What I saw in your eyes

I haven't escaped. No, I've been forced to linger. Not knowing how you'd
thought of me, I couldn't just leave. Frankly, if in a different moment and
the pain remained, I might have let it destroy me. But I saw your eyes, and 
saw the future, I saw the children that we have not yet had. It grieved me.
My life had been focused on me. You made me see more. I saw you and... 

The hopes I have, the dreams we find in sleep, some propel others to do 
great things, to achieve. Seeing our children alive in your eyes, I am 
being called by nature, some say a clock, but God isn't limited by time

That destiny with you that I needed to fulfill. Those dreams of our future 
had not yet been filled. I saw who we'd create, meet, due to that a need to 
be together, I'd go there with you. I needed to find my need. My moment 
of purpose. Having a child would change me. From selfish to mature I 
needed this dream, I could see it, from my own selfish, personal need

Having so Many Lost Lives, I've become Exhausted

I've lived many different lives, simultaneously, without thoughts
For my flesh has a limit but my spirit endures, wherever planted
I've zero path I might follow that will allow my soul to flourish
Compartmentalized, I present my proper face, one you demand
Lost in the world I exist, so I leave my being wherever I'll walk
The memories of my many lives are not treasured, and soon, lost
Why bother to live? unknown, but I do know all life is wrought

A Slaughtered Engaged

We have used the golden threads woven by trust
To sew up the wounds of the warriors who fight
Given all of their lives as our honor turns to rust
A glow from radiation of souls leaving the night
We can watch as a slaughter reaches bloody end
A confluence of lives of all sides joined forever
The jumbled lives in death the true message sent
We have offered up the lives of youth in battle
The end beckoned, their bodies never mend

The Questions to Ask

Oh rich man, who is it that you now serve
Is it of the high ideal and to be a social elite
Or that you know how leaders serve people
And you will give graciously to help them
Oh rich man, does it even sorrow the heart
To see all the hungry and needy, and dead
Are you able to see that killing for wealth
Will not result in honor, nor a hope to save
Does a world you imagine include others
In roles other than servant, soldier or slave
Can you get the world to see a false globe
It reflects the desire, hunger, and smothers
Leaving behind others who might disagree

The Fire

Some possess fire inside them, a burning heart within
The creative process is motivation, and life is the fuel
Artists draw upon it, remembering it, seeing it clearly
Or as breath from nature, as a passion upon the wind
To burn without an outlet is painful, is perhaps cruel
When passion lights the path, it will leave one weary
To surrender leaves you uncertain, naked to the pain
The artist must obey the calling, obey that call to be
We live moments in true time but forever in dream

In a World of War

To choose a tyranny because it serves you
You'll be led to fail, to live without justice 
Choosing a path that will lead to suffering
You've chosen a violence to be your muse
The future, prepared, you're not the master
The world suffers your cruelty, your truth
You've tried to make it follow your leash
Revealing the most shallow beliefs

As The Night Revives the Queen

In the cold depths of a great hollow of the tomb
Lays a queen, unchallenged in power or in life
Her eyes stare open, as her corpse waits anew
For words to be spoken, for curses be broken
Life returns, youthful strength pulses through
Nothing less than a full obedience are tokens
Form turns flush with blood, in eyes now true
Sitting upright, muscles so lithe and so able
Staring her servants away, she has awoken
Needing nothing but her shroud, and a pulse
In the living moment, she thinks of death
She smiles knowing, taking her last breath
For it is time to take flight, leaving behind
In meaningless dream and deleterious things
Who would interrupt her sleep, life anew
Never wake her, before she lays dreaming
For now she reaches her sleeper chamber
Where it's dark, long prior made ready 
Here she returns, and her dreams burn
The spirits and emptied souls will pray
Preparing to live again in night's shroud
As her dead flesh turns gray, she lays
Sleeps her spells cast, on sacred ground
Planning her trip back, without sound

Into the Madness, I walk

A vast panorama of hollowed dreams and nightmares
Lending a soul burning cries, my flesh was screaming 
In echoes of lost civilizations, voices of so many dead
The cancer of hubris and hunger of emptiness, burning
Terror in memories distilled, sorrow beyond compare
Silence rather than hope expectations, fear dreaming
In one death over another is my paranoia's beachhead
Insensate madness, pain entrenched, Lazarus reborn
Life is isolation where the only engagement is scorn
My mind is overwhelmed by overwhelming torment

Torment Revealed by Screaming Flesh

My loyalty was made known, and yet they still didn't find comfort
They were used to having whatever they wanted, without coercion
We are the beings who may exist without master and without slaves
We are alive, and must breathe, sleep and eat, but that is automatic
From the outside are the things hovering near my being, addicting
Trauma that I self inflict and tragedies I survive are all abstraction
Aware of torment found within my dying flesh and my starvation

