Alone but certain, Isolation will not kill me

Time in life is fleeting, filled full of obstacles
The fields of forever are the light for my mind

Forced marches across fields of violent battles

Where I somehow find my way through them
Through these empty mind numbing vacuums

Perhaps nothing exists outside of narcissism

Solipsistic nightmares, fears need a disguise

I try to find asylums, seek escape from untruth

My savior was murdered, our struggle is proof
For we must be not as they are, I seek refuge
I'll not conform to the cruelties of the mind
In the life I've lived they'll not understand
They do not wonder, never ask me who I am
I am unmoving, unafraid, as time moves
For I am unique, unwilling to surrender
My life has never been theirs to program
All the choices were mine, not my flaws
And others do not get to choose for me
The mirror is cracked, it has no reflection
I know that isolation will never slay me
Even as it wounds, by mental starvation
I'll seek the final answer and I'm ready
Life's luxuries are certain to betray me
Therefore I will forever resist, I'm steady
Waiting, just waiting for transformation

Cold War moved on but we've still enough hubris to die

With retreat into days of crisis, peace isn't near
As we ignore all hope, doves turn to albatross
We get closer to the edge, from reasonable error
Death smothers hope, innocence is stolen, unfair
Button pushed, we swiftly pass the line to cross
Never trust the ruling old men to decide in favor
When you refuse this ongoing military crusade
For lives and half lives, so much more, are lost
The future dies and we've no innocence to save
By an excess pride and ignorance, we shall fail
Thereafter lighting the pyres for our species

Deep within us

Creature in darkness, is living in the heart of all of us
Humans are violent, always longing satiate a hunger 
Some fight the urge, others give in to the dark voices
Some are offended by this idea we're violent, we are
In mind and heart we will speak to our natural state
We live in the moments when we are not in violence
We bear memories, remembering our acts, their scars
What we are going to choose is thus far unknown
Should we choose wrong is not proof of anything 
All we can ever know is that we will fail others
Even with those people we love, all will be hurt
But we're not unique or different in our failures
There is a call to all of us, violence smothers
It seems a solitary urge, but we're not alone
And in our days, we all will track our prey

Grace

If I've anything that can make me have hope
It is innocence of children, giggling in sleep
My being revels in the stark beauty of souls
We've been called to aspire to eternal dreams
Woven by one, woven with both fire and love
We're not worthy but we're chosen by grace
In the twilight of existence, we'll embrace
And only with that, will we ever be enough

Black Knights and Red Dragons

The black knights in armored vehicles on the ground
Have no defense against the dragons hovering above
But the knights call out to their allies to dragon hunt
Dragons all have a red star prominent upon their tail
Black cross knights watch as friends attack, killing
Battles above continue as dragons respond in anger
Young collective farm workers warriors will fight
And kill the black cross with precise fire and focus

Sand and Blood and Celebration

Standing over a conquered foe, an armored leg upon the throat
He didn't fight as a profession, he'd no choice, having been sold
In the time he was forced to be this warrior, fighting to survive
In time the fallen is fully unconscious, the dying foe is cold
Blood from wounds pool around the body, breathing is stopped
To live another day, one of the two must be chosen to rise or fall
As ultimately the crowd cheers, however bestial, a warrior dies
The survivor moves forward, the dying takes no more breath

Time Shift Astronauts

To retreat into past ages, when Gods yet walked the world
Requires knowledge of energy systems and of time travel
Aiming focus upon the great Nile ships that meant to orbit
Reaching and sailing upward through the heights of the sky
Near Earth orbit ships would find the frequencies and merge
In the stream's awareness, the pilot experiences great vision
Every aspect of travel with preparations and planned escape
Suits to protect crews are thick and unable to be penetrated
Wild extremes of time are violent, one must be prepared for
With the mission know humans are feeble if also ambitious
Leaving the ship, a mother releases the eggs, and they wait
The planet is ancient, travel is limited, for time is dangerous
Upon reaching the distant shores, travelers seek their goal
Then try to return to mother ship, for the journey home

