Damn Voice Inside My Head

I heard you the first time, I really did, but wouldn't do what you'd do
You're full of facts, ideas and opinions, all wrong but you don't know
I smile at, eat all your insults, waiting until you're done, yes it's true
There's almost nothing I wouldn't do to just be done, about to blow
But I have to wake up tomorrow, and look in the mirror, seeing you
Staring at me, the emptiness obvious, in an ignorant afterglow

Eyes

My finger just tapped the button, made sure to delete
She whispered sweetly, we're not alone, so be discreet
I turned in a vapid horror, and I said, You make me sick
Don't you know, her face changed seven tones to hate
A hand struck me with a countenance of hatred, thick
She made sure to take from me, everything, to retaliate
And I meant to only leave her be, and for me to dream
Meaning for her to disappear into ethers, enter the hive
My flesh dying, without notice or mention, I'll survive
Because there's more than you might see with your eyes

While sitting in your chem tank, growing

With a manic energy, cruel beauty, comedic timing
Brilliant mind, acerbic wit, existing until your death
A world can't be forced to obey, as a clock chiming
You need to breathe, you are forced to draw breath
If an expectation, remember you're a sort of machine
An organic machine, designed to be able to dream
Life has costs, you'll move until all function is gone
You have cogs and gears, a mind made to think
What's left but be replaced as our time is done
But before you leave, try to perceive
Be more than just content
Life has joys and pains, a life to weave
There's more to do than to simply be
We are created to be more than present

Ravaged by a Hunger

I walked a continent in search of you, I couldn't find the truth
A life spent upon misery, solved every pointless mystery
Condemned and cursed, I saw myself lost upon planet earth
A being tossed by winds, and whims and capricious nature
What does it matter I'm gone, no one who lives, lives long
My flesh, like all other, decays, turns pale, lifeless, gray
Nothing to worry about, life is filled with belief, not doubt
I am ravaged by hunger, my mind is burning in the horror
That there's nothing inside, hollowed, emptied, I'm cyanide
I know the truth of my being, I've nothing to give to you
Of all facts and the truth, nothing more and nothing less

The Disciple

Long ago I was called to serve God's son
I bore the burden, witnessed for the Lord
I was never a saint, I just spread the word
My journey was not easy, but it had begun
I refused to be silent and ignored the scorn
I dusted off my sandals and went forward
And spread the message of the Holy One
Be strong comrades, bear his holy sword
Be aware of temptation and being lured
The journey is long, don't be overcome

Don't Conform

We're told that our minds are weak, I ask are we really?
Consider that the ones with power want our conformity
Wanting their slaves to be weak, obedient and uncertain
Maybe they'll tell us a lie that they want us to believe
In order to get us to stop thinking or stop dreaming
They want our soul, I never accept what they offer free
They want our life lived, to be boring, not dramatic
Everyone in the world wants to have their sovereignty
If you refuse to question authority, you'll never have it

Vacuum

Screaming into the void I fall, existence no longer calls
An empty darkness persists as my will no longer resists
Nothing can endure forever, drawing breath in aethers

The Grace and Art of Human Ascent

We endeavored with purpose, calmly creating our habitat
For some, they build, but only within the edges of nature
Others find they must create wonders that supersede limits
We're aware that our place in the universe requires ascent
How we achieve it, how we rise will reveal our excellence

“The character of the architectural forms and spaces which all people
habitually encounter are powerful agencies in determining the nature
of their thoughts, their emotions and their actions, however unconscious
of this they may be."                                                        Hugh Ferriss

The Heights

If the truth of all existence is decay and entropy
This world must try much harder to rise above
For if everything faces death, life is a moment
If we find the true path to ascend, life is forever
Destiny is now as we strive to reach the heights

Remembering The Dragon Wars

The legacy gift from our parents wasn't our lands, our wealth, or titles
Our children exist and thrive, we all endure due to our parents's efforts
To fight for a future, for our tribe, for we were allowed greater survival
We thank and welcome their memory, lift thanks to the sacred shadows
We will watch and wait for a return of dragonkind, alert to their arrival
But we will be ready, as it is our sacred duty, to remember the echoes
Of the suffering and courage, their desperate time, in this war free idyll