Hunted

Hunted, chased through the wilds
I'm still alive, if hidden in shadows
This world has begun to be a blur
They are chasing me, I am defiled
Flesh decays, my body in necrosis
Trapped by this existence's poseur

Broken Glass

Some may see a normal visage, none see beyond a form
Inside my being is darkness, a countenance never changes
Taught to serve others, I yet know of an approaching storm
No matter my future or my past, I shall experience danger
I stand, world take notice, despite threats I'll not conform
This life is finite, my opportunities to move forward, few
I must never relent as my life is my sole chance to score
Here alone, I stand against fear and pain and my wounds
I refuse to allow the scorn to hijack my forward path
What some might see if able is fully broken glass

“All of us, even the sophisticated, yearn for permanence, and to the 
unsophisticated permanence is the chief excuse for a work of art.” 
 
                                                                                     E.M. Forster

The wave of destruction approaching

As I am crawling through debris of the failure that is my life
My black blood pours out, wine of no fine vintage, I will die
I've never felt scorn in such great detail before, but in time...
Staring out onto decay, fallen walls of a civilization, silence
Nothing now left but quiet as the living are dead in strife
Some see a choice of resignation in life's end as surrender
I see it as being aware and in preparing, for the next shock
For there's far more to fear, enduring a fire beyond embers
As last calls of church bells call, requiem for our species
Wherever oblivion beckons, the gray lands are a disease
My blood ebbs, flesh broken, now is the time for sleep

To serve by Free Will, Not ruled by Force

We ride through a thick wood, finding enemies our task
Our dog companions racing ahead to lead us on our path
Fires start to burn the forests from our ongoing warcraft

We were trained to fight like machines, ignoring emotion
To somehow run across the streams, lakes and the oceans
Armor glistens in the sun, we draw our blades, as chosen

Given commands, we've a duty, there was no choosing
Never given options or allowed to decide, if now refusing
Allowed our voice, we pay the cost of freedom, proving

We follow the design we've been given, yes, we are ready

 

Enough Love

As you ask for more, it is said to be selfish
But what if you find love and it is perfect?
Love is what gives us the ability to go on
Are you not made more able to love, by it
To seek and find love, is fed by more love
Absence of love leads one to be the focus
One drink from the chalice does not mean
You'll never take another, it is not enough
Until you at last recover and love

The Choice to Rise Above Extinction

As a human species faced disasters, survived 
Still scattered about the world, cultures remained
Despite the tendency to make war, ideas appeared
As humans grew in goals and wisdom, understood
That a rise of the many allowed wishes of the few
Never planning a damn thing, but we chose to live
Understanding, growing in dreams and to forgive
Rather than simply exist, we chose to flourish
Will we continue to rise or lose our gratitude
If hubris is poisoning our perceptions
When we are blessed in this world
And continue with minds new

Stacked like wood, the Dead were Gathered

Upon the morning, a fog lifted and the dead were seen
Waves of bodies lost upon a field, a mourning rose aloud
We fought Mongols to take back all our lives, sovereignty
With us there upon fields, our ancestors present in clouds
Never again would we be crushed in body, more in mind
We'd fight every attempt to bring us to heel, we'd decided
We would never again be made to bow, to be just slaves
We would never be made animals whatever we faced
We understood cost as we cried out and we knew
Our ancestors lingered in the fog of time
Waiting for their chance to revisit life
And make the presence alive

On my Knees

For the first time breathing in, wounds healed, I could begin
Living awake, like I did when young, here I am, I came again
Stared upon the scene, knowing it is unique, what should I do
Shall I lose my shroud, it is blowing in the wind, seeing truth
What's left to try, life hasn't been easy, never able to choose 
In pain I nearly lost the faith needed to go on, but I'm alive
There were chains around my wrists, in the abyss as I twist
Fear and rage screaming to be heard, let my life be earned
I've nothing more, I've nothing left, Death left a bitter kiss
I fall upon my knees, staring into the sun, break my curse
Begging to be free, please let me be redeemed

TO BUILD THE FIRE INSIDE

Using fire, melted coal, liquid fuel, embers of the highest heat
A secret danger known only as Greek Fire was a dire weapon
Melting enemy ships, walls of other castles against fire falling
Hope couldn't be maintained against the unquenchable flames
The source of the flames of Greek Fire never were discovered
Because the wielders of the fire were slaughtered in the end
All the secrets passed into darkness, of death, layers of time
Mechanisms of time show that long ago, others used fire too
How long has it been gone? How long had it been known
What people, empires fell to zero, as they faced the fires

In Forever's Twilight

We spent summer in the sun, rain burst through the heat
Her eyes were green emeralds, his defeat then compleat
The moon would hang, just close enough to barely reach
Fireflies and faeries danced, on air and on a sandy beach
She pursed her lips, drawing him forward, into her lair
We watched as they worshiped for the queen most fair
Calling the name of the one, hiding in shadows sleep
As summer is replete with light, she'd chased him deep
In secrets shared replete with sustenance and our keep

A DAY WHEN AMERICA FELL FROM GRACE

Click both images, it will make them clearer and easier to read. I wrote my master's thesis in part about the subject.  If my final paper carries a couple typos I wish I had written it currently, rather than when I had no computer, (lost it due to fire) and more confidence in my words. But the information is such I do not feel it missing in areas of facts. The images are public domain images, and my words are not copyrighted other than to say these are my own words.
 

