Truth of the Vineyard

Do your best days come from perfect sleep
When fed greatest meals,
Or enjoying the finest luxury?
Or instead
Do you find yourself overcoming in the situation
You'd think would be the least likely
Life is like the vine
All wine comes from the vineyard
But the finest wine is rare
It comes not from the best vines
Nor from the most fertile soil, No
Grapes rise from growing on the margins
Found upon the land that is most extreme
The best wine comes from the struggle
Each grape is forced to thrive or die
The end result is found in the glass
Lives are like that
What we'd assume comes first matters last
What truly is important Is how you survive, indeed thrive
In the times when you are aware there is nothing left
You have nothing left but survive
Life is like the vine
Try to create the finest vintage

Screaming at the ringing phone

As it rains outside
There is a storm inside
I feel faithless and bleeding
Letting the black bleed out
I keep wondering if you believe
And I'm filled with epic doubt
What does it mean to love
And not have someone to answer
When I call
Might as well try cyanide
Doing my best not to shout
The phone keeps ringing
And lead keeps singing
Telling me to just give up
Just give in to the voices
Telling me I am alone
And there is no one left
I know there is more
But I've bled too much
My mind goes black
I am seeing stars
And can't go back
All this comes
From this love for you
And I wonder why
To hide my face
And not react
As I listen to the phone ring
I know you'll never be there
Even if you are waiting
For the next call

I'd run too

Who am I to tell someone how to react
If they think they'll be shot in the back
Who am I to think I know the feeling
Of being chased with sirens screaming
I'd resist arrest too, but my skin is white
So I'd get a lawyer, and it'd be alright
I dare not tell you what I think within
Cops aren't all evil, although some are
But if they'd kill you for the black skin
Throw you down, keep you behind bars
Maybe we give them too much power

Stacked Deck

How many black men have to die
For acting in fear from the police
Knowing they'll kneel on their neck
How many black men have to cry
I can't breathe, I can't breathe
Life for them is played
Against a stacked deck
Time to ask the questions
Will this never end
Does society want us to just forget
It is time to wonder why
The years pass and we still hate
We can't keep thinking it'll go away
We can't keep believing it's pretend
That life is fair to all those who play
When it ain't

Eric Garner
George Floyd

Living Shadows Of Night

As her kitten mind and body sleeps
With soft sure steps, the moon rises, the panther walks
She hides in the black of the night, like a living shadow
As she hunts, this slumber is deep
Liquid motion, pure silence, by the darkness she stalks
The queen of her jungle, with guile still she is callow
Prepared, when ready she leaps
In this dreamscape she has the steadiness of pure rock
Narrow is her path, secrets of the hunt she well knows
Secrets of her hunt she keeps

Regret

I live with someone, but I can't call them friend
I've shared my life with a dark force, a beast
I remember every action, every word, I fail
The beast who follows me is worse than a shadow
He sucks my soul, he burns my heart, he is regret
My emptiness steals from me my joy, it feasts
My life is a fire pit, no, worse, it is my jail
The flesh screams, my mind is hollowed
There is nothing inside
I live a lie, my life is bent
I am overwhelmed by a dark force
I call it regret

Brothers and Mothers

My brothers fell on either side of the wall
Separating Union and Confederates at Cold Harbor
My cousins and family all paid, and died in valor
Fighting at Marathon beach, Athenians and Persians
We all died answering the nation's call
Call us home, call us home
We loved our country, and decided to fight with ardor
Dead from Pearl Harbor and Truk Lagoon colored pallor
The wealthy start wars, cry the mothers and orphans
Only the dead have seen the end of war
And they alone

If nothing matters

What is there to do for one who refuses to conform
What can I do to make it worth outlasting the storm
Because I resist the push to make me one with the rest
Who despise me as I refused to become
The one who tells lies to be
Acceptable to those who rather I fade from view
Not just die but disappear from memory and more
Life offers what others take
I have choices available I'd rather not make
If nothing matters
Why crush my soul in the attempt
Why accept the punishment upon the pretense
That anything matters
But dying flesh, pain, shadow and regret

?

How can I decide?
What should I do?
Where do I go?
Life is no easy ride
Who knows what is true?
What do I know?
Jack Shit.
I know Jack Shit.