25 times and nothing

By a knife just once
Many more by pills
Twice by tightened noose
I tried so hard to give up
But I was a failure in life
I was a failure in death
I kept lingering
With no hope at all
I never had it again
Hopes I once had, hurt now
As hunger dogs planned to sup
Bleeding into their cup
I was unable to think how
Bleeding ink wasn't new
I begged God made vows
Make me take my bitter cup
Let me pass from view
But now I kept existing
Lingering in the ghost veil
My being was emptied
My flesh a facade
Once physical
Now just dust
No memories
But hope lost
26 times never happened
25 was enough to learn
Life is a gift
One you cannot earn

My Heart is Scarred

Not by my own hand, I know shameful
I'd nonetheless prefer to be with her
With her I knew, darkest thoughts are dust
Without her, my life isn't worth the rust
Her scent, her voice, her mind, still linger
All are forbidden from my presence
Her gentle touch, her affectionate kiss
She was my only love, only soul mate
And now and ever I am in an abyss
Sorrow has a clasp upon my heart
It rarely beats, now so full of scars
But it will once again
Upon her return

To Serve You

When you asked me to feel
Know that I am never not
My dreams are dark, surreal
Oh I know, I am no god
In this bizarre, bleak reveal 
My dreams betray my life
Showing the way I'm wrought
Bleeding the tears I've fought
Your lips spoke to my desire
You caused me to be inspired
Breathing fire into my being
You're the dream I believe
As days grow meaningless 
As the nights pass swiftly
The empty markers of time
Can't be given meaning
Not by others nor by me

I remember once being
Then falling from your hold
But soon I will pass from here
Alive as I walk upon streets of gold

After the Strike

A layer of ash lays on the surface of the planet
Fires had burned upon meteor strikes, volcanic blasts
Still needed to walk from shelter in the darkness caves
The corpses all scavenged by smaller carrion eaters
But we needed a consistent source of food, water
The black sunless days left no sun to feed the plants
Millions of books and data were saved from disaster
But what good are they, if we can't survive long
All our food is dying, and the plants cannot grow

Abscess of Eternity

In the emptiness, the abscess of eternity
Nothingness reigns, asylum for insanity
Die with urgency or live remorselessly
The globe spinning, entropy winning
As lives of wonder yet pass asunder
The end of all happened long ago
Time releases all of her legacies
We can't see time as it thunders
All that remains are memories

PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY and OZYMANDIAS

UKRvR

Their Mother gave them life, she fed them, led them
Liberated them all and what did they all have to say
Leave me be, go away, I want nothing to even remain
Restless child hearts and freedom meant more than pain
Instead of being brothers we were, we'll have no mother
And in the final end, what does it matter, dying for flags
We don't have any hope, we never did, but still endured
Why were we ever able the thought, what did we have
As tanks and SS units, slaughtered Jews and Partisans
But in the end, mother defeated them, we just existed
Staring over borders of wheat, buried dead, who are we
We were brothers, born from the same mother, and now
Killing others with a same venom of one slaying evil
Flags are meaningless but apparently, brothers are too
If failing to find peace, all is lost with no retrieval

Motionless

Alone I had lost my way, forgetting is easy
Alienation, stagnation, darkness is clarified
My spirit burns off a low earth atmosphere
A hopeless trajectory dying, almost teasing
Nowhere to escape, can I rise above screams
Life is empty, silent, as reality streams by

A day later

A day later, couldn't stop smiling, my life had in truth, begun

A day after day of pain slowed, fallen from view, so sweet

After days I learned truth, whatever was wrong could be right

The end of being told I'm wrong about everything, so perfect

On my first night, those words without relent, no more shame

And everything changed, looking forward to days with you

Never trusted that my faith was enough, but here you came

Your love was a miracle, and directly from the hand of God

When I heard you called my name, I could rise from the fall

In a Courtyard of Nightmares

If you will stand
 As all others bow 

Now alone as the sacrifice

The hubris leads them
Until your great fall

Madness screams inside
Once cast the view

Now it seems allowed

The monarch has arrived

That throne is occupied

The citizens are proud

But do they not know
He is not one of them?

