By Your Side?

I never said what it was you think you heard
And I'd never listened to voices of others, nor care
I do understand if you need to remove me from your life
But if you do, I won't perform like a monkey, won't take a chance
I won't take your side, won't tell you my thoughts,
I'll no longer be your knife
When you need someone who is loyal only to you
Choose wisely, I won't be there
I am either on or off
Make your choices and swiftly make your cuts
I'm content with my place in existence
Whether you understand what place that is
Or not

Queen Maeve

She was awash in power, depths of wisdom
She had learned with knowledge and passion
As dangerous as a she wolf, danger obvious
Gifted with an ability to see future visions
If angered she could turn a world to ashes
There in her seat of power, quite notorious
In Hibernia she lived near the Heavens
But she was more than myth or legend
She watched every child made of flesh
As they wander through life and death
In ancient Rathcroghan she dwelled
And ordinary men in her presence melt
She was Queen Maeve ruler of the land
Holding every majestic power in her hand
But province surrounding not yet in line
Cuchulainn resisted, she did too, in kind
Two forces powerful, anger vast and wide
They'd meet, and divide between the tribes
With those who followed, those who did not
Battle was savage in days before the cross

Told Sweetly

Like a sweet melody it rings
Like the words when vocalists sing
Anthems to life's misery
Choirs reaching majesty
Of the words she wrote
When she said goodbye
Sad but pretty
Longing and yet
Distant
Offering no hope for more
Slamming the thick oaken door
And still I was happy
She had written in my diary
That I only ever had to ask
She'd bring herself to the task
To make me feel better
And when you've lost everything
Nothing feels like Heaven
Like lies told sweetly
With pity

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” 
― Kahlil Gibran

Spent

Your passion was spent
For someone you now regret
You think I am jaded
With only a selfish respect
You think I pretend
Little I can say differently
You made your choice
I sit back and gaze
Waiting for you to see
That you stole my dreams
You left to be with him
Imagining I'd remain
Behind
Waiting
Empty
Filled with pain
Not an ounce of hope within
So don't come here
You won't be happy
Don't come near
You are the fool
Go back to him
Or to your daddy
Look, OK you win
Find a reason to stay
I'm satisfied on my own
Even if I'm alone
As always
It is better than being used by you
Again

Woven

Woven inside a cocoon together
Our souls are entwined
Here in the forever
In the divine
Your kisses are exquisite
Your touch is electric
Mine is decadent
Even eccentric
My eyes look at you with awe
Your beauty moves me
I answer to your call
Love you deeply
Keep my heart
It has scars
But you heal me
You reveal me
In its most primal place
In our embrace

“I was made and meant to look for you and 
wait for you and become yours forever.” 
― Robert Browning

What The Orchard Grows

In the orchards of humanity
I walked, and felt fear
There anxiety grows
Without water
Without urging
I walked upon the graves
The many graves of dream
I walked where there's no hope
In the gardens of failure
I found there
Nightmare and sin
I saw what grew easily
I saw what passes for good
I asked what it did within
Did it passively grow
Or did it thrive
How did it allow me to survive
And then I realized I blame others
For what they could not do
When the same absence was in me
Why do I blame you
For what is my own tragedy
In the orchards, you can see
All the false dreams, failed plans
You can see what grows there
All planted
All cultivated
By my own hand
And now I understand
It is me
I am to blame
It is tallied somewhere
Beneath my own hated name

Nuts.

I've heard people say, even feeling miserable or in pain is better than death.  I'd like to know how they know this puzzling idea, are they resurrected flesh? Have they ever experienced death that they would know it is so terrible there? Or do they just blow these "truisms" out their ass, then proceed to share? It isn't enough to trust.  Life has become too much but I don't care, I just want to be out of pain.  Maybe that's enough.

Human Hive

A hive of activity
Without the sting
Bees all missing
Long gone from view
We need the creativity
That modern minds
Can't promise to bring
We need to know the truth
Not from any bigotry
Natural selection clings
To anything serving as food
One cannot prosper
Only simply survive
With a rumbling tummy
A hive is limited in offers
Honey rewards as a bribe
Modernity calls it money
Demand becomes stronger
For dreams still alive
Hope becomes me
I will try harder
The hive has limitations
And I do not belong


“Look tonight at the stars. Let them overwhelm you in the postures of their bright dance. Face the vastness which they dot like silver bees, and sound with your own brain the mystery, hazarding at the inscrutable plan of things.”  Robert H. Barlow