“That's all I can tell you. once you get into cosmological shit like this, you got to throw away the instruction manual.”  Stephen King

The Valley

Every generation will reach a place
Bodies fade, pass, and become dust
They've spent time in despair and misery
But life also has joy and great mysteries
And our desire leads us upon a chase
Every single life has reasons to survive
And yet existence comes with vanity
Which is pure hubris
We are addicted to joy's exquisite taste
Love leads down different roads
From the height of joy to carnal lust
Sorrow sends us down roads and time
Every life born is worth living, rewards
Should the dead return from dust restored
What hope could they have gained
Fear of the toll of Hell leads to a path
That rarely leads a life to find Heaven
We exist for joy despite the wrath
Heaven is far away, so narrow our way
Held accountable by our actions
It is only our choices that can decide
Wisdom, faith and knowledge do not impel
We are forced to choose a life lived well
Or face a life condemned
Fear keeps us from living
Holding back
The power of forgiving
Leads us to untold depths
We ourselves create the realm of Hell

Duty

The youth are sacrificed
Like in Athens with Theseus
I  have done my duty
I've given everything
Nothing is left
My life is offered
Truly
Nothing is left
Nothing inside
I would sing
anthems, yes anthems
Nothing else
I sing
Anthems to your being
Let it be oh God
Guns and bombs loosed
For what purpose
Soon it will be my life lost
For what, oh God, for what

Dangerous Ignorance

We might not perceive it but all aspects of life have import
We might experience happiness or hope, or sorrow or anger
As we feel the effects of interruptions of our day or week
Every human life has issues, they come in various forms
Health issues announce themselves, giving us notice
As relationships fail, we fear eventual forced solitude
If the world experiences a meteor strike or earthquake
If unaffected physically we aren't moved
World events don't usually cause worry or fear within
But even small events can have grave consequences
If we can't always perceive the power or threat
It doesn't mean we don't experience the results
Our life form has evolved, we are capable, even bright
This isn't about selfishness or lack of empathy
We perceive danger to us but usually in direct or local ways
Not from a bad attitude or information poorly construed
The butterfly flies and her wings barely move the wind where she is
But the effect of her action has ripples ending life upon earth
A vast storm might appear upon the horizon
A drop of water into the ocean becomes one with the collective
But if a drop of water from the eyes of Stalin
Shows weakness and giving a perception of opportunity
Leading intelligence operatives to report the opening
With unresolved wars, hate and reopened scars
Conflict can be renewed
A tear at an inopportune time could lead to nuclear war

In The Vocation of Man (1800), Johann Gottlieb Fichte says "you could not remove a single grain of sand from its place without thereby ... changing something throughout all parts of the immeasurable whole".

December Blizzard

So desperate to be warm
Need to soon arrive safely
Make it through the storm
One of the worst in centuries
So cold, we were warned
But we had no choice, try or all would die
Failure would invite scorn
To die without trying would be unworthy
Of the fighting spirit within

Life as the Odyssey

We are all able to change the world
In positive as well as negative ways
So whatever you choose also know
This world where we live will still turn
You might count the days of life remaining
Or act heroically
So remember, as above so below
A planet has needs, as does our flesh too
We rise in victory, or crash to the earth down
We might live for the truth, or live a life of lies
A day tossed aside means we miss the view
Change the world by making it sacred ground
Live this existence through your own eyes
Not one cursed by the choices of others
Be heroic, choose a life that moves the earth
Choose to love, choose to be a force for good
Love in ways people feel appreciated, covered
Live so that you are a blessing, never a curse
Heroism doesn't require being in a knighthood
It requires a great hope and faith in people
A love greater than that of the storm
A life without fear in a world of fear
Choosing to be one against the flood

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”  Plato

Call me Darkness

I am darkness
My soul is black
My heart is emptied
The canvas is artless
Your love I lack
Starving in a world of plenty
There is nothing
But requiem
For the dead
And I cannot cry
For I am emptied of empathy
I am vapid and silent
Watching the pyre burn
An ungodly silence hovers
A pale gray covers
We cannot escape the tomb
Prepared for us first
By our mothers