Do they care enough

Do they believe now
Should they wonder

Are they uninterested

Or have they given up

Unwilling to have less

Unwilling to give more

The times have ended

Fear of dangers is real

Panic strikes one's core

In a surreal nightmare

Nothing matters
Not even a bit

Anymore

Burning inside with Awareness

Waiting I consider the whole cost of this scene
My ride is not complete, goals are but dreams
For all of our wounds, I suffer, and death

With the broken heart, I am in grave pain

For all the madness of war and dying flesh

With the broken mind, I'm called insane

As winds of sorrow grow I will endure

Because I've been shown love, so pure

Our folks' call echoes across generations

Our land, people joined, we are a nation

Never again will we be given over to war

Our flesh alive, yes we will be restored

As the Kievan Rus, to home we'll run

Knowing our land and people are one

Народжені воїнами та хліборобами, поля дають урожай

життя, а воїни заважають іншим красти плоди землі

Let the crows dance upon the grounds of my remains

Why give damn anti-depressants to a suicidal man, why do you need to blame? Why give drugs that lengthen life when it means I'll face more pain? How much suffering is enough and who do I need to please? What fears do the rest of you have and being unwilling to let me leave? Why do the people in my life make such demands? What if life isn't the same for you as it is me? I never cared to pass tests for permission, just to let me go. Why can't you understand? I've been paying my costs, long before bills came due, trust that I still love you. I'm just tired, exhausted from tolls, telling lies that I've control. Take my flesh, take my remnant personal affects, mark them as artifacts of a lost communication, now gone silent... The crows will dance, in joy of a feast, as they hop upon the site of my remains.

“Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.” Jean de La Bruyere

The Zoo Masters Watch

They had hovered above the near space atmosphere

Always hidden in sun's glare or the shadows of night

They released probes to watch us, observing humans

Humans had spent the vast wealth of food, resources

Upon the wealthy, forcing the rest to become slaves

Humans so prone to violence, build better weapons

Given human proclivity, trade hope for better blades

Violent and ignorant by choice, extinction beckons

They watch, never intervening, they yet still fear us

Far beyond our level of technology, they'll fear us
So they stay, making certain we never escape
Making certain we never come near
Whatever we believe are our boundaries
Whatever we believe or think is fake
Never let us escape this cage

In this Time of Silence and Thought

It is a fool thinking he can fight battles by himself
No quest is ended in success with the single actor
I've long ridden on back of my iron forged beast
Already even with victory in view, I've company
Those who've woven stitches sealing my wounds
As my sword maker and forge masters armed me
I am not alone in claiming victory, or my destiny
If I am unfinished or choose, at last, to go home
My steps were known, my life was made ready
By the words, actions, crafts found in all others
I have only done this with a crowd behind me
And words written upon my heart by a mother
I am not alone, and I have never been

I am Persistence

Would that I gave you keys, fuel gauge full
And I let you take this broken down vehicle
Wherever you might think that I need to go
Here is my being's lack of forward progress
How do I choose to fail, how should I know
Emptiness lingers where my heart should be
I've nothing worth having, knowingly guilty
This world in chaos, my world will not exist
If I had closed my heart, blinded my mind
Even my world would have denied resistance
I'd be forced to choose my being, persistence
I become a failure with every step forward
Echoing an emptiness, an abject toxic fate
In answer so I continue building, labeling
The outside world may have its own goals
Then I remain alive despite a dying mind
I'm persistence, I'm the weed that grows
Despite opposition, despite lacking time

In My Love, In Your Love

As ashes of the fire we burned lifts in the wind
The world around us turns, and our hearts hurt within
I loved you beyond all limits, until the finish
I hear your voice echoing in all background noise
Most find life is too long and love's not enough
But in your arms, I was in Heaven and charms
Where there is only peace and so much love