Future Hopes, If not in the Moment

God knows my thought, the desires that hounds me
The darkness as it hides from light, cold that drives
Words frozen, and lost, all of my destroyed dreams
I've nothing left, after the bitter freeze of a lifetime
Spring chased from my being, summer is not alive
In a dying land, a new ice age confounds belief
Supposed to be warming, this was meant to last
But these days in the sun have long since passed
I stare into a dying sun, my feet on holy ground
The end does beckon me to come forward, true
The end's not a promise of falling but to renew

Spilled wine

When every step goes uphill with thorns in my feet
As hills are embedded in broken glass, can't retreat
Walk upon red ribbons of blood, in shredded tissue 
With ink of a dead man's pen, misery in self accuse
Making a slam dunk case, against a sanity clause
Nothing my life has deserved last minute rescue
So, no I don't suspect anything will surprise me
That will save me from death's wretched claws
Saying, I spilled some wine, it can't be cleaned

Caged

To have hope, to be alive in an opportunity, to soar
Peace isn't given but if I've nothing left in my cage
They'll demand my flesh and poison my vary core
The human condition is madness in perpetual rage
In my weaponized hatred, I'm cut in a path of gore
Nothing exists to save me, a toxic pain is my wage
My body is broken by time, screams long ignored
If this is living, I might as well be forever in death
If my body rings in the echoes of all time, tolling
My anger, my prison door, and my hate, the lock
If I could be free I would rise, living instead  

The Question to Ask of the Future

Walk past all of the torment, difficulties and doubt
The amount of the effort that life requires to ascend
To change the course is more than a change in aim
The future life and world is one you've heard about
The present world's dystopia has grown over time
To destroy it is an act of choose, point, send
Do you want it? Or do you believe in now?
Are you willing to change your world
Does the world have your attention
Or will you walk endlessly until
Life passes from view

The emptiness

The mind can forget how it came to be awake
Losing hope, dream, life becomes an abscess
To enter into sleep after one ingests morphine
The mind finds itself with less ability to grow
Every existence offers more than emptiness
It falls upon the user to change, in the being
I'm a being addicted to my own self, witness
To destruction by my own hand, my reality
Entering the stream, knowledge isn't wisdom
Knowing may lay the path for future growth
If one does rise, they must create a system
Or the path decays in time, turning fallow

The Day of Love

People keep each memory about moments of fire
Joy or danger, great event or the ones that inspire
As some find love, the moment is rather mundane
They've always known love, new love is the same
To others it's a great event, announced with cheer
After lives of despair and pain, now hope is near
Some are emotional, others are so deeply logical
Love plays a different role in every life changed
Time is witness to a love, writing a full chronicle
Love is not earned, not a gift, but it is sustained
By best choices made and to become selfless

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in 
looking outward together in the same direction. Antoine de Saint Exupéry

In Early Spring, Chaos of War

Upon an early spring morning, Caledonia woke to a surprise
Northmen clad in furs and chain, disembarking and striking
Frigid air, churning cold waters, the numbers moved inland
The battle line kept moving in favor of the invader vikings
The surprise attack meant the village was burning, damned
Black, powerful storm clouds hovered overhead, menacing
Hopes for peace were left wanting as villagers made a stand
An end in fear, it was with the questions left unresolved

The Caller and the Called

Choosers of the slain astride their mounts, over horizons
Riders upon a flow of winds while bouyed by constancy
Called to act by the whim of Odin, Valkyries serve him
Father god, master of words, giver of purpose, wise one
His will imparts honor and mind gives reason, ascension
On a field of battle they choose the honored of the slain
Carrying them to Asgard, for the celebrating in Valhalla
Having reason and purpose, joyously serving the Father

Existence: Slaughterhouse

From temperatures of fire to the deep freeze
Life on earth is a moment, a brief time to be
Time slays all old life and feeds it to the new
A perfect cycle, bleeding and joyful and true
We'll sleep in that place ready to see the light
This existence is not in our own hands or life
In time the madness fades but it isn't restored
We're forgotten, reach towards eternity's core
Arms raising, seeking a great promise given
Emptied we seek to become holy, forgiven