Bursting Into Existence

I didn't understand what it would mean to be a parent

A wild fire of destruction and joy arrived in your name

You were the moment of perfection I can't begin to describe

I'm far from royal born, but you are my heir apparent

The inner cauldron of creative fire in you can't be tamed

You've been the one reason I was ever given life

The chaotic star who flashed across the night's sky

I'm only a father, because you are my son

The most worthy tapestry woven in gold

God's master hand shown to me, his work is done

You've renewed my spirit, even as my flesh has grown old

“I say unto you: one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. I say unto you: you still have chaos in yourselves.”  Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

image copyright me, alex ness 2020©

A Legend and His Weapon

He was truly a man of his times
But far more, he was the answer
When the battle was beyond lost
One who lingered in the nethers
As a hero of legends
Bearing a legendary weapon
Cúchulainn called it Gáe Bulg
A spear with barbed edges
Used with perfect control
From a fierce heart inside
It was as much a part of the hero
As his flesh, as his mind
He fought by himself
For in battle he raged blind
Slaying all upon the field
But his chariot driver
And the beasts under harness
For all men fled
And his hand had great yield
For he fought until none stood
Upon the fields of valor
Blood made the grass slippery
And entrails joined the flood


"It was there Cu Chulain had doffed his tunic, and the deep snow was around him where he sat, up to his belt, and the snow had melted a cubit around him for the greatness of the heat of the hero. " The Táin Bó Cúalnge

Her Heart

Saw the world through a prism
That separated light from the dark
Her mind was bright and heart wise
She was different, the comparison stark
Between all of the people she'd met
She wasn't able escape life without scars
She did live, able to trust and love
She played between the plan and a lark
She was beautiful inside, and more
But she lived in a world full of harm
And she bore the wounds of all
In her deeply wonderful heart
She knew something powerful
That love begets love
While hate is a passion
It has a short reach
While love helps you reach the stars











“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and 
see yourself running with them.” Marcus Aurelius

14 May 1940

Shortly before Rotterdam was terror bombed, the city soon would be apocalyptically burning, the few surviving Dutch flyers with planes took off for one last flight for one final fight. They didn't survive, but they fought to the last.  However, their memory lingers in time.

History records a perception that defenders or members of a last stand were idealistic and fighting nobly in lost cause. They attribute to these defenders the traits of brave, morality, or qualitatively elite. But that isn't necessarily true.

They realized they were fighting against motivated foes who seemed to be made of steel. If the defenders feared, it didn't act as flaw. If immoral, that didn't guarantee defeat. The end was showing, and seeing the surging Wehrmacht below, they'd strike one final time from the skies like lighting.

Instead of bravery, they had an enemy to oppose and fought because it was all they could do. They faced losing everything, all they loved, anything they believed in. With no monopoly upon the truth they still knew, their cause was greater than the threat of dying.

Win or lose, the decision to fight alone offered any hope. Perhaps the enemy could not be defeated but doing nothing in the face of that meant not only defeat, but the death of all they might know.

"When the invasion of Holland took place I was recalled from leave and went on my first operation on 15 May 1940 against mainland Germany. Our target was Dortmund and on the way back we were routed via Rotterdam. The German Air Force had bombed Rotterdam the day before and it was still in flames. I realised then only too well that the phoney war was over and that this was for real. By that time the fire services had extinguished a number of fires, but they were still dotted around the whole city. This was the first time I'd ever seen devastation by fires on this scale. We went right over the southern outskirts of Rotterdam at about 6,000 or 7,000 feet, and you could actually smell the smoke from the fires burning on the ground. I was shocked seeing a city in flames like that. Devastation on a scale I had never experienced."   Air Commodore Wilf Burnett.

Raining

I sought some solace
For the loneliness
So I went out to the ocean shore
I walked there hoping it might rain
The day was long,
The night short enough
I found that I'd gone insane
Again
And without your love
I will die
The rain beckons
Let it pour
I am gone
I've been wrong
I believe
That there is more
I know
There's nothing in my core
If you don't love me
So let the rain fall
Cleanse me
Give me life
Renew my flesh
Replace the sorrow
With a hopeful breath
I love but without reply
I know
I will die
Let it rain
Let it rain down on me

