To Serve You

When you asked me to feel
Know that I am never not
My dreams are dark, surreal
Oh I know, I am no god
In this bizarre, bleak reveal 
My dreams betray my life
Showing the way I'm wrought
Bleeding the tears I've fought
Your lips spoke to my desire
You caused me to be inspired
Breathing fire into my being
You're the dream I believe
As days grow meaningless 
As the nights pass swiftly
The empty markers of time
Can't be given meaning
Not by others nor by me

I remember once being
Then falling from your hold
But soon I will pass from here
Alive until I walk on streets of gold

After the Strike

A layer of ash lays on the surface of the planet
Fires had burned upon meteor strikes, volcanic blasts
Still needed to walk from shelter in the darkness caves
The corpses all scavenged by smaller carrion eaters
But we needed a consistent source of food, water
The black sunless days left no sun to feed the plants
Millions of books and data were saved from disaster
But what good are they, if we can't survive long
All our food is dying, and the plants cannot grow

Abscess of Eternity

In the emptiness, the abscess of eternity
Nothingness reigns, asylum for insanity
Die with urgency or live remorselessly
The globe spinning, entropy winning
As lives of wonder yet pass asunder
The end of all happened long ago
Time releases all of her legacies
We can't see time as it thunders
All that remains are memories

PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY and OZYMANDIAS

UKRvR

Their Mother gave them life, she fed them, led them
Liberated them all and what did they all have to say
Leave me be, go away, I want nothing to even remain
Restless child hearts and freedom meant more than pain
Instead of being brothers we were, we'll have no mother
And in the final end, what does it matter, dying for flags
We don't have any hope, we never did, but still endured
Why were we ever able the thought, what did we have
As tanks and SS units, slaughtered Jews and Partisans
But in the end, mother defeated them, we just existed
Staring over borders of wheat, buried dead, who are we
We were brothers, born from the same mother, and now
Killing others with a same venom of one slaying evil
Flags are meaningless but apparently, brothers are too
If failing to find peace, all is lost with no retrieval

Motionless

Alone I had lost my way, forgetting is easy
Alienation, stagnation, darkness is clarified
My spirit burns off a low earth atmosphere
A hopeless trajectory dying, almost teasing
Nowhere to escape, can I rise above screams
Life is empty, silent, as reality streams by

A day later

A day later, couldn't stop smiling, my life had in truth, begun

A day after day of pain slowed, fallen from view, so sweet

After days I learned truth, whatever was wrong could be right

The end of being told I'm wrong about everything, so perfect

On my first night, those words without relent, no more shame

And everything changed, looking forward to days with you

Never trusted that my faith was enough, but here you came

Your love was a miracle, and directly from the hand of God

When I heard you called my name, I could rise from the fall

In a Courtyard of Nightmares

If you will stand
 As all others bow 

Now alone as the sacrifice

The hubris leads them
Until your great fall

Madness screams inside
Once cast the view

Now it seems allowed

The monarch has arrived

That throne is occupied

The citizens are proud

But do they not know
He is not one of them?

Do they care enough

Do they believe now
Should they wonder

Are they uninterested

Or have they given up

Unwilling to have less

Unwilling to give more

The times have ended

Fear of dangers is real

Panic strikes one's core

In a surreal nightmare

Nothing matters
Not even a bit

Anymore

Burning inside with Awareness

Waiting I consider the whole cost of this scene
My ride is not complete, goals are but dreams
For all of our wounds, I suffer, and death

With the broken heart, I am in grave pain

For all the madness of war and dying flesh

With the broken mind, I'm called insane

As winds of sorrow grow I will endure

Because I've been shown love, so pure

Our folks' call echoes across generations

Our land, people joined, we are a nation

Never again will we be given over to war

Our flesh alive, yes we will be restored

As the Kievan Rus, to home we'll run

Knowing our land and people are one

Народжені воїнами та хліборобами, поля дають урожай

життя, а воїни заважають іншим красти плоди землі

Let the crows dance upon the grounds of my remains

Why give damn anti-depressants to a suicidal man, why do you need to blame? Why give drugs that lengthen life when it means I'll face more pain? How much suffering is enough and who do I need to please? What fears do the rest of you have and being unwilling to let me leave? Why do the people in my life make such demands? What if life isn't the same for you as it is me? I never cared to pass tests for permission, just to let me go. Why can't you understand? I've been paying my costs, long before bills came due, trust that I still love you. I'm just tired, exhausted from tolls, telling lies that I've control. Take my flesh, take my remnant personal affects, mark them as artifacts of a lost communication, now gone silent... The crows will dance, in joy of a feast, as they hop upon the site of my remains.

“Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.” Jean de La Bruyere

The Zoo Masters Watch

They had hovered above the near space atmosphere

Always hidden in sun's glare or the shadows of night

They released probes to watch us, observing humans

Humans had spent the vast wealth of food, resources

Upon the wealthy, forcing the rest to become slaves

Humans so prone to violence, build better weapons

Given human proclivity, trade hope for better blades

Violent and ignorant by choice, extinction beckons

They watch, never intervening, they yet still fear us

Far beyond our level of technology, they'll fear us
So they stay, making certain we never escape
Making certain we never come near
Whatever we believe are our boundaries
Whatever we believe or think is fake
Never let us escape this cage

In this Time of Silence and Thought

It is a fool thinking he can fight battles by himself
No quest is ended in success with the single actor
I've long ridden on back of my iron forged beast
Already even with victory in view, I've company
Those who've woven stitches sealing my wounds
As my sword maker and forge masters armed me
I am not alone in claiming victory, or my destiny
If I am unfinished or choose, at last, to go home
My steps were known, my life was made ready
By the words, actions, crafts found in all others
I have only done this with a crowd behind me
And words written upon my heart by a mother
I am not alone, and I have never been

I am Persistence

Would that I gave you keys, fuel gauge full
And I let you take this broken down vehicle
Wherever you might think that I need to go
Here is my being's lack of forward progress
How do I choose to fail, how should I know
Emptiness lingers where my heart should be
I've nothing worth having, knowingly guilty
This world in chaos, my world will not exist
If I had closed my heart, blinded my mind
Even my world would have denied resistance
I'd be forced to choose my being, persistence
I become a failure with every step forward
Echoing an emptiness, an abject toxic fate
In answer so I continue building, labeling
The outside world may have its own goals
Then I remain alive despite a dying mind
I'm persistence, I'm the weed that grows
Despite opposition, despite lacking time

In My Love, In Your Love

As ashes of the fire we burned lifts in the wind
The world around us turns, and our hearts hurt within
I loved you beyond all limits, until the finish
I hear your voice echoing in all background noise
Most find life is too long and love's not enough
But in your arms, I was in Heaven and charms
Where there is only peace and so much love

Aloneness

If I ever had dreams, They would be 
Scenes of a life I never lived, truly
There is only pain, the cold sleep
I have no regrets, my heart is empty
Flesh is nothing, my spirit neither
A mind constantly replays seizures
I'm nothing, I want more but never
The world demands of me the truth
Only words and thoughts, no proof
The pain demands focus, I've none
It is time to end, I've lost the tether
Holding upon to the link, I'm tossed
Trying to survive, but I'll linger here
With no guidance and dead forever 

End Note

I surrender, my life is at an end. I cannot remember the message sent.
Our past is dead, as a future portents, I cannot help wonder upon reasons.
This world is not a source of divine light. It now offers nothing but a treason. 
This heart returns to black as a day turns night. I am alive, passing seasons.
Life is better than it appears, but I also need to move along. Gone.

Je
Suis
Fini 

I MUST GO TO ELYSIUM Or the asylum

I've planned before to die when I believed I was finished

With my suicidal ideation throughout life, it'd come easy

I realized, against my natural inclination, she was a proof

My life had needs but grave isolation left me diminished

Because I needed love, wanting it, I was told I was greedy

Though often told that others loved me, my life was cruel

Perfection was never my goal, and yet, it was enforced

My life was often a failure, I believed I was unlovable

But my Katya's love was unforced, and she taught me

That her love was a gift, as it was the voice of God

Telling me I was worthy of love, in her perfect form

When she left me I too wished to die but I will not

Elysium is the answer, and there she and I can rest

In a perfect place, with joy and dreams, and love
Katya taught me, that in this life, there is enough
With her life was endurable, with her I was blessed