The End is Here

My heart is bleeding, among the thorns
My life is screaming, my dreams are torn
And the beliefs I once had, all fall away
They get lost, amidst the changing day
The sky turned red, the storm approaching
There is no warning, the noose is closing
And as I watch, the flood rises
My heart has reached final crisis
The end is near, the end is here

The Answer

No, it wasn't clear
There was no answer
Even as my life slowed
It was then revealed
I am a cause of disease
I realized that it was I
I am the cancer
The flesh paid a grave toll
I then held back my soul
I was lost, but,...
It would provide a final answer
Abandoned at birth
I was seen as a curse
I knew the answer
I was the stain
It was I
I never dictated the circumstances
I never left my fate to chance
I was the answer

War Rides the Red Horse

Far in the distance in the crimson sky
Portents the presence of the rider
The red horse of war is here
As the clouds churn with fire
Visible are the scars of battle
They reveal the cost of acts of war
Armies have fought battles
Across the millennia
War's presence beckons
To the noble, to the low
From the peaceful and to the violent
 From rapists and to defenders
Lastly there are romantics
Those souls who love
And to the cynics
Those who love to kill
Acts of heroism inspire
Riots against the order
Chaotic mobs who slaughter
The Red Horse is ready
Waiting to charge
His rider remains calm
Knowing his power
And calls to his brother Mars
Who shakes the ground
Preparing the armies
To fight to the end
To defend a people
Or defend their land
Only to add to the catastrophe
Humans alone create

“Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.”   Dwight D. Eisenhower

"When He broke the second seal, I heard the second living creature saying, "Come." And another, a red horse, went out; and to him who sat on it, it was granted to take peace from Earth, and that men would slay one another; and a great sword was given to him."   Revelation 6:3–4

Ashes and Abyss

If somehow anyone should survive
The year 2020's plague and famine
They'll consider it an era of time
Without any real distinction
Between survival and being dead
We'll find new ways of dying
We can't find new life instead
Our world shakes and sorrows
With more suffering of others
Our blue planet can't bear lies
Our devastating ignorance
The emptiness inside
As a billowing cloud of ash covers
We'll perhaps fade into the dark gray
From the smoke of our burning dead
Who've fled headlong into the abyss

As the Music Played

The fellow heard the music playing
And still, chose to sleep through it
And when the neighbors turned it up
He decided to avoid complaining
But they were assholes
He was not
They chose their actions
He suffered
When he left the next day for work
So sleepy, so tired
He could not focus
His foot slipped off the pedal
Crashing through the front room
Condemning the asshole partiers
To a sort of self caused doom

When Famine Rides

 'When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand. And I heard something like a voice in the center of the four living creatures saying, "A quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius; but do not damage the oil and the wine."' Revelation 6: 5-6

The world has seen plague, and war
Death has had a day to remember
But Famine rides the black horse
When Famine rides humanity starves
Call Famine by his name, rightly
For he is powerful, even mighty
If supplies of the wine and oil remain
Bread and staples are nonetheless lost
To the wealthy as well as the meek
Beware the final hour
For it is then that the horsemen ride
The mightiest will die tasting defeat
Just as surely as will pass the most weak
The warriors of Mars cannot fight
For they scream inside with hunger
We can watch as humanity falls
Hungry for specks of bread
The smallest morsel hidden jealously
The dying will envy the dead
Because
Of all the horsemen
Famine is the most dangerous
Food is the key, the mightiest warrior will fall
Over hunger in his belly

“the goddess knew that her daughter had been taken, and tore
her hair into utter disorder, and repeatedly struck her breasts
with the palms of both hands. With her daughter’s location a
mystery still, she reproaches the whole earth as ungrateful,
unworthy her gift of grain crops, and Sicily more than the others,
where she has discovered the proof of her loss; and so it was here
that her fierce hand shattered the earth-turning plows, here
that the farmers and cattle perished alike, and here that she
bade the plowed fields default on their trust by blighting the
seeds in their keeping. Sicilian fertility, which had been
everywhere famous, was given the lie when the crops died as
they sprouted, now ruined by too much heat, and now by too
heavy a rainfall; stars and winds harmed them, and the greedy
birds devoured the seed as it was sown; the harvest of wheat
was defeated by thorns and darnels and unappeasable grasses.”    Ovid

 

Depressed about what I can't change

I am not a jealous man
Watching others play the game
Loving and holding hands
Caressing, kissing
Loving in public
Has never made me glad
I've suffered as long as I've been an adult
Alone meant that I was forever sad
What everyone else receives when I do not
Should not move my attitude in any direction
But I believe I will some day have more
Than this world of silence and solitude
What can I do but wait?
Until I receive what I deserve
All I can do is hope that I can endure
This empty desert

