Regret no, Praise only

I was quested
Across the waters
Over all the lands
I  believed

And never stopped seeking

To find that
Which I sought

And now
In the end
Before the King

My battles all fought

My friends deceased

My hands raised

Not in surrender 

Only in praise

For the moment I released

All my fears, all my pain

I accept all my remorse and regrets

I am made of meat, unredeemed

By my hand and broken

I will never escape this destiny 

But I am not defeated

Flawed and cracked

My image

Broken and shattered

My flesh

Prepared for the final 

Disaster

My soul 

Has paid the toll

My eyes have cried the tears

My body has lived the years

Sorrow has grieved my spirit

Of my fate I have no control

Everyone must live

With the limits given

And debts forgiven

Charon waits

And I raise my hands in praise

For his job is so very hard

He deserves it

I pay him his coins

For my passage

Trop tard

Je suis fini

Mon ami, Charon
Tout de suite

Shadow of the Moon

Inside my body
Is an evil I can't purge
Burning inside is fury
Unleashed and boiling
Coiled I wait to launch
Lurk in the shadows
Catch one unaware
Every time, at this time
Every cycle of the month
My transformation complete
I am going mad from thirst
Upon sight of the flesh
I will tear them
And feed my hunger
Suck the blood and feast
Because every time every cycle ended
Means I become a beast
In the shadow of the moon
My thirst for blood is endless
I stalk my prey without prejudice
The scent upon the wind is pleasing
My stomach is going to be full

Barbed Wired

Walls high and fortified
Wires barbed
And razor sharp
You never let anyone get close
To your heart or soul
With heavy weapons or words
Land mines and watchdogs
Sentries posted everywhere
You never gave a damn who got hurt
Over angry dialogues or when you loved
So long as you got away
To love again another day

Unpayable cost

INSPIRED BY ALAN DEAN FOSTER's awesome work CACHALOT
Read it!

Humans were born hunters
And over the centuries
Their genius for slaughter
Meant that nothing was safe
For men were hungry
And able

The toll of the death
Taken upon the whales
Was obscene
The numbers killed
Could not be counted
Ocean waters were a tide
Turned red

After time, it was knowable
That the pods of whales
Were led intelligently
But humans kill and eat anything
Added in insult
They'd waste the carcass
If the catch was over great

The ocean races were bled
Like some market 
An ingenious talent
Humans could kill
With very little regret
Until humans stopped to learn
And education made men pause
There was a lull in the slaughter

When humans were in debate
Somehow
They'd achieved a sort of enlightenment
Feeling guilt for their near complete
Genocide of a species
And then learned, they'd done so
Of beings as bright as themselves

There was a ban, and numbers grew
But slowly, so very slowly
Until the ability to send the remnant
To a planet, free of the hunt
Was found

And upon this planet
Named Cachalot
A whale governed world was born
With the children generations
Of the survivors
And only invited men
Were allowed
As a nation
Of creatures
Free from further predation

 ALAN DEAN FOSTER's Website

eternity hourglass

river waters
rocks tumble
down the stream bed
moved by the current
like the days escaping
every second lost
every minute spent
no day retrieved
as sands pour
into the lower cup
of the hour glass
they slide down
keep track
trickling slowly
surely
not moving fast
until the end
no sound
escapes the device
even as
eternity approaches
our lives pass
without apology
no one slows the passage
of our days
endangered
without  renewal
they are numbered
soon to be extinct
they never last
the spark still flickers
but the clay
fades
the spark inside
moves on
when the clay
is dried
becomes useless
finally then
falls away

in the dark reflecting

The resistance
Calls inside
The rebel
Has no choice
For every voice
There is a legion
Of followers
And pain
For every heart
There is an answer
To the question
If I have life
How do I accept
All the things
That kill me
All the things
That break me
All the things
That burn my soul
Swallows my godflesh
Swallows my spark
whole
I was given
a dream
So where is
The power
To make it real
To make it happen
Outside of sleep
To make it
Feel

