Enter Into My Soul

In a world of darkness, can one exist in the frozen face of death's embrace
No one has escaped the hand of fate, or resisted the high cost of unliving
My dreams are truly lies, my nightmares are the disguise, I have nothing
Call my name, take me, be my lover, be one with those lips I need to taste
Delve deep into my soul, take my control, fulfill my need to be forgiven
Simple man, without money, I have nothing, but you gave me something
I'll never go back, you're my dream fulfilled, no need of anyone but you
If I fail in life, I will be ok, let the world burn, I'll freely leave,
Because I have truth and with love, I know I have enough

Father and Son

When you let me know, I was wounded, I still am
You chose a path that'd lead you to make a stand
Your path could only end in a life of sorrow
A life of pain, like mine, just like me
No one would confuse me for one who is sane
The path is the one the chosen follow
Only those called to be, a choice free
We've left no chance by our decision
We have then a life without dream
Now and forever after, I lived my fate

I chose my destiny, my son, my living legacy
And I am surely proud, if also worried too
We've both made our choice, to live for truth

Let it be known, I'm content, I made my stand

You will be content too, a brave man

Sleepless

In the middle of madness, all havok and chaos reign
I've not slept in a decade, I've no memory of dreams
The events and interactions, are lost to endless days
This life is empty, with no words left, I'm a machine
Labor, feed, sit, close my eyes and find little peace
I'm the final step before disaster, trapped in a cage
A prison cell within my mind, without sleep

No Kiss

If Death offers a kiss, I'll decline, then I'll apologize
Telling the Angel of Death I'm not interested in dying
The choice isn't actually mine, I don't decide the time
But if I'm given a choice, I'll use my voice and decide
There'll be more time than I can ever count in eternity
The ultimate final goal of Elysium surely speaks to me
The kiss from Death doesn't move me, even if sublime

There are a billion Deaths, but they are all aspects of the one
Death: Azrael, the Great Attractor, the Death of Universes, the 
beginning and end of time.                                Terry Pratchett

Crashing

I took to flight, upon broken wings that could not lift me
The world rushed up towards me, as I would crash below
With no healing, I'm forever unable, Death had kissed me
The vacuum in the center of my chest continues to grow
And the life inside me, is fading so very swiftly

Desolation

I wonder sometimes, what is the point of life, what is this life about
Do we suffer for dreams of solipsistic madmen, alone in this place
What is there but fear, pain, lust and seeking pleasure and treasures
Isolated in the distance, a wasteland desolation leaves us mourning
For all the highest aspirations, we've wasted them, our lives emptied
In an asylum called existence, try to endure the emotional starvation

Crossing the Whitelines

Driving down the middle of the highway and drifting
Asleep at the wheel, dreamed deep but now waking
A world left behind but I've entered nightmare realms
Mind lost in place, demons attack but I am resisting
Pestilence becomes my existence, damage I'm taking
I long to reach Heaven, but I've been living in Hell

The Stain Remains

I fail you, on a regular basis
I remain in a form of stasis
I refuse to learn my lesson
And soon, I'll have to reckon
With a life of foolish choices
Of drunken careless voices
Knowing I had lost my way
I'm a failure, my life's a stain
I ask for your grace and mercy
I don't deserve even one thing
But here I am, I've failed again

“Confession is not betrayal.” George Orwell

Not me

Only one was the holy one
Only that one offered up
Only one was the Messiah
My life was never divine
My Blood was human
Not communion wine
I could never be enough
Killed, offered in sacrifice
My flesh is now tainted red
I'll bleed, until cold dead
Forgive me, I'm a failure
However much you love me
I can never be your savior

Sacrifices

Let the others pay the price
Accept their kind sacrifice
Life is a question of time
With no question to solve
I've no answers that burn
I'll be unable to absolve
When the cancer returns
And it will, it always does
Requiring a determination
An ardent resolve
That I might no longer possess

Just an Accident?