Damned

You revel in the hurt
The oppression of humanity
You've poisoned every legacy
Your words revealed
The lack of empathy
Lack of hope
Or would you rather
Hope for the death of mankind
We've certainly earned it
We've never learned that
Everything we do
By our own hands
We create a false foundation
This is a Hell of our own making
Others dwell in starvation
While we've become fat
We have taken in an abundant harvest
We've caused the death of others
We revel in conquest
A contest between nations
A game to see how soon
We might bring damnation
To this land of doom
So we've become the Damned
And you watch and smile
Revel in our folly
Even as we've poisoned the land
You know, sooner or later
We'll fall, and need to blame
You'll be long gone
Farewell humanity
Farewell the species of man

Don't Pull That Plug

My life is not for others to play with
So I deny the government the right
So I deny my friends the right
And deny my family the right
To pull my plug
This is different
Than for me to pull the same
I live on my own terms
Life is good
Life is hard
I refuse the shame
Of being anyone
But myself
My life is not a choice to let me live
Or to put my meat in a locker like a shelf

Pestilence Has Begun to Ride

The foul bringer of pestilence, disease and plague
Demands nothing, he is content, unknown by name
His horse is white, but not pure, powerful, austere
A rider who is cloaked in armor, and fights with ardor
He is not evil, does not strike with malice only duty
Death knight, servant of the palace, with eyes of ruby
It is not his will that leads him to spread the disease
He will not go unfulfilled, he infects, and deceives
A rider of a white horse, bringer of the decayed flesh
He is unconcerned for any fame, he brings only death


Then I saw when the Lamb broke one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures saying as with a voice of thunder, "Come." I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he who sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer. — Revelation 6:1–2

Nuclear Rain

To fly beyond the speed of sound
And escape radar detection
To dance through the minefields
In heavy armored tanks
To jump around in the nuclear clouds
The current yields are powerful
Irony is dangerous
Sarcasm is not allowed
We wonder why it matters to try
If we all are fated to one day die
But to learn diplomacy or negotiation
Is not for personal gain
Nor is it a fool's game
It can save us from ourselves
From absolute mutual destruction
What does it matter?
The future matters
The nuclear fall out matters
Even as precipitation spreads the stain
Of nuclear radiation through the deadly black rain

The Temporal is less than the Eternal

My flesh fails, my memories fade
My body breaks, my hands shake
My spirit however is forever alive
My soul is eternal and will survive
The tapestry of a life is silly fiction
Data filled with stupid contradictions
The temporal portion of my existence
Fades from view, without persistence
But the eternal portion of my journey
Is the only thing that makes it worthy

Upon a Pale Horse Death Rides

We know Death is not our master, but he yet measures our days
And know his job is not easy, it is a disaster, humans fear his name
Life is not so easy, that some do not someway desire his presence
To kiss them upon wicked lips, they join him into the darkness
He exists, as does the abyss, he is unaffected by human sorrow
He might not be near, but it's clear, we're not promised tomorrow

"When the Lamb broke the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, an ashen horse; and he who sat on it had the name Death; and Hades was following with him. Authority was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by the wild beasts of the earth."  Revelation 6:7-8

We Deserve It

By my life's end there'll be few wild animals 

Most of the wild has gone extinct 

While those left still struggle to exist

I blame the hunger for land and seeking wealth

Selfish desire doesn't allow wild to stay wild 

The human species has guilt that's damnable

We don't see the wild as a gift, we squandered it

We will have destroyed our planet's health

Immature, without wisdom, like a dull child

Now we watch in confused foolish haze

As the world collapses, some will wonder

Why can't we go back to the old days, it can't 

Because of our actions that destroy, not save

Who are we to decide such things?
We are animals as well

Not exalted beings

We are not God

“If the bee disappeared off the face of the earth, man would 

only have four years left to live.”  Maurice Maeterlinck

The Blame and the Shame, Didn't Work this time

You asked me why I was missing from your big event
And I told you why I've been unable to participate
On a scale of ten, my pain is a nine or more
And the pain I have suffered is natural
Fat, sedentary old men like me experience it
I write, and lived a typical life
That description is accurate
And still you seethe
Your mockery leads me to no serious guilt
Your attempt to blame is simply odd
I've no regret that I missed your event
If it was important, oh well
So I ask why you're so eager to aim that shame
And why you seek to damn me to Hell
For experiencing something humans do

Reaching Terminus

People exist to question
Asking the important
The inane, the meaningless
If I live, If I die
If I flee and say goodbye
Is there any difference
Than should I give, or if I steal
Does it matter if I even try
Ask yourself again
Have I earned my way?
Or did I do
Everything a man can do?
How is that real?
How is that true?

