Thursday, December 31, 2020
Buck
Wearing rockets upon their backs
Flying across the galaxy's realms
Using diplomacy when needed
Yet with weapons for any attack
Woven flexible armor and helm
Savage beasts couldn't defeat them
Our hero recreates his view of good
With every land needing pacification
Every leader now needing to conform
Galaxy churning in rebellion, a flood
Before the arrival there was order
Laws were defined by warlord dictate
But Earthmen would now change it all
Raising the alarm, answering the call
"As a youngster, I read of Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon. As a student, I wrote English reports on science fiction. And as a fighter pilot, I observed the selection of the Mercury astronauts. All this was fascinating, but I really didn't think I would ever be a part of it. It was only when my good friend Ed White was selected as a Gemini astronaut that I decided to join NASA as part of the Apollo program." Buzz Aldrin
Hope's Starvation
Aware of the pain of our nation
It was so very long ago I know
But it feels like only yesterday
Memories are worse in ways
Than the events of our history
Alive while in a daze of disaster
With constant wars since the day
War stole my son's generation
Many lives poured into a grinder
These constant wars of man
Are causing moral stagnation
And hope's starvation
Humanity's Tragedy
Wednesday, December 30, 2020
I've enough of that
With some trepidation I let you in
Inside the tiny place I hide within
And you stole from me my safety
Stole my love I offered so bravely
Betrayed me with every single act
Stealing what you knew I lacked
Then you've left me with nothing
You wanted to give me something
What you gave me was more sorrow
I've had more than enough of that
With every tomorrow I am aware
I've always had that
But not enough love
I've had enough of abandonment
And enough is always too much
Oh my Katya
Her love saved me
From deepest despair
And she brings me joy
I love when she purrs
I love when she coos
And know she loves me
More than anyone human
She has more worth
Her love is beautiful
And expresses more truth
Than all of humanity
I can't expect you to know
No I can't
I don't understand it
But she is my princess
And allows me to
Live, fully and accepted
Loved, adored
And redeemed of my wounds
The Future is Real
But we must survive first. We must survive the wars, the pandemics, the polluted planet, and our own misuse of resources. We must survive our own failings, and proclivities or we will be our own curse. We must realize that this blue planet is a lifeboat, and we have no other way to stay afloat. We must love each other, and truly act as though we love the earth.
Tuesday, December 29, 2020
Just a Mouse
Sometimes if I've had too little sleep
I imagine what life would be
If I lived in my bizarre dreams
I've never seen myself as a mouse
But I am too fat and stupid to be a cat
I don't think I am like a big dumb dog
But I do move quietly about the house
So maybe I am a mouse, maybe, maybe
But I don't fear the bigger animals
For I can hide, and I'm not a beast
'And the days are not full enough'
And the days are not full enough
And the nights are not full enough
And life slips by like a field mouse
Not shaking the grass.
Ezra Pound
We Need His Jokes
Wound and bound inside
With a steel grip
So once in a while
Ask yourself to do this
Invite reflection
Allow someone else do it
Your face cracks when stern
Life is a broken mirror
You don't have to agree
Nor do you have to admit
Confess for once in your existence
Joke with others
And no longer hide
Hey F You Bullies
Memories of bullies and school
Left me aware of my insignificance
I took a walk in my sleep
Awakened by the pain
Where my foot had cleaved the stool
And my foot bleeding
Throbbed loud enough to wake me
Leaving me more aware
That I meant nothing
Could do nothing
Until I would finally awake
Living out the nightmare as the fool
Of the only domains they might find
Where their tiny principalities of power
Allow them the only ability
For their future loser lives
Now is the hour
The downtrodden ascend
Now is the time
We rise finally, we rise
This is when they are paid back
For the years of vengeance they paid
Upon our bodies
To pay us back for their father's penis
Or their mother's shaming
For their uncle's fondling
For their neighbor's assaulting
And I ready to pay
So long as they never enter my memory
Or my active mind again
The legacy left behind
Is enough to decide
I will never bow before their fist
Nor can they ever steal
The joy I have when I am alive
With the memories of pain
I will repay with them
Upon the day I die
Monday, December 28, 2020
Remnants of Existence
Against a backdrop of a majestic rising sun
An abandoned ruins of an abbey shines
Former monks and speakers gone
But the message remains of the Son
The One, the doorway to eternity
An artifact of a time was lived
While empty, it is no victim to modernity
Time has a cost and human flesh is frail
The stone used weathered
And the wages of years has been paid
The abbey remains beautiful
But a reminder of our moment
We must choose our path forward
Moved or unmoved by the word
The life once lived cannot be seen
Except for our acts that changed the course of the river
Except for those who moved the world
By their choices once delivered
John 6:63 ESV
63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.