The tentacles of Alien Gods

Hear the echoes of eternity's bell
Calling out a warning
Within the bosom of nether realms
Where humans never dwell
There the temples have been built
And there can be found
The altars dedicated to alien gods
But this is not holy ground
Despite having tentacles
These are not octopods
But Great Cthulhu
And his kind

The False Judge

I am not perfect
I am not even close
I am broken
Broken
Of my faults
The choirs sing
Too many times
Too many ways
I tell myself
I'll do the right thing
And fail
All the while knowing
What I should have done
To do it the right way
I hold grudges
I hold hurt
Deep within
Before I've begun
Damning me
To fail
No matter how patiently
I wait before I act
No I do not rush in
I walk slowly
Telling myself
What to do
And then
With grace
With Mercy
Both behind me
I do
That which
Disgraces the mercy
And that
Which makes a lie
Of the grace
I try to embrace
Who am I
To hold in judgment
The people
Living just as I am
Without any sort of map
An absurd world
We carve our meaning from
Every day
God forgive me
For being me
Bang the drum
Of war for the war
Within my heart
And perhaps
Someday
I will survive
And win
But until that day
I linger in my failure
With echoes of my regret
That I can't forget

No Justice

It might well prefer to die
Bestial violence gives birth
To something less than life
A fecund curse
A way to exist
Without living
And a heart
Without love
Born of rape
What is a child to do
For is there any justice
For the woman
Or her child

Babylon

She danced before them
And she lured
Perversions were celebrated
No sooner had man built a city
It was worshiped as being higher than life
But the Whore of Babylon herself
Was more pure
Than the diseases of man
No there is no destiny
There is only strife and pride
And the prophet's words are obscured
There is no god in this land
Only lust and idolatry 

Revelation

17:1 And there came one of the seven angels which had the seven vials, and talked with me, saying unto me, Come hither; I will shew unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters:

17:2 With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication.

17:3 So he carried me away in the spirit into the wilderness: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet coloured beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns. 

 

 

bury me deep

for most of this life
I stare at the wall
never wanting
never knowing
never needing
anything at all
but I was confused
dazed and unaware
that there was more
than screams of pain
as if held by chains
I put out the call
my grieving was
the song of sorrow
that
defined
me
as I slept
as I walked
as I stared
at the wall
I dreamt of angels
but it was
demons chasing
me all the way
to hell
but they didn't
want a fool
like me
they didn't long
for an idiot
so
unredeemed
and naively
so
a child
to the sorrow
he held closely
my heart was broken
over and over
I refused attempts
by them
the people who loved
to repair
the beating thing
I walked
I stared
and slept
And never
woke from this
gray
that surrounds me
I am buried
in the ground
but am not dead
yet
but I am ready
ever ready so

memories echo

with every breath
every moment of thought
every second I live
I remember
her voice
since her death
such sorrow was wrought
I am compelled to admit
forever
is not a choice
as the memories of her
echo constantly
she lives in my brain
wherever I have been
whatever I might do
wherever I might go
I miss her desperately
and have nothing more
than memories to show
but with every moment of thought
I remember how she loved me
And I loved her
and will
still

Cursed by knowing

Wherever there is light
It means you have seen darkness
For you need to know crooked
Before you understand straight

Do not surrender

There is no other means of life
We struggle against our harness
The story of our fall so lurid
It begs our fear of fate

We must remember
But the world we see
Is different in fact
Than in memory

Gift

My life is one that has been given me
You have been generous with gifts
Family, friends, companion pets
You offered me a chance to be redeemed
But salvation was lost in the mist
Lived a life of deep regrets
My life is one
That I have no desire
To pretend, or portent
No desire to forget
I've been lost
As if I am Azrael
Begging to be kissed
And you refuse
My sorrow is never fading
I am awaiting
To be released