 

 

Wisconsin Dark Land of Cheese

Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer changed our vision of Wisconsin
No longer was the mystical Land of Cheese nearly so awesome
Nor were our dreams of dairy and snow again so wholesome

Injustice

I was witness to a series of grave injustices
From confessions left unheard and unspoken
To a child who screams and was never loved
Starving in a land of wealth or abundance
A truth unlearned because heart are broken
To allow this we must've been blinded by spite
For every child deserves enough love and life

“When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.”  Dom Helder Camara

Your Villages are our yield

Well familiar with ancient lore and hymns
Our folk's path has been long accompanied
By the dreams of a land that has seen an end
For we are the children of the elder gods
Soon they fade, passing from earth's view
Tides of war never stop, the attacks ensue
We watch them fade from farthest shores
Still we fight, for their voice rings true
In our heart, minds, the depths of our core
Shout! Take up your sword and your shield
For our gods we fight, oh gods come twilight
Saxons, Gaels, all your fields bring us yield

Why?

Would it bother you to know
I still think of you, when I fly
Would you care, do you wonder
How I now ever reach the sky
After a life of sleeping in gutters
Do you need to know anything
Do you need to know why
You see I was that told that why
Is the bad question
It makes her mad, I didn't know
Life was a big old testing session
Why ask a question
You know?
Wouldn't you just like to know
Not for any reason
Not for anyone's intercession
Just ask and get an answer
Why every body seems sad
When we live in a time
Never excelled
The rhymes fly
And we find heaven
Somewhere above us all

Frank

A brain without nuance
Without thought beyond need
Feeling only, no logic
All it could do was scream
Came across a gentle child
Throwing flowers in the stream
His reaction wasn't evil
He tossed her in
But she didn't float
Like the flowers
He had massive amounts
Of brutish power
He only wanted affection
Should society be considered guilty
For allowing a piece of flesh
Possessor of a mindless rage
Somehow innocent
Be acquitted?

Eden Lost

Should we lose Eden what will be left for us?
Human evolved forms shaped from clay there
Every billion people added to the total more
A garden cannot feed, there'll be less for all of us.
Even if it is assigned per mouth, it won't be fair
People who cannot speak, still hunger in their core
There will be an enormous collapse, a grave change
And then we can watch, in a short time, permanent
As the lush green fades to lifeless brown
Every day passes slowly
As the death desecrates the sacred ground

Explain

Each damn time that I try to explain
You close your eyes and seem to sleep
You say I'm a fool, you think I'm a liar
Even if you choose to say that I'm insane
It doesn't make it that part of my being
I might not be normal, but I will flee a fire
I'm not perfect but I think you're the one
Abandons others with a job to be done
Don't find your hope in me
I'm not your villain
Filled of such foolishness
Your scenarios remain
I won't give you any more words
As everything around you burns

Midnight Screams

There is an indigenous legend

That the hunger for flesh of man

Can drive a spirit to madness

A being in the dark so wretched

He lingers on the edge of sanity

The morning sun causes it to vanish

The Wendigo hungers

Can only be fed by human flesh

For his soul is empty, and famished

Night is dangerous and the danger lingers

The weak fall victim, eaten until death

“And it was in that moment of distress and confusion that the whip of terror laid its most nicely calculated lash about his heart.”  Algernon Blackwood

Imhotep

No, Imhotep never died
His flesh was preserved
Into forever unlife
For his great crime
He sought to restore his love
Back to living
Using the secret scrolls
Releasing the spell
To restore Ankhsenamen
To living breath
He violated the tomb
Seeking to save her
Not waiting to enter
The eternal realms together
He sought to reunite
So they might be afterward
Never parted
He was caught by tomb guardians
Taken to the priests of the dead
And preserved by spells
Covered in gauze
Entombed as a guard
Consigned to watch
Over his princess
His lifeless living eyes
Stared forth for many millennia
But his long wait ended
When archeologists found him
He returned to his mission
Trying to restore life to the dead
His reincarnated love