We dream, a universe exists, what shall we seek
This darkness never lasts forever, even if bleak
But dawn breaks and night fades into the light
Let this day begin with an awareness of life
If commonplace and mundane to some of us
Until we find any life elsewhere, it is unique
We choose to ignore what might be a miracle
Our flesh functions by biological determinant
All aspects of our form have particular functions
View it as a peculiar arrogance and assumptions
My flesh is alive, formed by accident or design

“Without culture, and the relative freedom it implies, society,
even when perfect, is but a jungle. This is why any authentic
creation is a gift to the future.”                          Albert Camus

The Perfection of the Perception of the Passage of Time

There in the clarity of the depth of winter cold
The mist and the frost rises from your breath
Clouds surround, as a cloak of white announces
Now appears your presence, as a sacred shroud
A divine moment, nature's purity is easy to perceive
You believe, realize that perfect is neither warm nor easy
So clear, pristine, unsullied making you think of Heaven
Realizing that you've no way to perceive of such a thing
The imagination of the creator must be wonderfully huge
In enormous depth, all thoughts new for such a dream
Creativity and originality are imagination in themselves
Far beyond small, limited, flesh bound human minds
But our creator gave us our context, memory, and ability
To perceive life go fleeting by, while we are passing time

“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”
                                                                                   Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Words confuse me

I cannot understand what they're saying
They keep speaking, desire my response
Staring into my eyes, expressing doubt
And yes, I might be an idiot, I'm no genius
But whatever they are saying, I am lost
Words speak life into magic possibilities
Still, if I am honest, I can't figure it out
I hear sounds, I see ardent people trying
And I'm without a clue about just what
I will remain silent, I have no words
I've lost my mind or never had one

Broken Ring of Steel

As the Black Cross invaded the land of the Red Star
Were mass dislocations of people, cities under seige
The Black Cross had goals in creating absolute war
For the violent, nationalist racist ideology and more
They conquer whoever opposed them, with killing
Which had a consequence of stealing living space
Establishing an empire, now filled with new slaves
All grain and energy resources then funneled home
As slaves labored in factories and government work
The Black Cross had to achieve certain victories first
And the Red Star had to fall, and refused to do so
Offered servitude or death, they'd refused to answer
Choosing to live for their people, or in doing so, die
Refusing to kneel before the Black Cross, standing
After almost 900 days, in 1944, Leningrad was free
Once the siege was broken, the Red Star would rise
A new world postwar, saw the Black Cross broken

SOURCE

Losses

My eldest brother and only sister died in 2022.  I was forced to face losing the my first hero, who defended me, and was my assistant in finding my way through childhood.  I wrote his obituary.  Which will be posted below.  I can't say we were as close in the end as we had been, but I definitely loved him, never forgot what he meant to me, and with a father who was rather openly a favoritist towards my brother over me, my brother made certain I was loved, defended, and not blamed for things my dad would've easily blamed me for doing, when I had not.

Losing my sister was different. Not for the power in losing her, it hurt every bit as much.  But just as I loved her and loved my eldest brother, I'd only met her in 2017, due to my DNA family searching for me and finding me.  And I adored her and enjoyed every communication, but I only met her in person once, and that was a visit that will never be forgotten. It burned in irony for me, since I hadn't searched for my DNA family, and they did, but I received more people to love me as a result. Her husband Steve is awesome, so I do consider him a brother and my DNA brother Nate and I took time to understand one another, but before losing Denise, I came to love and appreciate Nate very much. But losing Denise is a loss for me that I can never replace.

BRONS WELLS NESS (July 24, 1961 - December 30, 2022)

Friend, Son, Brother, Husband, Father, Grandfather

It is a truism that all who live will one day die. It isn’t unusual to lose those we love. But in losing Brons Ness many have felt the person lost was unique, bright, and generous with kindness and humor.  In the early 2000s, he’d had a couple heart attacks, but they did not seem to slow him down, not for long anyway.

He was born and after being adopted to first time parents, lived in Northeast Minneapolis. He gained a brother in 1963 also by adoption. The early days there were filled with play, sliding down the snow covered steps to the back yard, and he was always the Batman to his brother the Robin.

His family moved to a town in Wisconsin, Port Edwards, where his interests developed and grew in photography, basketball, band and other extracurricular activities. His family moved before his senior year and he graduated at Neillsville WI, High School in 1979.

He found different work, and activities, but finally settled at Gross Common Carrier, in Madison and LaCrosse. Then moved on to Tomah where he worked at Holland Truck. And he worked at New Lisbon Correctional Institution 2015-2022
 
In Tomah, he met and married Diane Doeslaere Ness and added to his life her children:
Drew Salvino (& Sarah Caito)
Arisa Colburn (& Shawn Verthein)

He has three granddaughters: Bristol, Aleiah and Finlei

Brons loved people and being active, group activities, and talking
He had a love of guns and teaching people how to shoot, gun safety being significant.
Member of Bear Bluff ATV/UTV club -we loved riding together!
He loved his 5 seat UTV, and he purchased it so that he'd be able to
fit all his precious granddaughters in for rides.

