Pestilence

An old man in military fatigues
Was smelling of urine, vomit and shit
Approached me pushing a grocery cart
Saying I've not slept indoors in days
Offered a dollar or two and shook his hand
He said Life broke me, robbed my beliefs
Even if I disturb others, I'm no hypocrite
I'm not crazy, even if I've fallen apart
Used to have family, but now they're ashamed
No use lying, I know you'll understand
For every moment he spoke
I was aware of the oncoming storm
From the clouds came three horsemen and a horse
He climbed aboard the horse without a rider
And he spoke clearly
I am called Pestilence
I ride with War, Famine, and Death
But any of us could be delayed
If only anyone cared
If only some feared my name
I am Pestilence
The toxic spread
The malaise
We are dying
We are the dead
There is nothing left
Pestilence is with us now
We will never pass the test

Quest of darkness

In the realm of darkness
Nothing natural grows
No life functions
In this place no hope exists
Journeys to find it are parlous
An immense lake of fire glows
Human prisoners kept in a dungeon
Most are mad, with no will to resist
If only a warrior is strong inside
He might succeed
This challenge is for the fearless
Does victory lay at the end of the quest
That depends upon the strength of the mind
The faith and fidelity of heart and spirit
Only the most vital of souls pass the test

Love Everlasting

Every dreams has passed me
As I stare into the empty sky
I wanted a love everlasting
But all I do is cry
What matters when the world is burning
But the love of one for another
And trying to finally survive
The highest and most righteous yearning
A love spent together
By it each other able to thrive
Please love me
Call my name at last
Let me live
Or into the ether I will pass

“Know that joy is rarer, more difficult, and more beautiful than sadness. Once you make this all-important discovery, you must embrace joy as a moral obligation.”   André Gide

Like a Statue

Standing like a statue in a snow storm
All of the flakes flying about and blinding
Enduring the storm's damage all without warning
I watched and knew it would cause harm
As much damage as if hit by lightning
In the end they'll deny it happens, go into mourning
Please, now, you know I didn't mean to cast blame
So don't be angry there is no reason to scream
Reasons for disaster are always the same
You kill the parents, then those lives brought into being

My beautiful one

You gave me life when the world around me
Had collapsed in pieces, and was gone
You gave me hope in the middle of the storm
And I know, I'd not made it for long
You are living in the echoes
Of the deepest places
Of my heart
You are alive there, in my spirit
Even in my soul
Wherever you are
You gave me love, and comfort
With every soft touch
With your perfect purr
I was renewed inside
I miss you now
And will forever
But there
Within my being
You never left my side

“A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.” H.L. Mencken

That Smirk

There is a smirk upon your face
That tells a story
But it is not happiness
You posses no regret nor pretense
You live a life of hurt and smile
You must be some kind of monster
To possess such evil guile
Yes I know, I am opinionated
But in the kingdom
There is a principle
That you need to understand
To serve all, the first shall be last
I've seen what you are
You follow the wrong path
Every thing you do leaves scars
Your friends even wonder out loud
Who is he to pour down wrath
You are not righteous
You are petty
You are not a god
You are a small man

Done, Dry

Until forever is done
Until rivers run dry
I will look into the sun
Even if my eyes go blind
For this flesh is temporary
And passes as dust
Every soul meets eternity
So perfect is this trust
What happens in this time
Is a moment, a second
As constant as the tides
The Eternal beckons

a stain upon your white shirt

What difference does it make
Has it ever made
That I love you
You live with the comfort of knowing
But act as if I am a stain
Upon your fine white shirt
Again
You have the advantage as usual
But it doesn't matter
I have made my case
And be it Hell or Heaven, I love you
I am unashamed
But it does hurt within
What does it cost
Just to acknowledge in reply
Whether Yes
You do
Or No
You don't
Or worse
You never did, and you see me as a stain
Bright red upon your virgin white
Clothes
Again

You could have said anything

You could have said anything
But you refused
I drove for a dozen hours to see you
Somehow
You'd neglected to tell me that you'd moved
I'd sent you texts, emails, and left calls
But this one, by you, is full proof
You not only don't care
You hold me in contempt
My only crime was to love you and stay true
My only crime was to believe when you said
I love you
What is it that you do?

