Maybe A Goddess

She demanded respect if not worship
Her regal presence seemed perfect
None could mistake her as common
Her voice alone could not be forgotten
She was the manifest epitome of grace
Beautiful dressed as if in gossamer lace
I do not know if she were a goddess
Nor if our meeting was a divine test
However I remain upon this world
Somehow the world continues to turn
I do know that she isn't upon this sphere
Even with prayers offered, so sincere
Perhaps hopeless, I wait for her return
But that would be more than I deserve

Majestic Pageant

In life's majestic pageant we are all contestants
Some are beautiful, others are so very clever
Some perform tricks, others sing or play piano
In the end we never measure the most important
How the mind, the soul, the body, enter forever
We never see our lives in the widest panorama
So how is it that we are able to survive
Are our lives meaningless without awards
How can we exist beyond the savagery
Fragile flesh measured in worth by time
But for that which gives immediate reward
When everything is relative, facts are arbitrary
How can we escape with our lives
When worth is measured by our utility
Cogs in the machine, members of the hive

“If the bee disappeared off the face of the earth, man would only have four years left to live.”  Maurice Maeterlinck

Oklahoma blues

She wanted me to call when she was drinking
She said I could speak French to her,
Or do or say something else
She wanted to get to her dark place
Without undo thinking
Pre -Blackout invitations of love
Made in the gaze of booze caused romance
Are quickly forgotten
Post Blackout shout outs to go fuck myself
Are well remembered
Time for me to relinquish the job
Forsaken as it was, it doesn't pay
I knew this ship was sinking down
Still didn't get a life preserver
Stupid me but I can swim
Even if she'd rather I drown

What if

What if you could know all you need?
What if you just need to ask good questions?
Would you ask or do you prefer to wonder all the time?
In each disaster there are planted powerful seeds
We need to be honest, as if we are in confession
Lives are temporary, but our spirits are divine

The Wall, Germany is One

A city separated into quarters
Not all of them free
The wall was built
To hold residents in place
Even as many tried to flee
And were shot down
This wall
Cold, gray, with barbed wire
And pointing inward
Machine guns
It was different than most
It wasn't built for safety
Only to divide
A battlefield of ideologies
As a symbol of repression
A place of broken dreams

Berlin, divided city
Paid the debt for past tyrannies
But the Cold war generation
Didn't get to pick sides
Even as the border guards fired
Some crossed over to freedom
All were brave but not all survived
Crossing over or under the wall
Victory anthem sung by choirs
Freedom and liberty began
As the monstrosity would fall
Hope is more than a desire
Fuel for revolution in the world
So dire
The Germans cried
We are one people, one land
Lighting torches at nightfall
The wall had come down
For one and all

It was gone
History now faded
The bitterness was lost
A new world was found
First people had to believed
Then they had to tear it down
With their spirit first
As an example
For the world
Then hope takes shape
In our minds
Hammers are not enough
It required hope and courage
The earth can change
Even one person at a time


"Walls in the mind often stand longer 
than those built of concrete." 

Willy Brandt
"The Dream of European Unity"
Awake! magazine, December 22, 1991.

Some call it love, others call it being human

Compromise? or was it something better
We each got to feel as though we were listened to
Negotiations?  or did we simply act human
Refused to get into politics, only accepted the truth

“And the days are not full enough
And the nights are not full enough
And life slips by like a field mouse
Not shaking the grass” Ezra Pound

This Caller has not set up his inbox

When you called I didn't answer
I didn't think I could fake something
That you or I'd believe
Or could live with
It isn't like I wanted it to end like it did
I miss you
But I missed you before too
And you knew
Everything you did to make it end
Like it did
You know the truth about why
So you know why I couldn't pick up the phone
And give you a bunch of lies
You wanted to hear me say it
But I am barely breathing
I miss you for reasons only you know
For reasons you might not know
That's just the way it goes
When betrayal happens
I didn't see it happening
Until it was over
And so were we
Forever
Don't call again
I could answer this time
That's not a promise
My phone is broken
I can't decide which lie
You might prefer

Knife

Every whispered threat
Still upon my breath
Every word I said
Anticipates me dead
And I know how
I'll regret it all
But still it gets said
My life is once
My problems a moment
Blood and flesh
So temporary
But regret is forever
If I remember
And stop in time
Each failed attempt
Lingers in my mind
As a message sent
Suicide is a wicked friend
Now is the time
For the friendship to end

24/7 Suicide call for help 800-273-8255

Bloodsport

Sold into the sport, many had no choice
They fought each other with deft precision
Crowds screamed until they had no voice
Armed or unarmed, armored or without
Battle exchanged for the emperor's pleasure
Cults following gladiators were devout
Should the warriors be victorious they live
Should the warriors lose they would die
Without death, both would see the other as kin
For the war was unnecessary, battle is sport
Violence beckoned shouts and the crowd's joy
Whoever won, all gladiator lives were short
They were human beings with beliefs and spirits
Being fed into a grinder for a crowd's enjoyment
Some were cowards, the survivors were fearless