Photos taken by Elizabeth Ness and Jonathan Ness, 2024©

Deathless

Floating through the ethers, a fog's veil
A living corpse calls his master's name
The rain is freezing, the air's bitter
Though early Autumn, feels like winter
Watching ghosts of lives flourish
In the white thick clouds they live
Memories of lives once given
And seeking love
At last to be forgiven

Revelation Leaves

An immaculately clean place of study, with walls of books
At a silent monastery, comes dedicated study of sacred truth

A sole monk is capturing the thoughts he has focused, in ink

A foundation of knowledge, coming from inquiry and proof

Love lays beneath all layers and infused within every atom

No hate, no lies, only the deepest place of holding commune

There is nothing in any atom but the blueprint of knowledge
The perfect machine, fully organic yet designed to function

The day had come, the truth fully revealed, nothing left
Hour after hour, day after day, all knowledge blooms

Damned by Ink

All proof is lost in the evidence files
Facts exist but they confuse issues
Nothing is equal, not even thought
In the absence of knowing, I plead
As ink flows, into misery wrought
The truth is worth knowing, dream
Sleep escapes me, nightmare bleed
The ink in my veins pours from me
A vein is cut, all my arteries burst
Knowing isn't the same as a proof
Paint the walls, paint the corridors
My ink sprays across the room
I am well prepared for the end
The cold ground is my tomb

As a Poet, As a Warrior, Archilochus of Paros, Ancient Greece

It is a rarity of a mind and outlook found in those who revel in fiction or memoirs of war, to find one who eschews heroism, who holds survival highest of all the noble traits. Archilochus bore arms and fought, but actively identified himself as a poet. He was a warrior. He fought, and injured and likely killed other warriors. But he considered being alive at the end of a conflict as the chief goal of any battle.

He is in my favorite poets list, but the sole unhappy aspect of reading him, is that this seemingly modern minded and individualistic poet wrote so long ago, most of his work is lost to time. The three books shown above engage in his work and probe the historical person he was. But there was surely much more, and is now beyond our reach.

THE SHOUTING GOD

From the raining fire, their god Vesuvius cried
Smoke roared and flames screamed from a gaping maw
Fleeing for safety, many found nowhere to run
Sound of an angry God fiercely casting stones
The dead lay where they fell, in unholy ash
For this God's anger had only just begun
Humanity need learn to obey the lash
Punished for dreaming of the different dreams
The time for thought was gone, earth and gods are one
The people lived for pleasure, lived for themselves
Rather than sacrifice for the gods or in fear

SOURCE

Ancient Impermanent Existence

I was cast into the ground, once open, foul and wet
A place no longer needed, my soul no longer met
You are the cause of my despair, and I have no hope
For I've life, but no longer of legacy, I stand
This violence you desire, the stain is not by my hand

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon 
the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."           Charles Dickens

Image from Pixabay, https://pixabay.com/users/stocksnap-894430/

Silenced In 6 Lines

When I called your name, nothing echoed in sound
No songs, no words, no fresco of beauty or thought
My voice has been stolen, no hope I'm earthbound
Days fade, dreams never begin, my end is wrought
For without love and without my voice, I'm silent
And in the quiet I can only hear myself cry

Obeying the Crop

Tied and laced behind, the suit covers every bit
Darkness lingers rather than shines, as if lasers
Shine and gloss, reflective and solid, just admit
You are thrilled to be the one, receiving favors
With gag and tightened collar, he can't escape
Your hand works a crop, retrieving obedience
Every moment of darkness reveals layers
With you the trust is always in doubt
But I think you like that, even a lot

Forever my soul

You left my life the way you came, whispers in the wind
Heart healed by a presence, soul broken, alone again

You called my soul from somnolence, and rest within
Gone from me, knowing the beyond, a message sent

I'll search the after all place, to find your voice and love
My broken body, my broken soul, still longs for you
Your presence, time by my side, is, for me, enough

Too much

After my great loss, I could barely imagine being worth the effort to survive. But I didn't actually desire more time. As my greatest hopes and sweetest dreams splintered, they were all shattered beyond my ability to care. 

