Surrendered

When I surrendered
I had no worries for my safety
Because it was into your arms
Where'd I been charmed
I've longed to return there one day
As I remember
How we spent so many years
Every thing felt beautiful
Every moment was new
Together we believed in a future
We wanted forever
But burned out so quickly
I felt the crash
And I was broken
I've spilled so many tears
Thinking how it could've changed
Had I been more mature
Had I been more true
And in old age
I realize how I greatly I fear
The world around me
Seems a bitter haze
And I can't change a thing
About the world in which I live
But I can remember you
How you were all that I cared about
You were utterly true
And I am lost
In a world that counts only cost
Your love was so sweet
So forgiving
I miss it so
I long for you
My love

Gift of Madness

I know that doubt is a gift
How else should I be able
To determine what is
Or what is not
Than to have the full range
And yet I know
My brain has the gift of madness
My soul has doubt
My flesh is a pillar of weakness
My dreams are nightmares
My spirit screams in despair
Still knowing
What I believe and know to be
Doubt is a gift
All I determine to be true
Is held safely in my hidden place
So that nothing might shake me
I am ready

When the War Came

The residue of madness
Comes as the wind blows
You might see the ash
As it falls from flames
The world out of balance
These ashes are echoes
Of the war's final blast
Nations cultivated blame
Using weapons
Of mass destruction
Few could possibly survive
War that came as an eruption
Armed with hubris they ravaged
Leaving behind irreparable lives
Leaving only immense damage
So now a world lays destroyed
With nothing but dead bodies
All nations became paranoid
Made war as if it was a hobby

When the Prick Speaks

Using language as a weapon
From his mouth he spits words
Like she spits out raw chicken
With anger and venom unbridled
With disgust and horror therein
He has waited to unload his bile
He held it in, a cancer within
She had made no mistake
Nor did she treat him wrong
But he believes in the rumors
His mind pours out
Leaving him only anger
And enormous doubt
He is ready to be done
And his love is long gone

Cancer Love

She called my love a cancer
She said my words were idiocy
And my life was a wasted one
For her,
Love words became dancers
Trying to move deftly, silently
My efforts ended before they'd begun
So I'll walk away
I'll never ask why
Never knowing why 
I'd ever have stayed
In a love that made me prefer suicide
We won't still be friends
No need to delay
The inevitable end

My Flesh is a Tapestry

My heart bleeds out red
As my tapestry unravels
From the ripping teeth
Life feeds upon my flesh
But She raises me from the dead
And saves me from the battle
Giving me reason to believe
She repaired my loose threads
Sewn with a loving needle
My tapestry torn
My mane shorn
Until she made me new
Made complete
With her loving hand
My being made whole
She heals my soul
Saving me from defeat
And closing my wounds
That forever bleed

No Trail

I received no instruction
How to break these chains
Binding me to this place
For I will never escape
My flesh is so weary
And I'm prone to self pity
With nothing to save me
But lies and reduction
A crushing tale
A concrete jail
Leaving no trail
Of my self destruction













“I am bored with these frantic cravings, tired of them and therefore myself, and contemptuous though tolerant of all my vast powers of self-pity and self-expressive misery.”  Allen Ginsberg

Absurd World

There is a tragedy of existence
We perform a comedy of flaws
We are commanded to repent
But we never know the cause
Given the means of our destruction
Without the wisdom to prevail
Ignorance burns inside our brains
We never know, and always fail
Born to a world that seems insane
There is only absurdity
So we must learn to understand
A person shouldn't so easily shoot
Because there's a gun in their hands

"The realization that life is absurd and cannot be an end, but only a beginning. This is a truth nearly all great minds have taken as their starting point. It is not this discovery that is interesting, but the consequences and rules of action drawn from it."  Albert Camus

Trapped in Lust

What is left for us
When this hunger is let loose
Who will save us
From those who seduce
Because This world is unjust
We've no path forward
Without trust
This existence is horror
We are trapped in lust
I'm unable to escape
This world of sorrow
Wounds me
The few pleasures offered
Make me ill
And by the very thought
I am dishonored
I surrender
Rend my flesh from bone
Let me die alive in your spirit
So that I might not die alone

Gaze

And ever it has been so wicked
That the weak will be made prey
But if I refuse to be a victim
Should a hunter chooses to slay
I will endure
Take my life if you must
Take my flesh and eat
You are beyond my trust
In that you will taste defeat

“And if you gaze for long enough into an abyss, the abyss gazes also gazes into you.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