Cancer of modernity

Told to stifle our feelings
We become machines
The cancer of modernity spreads
People want to be like those elite others
Able to waste or pick and choose
While the seeds of our future
Are planted in soil that is dead
The materialist greed smothers
Until it is woven into a noose
All of our dreams collapse
Kindness feels like a tumor
So alien, the behavior fades
Until we are numb
Until there's nothing that can be done
Our future is now and if we fail
Future generations will wonder
What it was like to dream
What it was like to have goals
Because the world is changing
And it looks more and more
That our future will be a great black hole
Sucking life and hope away
The machine endures
Modernity is a lie
Telling us we do not matter
Love is a myth
The wealthy are our lords
And we are but labor
Who must never show emotions
Never feel our pain
Never cry
As we become insane

The Lone Warrior

A single samurai stands against the flood
Knowing his life will end, still he fights
The way of the samurai is death, elegant
Irrespective of pain, sorrow, loss of blood
Courage, firm resistance, are forms of spite
With death a result, his family is desolate
But it should be understood, by the witness
That death is a journey, death is not the end
The truth is, all that we know about death
Is that it's a change of circumstance
Not necessarily fear, nor sorrow nor regret
No one knows what lays beyond
Perfection controls what is left to chance
By determined fight, and fierce response
Samurai give battle like ballerinas dance
With exquisite efficacy and faith in arms
Spending hours in practice and reflection
Making death wearied, stealing its prize
The samurai who will die, joyously fights
Leaves death with no victim, only a body
By this denial a samurai forces death to lie
Forcing it to be pleased by taking
One who was ready to die

"The heart of a virtuous person has settled down and he does not rush about at things. A person of little merit is not at peace but walks about making trouble and is in conflict with all." Yamamoto Tsunetomo  

If you need me

I don't know the answers
I don't even know the question
But wherever, whoever, whatever is hurting you
I'll be next to you without hesitation
I've suffered from the emotional suffocation
And know how it is to want to die
And that I feel insane
This life has a cost
While there is no magic, there is hope
In the face of the bitterness, sorrow and pain
I beg you please
Let me be what you need
I can't bear another loss

Frozen love

My flesh turned blue, my flesh grown cold
Your love paled my heart, with you I'm old
Winter inside, frozen tears, watch them fall
Love you've broken me, on the ice I sprawl
My breath is frost, and your love has a cost
With the wind stealing my warmth, I'm lost
My life isn't over, but I have barely survived
So I ask, is it winter anywhere, or just inside
I used to think if I'm with you I am home
But I know I've lost my hope, and I'm alone

“Wintery day,
On my horse
A frozen shadow.”  Matsuo Bashō,

The Punishment The Crime

Torrents of rain, falling wild, like tears of a child

It is morning, I'm walking down the final trail

Thoughts, the cause of my fall, and castration

Trapped in deep stagnation, lose my breath

My flesh broken, with pain so vile, breaking

Death will have me, I was life's unchosen

I try to remember ways I can still believe

If life's not over yet for me, I can't be me

Prayers unspoken well up inside me, regret

Life's been leading to this place, of finality

I'm dying with every breath, a sad reality

Death getting closer, reflecting in the mirror 

Chasing me, drawing near to me for his kiss 

But I foil his plan, reaching with his hand 

His grasp returns empty, and he hisses

My pursuer fails, watching me as I leap 

Into the abyss, nothing remains of me

Ready to take my punishment

Punish me for the acts of my hand

Let me become my own demon

And I'll pay for what I've done

私は自分の悪魔です

Sparrow and Willow

She was a willow never weeping
I, as the sparrow finding hope
Learning there, finding there
The joy that all were seeking
Love the dangerous isotope
The boundaries marked off
A land violently attacked
Even if the willow tree was saved
For a moment from the logger's axe
The sparrow survived hiding in shadow
Fleeing as he was chased from paradise
We the immigrants from the land unbidden
The act of an unknowing hand
The slaying by an ignorant act
The sparrow waited and was cast out
He had dreams but the world of man didn't
He needed to know if he was alive
While the willow kept her passion hidden
The isotope of love was spent in the half life
Filled with regret for a life unlived
But what could have become known
Now alone with little left
Living in hurt, lost in strife
Sparrow burned everything it owned
A fetus and womb, from birth into tomb
How to ever acknowledge
How he lost his love
And then lost his home

"Look at the Sparrows; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us literally live from moment to moment."   Mahatma Gandhi

