A personal quest

I sought her as ardently
As I might a quest
However as imperfect I am
I am no guarantee
To pass any sort of test
Other than allegiance
And truth of my heart
Some might argue
My allegiance is so tightly held
It comes off as perverse
But I never surrender
Even should I fail
I was wounded, yes
By the chances of success
I could long for her with a pure heart
And still burn until ashes
Due to the realization
Of where she is
For the great distance
And so far from being mine
Yet her mind and beauty
Her spirit of love
So utterly divine
I sought to be her own
As a test of my worth
I would keep myself pure
And until I found her there
I would do anything anything
I am always dutiful
I never shirk
To prove my heart true
The winds of circumstance
And the happenings of chance
Saw disasters happen
My life became cursed
For every bit that I was ready
I was tormented
I was attacked inside by fear
I was attacked by others
In both my quest, and elsewhere
I carry her banner across my shield
I never waver in the face of battle
But my heart suffers
For the solitude, self imposed
Until I see her again
Until she is mine
And in her heart I am hers