He was predeceased by his parents, and is survived in his adoptive family by his brother Alex Ness and wife Beth, and their son Jonathan Ness.  His loss will be felt by all, but there is hope in our hearts for the promises of our faith for the life in the beyond.

self hate

A moment and my lips betray me
I regret that people think I'm crazy
Foolish words, an idiocy pains me
I have nothing, yes I'm that fool
I'm the one with brain splatters
And yes, my brain has shattered
Yes, now I know I'm nothing
I know my words are cruel
Without a mind, random
My toxic tongue is a liar

Falling through an alien sky

A collision between our ship and an asteroid
Our craft was without oxygen, a broken hull
In near planet orbit, we lost our hull integrity
As we abandoned ship, all prayed to survive
We dropped through the atmosphere, slowing
Two of our crew landed, safely, of the twelve
To be rescued, we've no way of knowing?
On a completely alien (to us) planet
Without rescue, we'll be damned
Will there be anyone left?

Residue of Imperial Power

The stars are our guide, a return to our ancestral roots
We are a nomadic people, trekking across the galaxy
Neither lost nor charting a defined course, we wander
Our homes are gone, our memories have been burned
Planets of our alliance have all been lost in a nova star
Caravans of survivors, all remnants of a proud empire
The death of our empire traumatic, lost in galactic fire
We are the few, we are the living memory of a land
Without awareness of the future, we struggle
We have no choice, but we are determined
To begin again, to provide for our children

Earth and More

When the world is considered, it's beautiful, complex, and dangerous
We the humans of this world have a calling to reach beyond our earth
We knew what space is, long before we could ever have traveled there
When the greatest scholars of the ancient times looked into the stars
Seeing more than lights on a black veil, they even named the planets
We should never quell our inner attraction to space, we long to know

“Orbiting Earth in the spaceship, I saw how beautiful our planet is. People,
let us preserve and increase this beauty, not destroy it!”          Yuri Gagarin

Luna 1

It was sent to space trying to reach the moon
The Soviet scientists tried to stake the claim
That the Soviet education system was elite
But they then failed, never finding the target
Luna 1 didn't perform as it was programmed
But in a world of potential nuclear exchange
Reaching space was our great peaceful task
If the race to reach the moon was relentless
It was a nonviolent way to prove ideologies

“It is a beautiful and delightful sight to behold
the body of the Moon.”           Galileo Galilei

Saved for a purpose

A lifetime was spent dreaming of a different existence
I was tossed in the abyss, then fate watched me burn
I should have immediately given up hope and reason
But something in me burns like fire, and persistence
There is a hope beyond hope for the messiah's return
Despite my crude origins and being dealt with treason
Betrayal means nothing, if you have those you trust
The lifetime spent dreaming is meaningless
By having had hope that remains, lingers inside
And I still have that hope inside me, like wings
To lift me from the abyss and I was thrown a rope
Yes, all lives have meaning, all lives have worth
Saved for a reason, given grace, saved for a purpose
And still, however hot are the fires of the abyss
I will fight and survive, inside me is a resistance
I'll climb from the depths, to see the clear sky

Raison d'Etre

What remains of a purpose, when our life has been lived and is soon over
Do we live for completion of our tasks, do we create the future for others
Why persevere, if the task is impossible to achieve, and we get no closure
Do our goals make a purpose honorable, by labors we become brothers
I stand before the chasm, our marker between life and death, and I smile
This is all that we've been promised, I can't escape it by strategy or guile
The end becomes our only means to achieve what we've built and find

"And nothing's sweeter than the fruit of one's own labors” Nikolai Gogol

No true antitode for life

The antidote for toxins is an eventual poison for our being, death
There is no solution, no cure for this existence coming to the end
Other than our own satisfaction in living or acceptance of this life
We've no awareness of the greater picture, or fragility of our flesh
If life here is precious, it's common on earth and yet nowhere else
We haven't the perspective to appreciate the miracle of our design
But life endures, in the madness of human flaws, and our nature
We must overcome the need to be violent, and honor our creator