Deny Fate

To be what others tell us, but we cannot, this is not justice
In the vagaries of the vulgarities of our pointless existence
Are moments of the symphony of excellence and of beauty
As we are architects or engineers, artists or poets of reality
Foundations built with hope upon stable bedrock of dreams
We create a legacy, deny all fate, and embrace our destiny
Our labors do not free us but they give our dreams form

“A real building is one on which the eye can light and stay lit.” Ezra Pound

Our Beckoning Destiny

Where in fields of our choosing, we build temples to reach the sky
Of our storied heights of ascendance, we'll no longer need ask why
The dreamscapes of the builders leave their mark upon the horizon
And the world is no longer quiet, where the schemes are enlivened
Who will we become, who stand on our stage, the drama is begun
Our destiny is alive, our struggles will end, obstacles overcome

“The fate of the architect is the strangest of all in this way. How
often he expends his whole soul, his whole heart and passion, to
produce buildings into which he himself may never enter.”
                                                                                            
                                                                                            Goethe

This Dragon War Ongoing

So many lives have been given for others to survive, farewells made, in war
A campaign ongoing, with the slaughter beyond the mind's ability to take in
Courage is not limited to the humans, nor violence and hate of dragonkind
Wars are never polite, nor will species extinction be an equals compromise
The dragons filled the skies, bringing our death with their thunder and fires
We have chosen to endure, to survive the onslaught, to save our children
Now our most holy lands are held from our eyes, defended by their kind
We must prevail, for our survival or extinction is not for others to decide
The dragonkind knows, if we give in, our human future cannot be found
We shall fight, there's no choice, for if we fail, there are no tomorrows

Between Humans and Dragon Hordes

Between life and death, choice is one rarely freely made
As when the younger kingdoms awoke and began to rise
The powerful dragon lands, led by an ancient great wyrm
Realized very soon the humans would become dangerous
Centuries of their dominance over unorganized villages
Kept the human tribes weak, and fearful, paying tribute
Their late discovery of the forging of sword grade steel
And led to humans fashioning it to weapons and armor
Dragon claws and teeth, each sharp and deadly violent
And the Dragonkind were now equaled by the humans
Humans were far more numerous but now, held no fear

Called and Given his Sword

Few perceive the world as the expectant and royal
Not for being born well, nor for being fully loyal
The king offers ultimate honor, his kingship's destiny
The prince awaits a charge, his role no longer fantasy
A kingdom finds a sleeping peace, bound in majesty
To rule by noble blood, the king passed on his legacy
But the true test of kingship comes in the one thing
The king leads by serving others with his whole being

When Love Transforms

Taking steps into eternity's stream, we enter alive
As we then find our destiny, our inner self thrives
Being in love creates, lifts, unites, and awakens
Mystery of our species, the unknown transforms
The fragrant flower of being no longer forsaken
A dance of two to just one changes into one form
The flesh is moved, excited, but the soul ascends
Love moves all to be more in pure godsend

the madness of somnolence

To live in a state of anxiety, never sleeping, never dreaming
My life is made impossible with a third of my life unfufilled
Scorn for my mental illness, darkness my companion in life
Unable to keep your secrets, enjoy the regrets, and weeping
I am born in the forge of life, and fashioned by my free will
Sorrow unending and grieving slays my hope, I can't survive
Let this relentless pain end and let the slumber forever begin
Haunted by a knowledge that lingers inside, burning within
I beg to see the dream lands, and never wake again

Not to Join his Brothers

I'd watched as my youngest child marched off to fight the Kaiser
His elder brothers preceded him, dying on day one of the Somme
I was numb staring as he went, tears falling, they went unnoticed
I'd lost my husband in an accident at the Rowhedge Ironworks
Aware my child might join his brothers, he headed into danger
I quickly entered a state of unliving, remaining until his return
I knew the sorrows awaiting and refused to move until I knew
Patriotism and glory are fine as ideas, but the reality is a curse
For when everything you love is gone, that is the only truth
I live in poverty, I have nothing, but I'd give everything
For my youngest to not join his brothers

The Battle of the Somme, July to November 1916

Dancing with Damnation

Shall we dance with our approaching damnation
Can we endure this present immoral starvation
We live knowing our knowledge is incomplete
Our logical or emotional perspectives wanting
No chance to enhance our minds or information
Humanity struggles to know our early origins
If all wisdom is earned, will we ever learn
All of our lost chances are still haunting
Can we build the greatest civilization
As we build with flawed foundations?
Or, in the cosmos are we forever lost
Cast into the abyss, we are burning

