Kiss Me

Kiss me
Not because you love me
But because you want me
To take you away from here
Kiss me
Not because of lust
Or an act of pleasure
But because you made it clear
The days are short
And the nights are filled
With the nightmares
Fueled by memories
By the legacies
You know follow
By the promises
That are hollow
You cannot escape
You cannot run
No promise can erase
The grieving to be done
You only know the abject sorrow
You do not need tomorrow
There is only this moment
And Azrael is my name

bear my shame

This note has been crafted carefully
I need to find my place and to bear my shame
I can't find breath but can bleed
I can't spare any hope yet I can mislead
I am the devil in flesh
I am evil incarnate
I am a fool to even think I deserve to know my fate
My moment of clarity
So let me die
Please let me burn
Let me know just how you hurt
I feed on your pain
I feed on your hate
I deserve no clemency
For my crimes
My soul is shit and it is time to say
There is nothing left, only pain
I am tired of knowing this destiny
Knowing I am gone
Should bring you exquisite ecstasy
I have nothing but memories
And they are nothing
But fake
Fuck me
How I love my chains

You are Victory

Your voice an anthem of victory
Your scent a trip to Eden's beauty
Your eyes more flawless than diamonds
Your form inspires courage like lions
How I long to be yours
You are the sound in silence
You are the moment in timeless
You are the dream in a fantasy
You are the threads of the perfect tapestry
How have I longed for you
How my life has lingered
In the echoes of your being
And until I ascend
To hold your form
I will only be able to pretend

Winter Ambush

a spray of blood
splatters red on white
the prints of feet in the snow
show an ambush and flight
and fear that came in a flood
warriors from different tribes
will clash and end
with nothing good to show

nothing

how long will you be there
so deep I cannot remove you
so far from my reach it isn't fair
how many years will you haunt my dreams
how long will you taunt me for my decision
you hover in the dark, in my thoughts, in my sleep
you removed my heart and soul with precision
and I've nothing left
nothing
but the pain
and memories
and they linger
where I cannot find them
just out of reach
I try
I try
and have nothing
nothing left but my flesh
and giant blood soaked leech

“Let them think what they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. I meant to swim till I sank -- but that's not the same thing.”
― Joseph Conrad, The Secret Sharer and other stories

Nothing but a bug

Before I knew her I was able to experience love
Perhaps ignorant, perhaps I was better off shutting up
No longer grieving, no longer bitter
I made the mistake of telling her
I escape this life by things unreal
My guise as human is to not feel
In fact, in real life I am a house fly
She replied by offering me cyanide
Soon she had swatted all of the nearby swarm
And peeled their wings and declared it an artform
She purses her lips and raises a finger
I understand and so now I just linger
Far away from her hand there is safety
But near her, my hold upon sanity is shaky

Soul Bleed

My soul bleeds
Tempered only by the thought
I might find peace
And quiet
Some solace
Because this life is temporary
My spirit might well transcend
Ascend
Be redeemed
But my love for you destroyed me
Nearly forever
Your love for me disappeared quickly
It lasted, almost, in fact, never
You counted the cost
And remained in my glow
Until you chose to flee
When I had need
Soon I began to bleed
Sorrow and grieving
Followed

For the Empire They Fought

We send our youth, in arms, to fight for the empire
We call them back, upon their shield, or in laurels
For the victories they have won
But every battle starts a new fire
Despite their youth they are but mortals
And the empire's fall is begun

Victory has a cost

Another victory
Another dead gladiator
I am alive for my skills
My abilities
But I had no more training
No more talent
Than the other
He slipped
I struck
The fight was over
I am alive
He is dead
I give an offering
To the god of battles
I give an offering
To my ancestors
And I remember
What I was
Before this
Became all I am

Clash

She lay upon the rocks
Feigning some sort of wound
The passing flock of angels looked down
One of them delayed his charge
Swooped down to inspect
She barely moved, uttered no sound
She looked up as the angel approached
And she reached up as he paused
Placing her arms tightly around him
She kept squeezing tighter
Just before his death
The angel's comrades attempted rescue
The fight between the triton and angel
Left no room for neutrality
The angel broke free
Eventually
Though his wings were broken
He was carried by the others
And carried with him for eternity
A distrust of beautiful women
Laying upon the rocks
Below

