As our Ash falls to Earth

If tears purchase a better future, we'd be living in the ultimate utopia
What did the last century bring but sorrow and dead bodies piled high
My dreams have all been lost, deep in nightmare mode, hope buried
In this darkness, why should I sleep, if I know I can no longer dream
In the world of the present, technology is a god, the god of phobia
One future offers black clouds, doom, impenetrable to bright lights
Staring into a soot darkened sky, we shouldn't fear, nor be worried
For when our dead flesh is taken to the pyres, consumed fully
There our smoke is rising together, in the perfect confluence
As the ash falls, the Earth will be nourished, becoming green

A Question

By reading her mind? How? Really?
Damning me for eternity, for no real reason
She said I stole titles of her horrible poems
She'd hidden them in a her chest of drawers
 And then called me fully illiterate

So wait please, give me one minute
If I can't read, how could I steal titles?
How could I either secretly or otherwise
I really didn't know why she wrote me
If I could read her mind, why would I?
Hard enough the times when I would try
With someone I know, I fail there too
If I can't write why would she care
And more, care enough to write
And then, to present such a lie?

Based upon a regrettably true incident...

In the Abyss

In the order of things, my life is very small
If my torment is earned, joy is quite rare for me
As I sorrow my pain, my flesh fails, darkness falls
From the afterlife I hear them shout "No mercy!"
I've fallen between the cosmic realms of being
I hate what I cannot have, and I hate myself too
Waiting for the final call, I've no regret
When death can be embraced with a kiss
For the angel of death has a duty true
And his isolation is permanent
Just like mine, in the abyss
In darkness I am cast, without relent
Nox regnet in aeternum

Just one more day

Where is all my hope, when can my life start going
An all day cold rain, this is a prison I cannot escape
With a presence of shame, of darkness, of my soul
I've found a journal entry of the joy of knowing
How many times can I fall before trying again
I took notice of my dark side and gave warning
But I am weak, and it took complete control
Now I ask for a day, just one more damned day
As the curtains fall upon this bleak masquerade
I've little to help, I'm a disease without cure
All I've to look for is hope for me to endure
I'm a pawn in a game, I long to escape my chains
I hunger for love, yearn to experience awe
On this board I am a King, visit my realm
But beware, know that I'm the King of pain
Contact with my flesh and disaster is spawned

“Truth is simple yet purposely complex.” Wald Wassermann

The Sleep Remains

In the end, what mattered was the time that was spent and love given
The world imagined and then realized, the hope embraced and lived
The praise and complaining, the bright sun and all the clouds raining
We've nothing more, than the moment, we live in an abstract painting
The world spins, a world awakens, constant attention and our dreams
Our lives go on, even forsaken, as we live in the depths of our sleep
If I sleep or endure doesn't matter, the future will happen without me
The end is just the end for me, and my pain ends, my suffering ends
But all around me life will go on, I can no longer bother pretend

“screamed the scream of the abandoned” John Scalzi

Dreams of Hell's Fire

I have tried in life to become more than my flesh
By demanding for myself a standard far higher
But every time I assume I know, my flesh sins
And it becomes obvious that my heart is a liar
I might dream after a night of moral failures
With nightmarish visions of burning hell's fire
Dreaming I can't be saved, mercy is not for me
Unworthy, irredeemable, due to all my desires
Whatever it is that my mind will perceive
Whatever I believe or my own insecurity
My flaws are legion, my sins innumerable
I've painted my life in depth, in vulgarity
None of us are gods, nor are we born wise

In this life we shouldn't presume certainty
But we've been offered redemption
After a life of failure, I'm slave to sin
But I know, somehow I can be free
I pray for forgiveness for all I've done,
And for grace to reign over my life
For all I've done and left undone,
For all of my sins of grotesque vanity
I beg for mercy, for I'm unworthy
I beg for mercy

 