Son Horus was determined

Great Horus, the son of the creator
Bore the title of the Avenger
And his enmity towards Seth
Was legendary
He flew over the holy lands like a raptor
Against Seth's minions he was the defender
Father Osiris was great, but he met death
Revenge and anger made Horus deadly
Osiris rose again
Seth fell at once
Upon his knees begging
For forgiveness
But it was delayed
Until Horus could deliver
A final toll
Upon the darkness 

Nothing in return

Loving you was so easy
But being loved in return
Was impossible
I was never greedy
But your love I could not earn
In your absence I turn philosophical

And there is so very little
I can do to change
What you feel
So very noncommittal
I will soon be deranged
This is so surreal

Someday you'll be alone
Your thoughts will turn to me
And you'll wonder why I left
But I had invited you into my home
Into my heart, in my dreams
But you left me fully bereft

I have one duty, and that duty is to kill

My duty is to harvest
The dead must be taken
I offer no kindness
No polite salaam
No generous warning
Because I am Abbadon
The end is now
I am death itself
I am the hand
of God
The crops of spring
Will be burned and blackened
The cities of ancient rise
Will be flattened
I am called by the one
To be his hand of death
And I fall upon the world
In the form of a dragon
My fire will burn
The world conquered
Will be better
For my actions
For I act
With the sanction
Of almighty God
I am Abbadon
I am not an angel
I am one with a duty
To take you
From this world
And bring you
To the next
From one of beauty
To one of cruelty
And you are responsible
For your placement

Death's Head

I am aware that my flesh weakens
As I age
But with age
The wisdom increases
The knowledge grows
If I keep breathing
My body deteriorates
And there is pain
My body is not alone
However
I breathe as a being
A member of a collective
Inhaled air
Exhaled from the lungs
Of others
We share a world
If I die, it is not wounded much
But my wisdom and knowledge
If shared
Benefits the world with reason
To live is to taste of the eternal
To die is to be reborn
Into bosom of the creator
I am ready to wait
For the fate I am destined

Purified by Fire

You needn't be perfect
You must only be burning
With a spirit alive
King or beggar
Athlete or crippled man
You have fire inside
Or die
You rage with a storm
Of power
Or you are spat out
Like lukewarm water
You breathe in truth
And pour it out
It kills you first
Then leaves you stronger
Breathe in
Exhale
Flames
You are not a dragon
You are a warrior
You've been baptized
Purified
You are now pure within

By a fire
That never dies

next time, next life, I promise

this broken body
can't be glued together
falling apart
a shitty plan
for living
forever
my breaking heart
limbs and hope
severed
from the flow
refused
cast out
moved
down the road
by the flood
of body parts
mental disease
doubt
fear
and unbelief
and undeath
take me beneath
the water
pull me down
let me take
a deep breath
and say
what was lost
has now been found

The Rumble of Fate in the Distance

We've rode since dawn
The light is now dimming
Evening falls hard
When you are exhausted
And your people need you
Still far away
Who can save them
From the besieging horde
But we who ride
And give our lives
In the distance we hear
The drums of the siege
The invaders are hungry
For the gems within
But the fortress will not fall
For we are ready
Willing and able
Fate might call
Be we are the answer

Sleeping without rest

The cell of my prison
Is an isolation chamber
Others call it my bedroom
My bed is no comfort
I am unable to sleep
My misery is wrought
For it is there
Demons are in my thoughts
Chasing me in my mind
I've tried to sleep but cannot
I lust for so much
Which I dare not
Desire for things, if received
Would cause me to die
I cannot bear this torture
Every night
I lose as I enter
The arena of the fight
My mind needs quiet
But cannot find it here
My days are long
My brain is tired
Filled with fear
I need silence
To sleep
But it isn't coming to me
I run from the demons
As they follow
Screaming does not help
No one comes to save me
As my soul pales
Turns hollow
And I slip
From view

The nightgaunts haunt
And the demons chase me
I see flying beasts rising
Oblivion come
Demons do not slow
In these Dream-Lands
I will be dying
And in the waking
I will not rise
But instead
When they arrive here
My soul will flee
And I will turn pale
Hollow
And disappear
Flesh turning to dust

