saw that
Somehow
As weakness
As an invitation
To send
messages across the world
Offering my hopes
Up for barter
And the world replied
With its destruction in kind
Because that is what it does
Offering to help with my suicide
I descended into madness
From a place
I had only reached
By ascent in love
So where am I
How am I to live
This end
I cannot transcend
The sorrow
To exist

Morning Light

Sunlight burning through the tree branches
Each exposed arm swaying in the light breeze
Slowly, very slowly it struggles softly
As if reaching towards the source of warmth
Morning haze makes the light appear as falling ashes
My body absorbs the heat, shaking off my disease
Each tree, stump, rock have a glow, appearing godly
I cannot perceive anything changing,
Yet I am transformed

Voice is a whisper

Your voice was whisper
I heard it inside my mind
It hit like cyanide
My hopes crashed
And washed around me
Like the news of suicide
Of a forever friend
I wasn't with her
But here was the end
Without her
I had no one to share
With
This life is twisted
A manifesto of pain
For which there is no solution
No end to the disease
Yes she is gone
But still
Please
Keep whispering
So I know
I am not alone
When I die

Cursed by sorrow

I can't do it
No just stay away
I can't keep forgiving you
Because you steal my dreams
Like you stole my life
And you hate me anyway
What is the use?
When the pain is worse
Than the joy of living
What is the fucking use?
I always pray
Never knowing what will come
I can't go on with the grind, day after day
When the fear of dying
Doesn't scare us anymore
The hope we once had
In living together is gone
What have we been working for?
We can close our eyes and see
Everything is laid out before us
The path hasn't been easy
Our lives filled with hurt
Covered in lies
And so much worse
We've been cursed
By existence
Pain swallowing 
Our brightest days
Instead of love
I now despise
Everything about us
So wrong
The disguises we wear
The masks in this masquerade
We are actors in a final scene
Let us acknowledge
That we can't act
We never could
Our world is burning
And our emotions are gasoline
Who are you and why am I here
This well of sorrow is without end
And my grieving cannot stop
Because I thought
I was somewhere I belonged
But now I realize
The truth is a bitter seed
And the fruit must be eaten
Alone
I don't want you near
I need time and reflection
Since my future has died
With the love I have for you
And every last well intentioned
Gently whispered tender
Goodbye

Sleep forever

In the nethers I ride
Without fear or desire to flee
I am master there
How I love my slumber
My dreams are happier by far
Than the life I've lived in waking
My life is reverse of my preference
I'd rather live in a dream
Than a waking nightmare
Better to remain asleep
Than face more pain
In sleep I am desired
In waking I have no lover
There is nothing I cannot do
Asleep
There is nothing I can do
Awake
In the light of day
There is no wonder
No joy, no hope
I surrender to Morpheus
May I sleep in his arms
For as long as I breathe
And let me ask
Just one more thing
Let me never wake
Again
Awake my heart is asunder
My waking day refuses to comfort me
There is nothing but now
And dreams flee quickly
When I see morning come

“Heaven did not seem to be my home; and I broke my heart with weeping to come back to earth; and the angels were so angry that they flung me out into the middle of the heath on the top of Wuthering Heights; where I woke sobbing for joy.”   Emily Brontë

this life

Cast out into the wasteland
Dying of thirst, laying upon sand dunes
Silently screaming, in the darkness alone
In the dim light of the indigo night
Where this solitude becomes a prison
My heart is broken and without forgiveness
my soul burns with bitter words choking
There is no apology for this
The forsaken hopes are crushed
And all that is left are these remnants of life
Begging for escape from the prison I have created

Some blog business and news

Due to a number of issues, this blog will not be active for a couple weeks. 

I am finishing working on edits for two books, dealing with some health issues, and I had some unpleasant issues during the last month that I am going to fully deal with, and cannot if I am focusing upon writing.  None of this is hugely serious, but I want to deal with everything with the attention it deserves.

I saw a couple snow flakes on Saturday, and while that doesn't scare me, I really am not looking forward to Winter.  But, while I need to deal with the above mentioned certain issues with all the attention they deserve, winter will arrive whether I pay attention to it or not.  Time and life have no off screen ticker counting down or counting down with dramatic music louder and louder as my time to do this or that grow short. 

I have a number of book deals that I will be offering at the end of October.  I will let you know which books, and for how much.