63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.
Upon Our Arrival
Manned space flight was new, space would be colonized
An elite team was sent to the nearest star from our planet
Skills gathered, every detail went into how they planned it
We'd be gone for a decade, which is a considerable sacrifice
Each planet discovered was cold, covered in a layer of ice
But they could support future human colonies and life
Rushed home eager to see our families, husbands and wives
Something happened when we were gone, time lost yes
But something far worse had happened beyond any guess
The earth was emptied of humanity, the world abandoned
Our world destroyed, we don't know what had happened
Signs of the violence and destruction were everywhere
Perhaps a pandemic, perhaps war, or a huge solar flare
So ironic to return with news of the new worlds found
Hope was gone, our world some kind of sacred ground
There was nothing, no information, no survivors it seemed
We choose to do our best and decided never again to leave
They Stand, Where They Lay
Some will tell you how the dead live on in their memory. What if alzheimer's robbed the victim of their memories. Did those dead family members die permanently? What is memory? Crosses standing above buried remains? As fog obscures the view. Carved stone blocks with names? Who is allowed to keep the true facts, the legacies, without bias of shame or envy, ego or greed?
Sunday, December 27, 2020
Feeling Like A Moron
I'm miserable in the moment
As life can be such torment
I'd surrendered so long before
And fled quietly out the door
I'm not sure I remember caring
Yet I know I was never daring
I'd never wondered so I asked
Why should we all be so tasked
Living out this stupid existence
When I've always been resisting
I am the fool to keep searching
Life is a play not worth rehearsing
Regret is No Friend, But is My Constant Companion
Yes I do, despite hating the concept of it
I prefer to repent, I've no pretense of deserving better
Because my life is not a promise
There are no guarantees
When given my life it was unwritten
But I regret because at times, perhaps many
I've been a fool driven to stupidity by hunger
For human touch, for simple needs
Or I had loosened my lips with drink
I've said and done stupid things
To the degree that I felt sick
Out of control, driven to become mad
I have had many chances
And failed them all
So I regret
I wish I'd never done a thing
Not the good, especially not the bad
Along the wire
You know how far you can range
By how many fences and wall you encounter
You can measure depths of faith
Of what happens to the doubters
Trust the facts
Know the dangers
And reveal your self with care
For you can't know
If fences are meant to keep others out
Or keep you in
Saturday, December 26, 2020
Cloaked in Fragile Flesh
Because I am fragile
Not in mind, but in body
Compared to the world outside
We all live in a world of danger
Time after time I'd fall
As I am cloaked in this flesh
Wounded and broken
If I cannot heal
I will seek an exit
I long to find my final breath
For the pain has gone on
For far far too long
Time to move along
If I cannot thrive
Why bother to exist
Hope and Smile
From the sharing with others
When you have no fight
From lost hope or lover
There's something worth having
While forgiveness is important
Hope is far more worthy
With forgiveness you move forward
With hope you can learn to fly
Sometimes you need to be laughing
Even feeling so sad, still try
Or you are at a funeral
And a damn crow makes you smile
Carrying a huge stick
How can it take flight
The small things are beautiful
And the days go by
Feeling endless
Until you stop to look
And realize, we all cry
We all need to find hope
In all the things we are surrounded by
Things can be awful
And you might feel no joy is allowed
But there are reasons to still move on
Search for hope in the sunlight
Poking from behind black clouds
Find hope
And move on
Or you might as well die
Tears of Fate
Friday, December 25, 2020
Not Jumping
With memories of the golden days
Of doing things, and going places
That I never did
Upon trips I didn't take
Paths where upon
That never I left
I do not have an urge to change
Although I could improve
I don't understand the world I live in
There are lies being told as if they are true
The beliefs offered corrupt your being
I don't like the things I am supposed to be
Nor the things I am supposed to do
So why not jump?
I could do it but I've been told that is wrong
So, until I understand it all
I'll stick around
Soul Prison
Art in US public domain by Jean Delville
You can almost hear the weeping
If you ever attempt to hear them
Life covered in flesh, as a prison
Death offers no release of spirit
They never understood the day
Never had the gift of a vision
Time is measured by mortals
Time passes
There is no measure or notice
With seconds uncounted in the place
Their souls never were awakened
Slaves to their flesh, lives forsaken
Now they only seek to be free
And long for Death's embrace
Wait
Mired in fear, self doubt, and nightmares
Being alone in the midst of the dark
Wondering if loving me is shameful
Wondering if anyone out their cares
And could ever love my heart
As I journey into my mind
All the abandoned hopes inside
There is only me, there
And I fight thoughts of loneliness
And suicide
Wanting to be completed by one other
Who may never arrive
I am alone in here
A heart surrendered
A will forgotten
Forsaken
Waiting forever
To be ignored
A choice never taken
Until you appear
Thursday, December 24, 2020
By Your Side?