Nightmare 1946

Once the enemy had acquired nuclear capabilities
There was no question that they'd use their weapons
Washington, London, Paris and Moscow
Lay devastated in the aftermath
The free world lay prostrate before the tyranny
But destiny is aware and now beckons
Offering a torch light to the deepening shadows
Only hope and courage could release us from the wrath

Flesh falls

My flesh falls freely
From the bone
My eyes dry in the socket
Fading in the cold
The dust lands upon me
Like nuclear ash
Burning
Like an epic story
Of heroic feats
Told
Death is simple
Dying is the task
And none can save you
From dying
Not even faith
Or love
Or gold

Ghosts of a Fallen Age

First Breath to Last

From our first breath
We are beckoned
To ascend into heaven
To metamorphosis
Called to know
Our creator
Transform into spiritual flesh
To rise
And join the host
To triumph
Over death
We are small
Compared to the one
Who called us
No longer forsaken
This quest begun
Now with the celestial army
Accompanying me upon the journey

leap of faith

With this leap of faith
All is for the best
No one cares
No one passes the test
We live
We all die
Beat the test
And then what
there is nothing
Nothing other than life
And death
One is as natural
And true
As the other
So why mourn
Why cry when others die?

Above

Floating upon the winds
I gaze upon the earth below
I see the catastrophes of time
And the disasters of man
The machinery of our sins
Seen only by murders of crows
Stirs the horror inside
Across the land

Enter the Abyss

In the darkest place
I have drunk the unholy wine
It has a most foul taste
I am held aloft
Outstretched every extremity
By piano wire
And hateful hearts
As they sing the songs of Hell's choir
Floating in the vacuum of the abyss
I am able to evoke a scream and shiver
But the black leads to oblivion
Burnt over the fire pit
I will be punished
And I am a liar
Where worms and rats eat my liver
Before the host most Stygian
Here I am
Here I am
Unforgiven
Do what you are required
Set me alight upon your pyre
And let my ashes spread my dust
Upon the living

White veil

As the gathered watched
All eyes looked upon her as she walked
To the altar with her beloved
She wore a white gossamer silk
Her wedding veil
Her walk so soft and precise
Her lips frozen and pale
Her eyes blue like ice
Her heart is winter
Her passion cold
She once loved me
I've not recovered
Deeply burned from her bite
I've walked in her shadow
Where there is no warmth
Nor light

Suicide Watch

My soul is in poverty
I've no self esteem
I know what I need
But it is out of reach
Life broke my body
My mind being shattered
They tell me to be silent
So I rise
They tell me that I don't matter
Very quietly
I resist and I ascend
Dreams of failing
Nightmares of terror
All scatter
In the face of truth
I rise and refuse to die
So enjoy the ride
I am taking the wheel
Just watch me drive

Elysium

Sweet Elysium
Waits for me
There I will sleep
With bountiful dreams
Laying in the warm sunshine
Cooled by the most gentle breeze
I wait
Through this life
I've been ready
Knowing inside
The most perfect place
Is there
Outside of the wages of time
Outside of the need to be
Anything but content
I know
It is there
As are my ancestors
And I long to know them

Farewell when I am gone

Who made me
Why am I here
Is there a god
An arch eternal primal
So I sit and read
And try to think
My mind rushes
So I walk the house
From room to room
I set down my bible
To watch the water
Drain through the sink
My eyes focus upon the swirling perfect circle
There is no start
No end
A circle going on
In eternal cycle
No beginning
Always there
Spinning
Spinning
Comes the vacuum
And nothing remains
But the next flood
Cycle anew
No starting point
No end
Filled with the life blood
Of the planet
Neither evil nor good
Just a spinning violent rush
Until then we sleep
In the eternal idyll
Dream

tears burn

I reach for you
But my hands are empty
And I know then
The truth
Tears burn
The salt is from the pain
Tears fall
And you don't know my shame
That I can never return
Again
Never hear your heeding call
Of my name
Because you are gone
You can never remember
Our history
Our December
Together
And then you left
And then I fell
Knowing the worst news
That I'd never see you
Ever again
And I would give everything
I ever had
Or would ever have
To see you
To hear you
To know you came
To see me
Your child
Oh my soul is broken
I just want to hear
Your words
Again spoken
In my ears
The tears fall
The tears burn
And I miss you so
I wish you had stayed
And I had left
But it doesn't work that way
Does it, Mom?

