Broken world, Slaves to life

We must run
We must reclaim our world
The message
Sent by god through the messenger
The savior, the martyr, the one
The teachings of the prophet
Were that I should never lie
I am called to speak truth
So here is my truth
This world is broken and we
Are far from the chosen
This will be
The final generation of free men
Our flesh dried in the sun
Our living bleed is turned dust
Clay that remains without breath
We never dreamed, never lived
The machine has secrets
We could never hope to keep
A being so abscessed
Purulent and ill addressed
Without an escape we are insects
With no future
We are victims of incest from the world
Where we serve as furniture
For the wealthy, for the powerful
For those who seek control
For those who feed upon our souls
If we don't leave, we will face doom
There are those made to be in chains
Until they flee
With death release, a great relief
And those who cannot escape
Remain
In their blessed servitude
They never see a need
For freedom, we run
It demands a will, a need to think
Those who prefer their chains,
Will never rise from the dust
That is their attitude
They prefer to die
On their knees
Rather than taste
Freedom

Fires of Civilization Burn

I can't breathe with the fire's smoke so thick
My tears fall, as I watch the world turned ruin
I can't think, my thoughts broken from hate
Why should our world pay for humanity's sin
Humanity has value, as if animals playing violin
Every species of earth will become extinct
Devastation, desolation spoken and fluent
My flesh will soon enter absolute decay
Emptied from the rot and malice within
Distinct, unique yet little more than skin
We have nothing to lose, but everything
Ignore politics, morality, the environment
None can deliver you from fate's end
Nothing we can do will ever save you
We are the dead who walk, no hope to renew
We have a world that can't help changing
We are the children, arrogant, violent
No hope for Heaven, nothing transcendent
We've become our own gods, our own truth
Don't try to fight the flood, enter the deluge
The bleeding once begun will never stop
We've invited Oblivion
We slaughtered every savior sent
Never heard the warnings
Never heeded them
There is nothing left
Earth will be forever emptied of life
This firestorm, a tragedy, an act of hatred
There is no need to take another breath
A catastrophic fire burns, it consumes
This is the drama's final act
Winds sweep across the planet
Leaving an ash blanket
Of doom

Engineers, Architects and Dreamers

How have we fallen
From the reaches of space
Down to throes of a planet in agony
All of our sins were committed sincerely
Believe ourselves higher than the natural order
We reached high but never knew our goal was limited
By the wounds we could inflict without killing our home
Like Atlantis before us
The heights of culture matter not one bit
This planet has seen humans pass before her eyes
And we cannot disguise our motives of greed and hate
We imagine ourselves to be engineers, architects, dreamers
But there is nothing in the is world we've built that will last long
Not more than the mountains or ocean depths, the beauty of nature
Only the depths of peril of pollution, destruction and decay that we have created

Plastic

Plastic people built for a synthetic lifeless world
Nothing new about anyone, neither boys or girls
Unique is an anomaly that threatens production
Unique is a trait that requires deconstruction
With every piece of the whole needed to fit
Pull the plug now, or I'll be forced to endure a refit
Or worse they'll think they made a counterfeit 
Then destroy me there in the womb,
Such a fitting place for a perfect tomb
In a plastic place
Where we are required to wear smiles
Upon all of our plastic faces

Wir sind nur schafe zum schlachten
Wir sind nur schafe zum schlachten
Wir sind nur schafe zum schlachten

 

Mistakes

By saying I am saying I am a Christian
Some people hearing this assume
That despite my being made of flesh
I am saying that I am somehow a saint
I live my life as if upon a mission
But I know that all lives are doomed
Every life ends in death
Perfect?  No I am the perfect mistake
Assume nothing about my journey
I will fall well short of being worthy
By my own hand, of salvation or redemption
It isn't about my acts or my beliefs
If I believe but do not act in them I'm a failure
Good intentions never achieve anything
I walk in the path of the one who aspires
I am wrought with pollution and decay
And filled with many and grotesque desires
So while I believe, I live and love
I am the broken and unchosen
There is nothing that guarantees my ascension
I walk the path of life with no expectations
I have nothing special to offer
But for sharing the reports
Recording my few victories and many failures
Shining the light upon the hope, need
Of my final redemption

Questions about my urges

I hunger after everything I'm not allowed to feast upon
I spend hours wanting all the things forbidden
By the highest holy order
I am not God, nor am I even moral
If God is perfect, and created all things,
Including me
Why was I made in a way that suggests
There is something wrong in my form
I am a simple beast
Fascinated by pleasure, the thrill of the hunt
Eating things that will kill me
Desires unbridled and hunger made me a whore
I have this endless hunger inside my inner core
What I want is different than what I need
How am I to know without having lived before
How am I to find what others know inside?
Is it fair to have a standard that can only be discovered
That mystery uncovered by our worst transgressions?
I think I that I am dying to know the answers
Or will I die, simply from the cancers
That burn burn burn