Washed upon the shore

When it had begun
Everyone said I'd be fine
I was just moody
A sensitive one
I'd get along
It was just a phase
I was going through
But they were wrong
I was confused and dazed
Now my skin is turning blue
They are singing a song
About this malaise
They never knew
No one knew
What I was going through
Inside
And the sorrow
Never passed in time
I was beneath the surface
Never coming up for air
I'd drowned
Disappeared that day
Sucking water down
Into my lungs
No tears in an ocean
I floated silently away
Now I am alone
And silent
But for the songs
About sorrow
Sung by people
Who never knew
And drums
For the lost
By those
Who never cared
Breaking the surface
So many years later
I was no longer myself
But there I was blessed
There was nothing left
To identify my own self
With my sins
I was free
Blank
New
And emptied
Of me

Lustful

My pain is manifest
Because I know her
Inside is an abyss
I twist, tormented
I long for her
Unrequited
Defiant I continue
She tests me
With every gaze
My heart contests
Every second
As I ruminate
I confess this
Dark desire
My lust
For her
My burning fire
Her breasts
Unimaginably perfect
Her scent
Drives me mad
I am unable
As the day goes forward
To endure, any more
I am a mess
Within
And without
My desire leads me to doubt
That I shall ever escape this prison
That I have built
My eyes glistened
I have been crying
For the fact of what I am missing
Because I am the jailer
And have no key
My chains are tight
And I shall never be freed

golden dawn

Beneath the solar light
The boat floats slowly
Moved by winds or waves
Day or night
All time passes smoothly
No way to measure time
But for the rise
And fall
Of the sun
Once the cycle is begun
There is no stopping it
But for death

The Power of the Horn

In Jericho
There was a wall
Keeping out
An army of men
Who had been promised
The city that was said
To be invincible 
The Hebrews were faithful
And instead of trusting in arms
They listened
To what God told them
And they followed
The directions they were given
So they took their horns
And circled the city
They praised God
And shouted
Then they blew their shafir
The horns of rams
The earth shook
Walls crumbled
And before amazed eyes
Everyone had proof
The Hebrews knew
God was good
He defeated the enemy
When their horns blew




















In Camelot
Pax Rex Arthur Eternus
Had been in place
As a great king reigned
Under blue skies and sunny days
All men knew justice
Even fairness
Over the land
King Arthur was seated
Upon a throne of mercy
Of grace and gentle rule
The trumpets would sound
To announce the king
Echoing for good
In the valleys and the hills
The people would stand
Bowing then singing
They'd look up
As his procession would pass
They'd cheer for he was no tyrant
He was well beloved
The king was here
For them, yes
And for the truth
Because he was good

In the end
The tribulations will begin
The world will seem to be
Coming undone at the seams
Trumpets will sound
Bringing horrible news
Sorrow then
We will be seeing
An end and rebirth
Death is painful
As is birth
Both are required
Before the truth
The trumpets sound
Across the earth
Again giving proof
Of a master's hand
The four who ride
Who have been feared
Now revealed
Unleashed
Fulfilling their call
They would ride
The trumpets were not
Trumpeting their victory
Not celebrating
But announcing their arrival
A warning perhaps
Certainly that

The hearts of all men
Will break then
With time
There is no turning back
Death personified
Comes upon his nightmarish spectral horse
Famine, inducing ravenous hunger
Will be hard upon the people, and their land
Pestilence and plague
Will be man's dark companion
War has a familiar face because
It is an ever present scourge
The lot of the four
Will make this planet burn
With the fires upon the cities ever fanning
Flames of the atom ever churning
Where people will gladly die
To purge the land
Of their own