Void

What can we do, once the end is here, but stare blank into the void
The pain of existence is ongoing, as the sorrow continues unabated
If there's hope, its nowhere near, I wonder why I'm to be destroyed
The end is enough, ambivalence and empty choices, all castrating

You can Rise

We fight inside, a war of perfection, trying to refuse our birth limitations
Every time we fall short of our desires, we never seem to know our way
We've learned over life, no one is able to be perfect, whatever our desires
We ask any power above to give us the ability to find glory in our name
Ascend beyond the limits, fly when you have wings, it is time to be more
Than everything you've been given, escape the chains of every shame

The Damage is Done

The hands of time ticking away, sands sift through our hands, grieve
The world seems to be dying, damage we've done everlasting, betrayed
As flesh decays, in fading shades of gray, fear is our lone companion
Nightmares of a life poorly lived, dreams are a revelation of the truth
Walls erected to keep foreigners out, a bio-dome built to keep us safe
The planet toxic, pollutants made it dangerous, and we can't breathe
What should have been entirely natural, we've corrupted and cursed
Water has been growing rare, oxygen is dirty, and food is scarce
The world will survive our presence, but we will not

Should be Dead by Now

This flesh shouldn't be alive, yes I should've died many times before
And I know that gratitude comes in a form found in more than words
The place found deep within, rests in the space of my beating heart
I'm alive due to many efforts of others, the scientists and the artists
In the past my health issues would've taken me through death's door
Many bad things happened but I endured, despite the fire I've earned
Staph, Cancer, Catastrophic falls, Organ failure, have all left scars
I found reason in love, in the arts, with thanks, I found more hours
Thanks to the scientists who saved me by their research and time
And to my family and friends, and artists who made it worthwhile
I've been thankful for those who made it possible to stick around
The glory of art and science, allowed me to find a holy ground

miracles required

Behind the nothingness, a world is becoming ethereal
With a veil hiding our heart, invisible, not invulnerable
Our flesh may fade as dreams become conspiratorial
These are wounds of forever, of attachments severed
The memories of lives gone, with wounds insufferable
But to even dream now of escape, requires a miracle
If the bleeding is deep, it'll be impossible to recover

The Cat & Mouse Game

With each step, I am more and more aware of the folly
Of living for perfection, of trying to be, what I am not
Flesh fails, my mind grows old as I fade, so inevitably
In a world of measurement by failure, I'm then wrought
If I revolve around an axis, where I'll exist and prosper
I live in a world where I am changed, misery is my lot
To endure and live on, my mind and being will await
A cat and mouse world, I'm not a cat, I've been caught
So now I wait for the final blow, if perhaps I escape
I haven't one hope of survival, unless chosen by God
If I'm able to flee, the cat's swift paw, coming for me
Only by circumstance or chance, will I beat the odds
Life is imperfect, every bit as much as me, so dream
Try to imagine something better, than the striking paw

“It is good to be a cynic, it is better to be a contented
cat, and it is best not to exist at all.” H.P. Lovecraft

Sleeping in Elysian Fields

Estranged from love, separated at birth, placed into exile
I shall taste of eternity, when I'm able to kiss Death's lips
As centuries pass to millennia, dead march in single file
All dreams as yet undreamed will fall to dust, in the abyss
Love was insincere, my flesh turned to rust, now defiled
But the graylands beckon me come, offering a great gift
Life in a land of eternal youth and we'll sleep in the sun
With all sins washed clean, any fear of death overcome

Rise or Fall, Launch

Stairs that ascend offer hope with one thing to remember
The steps can also be used for descent, hope dismembered
Every life has a purpose, whatever our path or our design
The stars can represent a distant unreachable place or goal
Or they can offer to us a potential peak to climb over time
Gaze into the sky, know, humanity's rise requires a soul
And we'll find our way, someday, if not now, some day
Potential becomes our fuel, and we'll rise with acclaim
Let us then launch!