Truth is immutable

Your scent still lingers in memory, I can do nothing to remove it
Alone life has been torture, bankrupt in the midst of a treasury
I struggle to remind myself, life moves on, but I can't prove it
I inhale air, exhale dust, this flesh is dead, soon to fail
The children have the chance to make their mark
In this world that left scars across my heart
I long to pass, and pass behind the veil
Where I'll be with you
Once again
If we enter that place
When there time will have no cost
The truth evident, all will be revealed
Time, sorrow, pain no longer assail the flesh
And as we are passing from temporal to the eternal
We will understand, and all truth remains immutable

Now is the Harvest

I smelled the atoms scattered in the wind
The first strike destroyed the nearby nuclear plant
So quickly there were only fires and dust remaining
We knew better and yet like boys still played army

In a nuclear war, no side can ever win
With the burning and irraditation, a dying land
Acid rains falls, and tears of children raining
No closure to be had, no hope, not hardly

Burning cities, dead corpses of the innocent
In the end there will only be dust and sand
No talking heads, none losing, none gaining
The black smoke falls like snow, now is the harvest

“In our new age of terrifying, lethal gadgets, which 
supplanted so swiftly the old one, the first great aggressive 
war, if it should come, will be launched by suicidal little 
madmen pressing an electronic button. Such a war will 
not last long and none will ever follow it. There will be 
no conquerors and no conquests, but only the charred 
bones of the dead on and uninhabited planet.”   

William L. Shirer

To love and lose

Know that to love and lose
Is the same as to live and die
To follow a perfect dream
And then the worst nightmare
You were the only one I'd choose
You were my sweetest hope inside
You were the secret that I keep
Now I know that life is not fair
Life is decay, just watch the news
Why do any of us bother to try
Step off the edge and leap
It isn't even upon a dare
Death offers, and seduces
Tells you to commit suicide
Makes you want to scream
Wearing sackcloth I'll rip and tear
As I mourn my loss of you
This is the end of anything true
My remorse comes I didn't die with you
The life for me since you left is proof
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
There is nothing
After you've lost your love

Si vis me flere, dolendum est
Primum ipsi tibi.

Horace 

My Unwilling Sacrifice

As I slept in the womb

Ready to become "life"

I breathed in, and out in syncopation

To my mother's heart

After birth I was taken

Quickly to a baby room

For we were now considered to be alive

A violent rape led to my creation

The truth of this has left many scars

I was not forsaken I survived, unconsumed

But 10 years later, I'd have been a sacrifice

Upon modern altars of terminal gestation

Where the unborn are stolen for parts, ripped apart

Knowledge of this left me not broken but awakened

As an adult, I live, I have overcome, my victory won

Despite my society's casual disregard for a baby's life

“If after I die, people want to write my biography, there

is nothing simpler. They only need two dates: the date 

of my birth and the date of my death. Between one and 

another, every day is mine.” Fernando Pessoa

in the outer office

I heard you singing the other night
As I was working in the outer office
You sounded happy, so much happier
Than the times you spent with me
I wanted to be your soul's sole delight
Your soul pristine, your beauty flawless
You deserved fine things, wine and caviar
But you and I were never meant to be
I miss you still
Even seeing you day by day
Not being able to say what was needed
The things I need to express
Leaves me ill
Not words of rage
Feeling so unwilling to keep bleeding
It leaves my heart such a mess
So rather than hurt you
I'll just keep this in
And let you be

forever with you

We drove forever in a car made to fit just two adults
But whatever our age, when I saw you, I saw the stars
And it made my heart roar, like the engine of a truck
I never understood what love is, it never mattered
I answered your call
We don't listen to others, who scream at us as if a cult
Thinking they understand love, but never don't go far
Depending on chance meetings, blind or stupid luck
If their love was a glass chalice, it'd be shattered
With the first fall
I love you, never quit, I gave time, hope, we had a result
We made mistakes but refused to blame, still leaving scars
Sex wasn't our only thing, young deer are always in rut
We fall and make amends, leaving our dreams scattered
But loving you is all
I've ever wanted to do
Just being with you

