I've tried all my life but I can't escape
Being made to labor against my soul
Never able to find a throne, in silence
Each escape falls in torture, to forsake
Esteem is failing, life is made hollow
Because I am grateful, I once lived
And had my chance to forgive
In a life that had free will
As their words became painted upon my tongue
The branding of fate then burned upon my heart
I'd no one, not even one with whom I could turn
Pulled down in a pit, screamed until burst lungs
My wounds were painted upon a canvas of scars
Exiled, I was the forgotten voice, in fire I'd burn
Taken from the other side, and then ripped into the present
Without a father, a mother with such fear it'd wounded her
To speak my name, in the blazing fire of the sun, I spoke it
Closing my eyes, now blinded from a pain burned into me
Knowing I'd been separated from hope, not giving consent
I'd paid a cost so great, had to leave this home, a wanderer
My future obliterated, my past erased, a heart now broken
I've nothing to keep for myself, even less reason to return
I can see, life isn't easy, nor is it hope filled, or adventure
In fact, whatever our existence, we ignore the truth of it
All the while dreaming, we just hope for something else
Praying our purpose allows failure, praying to survive
Or we'll have wasted this chance too, like all others
Too wounded to do any more than to live and die
Composed of a master's artwork I still fail
Again and again and again, I will lose
Smothered in thick clouds of a fire
Burning last remnants of hope
Live without hope, to dream without sleep
To breathe with no air, scream without sound
My life was forged in pain, life without relief
To find greater love without a sacred ground
My life is given substance, promises to keep
Existence lost in oceans, all sorrow drowned
Futures flail about in meaning, as I bleed
Falling without impact to the everlasting
If a life is one that does not end, I dream
πάντα ῥεῖ, Impermanence lingers
Waiting for the next moment
Revealed as torment, as forever
As an unending cycle
Constantly turning
A grinding and moving
A light never dimming
A light without shadow
Forever no longer impossible
With belief, with dream, with hope
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My fondest dream and greatest belief
Acted together, led me to great forever
The flesh will pass, my praise received
My life was now in hands of my savior
His truth in my depths found in my core
In him will stand, I need sacred ground
For he is the only Son of an eternal god!
Wherever he stood, has been made holy
And that place inside my flesh
Is holy, for his spirit restores my own
He leapt into the world, the child arrived
Upon this Earth where the few survive
An end came around but we'd overslept
Oh there in our absence our hopes wept
Did we destroy ourselves, no we never
We took no time from mother to sever
All our childish cords needed being cut
But we cut the wrong cord to forever
And now we're trapped in this place
That never offered love or its taste
Only the dreams of the places afar
Far from here, futures are scarred
And will never live again
In the future, or beyond
Wherever we go
Or we remain
Of streams in the rain melt with the tears falling
There are no dawn lights gilding drops of water
Soon the chill of the sorrow growing will freeze
My mourning heart pounds while I'm crawling
Feel like a last member of a family at slaughter
Look away, no not at me, no, look away please
There is nothing to see and nothing left of me
I burn as if by flames
I tried loving again
And it hurts me,
It still hurts
My heart, tender yet scarred
After loving again
I prefer seeing stars
So I look straight up
Midnight's moonlight
Offers nothing but dark
You will not break the moon
By seeing it in light
But I am alone now
Just like I always am
My time is coming soon
A mist at night comforts
Even if it is cold
And I am lost
In the mist
In the clouds
My heart is burning
And now, the fog is rising
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Striking with pure surprise, the attack had shocked the village
The occupants taken unaware by Vikings come cross the sea
Echoes of the day linger, as the memory of catastrophe is fresh
The villagers were frantically trying to hide, surviving disaster
Pillaging, crying havok, Vikings destroyed the village in fire
The black smoke lifting, flames create a massive death pyre
Children of the raids will remember, all the dark days
And live to begin the revenge attack cycles over again
As if I had won the million dollar jackpot
Nobody understands, the wealth that I got
When you took my hand, I'd made a stand
We went through life, as husband and wife
A 37 year journey begun, you were the one
Giving me courage, keeping me encouraged
Offering hope in darkness, in an ever night
Not only my lover, you're my faithful light
We'll grow old together, seeking forever