Breaking Down

The tears burn
The salt stings
I cry without sound
Breaking away
Giving up
Being told I'm not enough
Every day goes by alone
And I've no sacred ground
I am king of nothing
And have no crown
Empty lives lived
Nobody forgives
My sins are counted
Until I am broken
By the tax collector
By the immoral
By the self righteous
Falling
All the way down
Walking a trail
Of a life failures
The sins mount
And I have no words
I have nothing left
Only broken dreams
And I cannot sleep
For the fears
And secrets I can't keep
Any more
Let me out the door
To somewhere else

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.”  Kahlil Gibran

Restoration

We've walked the sands and shore for centuries
Waiting for our lost savior to return
But in the wastelands there are only us
We keep alive abject hope and deep mysteries
For the one who will bring us justice
But we can wait forever without result
If the seeds planted are planted in dead soil
Hope is all we can bring
For it is all we can do
Let our hope be the seed
Our love will be the revolution
Let our love fulfill every need
And let salvation come

“Even if no salvation should come, I want to be worthy of it at every moment.” 
― Franz Kafka

Morning Promise

We think of life in both direct and abstract ways
Since childhood we know that night follows day
A grand metaphor that's found as the seasons sing
It is truth, we know with winter will follow spring
But we dream and at times the nights go on long
Our passions fade, feeling like our belief is gone
Whatever day, trust the arrival of the morning sun
For without it rising, we will all exist in oblivion

Changed By A Dare

We waited for the return more than a decade
They'd left for the furthest galaxy from here
Discovered life, life complex, life abundant
We had to wait until now, to share accolades
From the reaches of space range far to near
And now modern lives seem to be redundant
The galaxies and stars and planets out there
Makeing life upon Earth just work, empty
We'd drained our planet dry, now had to flee
Knowing our lives change if only we dare
Spent decades fighting to achieve a peace
We've made a way out, we'll soon leaving
The emptiness of space will be our home
Until we arrive in our perfect Eden

“Those ancients who in poetry presented
the golden age, who sang its happy state,
perhaps, in their Parnassus, dreamt this place.
Here, mankind's root was innocent; and here
were every fruit and never-ending spring;
these streams--the nectar of which poets sing.” 
Dante Alighieri

Anniversary Of Emptiness

Sitting in the moonlight like a being supernatural
Shimmering waves of light and spectacular power
Every night a celebration, every day a revelation
And since you left me, when God chose to take you
The only thing I'd wanted for now or forever
There's nothing, emptiness and empathy's starvation
A life emptied of joy as I watched you wither
The memories passed, the moments echoed
And then you were gone leaving me haunted
Wounded, and bleeding I knew all was wrong
Now there's nothing and I can't get up and face each day
Inside my heart you remain, no one can take your place
I love you and miss you
My being will never be alive
Again

“Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives 
back life to those who no longer exist.”  Guy de Maupassant

Frozen Thames

Source BBC "'between 1309 and 1814, the Thames froze at least 23 times and on five of these occasions -1683-4, 1716, 1739-40, 1789 and 1814 - the ice was thick enough to hold a fair."

When the Thames froze over
It was not a common event
It might slow commerce
So cold as to cause frost damage
But on the rare times it froze
People gathered a fair upon the ice
Both to defy winter
And to celebrate in hard times

Arthur's Foolish but Brave Knight Gawain

Armored and prepared
Armed and aware
He was called to give battle
Arthur his king was tasked
With defending against an attack
Of giants and dragons and men
Gawain was sent to gather a force
Armed with weapons to fight
He determined the best action
In the face of such threat
Was to charge headlong into the fray
The raw courage needed
For a single knight and untrained militia
To defend against invasion
By hostile tact, foolish perhaps
Headstrong most certainly
And he himself killed most of the foe
Rash but lived and would die bravely

Lady Persephone and Lord Hades

Lord of the Underworld
Goddess of the crops
Lovers of sorts
In the dark lands
Spring is renewal
Autumn the harvest
The sun reigns in Summer
Darkness reigns in Winter
There is beauty in all seasons
But the return to the daylight
Of Lady Persephone
Brings hope and hearth
The return of darkness
When she lingers with Lord Hades
There is cold and dying
Let us embrace the time
When the sun is warm
Let us rest in the time
When the nights are long