The Pyre

We live for the moments of lust, pleasure
And then choose our forms of regret
We extinguish the fires of faith
With every choice to regurgitate
Our apologies that we never make
Watch as the generations show
How they resent us
Watch as they burn inside with hate
While we offer up our young
As the unblemished lambs
As OUR greatest sacrifice
We wonder why our sacrifices
Never make our gods satisfied
And why must our children die
And every succeeding generation
Feels the need to retaliate
Lost generations
Idols of worship
Idolatry your fate

Explain to me the morality 

Of allowing anyone to think

The emptiness of existence 

Reveals only our fears

Do you know what we should eat

Or  perhaps what we should drink

We've been making the wrong choices 

For all of these years

Instead of our making our own choices

Go ahead

Steal our will, steal our personal ways

Steal our minds, steal our days

The Scout

Now in my thirtieth year of my time
Holding our emperor's trust, sublime
I walked from my home to the distant lands
Never lost my vigilance, this was my command
Didn't need a map, the footpaths all well trod
I was alone, if I spoke at all, it was only to god
There is a high cost of service, but I prefer to serve
To scout the range of empire, preparing the reserve
How many have seen the great empire's riches
Her people vital, her lands cultivated with vision
And I would be wrong to let anything happen
If the foe be afoot, stealthy assassins or dragons

Ghosts

Under the blue sea lay the sailors
Who were unlucky enough, when at sea, to die
There is a long standing belief about these men
If they never reach home port, they exist in a form of unlife
Echoing in the madness, beneath the waters of the horizon
In the cold ocean waters they linger
Until either they are destroy and released
Or by eldritch magic are made to rise
They are silent, salt water has stolen their voice
Their flesh is pale, close to translucent
This gives them an unholy looking sheen
That glistens in the moon lit night
With no hope for the living to survive
When the dead rise, know well
The sailors from hell refuse to die

Faithful to the call?

Yes, you should know, I am aware
I know too, that I have only one life to give
I cannot suffer enough to fully pay
For all I've done, or allowed
A poor transaction, truly unfair
My soul replays, endlessly relives
Every single act of shame
In every home, of the meek, the proud
His followers have all declared
My life is forfeit, none will forgive
Called by him to be the one who betrays
He was far more than just a message by G-d
If you find my body, if you might dare
Take my body for burning in very hot kilns
Flesh and remnants of life gone, except my name
I am hated for this, called a bringer of doubt
No one should feel pity towards me, or care
I am the product of fear, infamy and sin
I served my lord, his greatness I proclaimed
Taken before Pilate and shamefully cowed
His ministry a tapestry of love, to share
I shall be infamous, I am empty within
Eternity burns, mine the ugliest form of fame
I exchanged his life, for worthless ground
Now no one may take on the burden I bear
Here, Pilate said, these Jews have their King
From across this land, everyone came
Given his sentence, it unsettled the crowd
His ministry was love, mine simple despair
Raucous and wild, the people began to sing
Barabbas, you are free, great Jesus now tamed
Pounding nails, each one, made a ringing sound
All because of a kiss
Just a kiss
Calling him Rabbi
To say hello to my master
In exchange for some silver
That I'd turn into land
That I might plow
Please
Bury me there

(I am grateful that after all I've done, all I do,
 I have the promise of forgiveness, for all of my 
sin.  I have hope for redemption.  And I need it.

“God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say.
Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more
wonderful: he makes saints out of sinners.”  

Soren Kierkegaard)

Your pet

My soul was led by you as a sheep to slaughter
I believed in you so deeply I became ignorant
When I refused to think any thought not happy
I had allowed you to be my master
In so doing I lost my being
I had been in heaven, my sorrow released
Drinking anything in your company
My drink had become holy water
Then when I revealed my depths,
You were indifferent
Love for you was a just moment, sadly
Instead of  the height of existence
One that redeems
You love to be loved, it is sport
Because I spent my life being broken
You saw me, as being in need
So you aimed your sights upon easy meat
I became your chosen but I am not your lover
I am your pet, you have me by a leash
Now I give prayers unspoken
So that somehow I might finally be released
I am no Romeo, you ain't fucking Juliet
Let me go, let me start my broken heart
And never forget all that regret

Twisting in the wind

There's a certain anguish, a torment, with me twisting in the wind

When we finish this kiss, will I enter the shadows, or live again

Yes another person will be free of this personal version of fear

They have their own dreams and I have my own nightmares

Just one person in my life came to rescue me from sorrow

You've given me strength to survive and faith to greet tomorrow

There is nothing that I can offer to explain this mystery

My past strewn with broken hopes, an empty legacy
You've changed that, even if I am often misunderstood
 You've given me hope, by your love restored my manhood

For that I thank you, know that I love you

And that I promise that my words are true

Kindred

You never made me hurt through my whole existence
We shared moments that only best friends experience
You left without saying to me goodbye
With your suicide
And that's all I now remember
I'll never find another like you, you were my kindred
You moved me, and I loved your spirit to the end
So why did you go away
We'd talk all night
Why did you choose to enter forever
I'll never replace one like you
But I wasn't enough to save you
And I ask myself
All the time
Why


For my friend Cathy
August 2014

“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”  Lucius Annaeus Seneca

How I feel?