Thank you.

meat and dust

the human race
is one that whatever your speed
or your abilities
your grace, your determination
your agility
you cannot win
there is no starting line
nor is there an end
there is birth
and life
death
heart
mind
flesh
spirit
and experience
that count for existence
we are composed of atoms
but we have something
that science cannot explain
we have minds
but logic cannot transcend
the world that is
far beyond the reach
of our confines
we are limited
we cannot expect to be
more than this
we are meat
the world is dust
but there is another
far far beyond
that we cannot imagine
we hope to seek
as it calls us
deep calls unto deep
it sends echoes
pinging
like sonar
and we are the reflection
in the distance
answering
hoping
praying
to be more
than meat or dust

Sword aloft

When the sky is black
Clouds are moving from the wind
Grasses twist in an ecstatic scream
You imagine them feeling release
From the roots that hold them down
The storm is ongoing but it won't last long
And you know
You can survive
You will be free
When you've walked
From one end of the storm
To the other
The dust has settled
Because the wind is gone
At last you can breathe
Open your eyes again
Smile without
Grimacing in pain
You don't want to go back
And are glad it is gone
But you can appreciate
That you are safe
You can see
Where you've been
Through hell and back
Your demons were defeated
You are here
To sing your victory song
Every day you fight the storm
Every night before you sleep
Remember the words
Reminding you of victory
And you should sing
For you have victory
With every second
When you do not give in
Do not despair
You will be strong
The storm is for this moment
But you are calm
The light is somewhere
And you can find it
Because you know it is there
And fear is of the unknown
This enemy you know well
It is nothing compared
To the hell
You have defeated
Already you have won
When you embrace your forever
Ending in victory

trying

you tried
to cover me
with your soul's cloak
to keep me warm
from the darkness
that smothers me
with such fears inside
I remained in recovery
from when you tried to warn
the queen mother
controlled my mind
knew every move
heart broken
upon the discovery
And since then
I have begun to crawl
trying to prove
I am alive
but it just hurts
to know
the fears inside
were breaking me
controlling my life
driving me
to die
instead of living
hating
instead of forgiving

Final Fears

They pass unending
The day has begun
Without name
The calendars are burned
Yet the machine
Has always been in motion
The millennia melts
As it screams into decay
It cannot speak
Yet directly sees
The oncoming disaster
Catastrophic fears
Should walls of fire fall
Only ashes remain
The human era will end
Angels will trumpet call
And fires bring Judgment day
From the Heavens
The host descends
War will come
The holy and unholy fight
The sinful human burden
Already burned by fire
The bonfire of humanity
Alight

Baptism in the frozen river

I saw my flesh transform
From wrinkled and loose
To taught and lithe
I was unaffected by time
The years performed no unmasking
I did not perform in this masquerade
My heart was broken but my spirit untamed
Once when I was younger
I felt too old to exist
I was aware of the world passing
I held out my hand
Held it aloft
I cried for the grieving
Smiled for the joyous
I stood where others could not
I believed in more than I was
This world is a moment never asking
This moment is a dream never showing
How deep in the river we've come
The baptism in these waters
Should have already begun
For there is nothing colder
Than to be alone waiting
Cold and shivering
Until the spirit visits
And you are made free
From the thrall of another
From the fear of a beast
Who makes you shudder in woe
The fear makes you weak
And it wounds
so deeply it wounds
And you are broken
From the pain you cry
From the tormented life
You have had more than you could take
And you bleed and worry
That it is too late
And you feel it
Heavily
In your frozen heart
And wounded soul

The Condemned Waits

Although in her mind
The list of my deeds is long
There is no redemption
When you've done no wrong
I've been fully admonished
And the other
Is prepared to punish
All my imagined sin
I confessed what it was I did
And I am lost again
Waiting
Before the executioner comes
My sorrow is begun
My grieving will be
Everlasting
Should I live
It will be in eternal torment
Her vengeance is wicked
I linger in the memories
A tomb of my domain
Tears echo
In the shadows
A form of shell game
For my heart
Does she love me
How should I know
After 30 years
It should show
But instead
Anger is
The everpresent
Undertow

rust

Love and Lust
Age and failings
Dreams and trust
Unpolished railings
Wooden steps
Stairs walking up
To a single room
On an otherwise empty floor
An old man sat in an old hotel
It smelled of the must
It never was popular
The guestbook covered with dust
I grieve for what I was
And then for what I became
I sorrow for the past
The promise it had but turned to shame
I am sorry for hard promises
That were made and painfully kept
I am sorry for beliefs
That I have where the joy has left
Because grudges are promises
Because vows are hopes
Because dreams are not real
And to have and hold
Is not the same
As to have and want
Or to love

You

I felt shy
My nature was quiet
But with her eyes so deep
I could swim within them
How lovely her skin
The shade of crushed copper
I stood electrified nearby
Her lips full
Well and truly luscious
When she approached
I could never stop her
And my flesh was so willing
My will so very weak
She was utter beauty
In a way
That seasons try to evoke
With absolutely
No success
She is a poet's greatest note
A musician's finest piece
An affaire de coeur
She is before me
Her form is stunning
My mind screams
But with joy
The way I am moved
When I am short of air
Or confused
She is wild and I am tame
When she is near
And I am in her lair
Let me be hers
In the matter
That clay in a maker's hand
Becomes transformed
Make me into yours
With your loving care