Book Resources to read for more information

The Hunger

The hunger never leaves
A vacant emptiness inside
I am unable to dream or live
With the burning in my depths
I am losing my beliefs
My personal deicide
Others won't forgive me
Unable to proceed
I've nothing left
Except for the doubt
I'll drink the poison
Suck it down
And reflect
Until I am empty
Inside and out

Jonesboro 98

Two young angry kids
Decided to shoot up a school
They collected guns and ammo
Carefully planned the crime
That they were about to commit
Not evil, perhaps just fools
Dressed like their toy GI Joes
At the appointed time
A fire alarm pulled
Shots rang out
Mitchell and Andrew fired
Killing friends and others
This wasn't an act of precision
It was a general cull
A fascination with guns
Killing seemed fantasy
Kids killing kids
A slaughter to remember

When he awakens

And should the walls fall down
How will humanity ever survive
For the enemy remains waiting
The alien gods and their pawns
Despise humanity's way and lives
And wage war without abating
Dead Great Cthulhu now sleeps
But upon his awakening
Hear then the sorrow filled cries
And listen as the orphans weep

“That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die.”  H.P Lovecraft 

Do Not Mourn

When life ends for some
They step into a new womb
Born into a longer journey
When my life is finally done
I intend to climb in the vacuum
And wait there without worry
I'll find my way home
It has been calling me
Since I was born
I will no longer be alone
Nor worry about how to redeem
This unworthy life do not mourn
I'll find my way home
It's been calling all along
And I won't be gone long
I'll find my way home

For all of our learning

For all of our learning
For every extent of our study
We know so little it hurts
But when it comes to earning
Fulfill our commands til bloody
And when we weigh our purse
There is nothing inside
But paper and metal
Instead we must learn to live
We must give where it counts
To our children and friends
And our elders
Completely
Freely
For to love is to give without end
And be rewarded majestically

Awaiting

Making war is ancient
Only the details become new
Many seem long prepared for battle
But polished steel and rigorous exercise fail
In the haste of war and conflict
And mass collisions of men
Even the greatest warrior stumbles
Even the mightiest foe feels fear
At the moment of the clash
There is no rescue upon the horizon
And none are prepared for the view
Of arms and legs cut off or viscera exposed
Blood pouring out
As the cost of fighting for truth

Winter Castle

The lord of the castle knows
Only fools campaign in winter
The weather is menace to flesh
A horseman army dislikes snow
The freezing winds also hinder
Movements and cause death
So the lord of the castle sleeps
Knowing he can dream of victory
And the reward of campaigns
Under the summer sun in his keep
His battle plans renowned in history
The season for battle comes with pain
But nothing else brings sleep
Like victory and safely dreaming
Of the future battles
Without the cost

Endless questions

To learn truth must there be pain?
In this beautiful world, must we suffer?
Yes, but it is due our fallen nature
There is an answer, we must endure
For the pain we feel comes from our hand
The destruction comes from being the damned
Just as with cancer, it is a symbol of our ruin
We have created catastrophes
We have made disasters
We kill with abandon
And yet, for the world to turn
We must believe
God must expect miracles
But we still must create
For our creator has placed in our being
We create because we were created
And we must know the path
Love begets love
Hate begets hate
If hope is everlasting
It is because it was nurtured
With wisdom and love
When both are held as virtues

In the Warmth Of Your Presence

To taste of the nectar
To know the scent of Heaven
To feel the warmth of the sun ascending
Cannot be stolen from my existence
Yours is the highest treasure
Yours is the highest blessing
To begin without ending
You are the love I pursue
And long for you in torment
Your love is unending
And will endure beyond the moment

“I have drunken deep of joy,
And I will taste no other wine tonight.”  Percy Bysshe Shelley

Let it Rain

I have waited for you my love
It has wounded me, so painful
It moved me to know you would come
I had to stop equating you with God
My heart had to become less shameful
For once I prayed I knew it'd begun
Despite sorrow within, a process turned me
From lonely heart to healthy completed soul
From miserable being to exalted, in control
Oh Lord let it rain
Let it pour

The Future

A world of towers and walls and vast numbers of bodies
No more plants, no more wild life, no more odes to Autumn
The beauty of the moment, can no longer be found
We've lost everything, not a square yard of holy ground
The sky is filled with locusts, satellites and radar signals
Enemies squared off, soon there will be launched missiles
Bred for our usable flesh, sold for parts, for our labor
Sold for our organs needed to extend the lives of others
We have no worth, our flesh is the only reason to live
We've become the holy harvest, giving all we might give

surrender

They said I'd quit but I can't
They are disappointed, expected a rant
But I haven't the energy to give in
Life's cost made me hollow within
I loved and lost, gave and gave up
I trusted and lost trust
And my life is finished and done
Why run a race, if it cannot be won

Stupid Game

They might offer
And if given a gift
It becomes yours to use
You might be forced
And if told you've lost
It wasn't ever up to you
So don't allow others
Who do not know you
Or even like you
To determine your path
They might pull your legs off
And tell you to run
You might come in last
But you never gave consent
Nor even played their stupid game

