JCN Little Bird

My only child
I will miss you
With every breath
So much every day
I will bleed
And I will just call you
To see if you are ok
For your safety
I'll miss you
Little bird
You are free
But be safe
Because I already miss you
More than I
Could ever have believe
So very much  I am paralyzed
By my grief
Leave with my blessings
And with my prayers
I took your hand
My darling boy
I walked with you
To the park
Played and built
With Lego and toys
You are my joy
As a family
And I can only
For you hope
Dream well And pray
For your great success
And when you do
I will be complete
And whole

Above us all

A planet could be viewed
Along with its moon
The nebula sliced through
It moved slowly, menacingly
It would bring doom
But the end of everything
Was not what I feared
I was ready to leave
But this planet was shaking
Earthquakes splitting the crust
From gravity's pull
The mystics said we all need
To believe
But we already did
And saw hell approach
The last generation looked upon us
Askingly
And we had nothing to say
We had failed to find a way
For earth to survive

We are the lost

Shame should be our identity
For we have lost our world
To the conflicts of dictators
Internecine wars of fascist nations
The dust from the fires was so thick
Lung disease was the least of health issues
The world burned in a vast fire
Nuclear weapons spread by calculation
Explosions wiped out cities
The radiation made us sick
The world had no awareness
Of the impending doom
And there was no savior
We became covered in ash
We wore it, it was so ubiquitous
Ash covered exposed skin de rigueur

"And I heard a great voice out of the temple saying to the seven angels, Go your ways, and pour out the vials of the wrath of God upon the earth."  Revelation 16 :1

The wave of death

The qualities of being human
That make us better
Died with war, famine and plague
Our path was cruel
An approaching aegir
Even the oceans turned into fire lakes
The fall of mankind was a portent
Even the immutable became raped
Humanity refused to grow up
A species of orphans
We deserve this fate
There is no more hope or love

Nothing left

The first wave of destruction
Came without warning
Without any sort of defense
Solely doubts 
Fear became a seduction
The earth decayed without mourning
No hope to transcend, just pretense
The earth wounded casts us out

Christmas truce

The silent night, stars bright
Soldiers on both sides of war
Meet, eat, and celebrate
Not the end of conflict
But the calm of battle
Observing Peace on Earth
Showing Goodwill toward all men
Each sides bearing the scars
Of so many centuries of slaughter
It was time to grieve
Together they now stood
The last moment of peace
It was a time to believe
In the highest beliefs of our culture
Until returning to kill
Until the great powers insist
That good people everywhere
Lose their minds
And their lives
For reasons no one really understood

Against the Baby Killers

We refused to allow a distant killer
To terrorize our homes at night
To operate in the daylight
Without being stopped
We have nothing if we do not defend our homes
We have nothing to fight for
Should we allow our children to be slain
We know what war is
We know the rules all should follow
But we send our air men aloft
Or from the heavens will fall
Deadly rains

When Evil Hunts the Evil

After a decade of cooperation
The crime families chose to fight
They were kings of their territories
And they ruled the night

We don't know what caused the split
All we know is many are dead
Covered in blood and laying there
Autumn leaves make for soft beds

This is only a beginning
We can't start these fires
But crime families making wars
Can also fulfill our desires

Death From Above

The enemy was led by a madman
An ideology justifying slaughter
Destroy lives thought to be less than worth living
The political military destroyed
Those thought to be of ethnicity 
Parasitic and toxic
A slaughter of the innocent followed
In addition
The Nazi led military had done evil things
In return the Allied response
Bombing their industry and populace
Was not wrong
The path to victory
A way was seen
Bombs destroyed indiscriminately
The Air Force was fighting the enemy
Daily and nightly bombings
Ground morale to bits
But the German people did not quit
Even when facing
Death from above

Emptied

Become addicted to the chemicals you use
To get you past this time
Caffeine and food
Smoking cigarettes
Sleep and drinking
Cyanide and thyme
This night long eternity cannot last
But millions before me
Have found truth
That nothing lasts for long
Except sorrow
So what's the point
Feel it
Embrace the darkness
And perhaps you can linger
Until it becomes light

I lied, big deal

I lied and said I didn't care
But it was all I could do
Over and over she said wanted me to hurt
And I did
Love is unequal and unfair
Loving her was proof
Her ability to cause pain was her fine art
She demanded that I submit
So I walked away
It was my choice
To no longer accept demands
I should say
I hate, now, her voice
Go ahead, say I am damned
I accept my fate
Every day
Damnation scares me less
Than her love
And her constant use
Of force

The Pain of Living

I stopped screaming after birth
Until I learned life was a curse
Burning pain within my mind
Screams reveal panic inside