I am beyond the ability to save. My future is meaningless due to my inability to embrace what is unfair. Why bother? Why live for tomorrow if everything I embrace remains in the past. Why try to live in a world manifestly broken as entropy tears.

An Inferno Inside

The empathy meant for others, turns to apathy
When a love I long for turns against my being
Sleep and my future turn from joy to grieving
Waking in realization, that dream isn't believing
As I listen to the echoes of the celestial choirs
Does it matter, do I believe, will I in time?
In me there is a conflict, I need to be rewired 
And as my world constantly burns, I am fire
I am an inferno, I am destroyer prime
I'm nothing, unworthy, and I'm afire inside

Chained to the rack

They taught me how to stop writing and end my reporting
They taught me by breaking every finger I have, with glee
And every time I expressed myself or I did not conform
They chose a new part to destroy, for a sheer joy of hate
Each moment to be savored by them, still horrifying me
A human body has needs, but I was punished for hunger
My mouth slapped, a breaking mind, I shook in thunder 
For all of my choices made, I know that I am a number
I'm an idiot or fool, and they've never cared, so cruel

Defessus Sum

I gave chase, but before I found you, I suffered
A loneliness cast upon me, your beauty tempts
My life was destined for pain, receiving it again
Time is spent in sorrow, more than all tomorrows
And now we walk in a place, ever lasting grace
But I am so tired now, what's left of me, nothing
Elysium calls, I can't answer, broken by a cancer
Time is emptied but it goes on hope not embraced
But the tides of time linger, and yet I still chase

What thou lovest well remains, the rest is dross
What thou lov’st well shall not be reft from thee
What thou lov’st well is thy true heritage

                                   Ezra Pound

Beloved Katya

I just lost the greatest pet companion I have ever had, and will ever have had. My Katya chased me, even within the last 6 months. But she has left this place. And I can't begin to express what I've lost.

I don't know how I am sposed to endure, because I can tell you, this hurt is one I can't even endure. It hurts that I can't go with her. It hurts badly.

ACTIVITIES

The great hive hums with fevered activity
The hum sounds grinding, driving, constant
These are workers, drones, tireless, reliant
They've been designed, chosen for energy
Engaging in all they were designed for
Not unique, they are identical, and still
They are ever in motion, finding joy in being
Given birth in batches, serving with labor
They will always return to assigned paths
Grateful workers finding purpose in tasks
Philosophies of the hive found in every act
Standing like an unmoving stone in a stream
The outside world feels threatened, attacks
The hive is perfectly designed and is ready
Here is an enthroned war queen, seated
She is surrounded by servile attendants
By her elite body guard, violent, vigilant
For they are oath sworn, DNA encoded
These elite hive warriors rise and fight
Worker drones constantly build and act
All areas disconnected and vulnerable
Now brought into union with the hive
This is a walled home, a great fortress
Despite the cadres being divided by task
The hive is one, with rooms and walls
With designed organic created bridges
Within are birth chambers, royal seats
The hive holds a merge of functions
Hive elites, the common, and royal
Never see distinction in purpose
Prepared to fight the persistent threats
Workers and warriors are both utilized
They act in a harmonized resistance 
The hive rises amidst of enemy's land
Not hiding, they announce a presence
Walls, able and designed to withstand
They are prepared by constant action
Workers and warriors always ready
To perform their tasks and find purpose
Of their design codes and factions

Image by https://pixabay.com/users/thedigitalartist-202249/

Into Oblivion Again and Again

Born into an abscess, an emptiness, the negative space
Bleeding ink, scream shrieks, reaching for an embrace
The event horizon is yet to be found, but still replaced
Why go forward into oblivion, why retreat not chase
My flight course is stable, into a wrath of being chaste
Even as Icarus I am, I shall never fly this day
But, truly, I surely will fall again

Image by commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Kaldari

Worms

This world demands our conformity
In the survival mode we must obey
Some of us possess different gifts
That the world steals and betrays
We are ready, to endure and resist
As if performance in tragic ballet
Our lives are dramatic and persist
All lives lived balanced by tragedy
The end will happen as life changes
To lay in the very cold ground
All the while eaten by worms
While the body falls apart
The spirit flies away