The Unknown Consequences

When the Gulf Stream is no longer pulled northward
By action of dynamism between warm and cold water
European weather will no longer be pleasant or warm
And those who have called out the notice, warnings
Made silent, forced to be without a voice, watching
The climate is changing, in more than temperatures
Warming and Greenhouse gases might well happen
But there are as many consequences still unforeseen
And it is the unknowns that will kill us, change us
We'll see temperatures boil upon the equator lands
And the Arctic and Antarctic will again grow ice
But beyond the obvious, the unknown is waiting
We can't plan for issues that we can't know exist
All the while, there are sides that keep debating
Endlessly asking to know what we cannot know
And for some it is to delay government action
While for others it is to prove their point

SOURCE

The First Martian

With our Earth at war, a last chance to dream
In a craft, fading from earth's view behind me
Retro rockets pushing the space probe aloft
My future sealed, as first man to visit Mars
Planet Earth is no longer seen, cascading
Future unknown, my life is not my own
Pray everything works well, landing soft
I hold my breath, beats held in my heart
The red sky is dark and universe fading
I plant a flag for all humanity, I know
Earth might not exist to get my message
That we've become a spacefaring race
On a planet named for a God of War
All is quiet, all is calm, and peaceful
Let the planet Earth be so blessed

“I don't know what lies ahead, but I want to
keep going forever” Fuyumi Soryo (惣領 冬実)

Beautiful Soul, Saint Agnes

She said no she couldn't marry, for she was married to the Christ
So then people grabbed upon her and removed her flowing robe
For she must be mad to be so self righteous or perhaps foolish
To say she was Christ's alone was idolatry, she wasn't his equal
Thereupon the crowd exposed her flesh, to steal from her dignity
Then spent her days in a brothel to be used, like others will be
By a punishment she might learn to be humble, know her place
Saint Agnes was not a fool, she was not mad, only devoted
And the world has been forever mad, to think none can be
In a world of madness, what would saints need to believe

Mourning without Shame

Excitedly run to the phone with news you would be interested in
Only to place the phone back down, begin to cry, stillness within
The tears fall without shame, you've been gone for 10 years now
But I still feel you are here, in my heart, and speaking to me still
I miss you more than I can ever express and I'm broken somehow
What remains, when the one you loved, allows you to be fulfilled
Passes beyond your reach, and life doesn't feel the same, without
So I'm mourning and there is no shame, grieving can't be tamed
10 years gone, still, I mourn your loss, I mourn your absence
The only things I have are those you gave to me, with love

10 years gone...

Purpose

The myriad of reasons and menageries of viewpoints
This world can be seen through the prism of existence
I view the world as one where all may thrive, or hope
Reasons for our labors are endless, but have purpose
Stare into a reflection, the mirror that's been cracked
I refuse fate and beg destiny, and revel in my freewill
Life is not a logic problem nor born of simple chance
I prefer a life of worthiness, not one of circumstance
To live an open life, without having secrets to keep
I'd rather be crushed, hated for a truth of my being
Than to ever be loved for a false perception of me
And the false appreciation of my ability to dream
I live among my nightmares and I refuse to sleep

“Do not be afraid; our fate
Cannot be taken from us;
it is a gift" Dante Alighieri

Legacies and Destinies

Legacies happen for good or ill, but destiny must be forged
Fate is a lie, as if  we're not responsible for our course
Each choice has consequence, nothing is determined
Focus the mind, find your way, bear all burdens
Choices have a power to determine the future
Results depend on effort, an end isn't certain
The world doesn't ask you for permission
But it goes on, it still spins and turns
Life demands our participation
With hope, existence burns

Asylum

Existence is madness, my rotting flesh serves as an asylum
To go insane in this darkness, with much to beguile within
My eyes went blind, seeing the emptiness, seeing the loss
But my flesh turned gray, in decay, my life paying the cost
I've somehow kept upon the journey, death my destination
A heart withers in a world's anger, it desires my castration
I promise that there's more to life than the single existence
And it can be found, but only with a perfect persistence

“I became insane, with long intervals
of horrible sanity.”   Edgar Allan Poe

Absence

Sweetest ecstasy is found in your lips, the thought of makes me twist
But that's been forbidden from me, I'm broken, I miss your presence
I've walked alone since you left, I'm thirsty and hunger for your kiss
I know that the world is unkind, repulsive, and desires my absence
In your presence I find comfort, and hope, but away I am dismissed
You're the sole reason I long to exist, every moment away is torment

Stare as Everything Burns

The flesh will answer all of the questions of life
With a cancer, the pain, and refusing to survive
Soon enough we all fade and will never return
The world changes and all of our dreams burn
Existence doesn't matter as everything shatters
Our is path lost amidst self hating and disaster
We've only chains and our unfulfilled dreams
In a desert of love with the sound of screams
As the storm wind echoes and calls our name
Live for the present and be forever untamed