Half of What Love Should Be

When I couldn't continue
Your voice broke in rage
Demanding to know the issue
So I must confess
While you stared off in the distance
My eyes were made to gaze
You preferred to ignore me in silence
While I tried to never disguise
How deeply my heart was yours
You discovered my heart and love
From the very beginning
While you sought different shores
Love isn't a matter of winning
I longed only to be loved
You longed to control
I loved from the heart and depths
While your soul was too cold
To ever allow a fire
Such as the one I feel
From the desire
Tell me what is there
What is left?
If I accept half of what
Love should be?

Don't be a fool, The Crusades were a response, not the first act

For the present world, they are seen as villains

But they were a response to invading forces

A rise of one culture was necessitated by the fall of another

But the Crusades happened for a reason

Not hate, not greed, not evil

Nothing happens within a vacuum

When one side invaded Spain

The fight to slow the tide

Lit the torches

Bad things happened, yes

Violence and slaughter wiped out innocents

Yes, this was not a good thing

But don't believe in illusions

Invading forces entered Europe

Only stopped at Tours

And the desire to liberate all lands

From the invading armies

Led to overreach

Led to Crusades

Against those who tried

To make all believe the same

Against the Black Cross

To the final drop of blood we will defend our mother
For it was they who first swarmed our wheat fields
With such violence the farmers and workers fled
From aloft we held up the enemy advance
Joining there with all of our brothers
The enemy hands of war was to have a yield
Yes, the children of our homeland bled
This was a combat joust with horse and lance

We hovered above the field of conflict
Our role was not as attackers, but defenders
We have sacrificed our lives, as an act of contrition
We have always bled for her, we love our mother country
And the bearers of the black cross were rapists
Enemies had taken hold, and had to be evicted
They did not know fear, these the apex predator
They'd not leave our homeland of their own volition
They were the stalking beasts, and were hungry
Our fate was not to be filled by the fascists

They wrapped themselves in armor
They called their tanks by names of hunting cats
Tigers, Panthers, and more, however striking
We were aware only of the danger, and they had to die
They preferred to fight at a distance, as archers
In war no one is allowed to choose their combat
They might be Germans, but we are of the blood of Vikings
And of the blood of the horse archer, the Mongols of Subutai

 
We are the children of The Rus
Across the earth these ancestors roamed
This war will end some day
And we will have liberated our homes

Final Battle

Our unit was composed of riflemen and tanks
The tank we were given for use were the Stalin
We'd lost half of a million men in the last 3 months
Liberating neighbors from the Fascist menace
Above the Sturmovik flew, crows circling a kill

Despite our sacrifices we received no thanks
Not for the living still fighting, nor the many fallen
About to crash directly into the enemy front
After a lifetime of war, this final battle was endless
For the living, dreams of victory would be fulfilled

For the vast numbers of people who were innocent
They'd not wanted war, nor supported it
Their lives too were chewed apart, and swallowed
The dead would never be buried, just ignored

From the shadows the few watched Red vengeance
The world now became covered in blood and shit
This was not sacred ground, nor hallowed
All flowed into a confluence, metal, dirt, flesh and gore

Images copyright to Mil.ru.

Would I be better lost?

I dream in black and white
And still my dreams are better
Than any day of my life
Why do I go on
Why is there any reason to go on
I've been thoroughly bled white
And while I'm not a beggar
I thought there'd be more to life
Still I go on, I go on
There isn't one good reason to go on
I fall down bleeding from the pain
Of never knowing
Is this worth the cost
Overwhelming me
Drowning me
Would I be better lost
I know I would
So let me go
Without your holding on
Stop holding on
I know what is good
And this ain't that

His knight

The end has yet to be determined
You cannot avert your eyes from the light
The moment compels us to confess
That this setting is unsettling
Victory is uncertain
To my honor, defending the king as his knight
Life is a game of Chess
The hoof beats are deafening
To defend the king we must ride
And choose wisely
The path to victory

Sophia, Queen of my dreams

Her purr is the sound of an angel sighing
Her joy is abundant, like the harvest in heaven's garden
Her presence is beautiful, like the most glorious sun's set
She is new like dawn, and wise like the millennia's years
She moves my soul with her tender kiss
Her paws are soft, but quick
She is my princess
My eternal queen
The empress of my dreams
And I would give anyone
Anything
To be with her
Forever