In the moment, I catch your scent

There it is, sweet soft fragrance, your scent I catch
Awaken me and lift me upon your gossamer wings
Rescind all travel plans, let me stay, never let me go
Your being is divine, I'm afire, your form my match
My soul is healed by your presence, oh my joy sings
I'm a new born foal, weak in flesh, but now I know
I've a purpose and reason to be, I found my cause
Whenever I may look into your crystal blue eyes
I drop the masquerade, there I gaze in silent awe

No, Again, Still No

To walk in the midst of your tragic views
Reveals the heart of your darkness, so true
And why should you ask what my heart said
Why even come to me, as if we're still friends
You beckoned me come, then for me to leave
As if your holy presence could make me see
By the miracles that happen when you love
Know your love is a desert, never enough
I'd rather reenter the lunatic asylum forever
Than to countenance us ever being together
No, again I'll tell you, no, and again still no
As for the reasons, I think you should know

“He felt the old bitterness, which he had tried
so hard to swallow, rise again in his throat,
and he knew there are disappointments that
last as long as life.”                    Henry James

What is there?

If I have nothing, what is it that I have?
If I can't see, have we all been blinded
Gazing, or lost in an everlasting void?
With nothing left inside?
Our world can only be seen from the local
Our galaxy can only be seen from a distance
How can I know the role I'm supposed to take
What punishment does a soul take to break
Who judges my life's errors and mistakes
Should we view that from the third person
A perspective without emotional content
If punished, I refuse to suffer my discontent
For I've refused to live with any living regret
If the world asks each of us to live, to thrive
Does it even provide what's needed to survive
If broken, I'm ready to rise, I'm ready to be
I am ready to hope and to be redeemed
If I wander don't despair, I'll find my way
I will return home, it is about time

Organic Machine

By a mechanism made able to rend meat into cloaks of flesh
We've been intricately designed with gears, circuits, wiring
Our purpose has been implanted, understanding our being
We are released into the world, as a new organic machine
Perfectly designed flesh, gains awareness, we take breath
And welcome our given raison d'etre, giving us direction
Into a world meant for learning, designed for exploration
Not by greed, nor malice, nor by grievous exploitation
A designer's dream moving onward, forward, timelessly
Even if our own path and future remains unknown
We've a world to explore, perhaps even a life to discover
As an organic machine composed of blood and purpose

The Cycle

Each step I take will leave an indelible mark upon Earth
The carbon footprint is evidence of my use of the planet
My life has been guided by an awareness of facts, costs
To exist does not make me guilty, because life happens
That I must breathe, eat, drink, are not flaws, at all
If life has costs associated with it, we also contribute
The great cycle of oxygen and carbon dioxide, evidence
Life isn't a random lot of facts or a logic formula
But an expression of existence, nuance, design, beauty
Each life has purpose, feeds other life, all souls living
The perfect elegance, the victory of order over entropy

“Just because something bears the aspect of the inevitable one
should not, therefore, go along willingly with it.” Philip K. Dick

My Caste of Madness

I was able to see a future, but lived in the past
As the present offered neither hope nor solace
Suffering from dreams, fear turned nightmares
Existence is not wrought nor anything beyond
I linger in echoes of madness, as if in my caste
A prison within my mind, a madness spawned

Is War The Answer for All Issues?

We fight, with nightmares made real, enduring strife
In madness and the empty dark, we wrestle our destiny
All of the demons who haunt us, until morning light
We will make endless war, as prisoners of our time
Warring races of vipers and legions of scorpions
Make war with toxic lies and poisonous strikes
Now comes a harvest of bodies, a harvest dire
As flesh changes tone from living pink to deathly gray
We love to make war, ignoring cost and the scars
Soon we welcome Azrael, the angel of death
For his arrival is destined, our death is final
All unresolved issues of our life are made moot
We might live before we die, but we will meet death
And in the measure of time, death comes rather soon