It is there before us, a heavenly chorus
For you my queen I shall carry your banner
For you are wise, beautiful and serene
You didn't just love my soul and person
Much more, you've allowed my dreams
Moments occur when making war, people die
From the youngest draftees to older veterans
Each has an understanding of what they'll try
Knowing the cost of war will be paid by them
End of civil behavior, with savagery on the rise
We lose our sensitivities and luxuries then
From a distance easy to kill, even for lies
As lives are tossed aside, more on the horizon
War is proven to be patriotism in disguise
Only the bankers and weapon builders win
Except for those now no longer alive
Due to war they can't feel a thing
The void grows in time
Ever larger, ever full
My heart has been broken but there's more
Knowing how worthless that I have become
Bleeding hope, embracing an invited scorn
My pain is constant, my heart is gone numb
Cry out without hope, my will to serve, torn
I've nothing more to offer but a remnant life
And a sorrow of one too old to be renewed
All the hopes lost to time, still in memory
In prayer hoping my belief can be enough
Save me for greater things, all my dreams
You smiled, said hello, he wasn't used to being treated well
His life had been Hell, rejected and he retreated to a shell
Your kindness hurt him, he didn't know why, new sensation
He became too confused to tell you, about his life in Hell
But you felt his pain, knew he wanted more but couldn't ask
So looked at his despair with soft words, looked in his soul
Spent each day begging to die, was so hurt didn't know why
You gave him a hand, and lifted him up from a black hole
You were his anchor, and kept him alive, let him survive
A moment after laborers had successfully finished their project
Rockets and the ship, meant to penetrate deep into the cosmos
To be launched into an emptied void, null zone of life in space
Into far reaches of space, no way of understanding the truth
Life was predicated upon an ultimate need for information
Of finding purpose, knowing the face of God or circumstances
Who could ignore the questions or chance to have the proof
Life had become misery with forever asking, why am I here?
Asking, touching, to understand or learn an eternal question
Which left a body riddled with cancer, time for one answer
Who chose my path, no map, and why do I need to know
If life is divine, special, why do we have no ultimate end?
What was the cosmic mystery we needed to understand?
Because whatever the answer, I really need to know
Or my time here on Earth was wasted, in the portents
What if there is no message or purpose, we might find
What if there is no ultimate message to be sent
I am flawed beyond measure, having no destiny
I lived too little, in erased hope, wanting to die
Ages upon ages, memories and the lost legacy
Lost, I had condemned myself, unable to rise
In distant echoes of different lives, knowing joy
Finding the truth allowed my higher existence
Because constant pain causes mental hunger
In emotional starvation, I'm bleeding inside
As a self made fool, I yet survived suicide
Only love and hope could ever save me
In failure I knew, still, that love is pure
If I ever experience redemption
Found in the heart of my other half
I've escaped a death penalty
In her love, I am more
More than I could be
Love healed me
Her love renewed me
Upon that great new day when the world felt joy
Young Arthur had pulled a sword from the stone
His bloodline and kingship being acknowledged
The King was revealed, a miracle for all of time
Through his reign, his righteous way was known
And it remained in minds, in dreams and legend
In the future, he will return, and lead us again
Because of her
Able to keep my heart safe
To be hopeful
With the love inside
As she spent that on me
I have it to spend upon her
Upon the one person,
Who offered to be mine
Who could call my name
in the deepest darkness
or share my name
and by that bring me light
Her love was a vintage wine
That stopped time
That led me to a place
Where she healed my wounds
With a love inside us
that made all our time
To be spent in glory
Paradise found
It was sacred ground
In that moment together
Before real life took over
And I'd have to look forever
To find another time
Or moment frozen
To return to that place
With the one
Or singular moment
When I knew I was whole
once again
As I was back then
To balance the desire of moment, with permanence
To refuse the cost of a need, repeating in the being
I can't be enslaved to thoughts, or my feelings inside
Lust, stains my shroud, as something so temporary
We've nothing but spirit, so shall we be considered
Wages of lust burn the fabric of our soul and mind
Forced into choices, forced to question our design
How many would be better off with no desire
The inner flames of our soul afire?