Forsaken future

The future is built upon the past
Fires are burning in the last city
And they will never be able to stop
This city, this utopia was our final dream
All of the other dreamers are gone
Yes, I was the last
I thought a future beckoned
Beautiful, civil, kind
My vision were mistaken
And for this I was crippled
I had committed blasphemy
Lived in the center of entropy
Where nothing was waiting
Standing amidst absolute black
Ignored, hated, silenced, attacked
I was told my views were insane
That I was a fool
Irresponsible, betraying
Told from the first to be quiet
My world was one of pain
They then sent me away
I was the forsaken
My flesh permanently broken
My mind afire with pain
Taken far from home
I learned that there is no safety
Far from their truth I remained
I was called a thief
Of time, of dreams
Of hope, of sleep
Here I stand waiting
There might be nothing coming
But I have faith, believe in hope
And loving
Even if darkness covers all
Even if the truth is unpleasant
We have choices to make
Our pain can only slow us down
It can't stop anything

The Curse Endures

The gypsy foretold 

"Even a man who is pure in heart

And says his prayers by night

May become a wolf when the wolves bane blooms

And the autumn moon is bright"

The bite, the moment of transition

From that point onward, a life transfixed

To hunt, to howl, to pursue all manner of prey

In day's light he'd enter shame and perdition

Should the moon shine, his humanity eclipsed

Then all men should bow and pray

For the wolf man is hunting

And any offered victim will be slain

A howl of victory offered

The curse is to blame

For the humans will seek a wolf

Or mad dogs, or some sort of pack

But his hunt was completed

And he now waits

To attack again, attack

damnati ad ludos

We come from different worlds, we are known as the damned 

We bear a curse, we've been condemned to the combat games

Our number includes criminals, murderers, rapists and scum

Some come from the elite, on the wrong side of the emperor

Great numbers come from defeated prisoners of Rome's wars

When we fight, one wins, one dies, all bleed on the arena's sand

Most of us will die, but we've warrior blood pumping in the veins

Winning duels and battles, most of the best are left quite numb

Trained in different styles of combat, we entertain the empire

We scream in pain, but refuse to allow others to see our tears

And though it is held off as a enticement, few see it as such

We will never be free, we are the condemned slaves

And yet we are worthy of respect, and of love

"Already long ago, from when we sold our vote to no man, the People have abdicated our duties; for the 
People who once upon a time handed out military command, high civil office, legions — everything, 
now restrains itself and anxiously hopes for just two things: bread and circuses."  Juvenal

The odds for or against you

Three hundred men spent three days fighting a hundred thousand
The 300 Spartans were warriors, and likely very brave
For those who'd fought bravely as a Persian
Winning or losing, lives were lost
It doesn't devalue the effort, or result
Failure doesn't remove lives lost
Or hopes given
Nor what they gave
We should not devalue results of such acts
Who knows what one might save
Or what they might do
What changes everything
Is the idea that one person can change the world
And who knows, it might actually be you

Ideological Collision

When lives are lost in war it is soul crushing
But when lives are lost in a contest of ideas
Some see those who die to become martyrs
But the truth is, humanity is diminished
When arms and soldiers cause destruction
In battles in villages that become arenas
Giving no respite or defense, nor quarter
At the end of the war was a reckoning
Not healing, only wounds, when finished

For Further Reading

Mask Masquerade

Every time I have fear I count the occasions
When all fears became realized, if too late
In time we will consume the young
Eating seed, saved for the next planting
We'll take our earth and carve from it
And our children will starve for it
When one nation shall slaughter nation
Then shall we enter a moral stagnation
Finality bleeds, we can't escape this fate
My disgust is paramount, I can't disguise
That we'll reach the zenith of culture
With architecture reaching the sky
But we are impoverished forever
And this vulgar fetid species will die
DNA won't help, even as foundations
Our structure is built upon sand and hate
Beyond repair, nothing to build
For we've lost the chance to rise
We are disguised from our masquerade
Our lies will linger, we will hide our eyes
And masks will be our refuge, must be worn
For we are sheep, and we must be shorn

“Masks beneath masks until suddenly the bare bloodless skull.”  Salman Rushdie

(This was written prior to Covid, it is not a political commentary, regarding, at least, covid.)

To Hear a Call

When an idea appears that a crusade or jihad seeks to fight
It is a high tide crest of a wave and seems to threaten all
Heart's response comes in defence an ideal, desire to protect
Ecstatic visions and answer to prayers leads some to act
This motivation leads to achievement, sends a foe to flight
Not every warrior hears the same voice, or a similar call
Some are moved by reward, never attempt to being perfect
Still, defending against an invader, or invading an alien land
Reflects a form of honor, can be a way to demonstrate faith
Even if it requires taking life with one's hand

“In their efforts to impose universal worship, men have unsheathed their swords and killed one another. They have invented gods and challenged each other: "Discard your gods and worship mine or I will destroy both your gods and you!”  Fyodor Dostoyevsky