To Feel Permanently Entitled

We imagine our Earth to be indestructible
But it is not, the reality is quite different
It is madness to threaten its permanence
We demand a perfect planet home
And one that will remain ours alone
Humans feel entitled to what we require
To live, to love, to find happiness
We require a planet that burns with life
A planet to exploit and to destroy
To empty our waste upon and light afire
When humanity is finished at last
Earth will have nothing left
Exchanging nuclear strikes
Our home becomes a war zone
A slaughter across the planet, immense
Leaving irradiated ruins and silence
Where the living will envy the dead
By our hand and unresolved issues
We will make war destroying Earth
The sole planet where we might live
War is in our blood, we choose violence
Given the option, we choose not to forgive
Certain acts have permanent consequences

in the emptiness

It doesn't matter, because it never mattered
Every hope dies in emptiness and insomnolence
That mirror cannot reflect, after it is shattered
To end the narrative, in the lost consciousness
Endless coma, spent covered in mental splatters
Toxic feed, wired for pain, death to tempt us
 To sleepwalk is one way out, safe from attackers
But never think you'll escape the injustice
For it is found in their state of being

“She says she glories in being abandoned” J. M. Barrie

In the Darkness

In the lingering regret, living the failure of a lifetime
I had lost the inner struggle to survive in a wasteland
The rest of the world is alive, finding joy in the ruins
Trapped between my fear and longing for the divine
Depths of misery and mysteries, I can't understand
My mind has become awash in endless questions
But I have no answers, I hope for rescue soon
In dark tone of my spirit, there is no future
And there will be no light in my tomb

“I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who
is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of
roses under my cypresses.”       Friedrich Nietzsche

King of the Damned

I never knew what the world wanted, why it acted as it did
My life a confused mess, I was haunted, lived in the abyss
Others found happiness, I was left wandering in a madness
A relic and a fool, I was a residue of other lives now damned
As the world around me seemed to understand, but not me
Craving love on a loveless planet, I knew I was lost
I was trapped in an endless maze, with prods to shock me
My life was abandoned for dead, and I was exhausted
So I became the king of the damned, and endured

More than simple existence

With the hunger and memories of need, the earth bears our seed
Humans wear a cloak of flesh, Mother Earth provides the breath
Our dreams live through existence, DNA has a persistence
We're witness, judgment self delivered, with no forgiveness
Why should we bother, born of strife, great pain to our mother
We want to live forever, we act like fools and embrace danger
It is time again to be whole, a lifetime of starving my soul
This is the moment when I embraced my being, dream again
At last I know I've earned new self esteem
As long as earth endures, my hope remains

“And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair” Khalil Gibran

Windscale

When a fire broke out at the Windscale Nuclear plant
It was the first such disaster, worst until 3 Mile Island
Hundreds died from cancer from the radiation's cost
Even if no one died at the plant, many lives were lost
We have lingered on the edge of disaster, by the hour
Society needs its energy, the military needs its power
 We must then ask if we have opened Pandora's box
And why did we do so, and then choose so poorly
Have we entered the inferno, one of nuclear energy?
Feeding our needs with energy waking and sleep   
Even if we bring our death and do so prematurely?

SOURCE

Instead of Me

I'm aware, you don't dream of me, think of me or anything
But I do you, nothing can stop me, even in my dreams
I'm aware you never looked beyond the moment or me
I'm not afire in your memory or thought of the moment
If I'm alive in today, I can't afford a bit of regret
If tears fall, they fall without sorrow, a time to relent
I look at you across the way, see what might've been
Knowing that life offers chances, circumstances, zen
From near to far, light of a new day rises on the horizon
I swear, if I never see you again, I'll somehow endure
Somehow dealing with the fact you ignored my pleas
You never wanted the truth, instead you chose deceit
I walk in shadows, I know that I'll never be seen
Content in that, I can choose instead to dream
That one day you'll see me for who I am
Instead of the foolish idiot that stood
Standing now in a place instead of me
Oh lord, where did that feeling go
The one love that might redeem me
The one that allowed me to be free
That allowed me to be young again
That let me be in love, back when