It really doesn't really matter how I feel
What it was you did, or why it was done
What matters is to protect myself now
You know that your actions were unreal
In the guise of you just having fun
It's called deceit, far more than I'll allow

Actions speak louder than words, Remember 

My love is real, but even love requires faith
Your lies led you astray, it's me you've killed
I truly believed, and acted upon that truth
Time for me to go, regardless what you say
I trusted, loved, but am left unfulfilled
No reason to trust with your choices proof

If I love it's without relent, no guards, Forever

You chose your path, betrayed me with a kiss
You refuse to take ownership of your choices
I'm unable to understand, you cannot be forgiven
You've forced my hand, consigned me to abyss
Whoever you listen to, they are simply voices
Choices are limited, so going back, is forbidden

So linger in the echoes of us not going forward, Together

1000 more moral lives

If I live one thousand more increasingly moral lives 
And there I enter the great pool, becoming one
I'd not know the joy of finding that pool
Not dropping in softly, but taking a saucy dive
And just across the roiling clouds of horizon
If you focus you'd be able to see, me the fool
Dancing
Upon the razor's edge
Upon the dangerously narrow ledge
And jumping off
Not looking cool
Just to do

Doing what I'd do

Sorry, but I gave up my hopes
When you said what you did
Why do I have to still dream
Why should I believe
When I've nothing to live for
You never being here
In and out the door
My love is not enough
It'd never bear the weight
Of my beliefs, love, or dreams
No family together, let alone love
Only living without knowing
Why I was doing what mattered
Without my future having any purpose
As if my love for you was a curse
I can't go through that all
I've been called lost but
There's nothing I'd rather do
Than be lost in you
Or even better, being found there
Yeah, that's a place I'll never be
But you'd know why more than me

A sort of Oblivion

It is raining
There are footsteps
From a loner
Who walks through this Hell
And the clock
On the tower
Is stuck upon 12
It is broken
Never moving
Not even a single tick
A warrior walks forth
Through a part of town
The police long ago ignored
Vomit and urine stained corners
This place is the forgotten
Where the people are cast outs
Drenched in pools
of fetid and foul water
Garbage prevents the streets
From draining
A hoodie blurs his image
He looks straight ahead
Never looks down
He thinks of his fists as swords
His image presents only precision
One perfect thread upon a tapestry
Spoiled by the decay
But upon white silk, we're but stained
Bleach our eyes, my King
Please steal our sight, oh Lord
Let us never catch the scent
Of the cast outs and human refuse
Left behind, waiting for the end
Walking through the purple oblivion
These alleys could fill an emergency ward
We were born of a different mother
But here
We are all children of the night
No motion can be seen
Through the midnight thick
There are no sounds that remain
Grayish, washed out colors
Someone vomits, everyone is ill
Bleeding ugly unequal fights
The midnight ritual every twilight
The city forgives only her own
Her children scream at the thought
Of being exposed to the light
The clouds thick with rain
Pouring down
As lightning flashes
Down it falls
Hard
Down as lightning strikes
The rats flee the alley ways
Flee back to the sewers
Their true home
Here there is no life
Only strife
And there is a scent of ozone in the air
He longs for the lightning
To take him home
The homeless vets and children sleep still
They've endured much worse than this
Each armed with a gun or knife
They sleep the sleep of the dead
If they live or die they do not care
Soon enough they will

Afloat

Afloat in ether, in the translucent medium
Where we lay when our mind breathes
It is the hiding place for when we sleep
Our mother board is overwhelmed
Our faith burns in the nine Hells
With no peace we enter our shell
Why is it necessary to retreat
Why can't it be easy to believe
From this life we must be cleaved
As the angels sing and gently hold tight
We enter their protection every night
And released with dawn's light

“Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Time Away From Home

As soon as my class graduated
We rushed to serve in the Colonies
In time we'd think of Earth as a dream
It was so far from our duty zone
No one should ask why we enlisted
It wasn't how we'd be compensated
We knew our future'd mean apologies
Over time in the alien terrain, dangers deep
We remembered and dreamed of home
Our service saw our path twisted
Races of ancient intelligent aliens
Fought to keep their lands safe
From our intrusions and attacks
We were better equipped and ready
Over the course of duty, we became close 
Whenever the defenders entered the salient
We fired with constancy, made death reign
It was if we were the brand new plague
Time after time our tactics proved deadly
Hoping to sleep, instead we turn comatose
And we all dream of being home