Aloneness

If I ever had dreams, They would be 
Scenes of a life I never lived, truly
There is only pain, the cold sleep
I have no regrets, my heart is empty
Flesh is nothing, my spirit neither
A mind constantly replays seizures
I'm nothing, I want more but never
The world demands of me the truth
Only words and thoughts, no proof
The pain demands focus, I've none
It is time to end, I've lost the tether
Holding upon to the link, I'm tossed
Trying to survive, but I'll linger here
With no guidance and dead forever 

End Note

I surrender, my life is at an end. I cannot remember the message sent.
Our past is dead, as a future portents, I cannot help wonder upon reasons.
This world is not a source of divine light. It now offers nothing but a treason. 
This heart returns to black as a day turns night. I am alive, passing seasons.
Life is better than it appears, but I also need to move along. Gone.

Je
Suis
Fini 

I MUST GO TO ELYSIUM Or the asylum

I've planned before to die when I believed I was finished

With my suicidal ideation throughout life, it'd come easy

I realized, against my natural inclination, she was a proof

My life had needs but grave isolation left me diminished

Because I needed love, wanting it, I was told I was greedy

Though often told that others loved me, my life was cruel

Perfection was never my goal, and yet, it was enforced

My life was often a failure, I believed I was unlovable

But my Katya's love was unforced, and she taught me

That her love was a gift, as it was the voice of God

Telling me I was worthy of love, in her perfect form

When she left me I too wished to die but I will not

Elysium is the answer, and there she and I can rest

In a perfect place, with joy and dreams, and love
Katya taught me, that in this life, there is enough
With her life was endurable, with her I was blessed

Photos taken by Elizabeth Ness and Jonathan Ness, 2024©

Deathless

Floating through the ethers, a fog's veil
A living corpse calls his master's name
The rain is freezing, the air's bitter
Though early Autumn, feels like winter
Watching ghosts of lives flourish
In the white thick clouds they live
Memories of lives once given
And seeking love
At last to be forgiven

Revelation Leaves

An immaculately clean place of study, with walls of books
At a silent monastery, comes dedicated study of sacred truth

A sole monk is capturing the thoughts he has focused, in ink

A foundation of knowledge, coming from inquiry and proof

Love lays beneath all layers and infused within every atom

No hate, no lies, only the deepest place of holding commune

There is nothing in any atom but the blueprint of knowledge
The perfect machine, fully organic yet designed to function

The day had come, the truth fully revealed, nothing left
Hour after hour, day after day, all knowledge blooms

Damned by Ink

All proof is lost in the evidence files
Facts exist but they confuse issues
Nothing is equal, not even thought
In the absence of knowing, I plead
As ink flows, into misery wrought
The truth is worth knowing, dream
Sleep escapes me, nightmare bleed
The ink in my veins pours from me
A vein is cut, all my arteries burst
Knowing isn't the same as a proof
Paint the walls, paint the corridors
My ink sprays across the room
I am well prepared for the end
The cold ground is my tomb

As a Poet, As a Warrior, Archilochus of Paros, Ancient Greece

It is a rarity of a mind and outlook found in those who revel in fiction or memoirs of war, to find one who eschews heroism, who holds survival highest of all the noble traits. Archilochus bore arms and fought, but actively identified himself as a poet. He was a warrior. He fought, and injured and likely killed other warriors. But he considered being alive at the end of a conflict as the chief goal of any battle.

He is in my favorite poets list, but the sole unhappy aspect of reading him, is that this seemingly modern minded and individualistic poet wrote so long ago, most of his work is lost to time. The three books shown above engage in his work and probe the historical person he was. But there was surely much more, and is now beyond our reach.