Ways We Could Die

Whatever the cause
We cannot prepare for it
We can only hope to be ready
To die
Our hearts bereft
Our loved ones absent
Floods of cities and shores
Disease and outbreaks
Virus and bacteria run rampant
Rebellion and wars
Leave the dead
Without funerals
Or opportunity to reflect
The wave of damnation rises
No one can run
To flee is pointless

Face to Face

A world divided cannot be maintained
Without threats of violence, hate and shame
A cold war was fought without mercy
A cold war was carried on, without any grace
Building up walls and radar coverage
Training warriors to kill the enemy
From a distance perhaps, or close at hand
Humans possess a wild spirit
That cannot be tamed

Grieving doesn't help

So now you are alone
No one waiting for you
Grieving doesn't help
When the love has passed
So far from view
Whether  you are a traitor
Or a victim
Whichever you might be
It doesn't matter
What was true

Herd of no Return

In the days before all of the plains were covered
The bison never retreated, lifted black clouds
They moved in the herd
Single members could not be perceived
Together they had moved in numbers
In a fearsome wave of thunder
That shook the earth
They were slaughtered
Not truly for their meat
Or their hides
It was their absolute worth
To the indigine
Nothing that white society cared about
The slaughter was near complete
And consequence was devastation
It nearly killed the native nation
The bison were wiped out
In a form of genocide
And all humanity suffered
There can be no doubt


We cannot dwell side by side. Only seven years ago we made a treaty by which we were assured that the buffalo country should be left to us forever. Now they threaten to take that away from us. My brothers, shall we submit or shall we say to them: 'First kill me before you take possession of my land”
― Sitting Bull

to live as one

uniquely created
or by breeding planned
what is the point of living
or is purpose something
I misunderstand
nothing exists
that does not die
so every step
is upon holy land

heroin's heroine

Your soul was sold
The moment you paid
A needle prick
Invites the cold
Calm and quiet
My soul is silent
Nothing to see
Nothing to see
Hide your eyes
Commit suicide
Nothing left
Nothing inside

Do with me what you will

There is nothing
I will not do
To be with
You
There is nothing
I can do
To get through
To you
I surrender
To you
All that I am
Please
Do with me
Whatever you will
I am yours to command
I fall before you
Upon my knees
I know you are all there is
And you are all there is
I need to please
Please, oh please, let me be yours
I have been destroyed
Since I found out
What I do not have
And probably
Never will

In your service

Oh to know you
To inherit eternity
What does it require?
Is there no magic
That can bring us closer?
No words in sequence ?
Only power in your lexicon
Your perfection is no secret
Great in knowledge and reason
You took me from Babylon
Saved my people from bondage
When slaves in Egypt
Now your water runs through me
You've quenched my thirst
Following you is not religion
Knowing you is truth
No rituals followed
Can bring you closer
Only communion
And repentance
Forgiveness
Let me be an incense
Upon your altar
Let me a scent
That pleases you
Let me be in the service
Of my king
Let me be yours
Oh my lord

no fears, no regrets

Just because I could
I did
Even though
It might be suicide
I was told to fly
But not to try
To reach so far
As to reach the sky
I ignored the advice
And touched the sun's face
My wings melted and
I fell and the angels cried
Crashing to earth
My flesh died
Who I am
Who I was
Will never live
By avoiding life
Who I am now
Will never die
By regretting my choices
That were right
I might be gone
But I touched the sun
When others fear the thought
Of flight

This world

All I see looking out upon the world

Faithful people are being silent

Assholes are doing assholish things

Fools are blaming others

In a bloodsport

Reveling in the violence

As the world splits apart

“But this was not quite the right kraken apocalypse.”― China Miéville, Kraken

No more room

There is not room for more
Where my heart is standing
Too many reasons to fall
Too many people demanding
That I live for them
Instead of saving me
I hear the phone calling
Its not for me

Skulls on the desert floor

No longer breathing
Far from living
Like a memory tossed out
A skull of a living being
Left behind
Like a marker
Upon the desert floor
Was it slaughtered
Did it die to feed a human
Or did it wander too far
From the water
Perhaps
Exhaust itself was the cause
Did it escape a predator
Summer heat rising
Body temperature
Both ascending
The need to escape
Too much pressure
And the ox simply died
Without notice
Of any of kin

Delayed

Fragile heart
Such delicate beauty
Intricate soul
Your love
Is much
So much like
Cruelty
I hold you above
All I find
Delight with
When you delay
I am
Forsaken
Sorrow unspoken
Alone
Without
Anyone
Bleeding out
Again
Ashamed
Filled with doubt
Broken
Unmasked
Nude before my accusers
And covered
With scars
Caused
By waiting
For you
To say
A
Single
Word

