You Hung There, From the Killing Tree

Slowly 

The procession crawled

Over head the skies grew dark

I saw you falling

While carrying a cross

Upon the bloody pulp 

Of your back
The scourge whipped flesh

Breaking beneath the torture

Beneath their hand

You were given stripes

Colored in blood

In the sorrow 

King of kings

Lord of lords

From a trickle 

To a flood

Of sadness

You paid for my sin

And I am without a way

That I could ever pay you

So I offer what I have

My flesh, bones and viscera

My heart, soul and mind

And the truth

Set me free

Even so long after

You hung there

From the killing tree

I can't even say her name

She hurt me so much
The mere mention of her name
Causes me pain
And then it ends
Before it has begun
However
I draw a breath
Close my eyes
To avoid the tears
That are going to come
When I think of what she has done
To my heart
To my hopes
To my dreams
I burn in shame
Left behind in this world
Covered in its shit
Again
I can't even say it
Her name causes me to shudder
If she were just a girl
Coming into my life
I'd have been prepared
But it was more
And now I cannot speak
Without the burning
Without the rain
Pouring down
Upon me
Again

For the seer, She sees it all

As I stare into an electric sky
Lightning pours down like rain
I am covered in shadow of stars
As they blink in and out of view
Serenity
By a halo of light I gaze into your eyes
You make my wild heart tame
You heal my sorrows and my scars
Allowing the sky to reveal blue
Electricity
Thunder clouds and a brilliant moon
The awesome power of nature's game
I beg of you to give me your heart
I shiver as if I am born new
Fantastic
Holding your hand I remember
Why I was created, again
I hope to never say au revoir
Because I am part of you
Ecstasy 
Renewed
Life abounding
Your way is true
Let the children dance
Let our heart's joy ensue
We are one
Sing children
Sarah is free
The world awakens
Again
Anew

Believe in me

I realize that I have no control
Over anyone but me
So as it has begun
You might like to know
I am not so foolish as to give
My heart to just anyone
But to one
Like you
And that love will redeem
You are woven intricately
Into my soul
You are not just anyone
I do not go
Where the wind might blow
Nor without thought
My heart has room
For you
And no one else
If you need proof
That I am true
I promise
You will see
My words are my bond
My feelings are real
Are you Doubting Thomas?
I might be a fool
For many things
But I am well aware of
Where my love is aimed
And how deep it goes
Believe in me
I am not just a part
I am the whole
In love with you

Lay with me beneath the Lotus tree

My heart awakens
When I see you
It shouts
And I cannot quiet it
I beg you
Shall we lay together
In the summer sun
May I speak
As if we are one
Let me entangle
My flesh
With yours
Tightly wear me
Let me feel what
Love is about
My flesh is weakened
Without your touch
Lift me with your love
While our spirit soars
Press your lips
Across mine
Breathe my air into your mouth
My life energy into your being
I burn inside
From the moment
I see you approach
My eyes never close
Your beauty drives me
My soul was dry
As if in drought
You quench my thirst
Stay with me here
Under the lotus trees
In the shade from the sun lit sky
Your love soothes my heart
Like a gentle breeze
In summer's heat
I love you
Forever more
I can never release
Your hand
Be the flood
Cover my land
With your love
"He lies under the lotus trees, in a covert of reeds and marsh. The lotus trees cover him with their shade; The willows by the brook surround him."

No thank you.

How many times
Did you call my name
In despair, needing me?
How many times
Did you ask me to bleed
For the sins of others
Making you scream
Hurting you inside
I begged for you mercy
You gave me pain
I begged for your love
That you never gave
And now when you are alone
You call my name again
Expecting me to fall
But I won't
Because
You taught me a lesson
That I won't forget
I earned it with burning regrets
I can't hear the phone
When you call
Because I hate myself
Whenever I answer
You don't know
How much I bleed
But I know
Loving you
Is a disaster

Angel Cat

You were the one
You were my sole love
Unique in your ways
Ubiquitous in my memories
Forgiving those few moments of rage
Embracing the legacy of your days
With me
Untold are the stories of your suffering
That no words can redeem
When I sleep I dream of your face
Kissing me
Tears don't wipe away the taste
Of sorrow
In me
I still grieve
And your ghost I still chase
Without relent
For the one
Heaven sent

For my angel Mischa, leaving me in 2001.

Please, no, make no mistake

No
I never said 
You shouldn't love me
You are mistaken
I said I don't understand
How someone so
Beautiful
Could say she loved me
Who would take my hand
Into hers
Make me fall into her soul
From the love's pull
Like gravity
I never said you shouldn't
I just said
I don't know
How I
Could find someone
So wonderful
Really
It doesn't matter
I don't need to be right
I just need to be
Yours

Cast out, for our selfish need

They wished to gain

Every thing

When they had all

That they would need

But have we ever been 

Content

With what we need

Instead we betrayed 

Ourselves 

The provenance

For our promise

In so doing

Throwing away

Perfection

We denied paradise 

For the wicked desire

To know

From our first breath

Wisdom comes with pain

The gates closed

Forever

Guarded and secured

To prevent our entry

How are we simple creatures

To ever be

Returned to that state

Where we are new

Born without

The knowledge of the flesh?