I never said what it was you think you heard
And I'd never listened to voices of others, nor care
I do understand if you need to remove me from your life
But if you do, I won't perform like a monkey, won't take a chance
I won't take your side, won't tell you my thoughts,
I'll no longer be your knife
When you need someone who is loyal only to you
Choose wisely, I won't be there
I am either on or off
Make your choices and swiftly make your cuts
I'm content with my place in existence
Whether you understand what place that is
Or not
Queen Maeve
She had learned with knowledge and passion
As dangerous as a she wolf, danger obvious
Gifted with an ability to see future visions
If angered she could turn a world to ashes
There in her seat of power, quite notorious
In Hibernia she lived near the Heavens
But she was more than myth or legend
She watched every child made of flesh
As they wander through life and death
In ancient Rathcroghan she dwelled
And ordinary men in her presence melt
She was Queen Maeve ruler of the land
Holding every majestic power in her hand
But province surrounding not yet in line
Cuchulainn resisted, she did too, in kind
Two forces powerful, anger vast and wide
They'd meet, and divide between the tribes
With those who followed, those who did not
Battle was savage in days before the cross
Told Sweetly
Like the words when vocalists sing
Anthems to life's misery
Choirs reaching majesty
Of the words she wrote
When she said goodbye
Sad but pretty
Longing and yet
Distant
Offering no hope for more
Slamming the thick oaken door
And still I was happy
She had written in my diary
That I only ever had to ask
She'd bring herself to the task
To make me feel better
And when you've lost everything
Nothing feels like Heaven
Like lies told sweetly
With pity
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
― Kahlil Gibran
Wednesday, December 23, 2020
Spent
Your passion was spent
For someone you now regret
You think I am jaded
With only a selfish respect
You think I pretend
Little I can say differently
You made your choice
I sit back and gaze
Waiting for you to see
That you stole my dreams
You left to be with him
Imagining I'd remain
Behind
Waiting
Empty
Filled with pain
Not an ounce of hope within
So don't come here
You won't be happy
Don't come near
You are the fool
Go back to him
Or to your daddy
Look, OK you win
Find a reason to stay
I'm satisfied on my own
Even if I'm alone
As always
It is better than being used by you
Again
Woven
Our souls are entwined
Here in the forever
In the divine
Your kisses are exquisite
Your touch is electric
Mine is decadent
Even eccentric
My eyes look at you with awe
Your beauty moves me
I answer to your call
Love you deeply
Keep my heart
It has scars
But you heal me
You reveal me
In its most primal place
In our embrace
“I was made and meant to look for you and
wait for you and become yours forever.”
― Robert Browning
What The Orchard Grows
I walked, and felt fear
There anxiety grows
Without water
Without urging
I walked upon the graves
The many graves of dream
I walked where there's no hope
In the gardens of failure
I found there
Nightmare and sin
I saw what grew easily
I saw what passes for good
I asked what it did within
Did it passively grow
Or did it thrive
How did it allow me to survive
And then I realized I blame others
For what they could not do
When the same absence was in me
Why do I blame you
For what is my own tragedy
In the orchards, you can see
All the false dreams, failed plans
You can see what grows there
All planted
All cultivated
By my own hand
And now I understand
It is me
I am to blame
It is tallied somewhere
Beneath my own hated name
Tuesday, December 22, 2020
Nuts.
Human Hive
Without the sting
Bees all missing
Long gone from view
We need the creativity
That modern minds
Can't promise to bring
We need to know the truth
Not from any bigotry
Natural selection clings
To anything serving as food
One cannot prosper
Only simply survive
With a rumbling tummy
A hive is limited in offers
Honey rewards as a bribe
Modernity calls it money
Demand becomes stronger
For dreams still alive
Hope becomes me
I will try harder
The hive has limitations
And I do not belong
“Look tonight at the stars. Let them overwhelm you in the postures of their bright dance. Face the vastness which they dot like silver bees, and sound with your own brain the mystery, hazarding at the inscrutable plan of things.” Robert H. Barlow
The End is Here
My life is screaming, my dreams are torn
And the beliefs I once had, all fall away
They get lost, amidst the changing day
The sky turned red, the storm approaching
There is no warning, the noose is closing
And as I watch, the flood rises
My heart has reached final crisis
The end is near, the end is here
Monday, December 21, 2020
The Answer
No, it wasn't clear
There was no answer
Even as my life slowed
It was then revealed
I am a cause of disease
I realized that it was I
I am the cancer
The flesh paid a grave toll
I then held back my soul
I was lost, but,...