Hello younger me

Sands slipping through
Closed fingers can't prevent the loss
Time escapes
And our flesh pays the cost
The future never lasts
Despite wisdom growing
We blow by the past
As if it will go on forever
Never mindful of the moment
We hold the seconds in our hand
As they sift through our fingers
The silver cord soon enough severed
The fates require payment
And lingering in the torment
Of a time never returned
We torture ourselves with questions
And the answers burn like cancer
Hello me of the days gone by
Tears fall as I watch the innocent dancer
Free from the troubles we acquire
Free from the ever present desires
Hello me, don't stop dancing
Never give up your smile
But you will
I know
But never stop asking
It is in the stasis of nothing
That we age
And die

one who kept searching

Wondering my purpose
I understood words could be swords
Still
I never knew how to make them mesh
I could vogue about
Like Morrissey crying out
I could scream the lyrics
Like a metal god
Or like some emo prince
And be all mumble and pout
I could offer wisdom and act like I know it
Yet if I'd learned about my fire inside
Earlier
I'd never have been found by her
Most girls always preferred my normal friends
Even if they were a poor fit
Calling me cute but an intense kind of poet
Hard to love
Other than lust
My passions burned inside and out
Leading me to having
The most intense doubts
Of my own being
Of my own words
Then I found one
She didn't find me sexy
Nor did she think I was too intense
She unwrapped my heart
Layer by layer
Until it was fully exposed
Leaving only the mind
That she found an enigma
Worth pursuing
And a life she would share
Trying to know every aspect
And hope not to die
Before the ultimate revelations
She let me reach out
But didn't let go
After more than 30 years of searching
Almost 11000 days
She is still searching
And I continue to confound her efforts

The Wine Knows

I had to drink
To know the taste
The wine of truth
The wine of healing
In vino veritas
Learning by embracing
The brokenness of our being
Love taught me hope
The deepest love meant
Knowing that we are the fallen
Broken in spirit and frail in body
We need compassion
For while we have passion
For our self indulgent acts
They lead us to despair
Where there is emptiness
That had accompanied our fall
We need to hear the calling
Of our gifts and truest nature
Love is that calling deep
And deep calls to deep
Abyssus abyssum invocat
The chains of my despair
Cannot hold me if you're near
I long to know you
To hold you tight
Because I've tasted
Of the wine

Flight

The ravens will leave the trees
Abandon the high places above the fields
Because there is nowhere safe
We have decayed
Our ways are foul
We have been told to change
But we will not
And war will come
Between man and gods
The ravens will flee
As we should
But won't

What is left?

What is left of a broken heart
Does it ever grow back
Or does it become a ghost
Fading from view
With every hurt
Turning in the end, so dark
Is the pain a dark plague
Terminating the host
What is the truth
Will it turn to dust or dirt
Does the dead flesh decay
Is it so wrong
To love another
Why go on
If I become
Incomplete
Grieving
Sleeping so long
Desiring only to dream
In solemn silence
Nothing left but quiet
Replete with sorrow
Tell me please
What is there to live for
If the organ I love with
Is gone

Holy Love

Your scent is lovelier
Than incense upon an altar
Your words comfort me
And work to redeem me
There is no other
Possessing more grace
Nor mercy
Nor hope
You call my name
And I gain strength
With every second within
The aura of your love
You move me
Your agile lithe frame
Moves me deeply
But lust is not my faith
There is no remnant of sorrow
Alive to grieve
No residue of pain
That remains
I should be rent
Torn to shreds
If you part
I bear your love upon my heart
Tattooed and permanent
Endless is your power
Beautiful is the lesson you impart
I am yours forever
I will be never leaving
The message is sent

Serving two saviors

At the crucifixion as others would watch
He collected drops of the messiah's blood in a vessel
For this blood was holy, it would cure and heal
Joseph of Arimathea saw to the burial of Christ
He served him for the joy of serving
Like all others, compared to Christ he was unwashed
He understood the life of the savior was special
Before burial of Christ, Joseph felt moved to kneel
A life worthy of a rich man's tomb, his flesh sacrificed
None could offer a life more deserving
For the benefit of all mankind
Joseph's life was then blessed
Made wealthy, made famous
But he knew he had more to perform
To serve all men, he had a duty, to serve