Shards of my heart

There is no evidence
Upon the ground
Or in sight
Only the shattered heart
Left behind
Fallen shards of glass
Of the one chance
To be free inside
But within my closed lips
I hold fast
Tightly
A secret burns
But without release
I know what you said
Saw what you did
And it gives me no relief
At all
In any way
To know that you feel it
To know that you
Burn inside like me
Too
It doesn't help to know
You are
Without anything
That you can do

Grinding

Stuck firmly in the muck

Held fast in the mire
I am nearly bound

Naked and senseless
Je dois persévérer
There was no ego to shatter
For I learned
Long ago
That my destiny
Was to be ground into bits
Crushed into atoms
Existence takes its toll
Awaiting Judgment day

Je dois persévérer
For those who serve
Called to be truthful 

Amongst only liars
Alone in the world I was lost

They devoured me
Swallowed me whole

Just me

Amongst my enemies
Je prends de la chute
I walked into the fire
To serve is my only desire
So weary from my wounds
So tired
My path so narrow
I cannot follow
I have nothing left
To offer
But my being
And my being is true
Grand roi, mon créateur, je désire vous
My shadow is thin
My soul is hollow
But I still serve
My sword is still upraised
I await the king of all things
And quietly I pray

I long to be

Worthy

But in the end

Should I be

Just a gear

In the machine

I have done what was asked

Fulfilled my task

And that is worthy

For me

Gone to the Isle of the Dead

My spirit is eternal
But my flesh is not
Tomorrow's days are not promised
Because death exists
And the dying flesh is known
To rot
Before the world was begun
Death had its beginning
I know it happens
I am not naive
My eyes have seen
Too much
I was born old
Never allowed to be young
And still
I grieve for the lost times
I grieve her absence
I sorrow for the one
Who is not here
She is far away
Taken to the Isle of the dead
And I am sorrowed for my being
Alone without her
I sleep without rest
I am unable to breathe
Air that hasn't been in her lungs
There is nothing that I can say
Even less that I can do
That will ever allow
Me to not be
Undone
I grieve for her

No Reason Without You

My heart still beats for you
You never said goodbye and I
Remain in shambles
Shattered and blue
I shiver from the cold
Alone and living in deja vu
Every time I think of
Our life together
I remember the good times
Even in faded memory
I long to surrender
And live in the past
But the world still spins
Goes on regardless
And I am fading fast
Because I can't see the reason
To keep going on
Without you

Your Machinations

Please do it
Just declare victory
You might say I'm wrong
But I know you
And I know you never loved me
It is without question the truth
Whatever your protestations
I have seen the proof
I was just your momentary fling
That is, a fickle swing of affection
You don't seem to care
But I am sure you understand
I am broken by your machinations
From the beginning I knew
You saw my heart as vulnerable
And you said we were friends
In an act of deflection
But you are one who is
Ruthless in love and life
You ran through my defenses
You took no prisoners
Your motives all too selfish
With all of your see through intentions
I surrendered
You won
You broke me
Declare victory
You don't care
You drove me senseless
Broke my trust
All because you wanted
My attention
Then you refused to end your game
Until my heart was crushed

Terminus Oh Terminus

I know how life works

You are born You live You die

I know this

Even though sometimes

Things aren't fair

The moment life begins

The end is begun

Life has a cost

But even knowing this

I grieve her loss as her child

I am broken now still

I am a parentless son

I long to hear her voice again

I won't since she is gone

I grieve her still

And I always will

My memories aren't enough

Since she's passed

My heart remains undone

She has gone to a place

I cannot reach

I won't know where that is

Until I am joined with her

It is a razor's edge I am upon in this life

Choosing to live over letting myself die

Denying myself the easy transit

To the terminus station

I long for that passage

But I can only sorrow her now

I will be here to finish my tour

Remaining until the end

With nowhere to run

When God is ready 

I will be found

Sleeping permanently 

 Under a pale moon in Autumn

When my time is come

My flesh condemned

In the coldest broken ground

Duty

It is said

We all bow before

The one we serve

Whether it is money

Or love

Until we are dead

But our service goes further

The angels serve their purpose

Made by an all powerful creator

The kings of the world all fall down

When their lives are turned dust

They bow will before their maker

The beasts, the men, the women

The unborn, the beggar, the wounded

The priest and the child

All fall before the altar of the one

Who tames the heart of the wild

I am a knight

I possess weapons and steel

And can take life by my hand

In the name of my king's will

His campaign and victory

My body is offered

For the land

Still, I lay my sword before

The one who redeems me

Of my pain

When death seems the master

Even it bows

After its devastation

All bow before the one

Who gave them purpose

By his creation