No Chains

Everything has a purpose
Every accident has its claims
We exist for a reasons
Not to live in chains

Not today

Maybe another time
Maybe a different day
I've nothing left inside
But this stupid rage
Imprisoned in my mind
Trapped in the cage
I've nothing left
Today

Join the Damnation Army

Again
And again
In my mind
I remain
Turned inside out
Bleeding
Every time
Leaving nothing to doubt
I give in
I shout
I pray
Nothing can save me
But why worry
Doesn't matter what I say
Doesn't matter what I do
I can't give the words
I can't read your mind
No matter
How much time
I take
How many times I try
That avenue is closed
To me
And everyone else
I break under the stress
And nothing is left
For you
Or for my own salvation
Hey join me
Starting my own
Damnation army
We'll conquer the world
We'll leave tomorrow
Leave the world in tears
For all the sorrow we felt
Without a bit of help
Not one speck
Of reconciliation

God has given life

My life was settled
I was tame
No longer wild
And he came
My heart grew twenty times larger
By loving a child
My body pains grew
Twenty times worse
When he grew up
Leaving home
But I'd not trade any of it
Not a day, none
My soul was made new
By going through
The most beautiful
Most frightening event
The addition of him
To my life
Without
I'd have nothing
Worth having
Not
One
Thing

Trust

She said "Trust me
I promise
I'll be back"
I said "ok"
Knowing
It is better
To just
Acquiesce
Accept that
She's gone
Knowing now
What I should've
For so long
I fell to the bed
In a thump
It was empty
And I thought
Instead of sounding
Like it
I'd rather actually
Be dead
She said
"Why do you care"
And you know
I no longer know
All I feel
Anymore is
Despair
Trust me?
Right
Trust me?
I'll get right on that
Trust me?
Sure
I trust that you'll leave
I trust you indeed
Trust me

They said we were the last of our generation

The nuclear wars stunted human civilization
The decay and filth spread to our DNA
Our societies suffered castration
Unable to create
Unable to survive
Sooner or later we would begin to sow salt
And plow it deep into the fields
Bless us Lord
Save us now
Damnation strikes
And death is the yield

I am moved by your holiness

Before you, my king
I am so very unworthy
There is nothing I can offer
That is in its smallest way
Or greatest
That can do you honor
But I am yours my Lord
Oh Lord, I am yours
And will be so
Forever almighty
Oh Lord only you call my soul
From sleep
You can wake my flesh
Your word is my keep
Your spirit my only breath
Oh Lord
I am yours
Forever and ever
Who was I made if not by your hand
Who am I if not moved by your word
Who should I be
If you ever leave me
I am here oh Lord to serve
And should I prove ready
I pray I am worthy to kneel
Before you
Before all that is true
I am yours
Completely my Lord
Let me die
And let my spirit renew
You are my king
Oh king almighty

Beautiful slaughter

War comes easy to us
We make excuses for it
And ask if it is just
Is it a necessary evil
Or do we simply desire
To burn villages, destroy lives
Lift our dead warriors on a pyre
We cannot escape our guilt
We've never found a way
To solve things without violence
Or pain

The Lion The Lamb Greece

2500 years ago
Greece became the front line
In a war
Between individualism
Against the tide of collectivism
And the power of the autarch
One man one vote survived
Over one man one kingdom
The concepts of modernity
Did not die
Because of the Greek courage
Because of Greek beliefs
And in modern times
2500 years later
The Western nations boil
In their identity crises
Who are they
What are they
And they view Greece
As a sacrificial lamb
To the god Mammon
And the appearance
Of the collective
European state

"Democracy arose from men's thinking that if they are equal in any respect, they are equal absolutely."  Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC) Greek philosopher. 

 “Evil is ancient, unchanging, and with us always. The more postmodern the West becomes — affluent, leisured, nursed on moral equivalence, utopian pacifism, and multicultural relativism — the more premodern the evil among us seems to arise in nihilistic response.”  Victor Davis Hanson

The King of the Broken and the Decayed

I am the King
Of the broken
Of the rot
Of those without hope
The flesh of the decayed
More deviant than Rome
Orgies are nothing
Compared to my being
Crimson banner
Crown of thorns
Throne of nails
Kingdom of bones
Empty promises
I am the king
Of the false
Of the lie
Of the betrayal
Of all things
That are good
Step out, my soul
From behind that veil
Stop hiding
Embrace my heart
Taste my fear
For once
For I am the one
Who will fail
If you do not save me
Redeem me, bring me
To the kingdom
That will make me whole
Let me breathe
Let me live
Heal my soul