Don't listen

You might jump, or even fall
Just don't dare answer the call
Of little voices in your head
Making choices, and you're dead

Allowed to love

They tell us to take life as it comes
But we watch in loneliness at others
Who have everything that we might want
Together, happy, seeming to be whole
But I'm aware of what it might become
Life gives some a wholeness that covers
But refuses some as their heart grows gaunt
None are offered easy choices, we all churn within
We make our own and our counsel is not to envy
The choices of others whether of glory or sin
So I've learned to give in
To the small voice telling me
We are all flawed, do not be proud
To let go, to give greatly
Love fully when life allows

Not a choice to make

I saw in her eyes the children we'd never have
She was crying, and angry, all at the same time
For I was in love with someone and I'd never leave
And tears will not cause me to change my mind
She was beautiful yes, with a ballerina grace
And in another life I might in fact believe
But I don't fancy alternative lives
I have difficult enough time
Living in this one
I am happy with my love
She burns white hot in my core
We may be different, we might be flawed
But I love forever and so does she
The new one said she would love me
And make life together so beautiful
But I'm with someone so far more
Than anyone might offer
My heart knows the score
And I am content to follow
My first love is my only love
And that is enough for me to know

Blame fails

Some blame guns
Others madness
I say we've entered oblivion
Have we become addicted
Facing starvation of love
Seeking pleasure or drugs
To avoid reflection
Have we condemned every generation
Rising levels of violence
Have we become numb
From the abortions
The ease of crime
The fear of bullies
The violence of catastrophes
The constant war
What if we are broken
By the paths taken
What if were are the forsaken
And our generation chosen
To be the victims
With bodies of scars
Is it war or is conquest
Do we fight for honor
Or the spoils of the war chest
Do we liberate the slaves
Free the oppressed
Do we fail the test
When we kill for of oil
What if our lives were more
Than pursuit of pleasure
And desire for more than toil
How many would be so broken
If we all refused to use our bodies
To inflict pain, to extract revenge
To complete the cycle
What if we made it disgusting
To emulate the bad actors
Who kill for pleasure
Who are addicted to pain
Who decide revenge
Is akin to a game
But my fear is simple
Perhaps they can't help but pull the trigger
Or launch the missiles, or drop bombs
Because it is all that they know
Failing higher goals and earning utter shame

Against the Alien Sky Invaders

After a century of war the phantom airships continued to fight their campaign
Somehow we resisted, the human race united, to fight them on equal ground
Hundreds of battles, millions of casualties of warriors and civilian, bombs rained
Falling, the bombs kept falling, destroying everything as the bombs fell down

Sorrow Flight

She has seen the world pass, including the loves of her life.  She counted herself last, first she was a mother, daughter, wife.

The life of a person, who gave selflessly to the end, giving far too much.  Her heart had no time to mend, still she knows she'll be judged.

Because however much she has given, there is more needed, and there is never enough.  Never ever enough.

Sacrificial Dais

The darkness hovers
The structure stands
Stairs to the center dais
Lead to the ear of the mother
Sacrifices offered
For a harvest for the land
The heart burns in a flame
And the smoke smothers
Will this bring rain
Or add to the carnage
Of the conquered people

What is Love?

What is Love?
I don't actually know
We think we are so very clever
We think we know how to be
So much more than we are
I might love
But is it a foolish desire
Or have I learned the meaning of love
What is there for anyone
But the world that offers
So many intimacies
So many false legacies
Who are we, anyhow?
Are we meant to know
Are we meant to grow?
I give up
I found love and that's so much more
That my heart burns fire at the core
I care less about the words
That we linger upon
We are alive
Because we love
We will survive
Even if we do not get enough
Of what was given

The Ocean's Secret

There in the cross section of the Coordinates of Latitude 47° 9′ S, Longitude 126° 43′ W lays R'lyeh.  Should modern men visit, they would barely perceive, there are forces alive, that would threaten their sanity, burning the reason and the passion inside, every bit of piety. Lo before all is lost, what little remains of their beliefs, will fall before the evil alien deity.

With masonry carved by madness.  Ornamental yet abstract and bizarre remains.  Here should the world still slumber, an evil presence prepares to wake. Covered there is a secret, beneath the waves, where the ocean keeps silent the screams, and the killer tide. Here is the resting place for the sleeping dead god, who is called Great Cthulhu. 

R'lyeh was an ancient city, a collection of ruins, and walls, an symbolic gates of power.  It is asleep just as is the host.  The ghosts of long dead men and unwilling sacrifices still linger.  Beasts of the ocean stay away, nothing living dare draw near.  The cold depths are still.  The world shakes as the fates contrive. The memories of the artifice are stand still... only moving in fear of the malevolent being, who sleeps so deeply within. 

Nothing lives in this place, R'lyeh is still, itself, alive. Here is the tomb of the undying god. Here is the resting place for the alien one.  Almighty, powerful, untapped, untamed, Cthulhu will some day, though dead, still, awake.  His tentacles reach, quiver with pain, and for every moment he is lost in the misery, humanity as a whole, and earth included will be punished with shame, violence and pain.