New Poem: Spirals

Rising, this ascension feels so sweet, love
But spiral down, feels worse, it is enough
Enough to crash and then to flail falling
Rising, by the same spiral stairs, as one
With no greater moment to ever be alive
Aroused, then made pure, in glow thrive
Then the rise goes on, in energy of youth
Evidence is living, love is the final proof
What do I do, if I've never had enough
If I did love, and was left emptied
What if my life was a vessel of grace
But I'm bleeding, selfish, I didn't share
Covered in tears, silent screams, despair
If I'm the void, rather an agent of grace
How can I rise again or ever be fair?
If I believe, hope to receive and dare
Aware, my broken hands still pray
Lord they are emptied, so I wait
For any help that spirals down
Never landing, hope is gone
Indescribable, unrealized

NEW Poem Our plague of sorrow, self inflicted

Could we ever hope to become wise, with flaws leading our paths?
Do we perceive we are compliant, in these dreams of future wrath?
In a gray morality, why bother, hunger determines righteousness?
What do we deserve? Shouldn't we pay our costs, even slaughtered?
For what we do to each other and to our planet, needs divine justice
Payments now empty, but costs are lavished, if no hope on an altar
Let us stand as we might otherwise have fallen, no fear amongst us
For we must recognize our choices as having true consequences
Or a full weight of entropy will be poured out upon all legacies

Dreams Of Eternal Youth, Dreams of Innocence: Reprint post

A summer sun, revel and know, you can linger here
As winds blow, refresh in each breath, understanding
In the winter, never grows so cold as to freeze a soul
Elysium never changes, it is the land of eternal youth
If children find happiness here as you take my hand
My love is forever, let us spend an eternity together
Awaken to beauty, find warmth in this summer sun
After our flesh has passed, please let eternity begin
The world was a cage, it limited our intelligence
As temptations of knowing are lost, life is done
We can spend the time, knowing what is good

Victory or Defeat?: Reprint post

There's always been a dual outlook
It is fought between truths and lies
Why do you feel right about life
When you kill, defeat an enemy?
Do you mock those who paid
While you then survived alive
Do those who die in war count?
Is victory worth any life lost?
Why kill, if it is, in fact, wrong
While few are willing volunteers 
So many die without questioning
Still we fight, still we make war
Across the planet Earth it spreads
People choose to die or be prepared
War is feared, warriors are revered
Should we go to war, ever again?
Do you even care? Why do you pause?
Will you stand before the god of war
What cause are you dying for?
Or do you serve only yourself?

Our greatest trait is killing Reprint post

In another day, our efforts might have been worth much more
But in this emptied era, all our anger brings the greater harvest
As we stand and watch, and the machine mind counts the cost
Our labors seen as wanting, we're trained for bestial conquest
For our greatest abilities, our life long goal, war leaves us lost
Do we abandon our society as we try to escape our proclivities
Our greatest ability is to kill, destroy, entertain our worst ways
If we do not change, we'll fall, our own species soon extinct

Bread and Circus, Bloodsport and Fame: Reprint post

In a fecund but foul world, fetid, ravenous, gluttony seen as advantage
Hunger for pleasure, as a starved child viewing a restaurant's offerings
Eager to development ways to consume, ways to celebrate indulgence

A world nearly bursting in numbers but hasn't a fear of over breeding
Ignorant of simple math, the sort where too many consume too much
Humans assume it will all take care of itself, trust me, earth does that

We watch violence, revel in drama, while celebrating blood splatters
The bloodsport allows us to live vicariously in the acts of our heroes
As the participants all die or retire, must find new aims of our leisure

We see how the favorites of the Empire take their seats at the coliseum
We shower them with applause, for they've stolen our heart and minds
And we long to be them for they are celebrated for beauty and power

Rather than live our own lives, we watch reality, indulge a hunger
We selfishly long to live with leisure, pleasures, and prowess
Resolving issues with charm, charisma or violence
Instead we watch or we stoke fires of desire
To find excitement or a false intimacy
And to imagine it is rewarding