Twisting in the Abyss

My journey started long ago
As a destination oblivion
My soul retreats as does my ego
In a state of putrid delirium
I've tried hiding in the shadows
But I have low resilience
My world is a plague of lust
I have no strength to resist
Inside me is a failure of trust
And I wonder why I still exist
Years of pain, never ending
Tears of sorrow, burn and fall
Failings and fear ascending
My hope barely makes landfall

"I fall into the abyss, I go straight into it, head down and heels up, and I'm even pleased that I'm falling in just such a humiliating position, and for me I find it beautiful.” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The Sun's Path

Dawn is gray, formless, soft
As the morning sun rises higher
The dew burns off with the fog
And before me is a panorama
Lifting me from this mire
That firmly holds me back
Completely trapped
A stasis, holding pattern
Which leaves a bitter taste in my mouth
Of failure, of desire unfulfilled
Of uncounted loss
I look at the brightest days
And I can't let go
Of all the things I do
Of all the things I say
By midday I feel the heat
But I hide inside
Avoiding the bright
For some reason my mood
Matches that of the fading twilight
I let the glories of the day
Become swallowed in the failures of my pride
The cost of my mood has a high price, that of my life

Sleeper

I slept for years in my flesh
I had never woke until I met you
I thought life was unworthy of death
To find and then inexplicably lose
Stole away every last breath
And I chose instead to dream
Losing my tears to the pillow
Losing my life's story in sleep
I'd kept every secret
I'd lost every fantasy
You fled my presence
I have since had only regret
And pretense
You moved me more
Than a flood upon a flat desert plain
You broke through my defenses
And left me ripped and torn
All I needed
All I desired
Burned away
Like a fire's storm
And now that I am awake
I wonder what it was
That I let you take
I had nothing
And still
Have nothing
Empty at the core
Empty of my personal dreams
Emptied of myths and lore

Upon First Sight

The first morning of the day of creation
I woke up to see a world free from decay
Mankind had yet to wreak his corruption
The morning mist refreshing, it had a taste
As when love first strikes, hope comes rushing
When then I closed my eyes, clouded with haze
I waited, touched the air around me in seduction
I realized what I found once would never return
And my life stopped, inside my sorrow burned
For what was once, will never be again
Such as it is that all my sins remain
Unwashed, unclean, unredeemed
I somehow still believe
Baptized in faith, standing in the rain

Still Love

When I think of you
I can't hear a sound
For my love rages like a storm
While yours is ash
Remnants and residue
My love believes in great things
While yours never asks
I know the truth
So why do I go on
With no hope on the horizon
When you've begged oblivion
My love knows to be resilient
Even the embers of love
Can burn a house down
Love in deepest slumber can wake
And there recreate sacred ground
My heart still pounds
Like a drum
When I see you there
When I see you there I know
There's so much more to know
And I love
Still love

When he showed his ugly face

With a radioactive kiss
He gave his most unholy dagger
A malicious twist
Ashes on the winds
With that Anti Christ's swagger
I already confessed my sins
After all this time waiting
He'll never win
So what are we worried for
My people
If we're alive today
Even wounded at the core
We have so much more
Inside us is a new day
In a spiritual way, we'll even the score
Because in us
Each and every one of us
There is a call for justice
A need for it
And we burn for it
We bleed for it
Every day
Hey 666 count this
My middle finger
Does that make you 667?

Glory

The scent of jasmine
The vision of perfect beauty
Your voice allows me to imagine
You dominate my thoughts absolutely
What is there beyond you?
What is there to do without you?
Why do I wonder
All of life's costs paid
I no longer ponder payment
Wounds heal spontaneously
When you are near me
Can you even hear me
Or am I just bleeding out
Loudly
Or am I not allowed
To speak freely
About what it is you do to me

By the Damned Mankind is Saved

We are the damned
The infected but not dying
We were the fools who believed
The lies our leaders gave
When they said humanity was safe
So we foolishly refused first escape
And thus we were condemned to die
Our lives forfeit for mankind
We chose to stay and fight
The virus unleashed a scientific dream,
Our death was a nightmare self created
First it decayed us, then it remade us,
But it remade us with lost minds
The surface of the earth showed signs
The virus had grown to be worldwide
No, only the reaches of space were clear
Of the human born virus victorious
Few could hope to escape
For the virus on earth had a reach
That found the depths and our furthest places
Logical people would believe to be immune
We knew for seed of mankind to flee
Some would have to remain
There was a final truth
And sinners need not repent
The only chance for the survivors
Was for some who had no chance
To remain behind to protect 
It would be up to us, this we knew
Almost none were clean
The virus was immense
Only now the babies, the embryos,
And somehow uninfected, the few
Could escape to deeper space
And hope to reestablish life
In a different corner of the galaxy
We remained to fight the masses of madness
Those dying in pain
Crowding the safe places all in despair
In desperate fear they rushed the final refuge
Wave after wave fell
Our own side reduced in number
To fewer than dozens
We gave our lives to save the world
By dying we bought the survivors time
Our decisions made us pariahs
But we had to be left behind
For the seed of humanity to survive
Are we remembered
There is no way of knowing
Did we commit mass suicide
To allow the escape
Their only chance
With no way to stop the virus from growing
Was there any choice but to become the chosen
And now in winter
Without society's machines
Without modernity's technologies
We soon will join the rest and become frozen
As the dead, as the damned
As the last earth survivors
No one will read this
Or hear my voice
This world is dead
With the smallest residue of life
A remnant collection of species
The system is forever broken
Our last hope is in space
If the few are now safe
We made the right choice
To allow them to live another day
In a different place