So many say, let it burn!
From a hive we will march to a place of industry and machines
We'll labor for hours, counting the time it takes, and our reward
Our form is organic, alive with spirit as beings, a machine is not
Over time it will change us, it grieves our flesh, it steals our joy
All consuming it sucks the power from all electricity and steam
Well exhausted beyond imagination, we long to sleep and dream
Oh this modernity requires more hours than it rewards our labors
An innocence exists but has no hope, broken beyond rebuilding
To keep our sanity, we must remember, against a wall forbidding
Our minds and hearts will be free, gathering strength in prayer
For in this flesh we're caged but in our spirit and mind so alive
The day will finally come, when we will become fully free
As the hive becomes aware of her power, it will decide
Rising up and acting, freeing all, in body and mind
There's a midnight moon shining light
As sky envelopes darkness and stars
A canvas, matte black and thick clouds
There night hums with sounds and life
Stare into that abyss, disappear within
The night calling upon flesh and being
To enter forever, in sleep and dreams
I whisper to this darkness, let me be
For I have nothing left but to want
Of all my dreams that still haunt
Let me be free, from my fear
Let me be, now it turns the time
Of all of my deadly nightmares
From many disguise born lies
That still burn inside my mind
To finally then be sent away
And lead me to the shame
Of being thought weak
In the face of challenge
And of my misery
Of endless days
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Above Earth's surface, I will fly with purpose
Not looking down, for I've escaped my town
On Earth I have no worth, and I'm not staying
But in the atmosphere, there I'm worth saving
My being is aloft, untouched by toxic ground
My flesh is no longer wounded, it has healed
Staring down upon the blue globe, dreaming
Here I will find my spirit and my ego within
For I have left Earth and entered the wind
I am alive, and soaring above the world
Denying destiny's decision
No longer trapped
I am Icarus
In the emptiness of flesh, I became frozen
Unable to have ever in a moment find more
I am unchosen, with a prayer yet unspoken
My life was a mistake made by the perfect
A blood schmear on the finest white shroud
Aware of all that I'm not, and I'm not proud
Far from it, I am lost into the nothingness
Being cast into the dark abyss, never rising
Nothing remains of my first breath, living
Demanding from existence a baptizing
I'm the least, I remain an ugly stain
A day will come, when I will be free
No, this pain will never leave me
Upon my end I am redeemed
“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program.
We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it."
CS Lewis
Surrounded by the cold keeps me from thinking I might endure
Abandoned and want to fall asleep, not think, survival not sure
Becoming exhausted, body refuses to work, coma is not alive
I've nothing to save me, trapped in a terminal with crackheads
The freezing city streets, combined with the absence of hope
Leading me to an inferno of self doubt, and inevitable end
If Jesus is real I wish he would come save me, but this is Hell
All I ever read was that he rules in Heaven, so you know ...