“At best, you’re the untamed hero; at worst, you offend
people wherever you go.”                   墨香铜臭, 魔道祖师

To Love

To love and to then be loved
To have dreams and be dreamed of
To live with wants not only needs
To be given enough, even dreams
In reality I'm a wealthy man
You've given me all these things
You make me happy
You allow me to dream

No, You Failed

I called to you in the midst of a personal trial
You answered me with a form of purest denial
In great bleeding, breaking, time and torment
Under your thumb as you watch for a moment
Soon as you could attack, put a dagger in my back
You'd wanted me to beg, but that's a skill I lack
You wanted my servility, to give you pleasure
You treated me hostilely, I failed by your measure
You mistook kindness for weakness, so I'll leave
Your world will be empty, you just can't believe
Your heart is a black hole of sorrow and cold
Plague of sorrows, cloaks your heart in shadow
But there's never enough light in this world
To brighten your vision, your retinas burned
From the hate inside you and all of the shame
You'd steal one's birthright and their name
So no, you've failed, a lesson you learned

A Dream or Nightmare?

There is a horror, one of having a dream, but living a nightmare
If I do surrender, I'll neither be alive nor dead, can't even hope
The world is painted fully colored, but my life depicted in gray
My corpse will be that color, and then again, I really don't care
Mine are the dreams of a man with nothing, it makes me choke
I've lived my life, my life is fleeting, so is my desire to remain
It is fleeting, so let me live and be allowed real dreaming

I Don't Know

Did I know you in the beginning of time
The truth is, yes, I did hear your voice,
Existence is loud, vanity and modernity
I have asked, how does one really know
What is it to live and meaning of life?
I don't know really, how do I know truth
If I don't know, how do I know salvation
I need to know, all the depths of eternity
I need to know, the reason for loving me
God exists, I think he does, so I wonder
Why wonder, if I've found redemption
With so much more to know, waiting
Everything is out of reach, to discover
I must wait until I can find it, again
As I found then, in the beginning for me
I knew, when I was still wet from birth

Not for anything I can do

Everything I do kills me, if a little, all I am will fail
All I do leads me to death, trapped in a prison of flesh
My life has been a sacrifice, bled until I've turned pale
My being broken by every single path that I've chosen
Wounded and bleeding, I give a prayer as yet unspoken
As the world surrounding me, the sharks smell blood
I can barely offer a defense, against their total flood
I've caused the walls to break, along with my heart
My being has been enslaved to the pleasures it craves
All things lead me astray, leaving my body scarred
My flesh is temporary, my spirit can be released
Even then, I've waged a losing war against sin
If I can find any forgiveness, in the body pierced
His blood can buy my release from the chains
Chains that I've placed myself in

Fresh Water

A mottled gray fox drinks water from an overflowing pool
The river was frozen, now it is freshly and quickly melting
Spring's thaw flooding the river banks, washes across fields
In the midst of sip, the fox looks up and notices something
The scent caught upon wind is of death, a corpse from Fall
The body is carrion, now bloated, grey, exposed by thaw
It will feed worms or scavengers, the cycle is complete
But the fox is just grateful for such cool water to drink
Moving along before those attracted to the dead come

Shhhh

The asylum's walls are moving in, there's no shame
When that damned bottle is empty, despair remains
I'll not have that emptied liquor bottle's company
And trust me I surely know, I'll no longer be sane
Closing my eyes, a cold rain falls, in steady waves
As I remember her words, try to forget her name
All life has a rhythm, time ongoing, in perpetuity
My nightmares linger, I've no hope for dreams
I toss around in my bed, my mind refuses to sleep
My issues come from anxiety, I'm not a machine
I know I'll break and my secrets no longer keep
Despair has one whisper that everyone knows
When it whispers constantly, all fears grow

“I have hardly anything in common with
myself and should stand very quietly in
a corner, content that I can breathe.” 
                                              

                                             Franz Kafka

Ascendance

Consider our future and universe, from somnolence torn
Life begins with pains of birth, the wails of newborns 

A dichotomy between joy and pain, marking creation
With a vast potential for joy or emotional starvation
Fate forces us to accept consequences of choices
We shall gaze into emptiness, devoid of voices
And rise according to destiny, to build legacies
Perfectly made, in the image of the divine
There we find the roots of our divinity
There we find our ascendance