Not lazy, pampered, this life he declined
The sorrow of men to him confessed
Called to go to Avalon, soon to roil in chaos
The vessel of blood would soon be called to transform
All of those who drank from it, Only a king of worth
Arthur's soul would hollow, and he needed to partake
Only the vessel, a Holy Grail, would cure him
Only one so moral, so pure, as Galahad could hold it
And offer a drink of it, to the King

The Cost of Victory

His beautiful head
Sweating
Bleeding
Red tinted crust
A dry layer of dust
Blown a wicked wind
Held aloft by spikes of steel
Pounded into wooden post
A notched board
Strong enough
To hold a frame
The tee shaped wood
Stuffed into a hole
Kept upright
By a Roman mind
No, they weren't the inventor
Of this thing
This machination of death
They perfected it
By their hands made it sing
Made it even more torturous
A Roman's innate engineer's eye
This simple cross
Just two beams of wood
A symbol
For eternity
To some of symmetry
To some of cruelty
To some
Perhaps few
Of perfect victory
This angle was made
To inflict the most pain
Before stealing the breath
From this wonderful flesh
Triangulation of physical pressure
And in the end
Strangulation
Perhaps drowning
In the unreleased breaths
With arms held in place
Every inhalation
An order by the governor
Of the occupied territory
Devastation
With each spike
Pounded with economy of energy
Haste of action
Absolutely no indecision
Even more insult
Given to the form
With the delight of some
In the gallery
And the courtyard
And the onlookers
The glee of a new execution
Carried out by the armored invaders
Who brought their form of order
With such agony and twist
His body shivering
With each treachery
A solis ortu usque ad occasum
The power was poured out
Absolutum dominium
Beginning with a single kiss
Pain freezing that body 
For the apathy of few
The glee of the wicked
The horror of the witnesses
Who understood
What was there
Before the eyes
Of all humanity
As God turned man turns again
To God
By the hand of man
A tragedy
Turns victory
For death has been defeated
Abyssus abyssum invocat
For death has been
Made empty
Amor vincit omnia

Laying down the ash

Smoke curls above the tray
Laying down the ash when finished
Sleep beckons, a dream to be had
But the life we live is decay
What matters, if it is diminished
Every second lost, so is the past
Let my eyes close, resting at last
With my head upon your lap
Hold me tightly
Let me sleep
For you are my divine
My sacred place
Let me dream
Of places you and I will visit
With the sun shine
And drinking wine
And loving
Each other
With abandon
And joy
Lost to the rest
Of life

The Darkest Wasteland

Fallen angels never survive the crash
Never crawling from the wreckage
Their tragedy is transformed into fear
Living in the scattered memories
Whether we remember, or not
Sleep off the drunk
Hold onto the rush, it never lasts
The world will end in mere seconds
We fall beneath the veil of tears
Does the pharmacist make deliveries
Are we on, or is it finally off
Or is it better these hopes be dashed?
Let me dream of you when I have nothing
Let me find Elysium, let the ravens sing
Come now, come
Oh oblivion
I am finished
There is nothing left
No rotten flesh
Nothing
For the cannibals to feast upon

“I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race, in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals, as surely as savage tribes have left off eating each other when they came in contact with the more civilized.” Henry David Thoreau

untitled

You can sin by doing
And sin by not doing
You can hate for a reason
Or hate for treason
There is only the truth you know
That will burn and make so
Trust your experiences
Trust seriousness
We do not exist
Unless we should resist
If the sin is full of cost
Make it a holocaust

Your love is an Equivocation

You say I am the one you love
But my darlin' you only mean
The one you love now
At the moment
You only love me
Before anyone else
Appears in your sights
Love for now is not enough
Love forever has no cost
In the longest run of things

How to Ignore Reality

Even to the Wandering Jew
Honest appraisal fails
The bigger picture
Often eludes the eye
We prefer to avert our view
Even when asking why
Who cares if we think
When we can simply be
Watch as society sinks
Into the abyss
You hear the screams
Ignore the bigger questions
Never try to find the answers
Don't you see the reality
Are you without clue
Nothing even matters
Nothing matters
Nothing matters
Except for the truth

