Monday, April 9, 2012

Terminus Determination

My mother was raped on New Year's Eve
My path was determined very early
The year 1963 meant that I'd be born
Instead of cast out
But there are more ways than the obvious
Through the sorrow of the moment
In which I was conceived
I was still a cast out emotionally
There would be
No decisions on how to be a being
No reminders of how it could be
Somewhere else
Life is all there was
I was exposed to the elements
And I couldn't choose not to be
All there was was me
One heartbeat reminded me
That I was meant to exist
But this life without hope
Has to cease
Terminus determination
Complex choices
I resist the attempts
At the starvation of emotions
The retaliation
Of the notion that
I should or could be loved
There is no guarantee
That I will find them
But it doesn't mean
I shouldn't try