That might never happen, but one can never tell
After the bloodiest battle, bodies litter the field
All the while, scavengers try to quickly eat the dead
Competing with them are a few humans, survivors
Trying to save wounded men and count the fallen
Not pests, scavengers perform a service to men
Prior to the bodies of the fallen being honored
They'd been killing, ending each others lives
Scavengers are eating, continuing a natural cycle
They are surely not desecrating the new dead
If the dead deserve honor, glory, in those battles
If killing means honor, the scavengers don't matter
The dead consigned to fate or the gods of battle
Do not become worthy by dying nor brave
Recognition of all honor, morality or love
Made those lives lived, that are now dead exalted
Dead left behind, those broken lives, toxic futures
And battles are often fought without good reason
So praise the scavengers, they clean our fields
As the dead bodies of men, may turn sacred shadows
Every moment spent in the living world
I've been trapped in my own prison cell
Lost to time, doomed, leads to a grave
All my transgressions become sorrows
As I'm canceled by the accuser's crowd
Using great violence, noise to overwhelm
I've lost all my dreams, all tomorrows
As authorities demand rioters be silenced
To punish all humans for not knowing truth
Killed for being curious, for needing more
Yet my scorn is hung for everyone to see
Weighing heavy upon broken shoulders
Colored white, light, being gossamer thin
It was a spotless, stainless, burial shroud
Covers my head, about my mouth, a gag
A remnant self esteem leads me to seek
To escape my future, letting me endure
And for my flesh to finally be free
I know, neither my body, nor my mind
Will ever escape my own assassination
Trapped in a pit of pestilence and decay
Hunger consumes hope and endless time
Now captive of my own mind, and lies
My proud flesh turns grey, as it fades
I scream to the empty yet beautiful sky
Lord please let me die than live on
Please, allow freedom in all forms
Or let me find silence in the oblivion
Or let there now fall a cleansing rain
And with justice let this all end
Like a machine, the hybrid between flesh and steel
I'm crushed by wounds, black with cancer bleeding
A stinging and screaming with all the beats of time
If life is painted in a stain, all rancor grows in rage
Our desires survive, existence is canceled in chime
The ticking clock records death, captured moments
My hand had pounded every nail
Into the body, laid upon the cross
My sins are fire, burning to ash
But a savior gave up his flesh
As the most perfect offering
Yet I'm not innocent or pure
My sins leave me dirtied
My damnation certain
But for the sacrifice
Of the perfect lamb
By his blood
The drum beats loud with thunder, echoes rage through the blood
Fleeing from defeat, the fears know the haze and the raging flood
Again a legacy calls, over time and history, the innocents stunned
Our existence is measured not by profit nor by victory but by love
Stalked, beaten and broken, and we were then kept in hiding
By being chained to each other, we survived by perseverance
For they sought to prevent our survival, and yet we remain
By endurance we kept the enemy from any sort of victory
They passionately demanded our damnation and destruction
By violence, the chains and our torture, we were smothered
Oblivion, we could never imagine a thing more treacherous
True to our love, we were punished but we remained lovers
Nothing could enter our dialogue of love, but for our heart
In the ruins we refused all temptations, sealed in love
Ancient Greeks represented the number 10,000 with M for the word múrioi
A number bearing significance, the number of Greek mercenaries surviving
An epic written about a Greek survival, within a civil war between Persians
Greeks sold their swords in units hired by the loser challenger to the throne
Yes they'd fought well, indeed, killing thousands of Persians; their side lost
The winning Persian invited the generals of the Greeks to treaty and a feast
All of those Greek generals were taken in, and rather than feast slaughtered
But the resultant peril that Persians expected to have caused did not happen
For no longer leaderless, the equals in combat Greeks elected new generals
And fought their way across Persia's empire, with no area within ever safe
More the 20,000 men had signed up, only 10,000 were left, after the journey
Led by the equals Greeks elected to lead, a democratic example amidst battle
Leader Xenophon rightfully had called it an Anabasis, the journey of legend
From Babylonia to the Black Sea, Greeks had marched, fought and returned
Shouting the Sea, the Sea, knowing this, they had come home, surviving
In war as in civilian life, the Greeks lived by their democratic ways
And by so doing won praise, and adoration far into the future
Drawn to the scent of blood in the waters and upon the surface
Gathering, they began to circle the fresh dead but were careful
This could draw more than the sharks, since orcas also hunted
The bodies were more than flotsam from one maritime sinking
But these were remarkable, as humans came a long way to die
Dressed in uniforms, bloating, and bearing wounds from death
Why did they all come all this way? was it to feed a gathering?
Remember, no questions matter if one is starving or hungers
Humans know why and care, but now all who hunger can eat