Howl

Are humans special, or just a species of beast
Raging inside, an emptiness within our flesh
What if we hunger to kill others or draw blood
Does it mean we are better than any animal
If we think, perceive, breed and draw breath
When flesh is overcome wild, anger in a flood

In war we slaughter children of our mother
If in time we will then realize our murders
Regretting the red tide of blood we caused

What will we do, we are beasts and fools
Responding when desire moves us, cruel
We are completely woven in our flaws
So embrace the beast within, and howl

The Queen of the Masquerade

She begged me to love her, but I could never do it
She desired my attention but it was almost violent
And as I closed my eyes, I couldn't bear to think it
She was very beautiful and her form pleased men
I had to not see it, unsee it in my memory
I couldn't afford to dream in the present
She moved me, I resisted, tried to hide my eyes
But she was someone I shouldn't be moved by
Whatever I saw, she was toxic, I can't disguise
The scorn I felt, the vile disgust she left in me
The masquerade she performed, left me torn
It was a vast celebration of lies
I'm flawed, foolish, an idiot, full of shame
She was the queen, of the moment
Of her day, a queen of sorrow
 A queen of the masquerade

Scream into a Void

We've no answers, with even fewer questions
As we sit still in stainless steel, silent homes
If smiling, no understanding of consequences
With no chance to live, we'll not mind dying
Screaming into the void, sound returns as lost
As we float into the nothingness, senses lying
Offering only false hope and dreams, cold denial
If we then swim in the emptiness of existence
We will be just as cursed as the albatross
If life is worthless and nothing has value
Now, witness our fall into the chasm and abyss
Existence is failing, but if nothing has worth
Nothing can be counted as loss

“I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something
about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is
purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.”                      
                                                                                              Stephen Hawking

Ruins

In the epic madness of existence and silence of the mind
I long to be released from all the dreams that burn inside
The addictions, my afflictions, the anguish of lost trust
Gathering in my heart, a breakdown, reasons and cause
Inside I am breaking, body taking permanent wounds
In the end, we will all die, I'll collapse, a house of ruins
But I'm willing to leave, I haven't a worry, I will go
The pace of life is passing too fast, I know I'm slow
No foundation built by man can ever hope to endure
As life becomes all pain, it will have no allure

"He loved the craggy ruins bound together by ivy, those dark
halls, and any appearance of death and destruction. Having
fallen so far from so high a position, he loved anything that
had also fallen from a great height”           Gustave Flaubert

Let Fall a Burning Rain

Hanging from our hands, our flesh rendered by the strain
The physical torture deserved, questions left unanswered
Each body broken by a mystery, the desires found within
The dream we had ended in misery, let fall a burning rain
Your voice is but a whisper as my flesh burns with cancer
My life has been offered up, a foul, undesirable sacrifice
But it worthless, I am completely imperfect, this life is...
Can never be worthy, it is empty, being riddled with sin

Need you

As all dreams collapse in a crash, with smoke and ash
Can't try again, with life's foundation manifestly flawed
But I'll let you believe in me, my false persona and ego
Even as you've seen the real me, a person beneath it all
As I stare into your forgiving gaze, shocked by the awe
There's nothing I can do to become worthy of your truth
I am witness to failure, save me, I beg you please, call
Call my name, free me from this prison, I need you now

To Be Yours, My King!

Your fire runs through me, like a river in flood stage
You make my being brand new, as a recent newborn
My flesh is awakened with purpose and perfect calm
My life is finally ready to serve you, now and ever
Together under your flag, in a time to enter a new age
I take up that banner, and take up your sword
I am willing to die, for only you, my lord, for you
I have found peace in your kingdom so I disarm
Let me be your voice, let me be your hands
As your servant, in full faith
Let me then act knowing your heart
Let me increase your lands
For I am unworthy
But for your mercy
I am weary, and unclean
But for your grace
Let your fire run through me
Let me be redeemed