It would provide a final answer
Abandoned at birth
I was seen as a curse
I knew the answer
I was the stain
It was I
I never dictated the circumstances
I never left my fate to chance
I was the answer
War Rides the Red Horse
Portents the presence of the rider
The red horse of war is here
As the clouds churn with fire
Visible are the scars of battle
They reveal the cost of acts of war
Armies have fought battles
Across the millennia
War's presence beckons
To the noble, to the low
From the peaceful and to the violent
From rapists and to defenders
Lastly there are romantics
Those souls who love
And to the cynics
Those who love to kill
Acts of heroism inspire
Riots against the order
Chaotic mobs who slaughter
The Red Horse is ready
Waiting to charge
His rider remains calm
Knowing his power
And calls to his brother Mars
Who shakes the ground
Preparing the armies
To fight to the end
To defend a people
Or defend their land
Only to add to the catastrophe
Humans alone create
“Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.” Dwight D. Eisenhower
"When He broke the second seal, I heard the second living creature saying, "Come." And another, a red horse, went out; and to him who sat on it, it was granted to take peace from Earth, and that men would slay one another; and a great sword was given to him." Revelation 6:3–4
Ashes and Abyss
If somehow anyone should survive
The year 2020's plague and famine
They'll consider it an era of time
Without any real distinction
Between survival and being dead
We'll find new ways of dying
We can't find new life instead
Our world shakes and sorrows
With more suffering of others
Our blue planet can't bear lies
Our devastating ignorance
The emptiness inside
As a billowing cloud of ash covers
We'll perhaps fade into the dark gray
From the smoke of our burning dead
Who've fled headlong into the abyss
Sunday, December 20, 2020
As the Music Played
The fellow heard the music playing
And still, chose to sleep through it
And when the neighbors turned it up
He decided to avoid complaining
But they were assholes
He was not
They chose their actions
He suffered
When he left the next day for work
So sleepy, so tired
He could not focus
His foot slipped off the pedal
Crashing through the front room
Condemning the asshole partiers
To a sort of self caused doom
When Famine Rides
'When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand. And I heard something like a voice in the center of the four living creatures saying, "A quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius; but do not damage the oil and the wine."' Revelation 6: 5-6
The world has seen plague, and war
Death has had a day to remember
But Famine rides the black horse
When Famine rides humanity starves
Call Famine by his name, rightly
For he is powerful, even mighty
If supplies of the wine and oil remain
Bread and staples are nonetheless lost
To the wealthy as well as the meek
Beware the final hour
For it is then that the horsemen ride
The mightiest will die tasting defeat
Just as surely as will pass the most weak
The warriors of Mars cannot fight
For they scream inside with hunger
We can watch as humanity falls
Hungry for specks of bread
The smallest morsel hidden jealously
The dying will envy the dead
Because
Of all the horsemen
Famine is the most dangerous
Food is the key, the mightiest warrior will fall
Over hunger in his belly
“the goddess knew that her daughter had been taken, and tore
her hair into utter disorder, and repeatedly struck her breasts
with the palms of both hands. With her daughter’s location a
mystery still, she reproaches the whole earth as ungrateful,
unworthy her gift of grain crops, and Sicily more than the others,
where she has discovered the proof of her loss; and so it was here
that her fierce hand shattered the earth-turning plows, here
that the farmers and cattle perished alike, and here that she
bade the plowed fields default on their trust by blighting the
seeds in their keeping. Sicilian fertility, which had been
everywhere famous, was given the lie when the crops died as
they sprouted, now ruined by too much heat, and now by too
heavy a rainfall; stars and winds harmed them, and the greedy
birds devoured the seed as it was sown; the harvest of wheat
was defeated by thorns and darnels and unappeasable grasses.” Ovid
Depressed about what I can't change
I am not a jealous man
Watching others play the game
Loving and holding hands
Caressing, kissing
Loving in public
Has never made me glad
I've suffered as long as I've been an adult
Alone meant that I was forever sad
What everyone else receives when I do not
Should not move my attitude in any direction
But I believe I will some day have more
Than this world of silence and solitude
What can I do but wait?