This madness to kill
Each other
This insanity without asylum
Is not without a point
God's wisdom to man
Is madness
But man is but a flea
To the cosmos
That God is
All of the tribulations
Will be to cleanse the land
For those who remain
Perhaps to find
In the burning
That the body of Christ
Was broken
The blood of Christ was poured
So that all who might eat
So that those who might drink
Would be saved
From the fires of defeat
And the flames of hell
That threaten every man
And victory be bought
In the breaking of the flesh
Of the son of God sent
By the suffering of one
With simple words
And actions
I must repent
Time is short
But the lesson is clear
God is good
The king is fair
The land is his body
Our hope is his blood
Repent and have life
In the King

Born by a human, with the fire inside of the gods

Heracles did you stay beyond your time
From an age of heroes and gods
Instead to the common, and mundane
Ignoring the world about you
Growing more scholarly
Growing less attached
To the godly truths
Heracles did you know
Your blood is woven within
The veins of a mortal
For Alexander the Great
Lay proper claim
To the godflesh's legacy
Beneath a great banner
Bearing the name of a king
You Achilles
Great oh great warrior
You of the gods' blood
You are invincible
With a heart that burns
For war
Did you know, Oh Achilles
That your blood
Pumps in the heart of a lion
Alexander bears your presence
In a heart far too great
For any mortal's blood
For eternity you will live
Oh Achilles, magnificent warrior
Your wrath led you to ruin
But the child of Philip, of one eye
Will soon conquer the world
Making the claim of empire
From Syracuse to India
And far beyond

We

We entered existence
As equals and peers
Birth is no guarantee
Nor is it a curse
Carved from fate
We resist
Carved from destiny
We choose our path
And leave behind us
Legacies
Of flesh bound creatures
With spirit within
We are unable to escape
Nor escape any wrath
But soon we learn
Life is temporary
But existence is eternal
Our lives are fuel
Our bodies burned
And our ashes fall
Seeding life hereafter
Despite our imperfections

At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.
I can only say, there we have been: but I cannot say where.

And I cannot say, how long, for that is to place it in time.

T.S. Eliot

Solitude thoughts

Rain falling
    Thunder booms
The night has come
Empty, there is stillness
In my room
I have no partner
No lover in sight
I have no hope
For embrace
Or doom
I endure
Let me be
Not consumed
By this solitude
My mind echoes in pleas
For God to please
Bring me a love that is pure
Like an incense of myrrh
Let me be a pleasant scent
Upon her altar
Bringing her joy
Let her be as a perfume
That is pleasing to me
Reminds me only of her
Bless me with her being

Ancient Kings

When Sumer was young
No other civilization
Had even begun
More than just awakening
Sumer was advanced
With laws
Order and ideas
They celebrated life
Not death and tombs
They sought knowledge
Developed concepts of civility
They could make war
But they were not concerned
With battles and doom
They had met with
The gods from the sky
And prepared for the flood
Perhaps they were the keepers
Of the Garden of Eden
Their lands were fertile and rich
In some ways
They were humanity's womb
Sumer was the mother culture
She gave birth
To every other culture
That appeared on the earth

A Choice Filled with Fire

I was never perfect
But I made a choice
That redeemed
All of my failings
I inhaled
The breath of fire
And the spirit
Entered my being
And I touched
The face of the divine
Despite my flesh
Being cursed
Despite my body
Never leaving earth
I was now able
To soar across the sky
Enter the twilight
And never die
Due to the spirit fire
That was lit
Inside

Mister Death come kiss me

Tonight when I'm sleeping
You'll silently come creeping
This bed isn't safe
From you
When nightmares replace dreaming
The sowers start reaping
This life is seconds away
From an end
So run from here
To a place so fair
Golden fields,glories are told
Time is done
Death always near
You needn't need even care
Gone before the body gets cold
So take me now
My lover death
Take me into your arms
And kiss me there
Kiss me
Kiss me
I'm sure you'll do me no harm

It is written that the last enemy to be vanquished is death. We should begin early in life to vanquish this enemy by obliterating every trace of the fear of death from our minds. Then can we turn to life and fill the whole horizon of our souls with it, turn with added zest to all the serious tasks which it imposes and to the pure delights which here and there it affords.

Felix Adler