Ask yourself

Have you ever wondered why the core of the nation
Is no longer vital, but drained
Ask yourself how easily are you entertained
Is your focus upon food or competitive violence, is it purely sex
Are you being distracted by what, by who and why
Bread and Circus?
Perhaps we've fallen, so far from the reach of our addictions
Never question the embrace
When our passions lead to a nation's suicide
Our ability to strive pales
Those who fail, fall behind
Never able to thrive, failing
Never survive

A walk in my darkness

Walking through the city, dark as if power had died

Alone, but never without the quiet voices in my head

Why would I never find what I was searching for

I knew that I'd not even known my own history

And the dreams of youth had all been stinking lies

When I thought of killing myself or  dying instead

I realized there were still things left to explore

My body was limp, exhausted from the misery

Why go on if it all comes to loss?

No one lives without dying

Who am I to complain about the cost?

“I have hardly anything in common with myself and should stand 

very quietly in a corner, content that I can breathe.” Franz Kafka

Rebellion

Every time a rebel offers a solution
He ends up paying for the crime
Of giving hope to the hopeless
Of giving someone hope inside
Even causing a revolution
We've spent years
Time uncounted of watching tanks
Ships and planes killing the innocent
We are told we have to give it time
But what is there if we do not care
For the death of those
In greatest need
Who did nothing more
Than having lived marginal lives
Who died due to acts of others
For reasons of hate, evil or greed
A rebel might offer a solution called hope
Should he succeed
Or even should he fail
Often pays with his body nailed to a cross
Others will burn inside
Knowing what they have seen
Will themselves be the voice
Of the voiceless
And bring hope
To the hopeless
Whatever the ultimate cost

Parsifal, Knight of Christ

Artwork by Belgian Symbolist Artist Jean Delville

The True Cross, Holy Chalice and Holy Lance
Each acquired a certain spiritual value
Having touched the flesh of the holy one
Seekers, opportunists, as well as knights
Actively seek to find them
For some seek material wealth
Some desire glory
To find, rediscover, or reveal these artifacts
Would be magnificently significant 
Exalted are those who defeat fate
A quest knight is a sort of warrior
That is not the same
He is not seeking wealth or fame
Rather, his goal is to find holiness
Wealth cannot replace
Nor does it create the sacred
Fame pleases the ego, not the soul
A quest knight pursues truth
Whatever the cause
It bears a cost that burns
For it might even light a holy fire
Inside
But even quest knights fail
Even quest knights have flaws
Not one, none are holy but the Christ
Spent by battle, by the journey
Wearied of the spiritual duress
He must keep going, until there is nothing left
To endure, a holy fire must rage
Few are not themselves incinerated
By the fire that burns without end
Parsifal was appointed
As one who sought the Grail
The holiest chalice would renew
The spiritual malaise Arthur faced
Many knights were sent
Few returned
The world could not perceive
How enormous the cost
To find, to touch, the holiest cup
Would be filled for the king to sip
But only Parsifal was able
Many were willing
But only one would find
And only one would hold it there
Where the wine refilled
The holy cup
For the King
Who would be renewed
Never again run out of the holiest fire
Nor the desire
To hold the king's sword again
In battle, and to reign

One set available
All books never read, signed, perfect condition

VISIT THE FOES OF KING ARTHUR, a collection of short stories about the foes of Camelot and Arthur

Exit, Enter

Transformation from this flesh
To the spirit's breath
Is neither pleasant nor cruel
While it does require growth and pain
Even Death
One form falls away
When the other is given birth
This is not simply change
It is an embrace of realities
Where all flesh fails
Spirit goes on
Exhale the dead form
Inhale new life
Born with an awareness of the truth
Death is not the end
But it ultimately renews
To understand it all
It requires belief
Not proof

“If I didn't have my parents to think about I'd have given in my notice a long time ago, I'd have gone up to the boss and told him just what I think, tell him everything I would, let him know just what I feel. He'd fall right off his desk! And it's a funny sort of business to be sitting up there at your desk, talking down at your subordinates from up there, especially when you have to go right up close because the boss is hard of hearing.”  Franz Kafka 

Alone in a crowded room

I missed her even when I was with her
But I was alone in a crowded room
I never stopped loving
Because for me it lasts forever
Never felt too soon
To be apart broke my heart
And to contemplate
Life without her
Could only bring doom
What does it matter
Only my life ends