“You develop an instant global consciousness, a people orientation, an
intense dissatisfaction with the state of the world, and a compulsion
to do something about it. From out there on the moon, international
politics look so petty."    Astronaut Edgar Mitchell

Words

Vile words aren't violence but they still hurt, they do mean something
We are all told that words will never hurt us but what does that mean
Are we meant to ignore the intention, or ignore the communication
The circular dialogue, no beginning or end, emotional starvation
Over time we hear enough, we believe, especially if we agree
But self esteem is a gift that most people do not possess
And I confess, it may take much more effort to believe

Offered

A world lay awash in fears, I resisted desperately
I'd pulled open the door for the future's destiny
Fate demanded that I take its hand but I refused
Watched as the storm approached, made a stand
Life is based upon hope and we've no promises
As I gaze into the star filled sky, and I'll choose
I'll take my journey, as far as I can understand
Alone I'll walk, with no help, no accomplices
I've no worries that life is a game that I'll lose
I know the cost, and refuse all demands
A mystery unknown, but I am offered alone
To take the path, to rise on my own
Fate is powerless, Destiny is my home

Random Calls

Like a Numbers station, information aimed at one listener
Many hear it calling, in code unbreakable and aimed at one
A desire to know what was said is great, leaves you prisoner
If deep calls to deep, we haven't means to even understand
Until we've endeavored or investigated, we are only visitors
The transmissions we are able to hear can't be interpreted
Without the wisdom we experience, that must be earned
Otherwise we are lost, offered codes we must now learn
But we can't know all that we don't know exists
In the void, we must endure, seek, and persist

“I want to be with those who know
secret things or else alone.”
                                 Rainer Maria Rilke

Isolation Chamber

Watch me bleed, watch me as I fade from view
I've no more needs, since I found what was true
I love and I need, I've nothing more to even say
What's inside my mind but questions of the day
What matters, whatever ever could've mattered
When life shatters, a mind's thoughts scattered
And there is nothing left, no reason to now be
Alone whenever you ever used the word we
So farewell, please be well, I loved you
Since I met you, there's just one thing to do

I Believe?

In this world of mysteries and various demands for proof
Evidence is lacking for most of it, however we measure truth
Bigfoot might be a hoax, but millions think they saw him
UFOs might be lights in the sky, reflected off the horizon
Saying that it truly exists, requires the evidence to be vast
Thinking a concept possible doesn't require the same facts
Belief can be misconstrued, balancing logic and intuition
Faith is a manner of belief and logic leads to cognition
One might have both or neither, or other combinations
All beliefs have various demands and requirements
But we are all different in our mental foundation

"Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because
the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.
Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” Roald Dahl

Final Phase

Running down the only path forward, into the abyss
My flesh is left decaying, turning gray, a living Hell
Breaking down from life's wrath, an Angel will kiss
Taking me from the place, break through this shell
I've nothing left to hold to, as all my functions cease
The way and reason, temporary moves to permanent
The moment that the soul moves to the forever stage
Life is limited, eternity is endless, abandon torment
And embrace giving up control and losing all rage
All regret ends as existence enters final phase

Hell

“Awake, arise or be for ever fall’n.” John Milton

Entropy's hellish wage, as order decays unto chaos
Empathy shares the shame, as care turns to apathy
We've become the children of the final generation
Rather than defend a higher ground, most now run
The future infected in a world described by Milton
Where those prefer to rule in Hell than to serve
Surrendering morality, surrendering immortality
To be their own master and rule from a jail cell
The selfish desire manifested in a role they chose
To rule over the likewise corrupted and fallen
And be jail warden over those damned in Hell

“Long is the way and hard, that out of
Hell leads up to light.” John Milton

To Be A Fool

Why are we told how great that life is, how beautiful
If hope never comes, within a constant crisis, the fool
I've nothing at all to offer you, I've nothing to say
No one's talking to me, I live in silence and shame
Darkness endures, all day's are the same, this is cruel
So I surrender to entropy, while hoping for a break
In the cycle where orders decays into chaos

“It is such an uncomfortable feeling to
know one is a fool” L. Frank Baum

Revelation Dawning

An avalanche of despair, thunders and crashes down
This world doesn't let you dream, echoes are calling
No sign of hope in the emptiness, there is no sound
In the world in which I live, a revelation is dawning
I stare into the void, I fear there's no sacred ground
I pray that I endure, and find a new hope spawning
But know that's despair, not any inspiration found

“The nearer the dawn
 the darker the night.”