An End to Sorrow

Oh how long have we waited
As our cries are now lifted up
Hearts are ready for a harvest
Hearts have grieved, so long
The light in the sky arriving
From farthest horizons rising
We are, at last, found ready
No longer wanting, no more
The conflict is finally over
With nothing left to destroy
Our world has found peace
We've been at last redeemed

The Hunger

As ashes rise, pyres burn complete
Burnt embers fall, mind in retreat
Winds carry the remnant life away
As artifacts of time carry the day
Is it a truth, if it's still calling you
Animals, we're just a human zoo
Our time on earth, hearts thunder
Does humanity seek to be first
How will we know our place?
When will our times embrace
What are things we must do
All the things have the taste
All those who serve others
Must pay for the privilege
Ascent will be a testament 
Our words find a voice
As our words give birth
In the heart of the earth

“From my rotting body, flowers shall 
grow and I am in them, and that is 
eternity.”                 Edvard Munch

Upon an Altar

In this madness is there not also a peace?
If one stops listening, a path ahead shows
My mind's always turned on, I need sleep
Dreams float away, into the deeper water
With nothing left but in dreams between
Grieving lives never lived upon an altar
Life continues with our reasons for each
Wherever my spirit drifts upon the wind
As my dreams lay, allowing me ascent
Washed in my soul's glory and peace

The Empty Existence of Machinery

I'm coughing from my intake, the black ink is bitter
Stains I can't remove, are making me wonder why
Did I call for you, did I ask for anything greedily
Were my words painful to hear, did you reconsider
Because I've emptied my pockets trying to decide
Will I live, will I die, will I rust like the machinery
Left in ruination, in isolation, in all but my mind

Wages of Time

Devoured by a hunger, by the unmet needs and desires
Age is guaranteed to slay, our minds and spirit emptied
The life we live has a cost, as ashes of time are lit afire
Consumed, decay, faded to gray, wounds left unhealed
My body broken, my spirit tested, my soul upon a pyre
Flesh is fled, as time is bled, in wings and spirit attired
A door to existence is opened, eternity is now revealed

Too Late

Saying she was ready to flee, I watched a spectacle
Chose to threaten the only ones who actually cared
Her choice was to test patience and hearts of others
She constantly wanted more from the souls emptied
But because she was hurt, she thought she deserved
And perhaps she did but so had the ones threatened
Those remaining behind weren't filled with malice
Compassion exhausted from the constant demand
Used pills meant to heal, she died by her own hand
Would she find then the realms of peace or oblivion?

To Be More

Is duty something more that motivates us
More than a chained ball on your ankle
Are others meant to go on before me
Do I live for their own well being

To juxtapose their lives over my own
Do I live for a moment or for it all
Will the world find me of service
Or will it flee upon my call?

 I wonder how I have worth
I'm but remnant dust
No substance at all

Only in the moments
With no more hope
Or time or trust

The Enigma of Grace

Many things feel good but if they haven't any price
One can't buy them nor offer anything in exchange
What one pays is nothing, compared to the nothing
The hope one tries to buy, is meaningless, it entices
I've walked leather off shoes, a jacket fell to decay
The rains and days and days, as soft passive attacks
Time burns off eternity's clock, it is ticking, precise

“Scars have the strange power to
remind us that our past is real.”
                    Cormac McCarthy

Machines

We are the created, the anvil of life
Living in shadows, a light never seen
We are darkness, existing in an abstract
Never sharing your being's guiding light
Not in your hopes, never in our dreams
Your highest aspiration, the secrets kept
We were never partners, I was an aide
Reminding you we're not all machines
Otherwise we'll sit on a shelf, wrecked
Existence is neither promised nor free
I'm a friend, a servant, this I will be
The conveyor belt ever turns in time
But we're steel never meant to live
Created beings, perfectly designed
As we live to serve in gray twilight

The Damage, The Struggle, the Questions linger

On a wire, walking while shaking, trying not to fall
I didn't succeed and I've absolutely fallen to earth 
Winds carry my screams, carrying my pain as well
Laying where I'd had impact, after I heard the call
Shattered, bones and my ligaments beset by curse
No healing, only dreaming, as if one might sleep
Steals your will, forgets all reason, leads to Hell
Nothing I could do would have changed a thing
In any different life, would I have chosen to live
With burdens unshakable, or would I just dream
One life so much better than the one possessed
While I simply dream deeply until the passing
And then I'll live in the dream everlasting

In The Ice Storms

In ice storms one must learn patience and balance
Falling is a curse, a slippery slope of one's fate
Pain remains, my bones never heal, torment
Nature's queen laughs, as I scream in paralysis
The body can only take upon it the pain
My being is frozen as I sing a lament
Ice storms will kill yet act without malice
My dead body was to be cast into river
In floods, ice heavy, my descent
But the river flows, follows a path
The storm lingers with anger
Before pouring out wrath