Broken Clocks & 4 Horsemen Riding

Humanity has entered perdition
As we've watched society burn
Witness the order and laws fall
Civilization is sewn from thread
That is unravelling as we watch
Fuel for the bonfire waits ignition
Earth never stops moving, it turns
Time ends, but eternity does not
Survivors stack bodies of the dead
Machinations not ruled by clocks
Chaos becomes our extinction
The earth will soon be cleansed
The Four Horsemen are coming
Grave danger and death all wait
Humanity's woes will transcend
By our hand they are summoned
And thus do we invite our fate
This is not a simple premonition
It is soon to be realized prophecy

Revelation 6:1-8

Then I saw when the Lamb broke one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures saying as with a voice of thunder, "Come." I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he who sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer.

When He broke the second seal, I heard the second living creature saying, "Come." And another, a red horse, went out; and to him who sat on it, it was granted to take peace from Earth, and that men would slay one another; and a great sword was given to him.

When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand. And I heard something like a voice in the center of the four living creatures saying, "A quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius; but do not damage the oil and the wine."

When the Lamb broke the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, an ashen horse; and he who sat on it had the name Death; and Hades was following with him. Authority was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by the wild beasts of the earth.

Hypnos Waits

Son of Nyx, Lord of the Night
And of Erebus of Darkness
Gods of power and creation
Makers of shadows and light
Brother of Thanatos
Lord of Death
Hypnos lived in Hades
Around which flowed Lethe
The water of forgetfulness
Day and Night he is there
Waiting for the sweet release
He calls his children to sleep
Passing half of their lives away
But coming to his arms
In the deep of the dreams
Enter Lord Morpheus
Who creates, and longs to play
These are the secrets all keep
Awash in the world of the night

All Night Drive

Rain makes it difficult to drive at night
But it feels to me like it cleans the streets
Rain or not, the night is the time to cruise
Traffic sounds are muffled or hushed
You can drive the loop in minutes
Easily over an hour in daylight
It gets even longer with snow or sleet
All the while listening to 24 hour news
Frustration grows deeper in the rush
Modernity pushes sanity to the limits
Driving through the night is the thing
I am happy though
Few understand this perspective
I'll sleep soundly in the tomb
In the calm, my soul finally is able to sing
We are not fallow, we are not shadows
We are those fools
Who refuse to enter the collective
And I refuse to enter their womb
This is life, conformity is not
To live for many becomes somnambulism
In order to survive they walk in their sleep
Existence replaces their agency with order
Complacency replaces metabolism
Humanity becomes sheep

Sleep is a death, O make me try,
By sleeping, what it is to die:
And as gently lay my head
On my grave, as now my bed.

Sir Thomas Browne

Vanity

There she is graceful, lavishly dressed
With a mind powerful, her visiage clear
So lovely, demure, so soft, sensual
Filled with allure, Deliciously demanding
As you gaze, longingly
Her mind is away thinking upon
Each way to pry lovers from their love
To ensure their doom, to snare the eyes
To center upon her, she'd create a lair
Filled with perfume
Arrousing each of the senses
She did so
Knowing, always knowing
The heart of man might burn for her
The wages of time are real and inevitable
Men are fickle
So until she can escape time's grasp
She will do what she knows
She must perform her role
That of temptress
Until the next appears
She will act, defiantly focused on her task
Some call it vanity, but in truth
What else could she do?
It was clear
Each situation was always about her
Her beliefs were ancient
In the world of love
Of power
Of attraction
There is nothing new

Eternal Springtime

As I walk in fields of amber and beauty
I catch a scent upon the wind, of glory
The brilliant sun is warm but pleasant
And the gentle breeze cools my flesh
I understand my presence absolutely
I don't control the narrative of my story
But still I can feel the many blessings
As the etneral enters my body, my breath
I understand all the failed ideas of man
I can't offer any sort of definitive proof
We must lose our grip, and simply stand
Waiting for the world to come to view
I long only to be washed in the truth
To embrace Love, mercy and grace
To at last touch the creator's face