THE SHOUTING GOD

From the raining fire, their god Vesuvius cried
Smoke roared and flames screamed from a gaping maw
Fleeing for safety, many found nowhere to run
Sound of an angry God fiercely casting stones
The dead lay where they fell, in unholy ash
For this God's anger had only just begun
Humanity need learn to obey the lash
Punished for dreaming of the different dreams
The time for thought was gone, earth and gods are one
The people lived for pleasure, lived for themselves
Rather than sacrifice for the gods or in fear

SOURCE

Ancient Impermanent Existence

I was cast into the ground, once open, foul and wet
A place no longer needed, my soul no longer met
You are the cause of my despair, and I have no hope
For I've life, but no longer of legacy, I stand
This violence you desire, the stain is not by my hand

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon 
the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."           Charles Dickens

Image from Pixabay, https://pixabay.com/users/stocksnap-894430/

Silenced In 6 Lines

When I called your name, nothing echoed in sound
No songs, no words, no fresco of beauty or thought
My voice has been stolen, no hope I'm earthbound
Days fade, dreams never begin, my end is wrought
For without love and without my voice, I'm silent
And in the quiet I can only hear myself cry

Obeying the Crop

Tied and laced behind, the suit covers every bit
Darkness lingers rather than shines, as if lasers
Shine and gloss, reflective and solid, just admit
You are thrilled to be the one, receiving favors
With gag and tightened collar, he can't escape
Your hand works a crop, retrieving obedience
Every moment of darkness reveals layers
With you the trust is always in doubt
But I think you like that, even a lot

Forever my soul

You left my life the way you came, whispers in the wind
Heart healed by a presence, soul broken, alone again

You called my soul from somnolence, and rest within
Gone from me, knowing the beyond, a message sent

I'll search the after all place, to find your voice and love
My broken body, my broken soul, still longs for you
Your presence, time by my side, is, for me, enough

Too much

After my great loss, I could barely imagine being worth the effort to survive. But I didn't actually desire more time. As my greatest hopes and sweetest dreams splintered, they were all shattered beyond my ability to care. 

I am beyond the ability to save. My future is meaningless due to my inability to embrace what is unfair. Why bother? Why live for tomorrow if everything I embrace remains in the past. Why try to live in a world manifestly broken as entropy tears.

An Inferno Inside

The empathy meant for others, turns to apathy
When a love I long for turns against my being
Sleep and my future turn from joy to grieving
Waking in realization, that dream isn't believing
As I listen to the echoes of the celestial choirs
Does it matter, do I believe, will I in time?
In me there is a conflict, I need to be rewired 
And as my world constantly burns, I am fire
I am an inferno, I am destroyer prime
I'm nothing, unworthy, and I'm afire inside

Chained to the rack

They taught me how to stop writing and end my reporting
They taught me by breaking every finger I have, with glee
And every time I expressed myself or I did not conform
They chose a new part to destroy, for a sheer joy of hate
Each moment to be savored by them, still horrifying me
A human body has needs, but I was punished for hunger
My mouth slapped, a breaking mind, I shook in thunder 
For all of my choices made, I know that I am a number
I'm an idiot or fool, and they've never cared, so cruel

Defessus Sum

I gave chase, but before I found you, I suffered
A loneliness cast upon me, your beauty tempts
My life was destined for pain, receiving it again
Time is spent in sorrow, more than all tomorrows
And now we walk in a place, ever lasting grace
But I am so tired now, what's left of me, nothing
Elysium calls, I can't answer, broken by a cancer
Time is emptied but it goes on hope not embraced
But the tides of time linger, and yet I still chase

What thou lovest well remains, the rest is dross
What thou lov’st well shall not be reft from thee
What thou lov’st well is thy true heritage

                                   Ezra Pound

Beloved Katya

I just lost the greatest pet companion I have ever had, and will ever have had. My Katya chased me, even within the last 6 months. But she has left this place. And I can't begin to express what I've lost.

I don't know how I am sposed to endure, because I can tell you, this hurt is one I can't even endure. It hurts that I can't go with her. It hurts badly.