                 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Renew

Can you hear me in there, somewhere, anywhere
Is my voice carried up to you by spiritual means
Is there life in the cosmos, do you remember me
There's that day I was born, in your loving arms
I'm safe from drowning from sorrow and harm
I linger on the fringe, calling you, begging you
Remember us please, let's be in spiritual union
My heart renews in your embrace, love is truth

Suffocating

Suffocation on 100% Oxygen, taken with all the meds
Breathe in, and then do it again, even if you wish it to end
Whatever we're given, whatever you need, a modus vivendi
The world takes everything, takes it all, leaves you empty
Nothing I do will matter, if reflection is a mirror shattered
What does reality ever mean if you sleep but never dream
I'm unchosen but I've enough, if broken I'm healed by love
Love reigns, never fails, aware of danger, let love prevail

"Her heart was broken.  Why would they try to
cure her with pills and powders?” Leo Tolstoy

The Mask

You said it was wrong for me to take such a chance, so I shouldn't ask
If I was right I wouldn't need to know as if I'd found the circumstance
But if life isn't a masquerade, and if we aren't doing that happy dance
Why wear a mask, why a disguise, unless I need to hide my face
As if I am special, or as if my life would be composed of lies?

In the Madness, Darkness

As I fall into the void, I'm lost in this mind's failure
Alone in my darkness, with unanswerable questions
Nothing I can do now to save myself, I'm no savior
Manifest insanity, life is madness, need intervention
Others blame me, scream at me, try to shame me
If  I have hope, I know she is a dark temptress
But all the while, anger tries to claims me
And it can't have its way, I refuse to die this way
The world might consume me, devour my hope
But I will not be remembered for losing the race

“If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they
don't have to worry about answers.” Thomas Pynchon

Enough?

If I stop trying, our love would be dying
I've been alone, do you know my name
But I've nothing without a fallen dream
As I walk my path without hope of love
Is it time to move on or am I now lying
Living alone in a relationship, in shame
Do I matter at all, when should I scream
Should I say when I haven't enough?
Or would that just make you angry
Angry enough to ask me to leave?

Life in the darkness, light in the shadows

A quiet moment of perfection, with not one human sound
It exists, however one labels it, the message: this is beauty
Life forms, grows by branches, surrounded by the shoreline
In depths of shadows, all sunlight struggles to touch ground
Life vibrates, with energy, nature's exaltation moves souls
Our world is sacred, however perceived, to defend it, a duty
The scene is unique, surreal, but divine, glorious and ominous
My senses here are overwhelmed, but mists rise and extol
Opens a gossamer thin veil, revealing serenity in abundance
This is a perfect moment, timeless, vital, it calls you near

Eternal Hopes

If nothing matters, if there is no God, nor Eternity
I'll still live as though God exists, same as forever
There can be nothing to lose, by trying to be kind
Seeking the truth, by finding hope, never quitting
I hope God exists, but I'm not the creator of God
I desire Eternity, the love I found, I want forever
I believe, whether or not we will arrive together
I'll wait patiently for all the souls who healed me
In that place there'll be union of fulfilled dreams
For if it exists, it is something I'd want to believe

Beyond Persistence

To know and not to know, and to be aware of both limitations
To want and not want, but always come short of expectations
If nothing even exists, nothing exists beyond a pale existence
If there's nothing, there's nothing to find, beyond persistence
To endure, despite the castration, regardless of starvation
The flesh fades, but the spirit will ascend and transform

Too Long

I have had a dream to be asleep forever beyond this moment
To taste of ecstasy, to find peace, and a life without pretense
Enter Elysian fields, resting in the forever sun on the horizon
To escape the pain, to speak with joy of sweet remembrance
I've spent too long in oblivion, existence drones with regret
This flesh is weary but my spirit will achieve transcendence 

“Never forget:
      we walk on hell,
                                      gazing at flowers.”  Kobayashi Issa

Consequences

This trail of epic sorrow has followed upon a path of no return
Making poor choices and suffer all of the bitter consequences
A willing sacrifice placed upon an altar, of now burnt remains
The pyre stands high enough to send a beacon, watch it burn
Upon an empty black night, flame sends a message disastrous
Existence has a cost, fire now consumes any portion of shame
In the absurdity of our persistence, in the darkness of the void
We've only ourselves to blame, before all we know is destroyed