The Past is a prison

The past is a place that I remember
Clearer than any recent time
I was broken there, and abandoned
I gave up and surrendered
The prison I am in is mine
One I created, ever leads to me maddened
I am the lost
Cast into despair
Ignored unto silence
I bore the cost
And life is not fair
There is no solace
In the prison the flesh makes
And the past is my prison
I am the warden
And the prisoners
I am the broken
And the one who breaks
Others

Hunger

Her lips are as red as cherries taste
Her body is organic electricity
She walks with finesse and absolute grace
I hear her heart pulse
as it rings with synchronicity
She is nonplussed
I am wild and desire the chase
She hates falseness, longs for simplicity
I am convinced, my passion robust
She will be mine, I declare my fate
I have a hunger
Beyond all and untamed
And this affair of the heart
Begins simply
When she calls my name

My heart

My heart has always been present
Visible, transparent and vulnerable
To her choices
For I could never defend myself
Should she strike
I loved her so
My soul has always been hers
Vibrant, worthy, and powerful
To her voices
I remain hers
No matter the crisis
No matter the devices
That life may offer

The Last Breath

Humanity has built structures
That have covered the world
To make it easier to relax
We harvest the atom
To power our fans
To make the home cool
Or in winter to warm
And in the end we will die
Because we choose to ignore the storms
That have risen
Again and again
From our stuffing the waste
Into Gaia's viscera
Hoping it just goes away

Apathy

the disease of apathy is a contagion
the world washes beneath the tide
none can avoid the desolation
the living envy the dead
as the devastation rises
no one knows the cause
no one cares why it lives
but it is our greatest crisis

Jack the Rippers

I have tried to live my life
With ethics and kindness
But I've struggled to stop eating meat
Not because it is wrong
Not because it is right
I find it easier to do than bother
When I see how soon we will pass
Extinct from this world
Do our actions even matter
Do the animals we slaughter
Eating their insides
Look at humans as a species of Hitlers
Or do they have minds that see
The catastrophes approaching
With break neck speed
And smile when they wonder
If humans will be judged
For our harvest
Of meat
And death?

“We cut the throat of a calf and hang it up by the heels to bleed to death so that our veal cutlet may be white; we nail geese to a board and cram them with food because we like the taste of liver disease; we tear birds to pieces to decorate our women's hats; we mutilate domestic animals for no reason at all except to follow an instinctively cruel fashion; and we connive at the most abominable tortures in the hope of discovering some magical cure for our own diseases by them.”  George Bernard Shaw

Disaster We Have Wrought

This disaster we have wrought
With lust loving parents
And  oh the doomed children
All on earth
Are cursed
And have empty souls
This flesh prison that holds me
That holds you
Is not powerful in truth
We can escape it
With a moment
A second between the torments
A time between coma and death
Where the only thing that matters
Is the thought before the last breath
Nothing inside me
Could make me stay
But I want to say
I choose death
So that I might live
Because living upon my knees
Is not life
And dying when you can no longer forgive
Is not death
I choose death
So that I will live
Again
He will break my chains
He will let me find victory
Where death is ever powerful
And choices are few
But the one choice
The quiet voice
Is truth

Again, I am hers

Long I have been her knight
For none others could defend in any fight
Drawn swords with me in anger
Battle sounds clangour
Her skin softer than satin
Her scent a reminder of jasmine
My memories introduces a hint of lavender
She is my queen, I am her cavalier
I cannot help sometimes but stare
I should gaze, but it isn't fair
I remain her own
And none other
She is my home
She is also in
The armor outside that covers
My heart, and bones and blood
And deeply found within
My love

dangerous promise

do not mourn the dead
they are gone
do not grieve the living
they will return
before the final dawn
live with every ounce
leave nothing back
let the memories burn
make your life a song
let others write your poem
live epically
let no one imagine
you in the colors
of right and wrong
your life is owned
by you
you are a miracle
a unique phenomenon
there is no one alive
or having died
who thinks the same
feels the same
will ever live
the life
you have lived