Only to accept

There is nothing to believe
Only to accept
For we are ghosts to this existence
Our presence is neither real
Nor can it be proven
We are seated upon a throne
Between the temporal and the eternal
Where our flesh passed
Before we could accomplish
All that we desired to do
What matters the truth
What matters our fame
What are we, oh God
What do we request
What do we receive
The serpents hiss
Out our lies piss
For the clock is a lie
Seconds pass through
The hourglass knows
How very odd
This desire to exist forever is
I long to taste of your majesty
And I am aware, I am
This ineffable agony
This abject grace
I cannot express
Nor resist
Your face is beautiful
Yet
Without definition
I am nude to your eye, unclad
And you are eternal, exquisite
Irresistible
Please be merciful
I am simply
A thought
Someone once had

there is nothing

I haven't looked beyond myself
I know there isn't anything there
I am completely alone
When I look in a mirror
I see a perfect stranger
I have no lover
I have no wife
I have worries
I have no strife
I have nothing
There is no danger
I live
I eat
Drink and pee
I sleep
And dream
I shit and
Die

Je Suis Fini?

Je suis fini.
Over time this blog went from being work for me, to being release.  It went from my effort to be heard, to being a site where you can find my work, regardless of whether I am alive, dead, asleep, due to the ability to schedule blog entries a great deal ahead of time.  This blog is an object of my love, and rarely anything other than that.  I love writing poetry, and I am aware that not everyone thinks I write well.  It isn't my job to convince anyone, other than by my writing.

“Never regret thy fall, O Icarus of the fearless flight. For the greatest tragedy of them all. Is never to feel the burning light.” ― Oscar Wilde.

Not everyone agrees with my views, and, perhaps oddly in your view, I believe that is a good thing.  I do not write to convince.  I write to express.  I do not hold your personal ethics and morality to count against my effort to reveal truths.  And those truths, I believe, cannot be expressed in political terms.  And this world is divided, deeply, along political lines.

“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” Dante Alighieri

I do not agree that maintaining neutrality means I am evil. It does not mean I am complicit or that I condone the evil. It means for me that I refuse to participate in the false offering of choices by the forces who control the system.  I vote only when it is a positive vote, I never vote against people. My concept of life is not political.  It is religious. I'd suggest "spiritual" and I believe that too, but, it isn't properly descriptive.  I choose to vote, to speak on the basis of a worldview and paradigm that rejects the likelihood of good human leadership. I see human politics as a push for, and a claim of power.  And once government has taken your small ability to choose, and begins making all of your choices, what have you to hold upon? Your Senator or Congressperson do not hold your best interests at heart. They truly do not. Someone called me cynical for that view. and I truly disagree.  I call myself a Monarchist, but not for any earthly kings or leaders.

I won't be regularly continuing to add more poems here.  Once in a while perhaps, but, my aim was to establish myself for the internet world. And it has succeeded there.

I give thanks here to many people. Some for their positive impact upon my life, let alone my poetic life. Some for their negative lessons they taught me, through their acts, words, or attempts to shame me for my honesty.

“No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away.”  Haruki Murakami

Being a Christian I did use Christian themes in my work, but my effort was usually differently aimed.  I tried to create words that helped people mentally, spiritually, or emotionally understand themselves and the world around them.
  
“What is hell? Hell is oneself.
Hell is alone, the other figures in it
Merely projections. There is nothing to escape from
And nothing to escape to. One is always alone.”  T.S. Eliot 

I have had people say I saved their life, and while I don't actually think that that is directly true, I am nonetheless moved that people think that.  I've had people say that I was making love to all of the women who read my works that are romantic.  I don't think that that is at all true.  While I've allowed myself muses, I have not, truly, used my work to woo anyone.  I wrote about things that move me, and occasionally love, lust, hope, and simple appreciation of beauty move me more that day or night,  than the rest of my possible subjects.

“Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.” Aldous Huxley

I have had many people support my work, financially, spiritually, and otherwise.  And if you read my work and like it, and share it, or buy a book, or anything of the sort, thank you.  I am in your debt.  You are in my high esteem.