Where my being has bled

I bleed, I do
Even if my own motives
You find to be bent
People have motives that are found
Not in entertainment or paying rent
A person is moved where they bleed
Don't measure my soul
On earnings or money spent
Life has pain and greed
They swirl and toss us about
In our lives debt compile
The world leads wherever we go
Without any doubt
I need money due to the world
There it is, the divide in total
Money is no reason worth dying for
But Love
I need love for every reason
That makes me whole
It is worth
My life
My body
Bone, blood and soul

“I would rather have eyes that cannot see; ears that cannot hear; 
lips that cannot speak, than a heart that cannot love”  
Robert Tizon

They

They
Tried destroying me
To torture my soul
Tried to consume me
Whole
Tried to enter my mind
Change my thoughts
They failed
No need to bring the inquisitor
I'm not willing to lie
And less willing to be
Under another's control
I will answer if I must
I would say if asked to tell
I am the prison
I am the prisoner
I am the keeper
Of my own level of hell
No minister to the wounded
Simply a bad example
I am the greatest sinner
And every step I take
Leads me further
From the place I
Long to be
I long to be a virtuous man
Who is honorable
And just
To my deepest core
I long to be him
I am called to be him
I am meant to be
But am no longer
Able
Any more

Delivering Redemption

1987

She came delivering
Not packages, just hope
I tempted fate and took a walk
Leaving a fight with someone
I loved more than life
Shivering
My heart beat like mad
I saw her coming up the flight
Of my apartment after the fight
Earlier I had walked away
Quickly and I had left, angrily
We had a hard time listening
Slipping between
Screams and whispering
And tears
Even though I'd not been at fault
I was responsible for not being clear
Worse, I was not forgiving
Which led to no understanding
But she came after me
Seeking to make it right
I had miles to grow
Years to learn
Adulthood to enter
But she came to me
After I had left
And was the first person
Not to throw me out
Abandonment
With the trash


My wife was the person in my life who was the first one who ever gave me a chance to explain myself, to be forgiven, to be understood.  We all need to belong to something or someone.  I knew my heart was in the right place, in her hands.  Years later after years of journey, things are never easy, because life is not easy, but I refuse to surrender.  She is my love.

Crossed Arms

Can't move forward
To find deliverance 
Frozen in the moment
Tortured by the memory
Buried seeds of bitterness
Giving birth to sorrow
And a broken legacy
Of mankind's sleep
My heart seizes
Ignores my need to breathe
Entering deepest dreams
Tangled nightmarish
Prisons of flesh
Released
Enter coma
Never leave
Ignore the stains
The bloodstains
Hold me tight
Don't let go
Let me breathe
Air you've held
In your lungs
And let out again
Let me breathe
Only that
I melt
There

Rejected

As the day of mankind ends
We see now in the dying light
Of the descending sun
How we have failed
Suffer our youngest seed
For all of our foolishness
Laziness, lies and addictions
While you were laid there
We pounded every nail
Lifted you upon the pole
And we laughed
Told to simply breathe in
And absorb the wisdom
We exhaled
We mock our existence
With every act, every thought
Deviant unsurpassed
We end our final moments
Made whole by our dereliction
Unraveling what God has wrought
Bestial to the last
We refuse communion
And the final repast

Quia filius hominis corpus sepultum

Stay in my embrace

I love you
My dearest one
Ma cher amour
Drowning in life
I found myself
Mal de mer
Love is a place
More beautiful
Than anywhere
Stay in my embrace
My love is endless
Never fading
From view
Let me escape
A life of despair
Love is a place
I've only experienced
A single taste
And you are
The finest vintage
Under spice and savory baste
The most exquisite fare
You make my world
Awake with flavor
And joy

The Call to my own

The frozen snow glistens
As the moon rises
All the children beasts
Come out
From their lairs
They dance
They shout
So loudly I can't hear
My own kin above the din
So many out there, so few listen
I call to the ones I call my pack
But with the noise
Drowning my call
I try to let them follow
By the beats of my heart
There is a rhythm
And a trust
I know each
By their gaze
Their breath
Upon my neck
And their gait
And soon
We've gathered
Together
As our pack
We begin the hunt
Like it was our last
For the old days are gone
And the man races prosper
And we dwindle fast

“We have doomed the wolf not for what it is, but for what we
deliberately and mistakenly perceive it to be –the mythologized epitome
of a savage ruthless killer – which is, in reality, no more than a
reflected image of ourself.”  Farley Mowat



“And this is what happened, and this is why the caribou and the wolf are
one; for the caribou feeds the wolf, but it is the wolf that keeps the
caribou strong.”  Farley Mowat  Never Cry Wolf