Until I receive what I deserve
All I can do is hope that I can endure
This empty desert
Saturday, December 19, 2020
Damned
The oppression of humanity
You've poisoned every legacy
Your words revealed
The lack of empathy
Lack of hope
Or would you rather
Hope for the death of mankind
We've certainly earned it
We've never learned that
Everything we do
By our own hands
We create a false foundation
This is a Hell of our own making
Others dwell in starvation
While we've become fat
We have taken in an abundant harvest
We've caused the death of others
We revel in conquest
A contest between nations
A game to see how soon
We might bring damnation
To this land of doom
So we've become the Damned
And you watch and smile
Revel in our folly
Even as we've poisoned the land
You know, sooner or later
We'll fall, and need to blame
You'll be long gone
Farewell humanity
Farewell the species of man
Don't Pull That Plug
So I deny the government the right
So I deny my friends the right
And deny my family the right
To pull my plug
This is different
Than for me to pull the same
I live on my own terms
Life is good
Life is hard
I refuse the shame
Of being anyone
But myself
My life is not a choice to let me live
Or to put my meat in a locker like a shelf
Pestilence Has Begun to Ride
Demands nothing, he is content, unknown by name
His horse is white, but not pure, powerful, austere
A rider who is cloaked in armor, and fights with ardor
He is not evil, does not strike with malice only duty
Death knight, servant of the palace, with eyes of ruby
It is not his will that leads him to spread the disease
He will not go unfulfilled, he infects, and deceives
A rider of a white horse, bringer of the decayed flesh
He is unconcerned for any fame, he brings only death
Then I saw when the Lamb broke one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures saying as with a voice of thunder, "Come." I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he who sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer. — Revelation 6:1–2
Friday, December 18, 2020
Nuclear Rain
And escape radar detection
To dance through the minefields
In heavy armored tanks
To jump around in the nuclear clouds
The current yields are powerful
Irony is dangerous
Sarcasm is not allowed
We wonder why it matters to try
If we all are fated to one day die
But to learn diplomacy or negotiation
Is not for personal gain
Nor is it a fool's game
It can save us from ourselves
From absolute mutual destruction
What does it matter?
The future matters
The nuclear fall out matters
Even as precipitation spreads the stain
Of nuclear radiation through the deadly black rain
The Temporal is less than the Eternal
My body breaks, my hands shake
My spirit however is forever alive
My soul is eternal and will survive
The tapestry of a life is silly fiction
Data filled with stupid contradictions
The temporal portion of my existence
Fades from view, without persistence
But the eternal portion of my journey
Is the only thing that makes it worthy
Upon a Pale Horse Death Rides
And know his job is not easy, it is a disaster, humans fear his name
Life is not so easy, that some do not someway desire his presence
To kiss them upon wicked lips, they join him into the darkness
He exists, as does the abyss, he is unaffected by human sorrow
He might not be near, but it's clear, we're not promised tomorrow
"When the Lamb broke the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, an ashen horse; and he who sat on it had the name Death; and Hades was following with him. Authority was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by the wild beasts of the earth." Revelation 6:7-8
Thursday, December 17, 2020
We Deserve It
We are animals as well
The Blame and the Shame, Didn't Work this time
And I told you why I've been unable to participate
On a scale of ten, my pain is a nine or more
And the pain I have suffered is natural
Fat, sedentary old men like me experience it
I write, and lived a typical life
That description is accurate
And still you seethe
Your mockery leads me to no serious guilt
Your attempt to blame is simply odd
I've no regret that I missed your event
If it was important, oh well
So I ask why you're so eager to aim that shame
And why you seek to damn me to Hell
For experiencing something humans do
Reaching Terminus
People exist to question
Asking the important
The inane, the meaningless
If I live, If I die
If I flee and say goodbye
Is there any difference
Than should I give, or if I steal
Does it matter if I even try
Ask yourself again
Have I earned my way?
Or did I do
Everything a man can do?
How is that real?
How is that true?
Wednesday, December 16, 2020
Wisconsin Dark Land of Cheese
No longer was the mystical Land of Cheese nearly so awesome
Nor were our dreams of dairy and snow again so wholesome
Injustice
From confessions left unheard and unspoken
To a child who screams and was never loved
Starving in a land of wealth or abundance
A truth unlearned because heart are broken
To allow this we must've been blinded by spite
For every child deserves enough love and life
“When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.” Dom Helder Camara
Your Villages are our yield
Our folk's path has been long accompanied
By the dreams of a land that has seen an end
For we are the children of the elder gods
Soon they fade, passing from earth's view
Tides of war never stop, the attacks ensue
We watch them fade from farthest shores
Still we fight, for their voice rings true
In our heart, minds, the depths of our core
Shout! Take up your sword and your shield
For our gods we fight, oh gods come twilight
Saxons, Gaels, all your fields bring us yield