A Life Remembered Well

The sweet vision of the Holy Grail
Drove me from all vainglories, rivalries,
And earthly heats that spring and sparkle out
Among us in the jousts, while women watch
Who wins, who falls; and waste the spiritual strength
Within us, better offered up to Heaven.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

What if everything we do is recorded

This story we have created of our life

Is helping others find their way through

What if reaching Heaven was based upon

What you did without being at all rewarded

Not by money made, nor if business thrived

What if you spent your one life in truth

And you helped others find the new dawn

Life is more than visceral pleasures

It is more than gold and treasure

Life is to be lived in an epic way

You will always be remembered 

For your worth, long after you've gone

2 Knights Prepare

There upon an altar, kneeling are Sir Bors and Sir Lancelot
Deep in prayer they prepare for they are called to quest
Upon which they would seek what Arthur now sought
They would search for a vessel used to share wine
Or that which was used to collect the holy blood
Shed by the Savior, who was lost to man by his sacrifice
To find the Grail they would ride across the planet
If required, they would shed their life for the vessel divine

The Final Yield

Some macabre celebration sounds
As the world enters a count down
And soon it will make some sense
We view with passive ignorance
But sometime in the coming days
It will no longer feel so great
We will realize what we've done
We the end we've tempted is begun
Shells and rockets falling like rain
Fire and bullets sweep the field
War equals peace for the insane
For both have death as a final yield

The Rhythm

Ocean foams, and the waves crash
Gray and lifeless the ocean washes
Like liquid fingers it tries to reach
As the sand walls and reefs collapse
The stench of decay, human waste
Confuse my senses
And the view before me
Is lost in the rise of the tide
Waves consume the disappearing shore
An ocean moves inexorably
Covering the beach
The seagulls above us fly
Upon the wind they soar
As I ask what is the point
Just because I seek
I long to know
What is the point of this anyway?
A powerful attraction, an impulse
So long as there has been an ocean
There have been tides, and the rhythm
As dry land is shaped by the pulse
As much from retreat as forward
And now they retreat
The movement of the waves
Is comfort
Is powerful
The pull is unstoppable
As with the interplay
Between wet and dry
Between life and death
Between perfection and waste

“The world is always dying and always coming back to life. Tide and pulse, and with the turn of the tide a touch of mystery.”  Henry Miller

Lost to our people

Our chieftain fell in combat
Our life blood spilled
We've lost our future
A leader we will miss
His dreams unfulfilled
We are now condemned
To a uncertain world
But the valkyr took his spirit
And his body died in battle
The ship prepared
The torches lit
Our hopes spurned
Our world in despair
And we seek only
To join him in Valhalla

When it's gone, there is nothing left

If you listen you'll hear their sound
The bulldozers and logger trucks
Taking away the residue
Of industrialized and materialized life
The simple existence upon the earth
Will soon be gone, and nothing left
For our plow turns ground
Into parking lots and even less
And those who resist will be crushed
Like a nail that sticks up pounded
But once it is gone, it is never coming back
It is impossible to restore
Impossible for the earth to forgive
What once was perfect and now a living regret
We as much as attack our planet
We deserve our fate of shitting where we live

Sacred Ground

I struggle to breathe, but not for any damage

This world eats my flesh, so vile so savage

The sun finally rises but for me it isn't morning

I haven't slept a bit, it's because I'm mourning

The sun burns light in the sky, I'm without hope

Dreamt of a day when I can find a way to cope

I long for a sleep that renews, points to the truth

You and I together, for me that was proof

That God looks upon us, blesses us, joins us

But now I'm alone, wonder if there's any justice

Rain over me, reign over me, let it all pour down

Or I'll be falling away, right here on sacred ground

“But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”  

                                                                                                   Martin Luther King, Jr.

What if for one moment

What if for one moment you gave up your blame of me
What if for the day today you chose to forgive me
We've lived a life, together in perfect torment
If you want a different result let me be free
Let these tears be redeemed
Let's try to appreciate what we have
Rather than what we do not
Please take my hand
Let's start over and let our love cover
Everything we've done to each other
Because I know I love you
And believe you love me

Forever Amen

Burning inside me is a dream
That can only be made real
Asking you to accept
My ring
When I see you I can believe
In more than feelings
I'm no longer bereft
I can see everything
With clarity
Yours is a love
Makes me want to be better
Yours is a spirit
I believe I am meant to join
In the end our bodies will fade
But we are more than atoms and matter
I give you the final say, the total choice
Pray you accept my embrace
Let's begin life again, together
From here to the horizon
Forever amen