Differently

They tell us to believe them
When they've lied every time
Each time previous to this
They'd like for us to panic
When they've tried and tried
To tell us we are full of shit
We know something different
But not if you listen to them
Think for yourselves
The liars will lie
Will say anything
And never ever repent

Has it ever mattered?

Does it matter where we are going
Has it ever?
Does it matter what we do
All I ever wanted
Was to tame this heart so wild
Was to find what is true
Now I find that I will never
Find the truth
Or anything even worthwhile
We are left behind trying to know
What we never will
It doesn't matter if you try
There is nothing to learn
You begin and then you go
You desire and yearn
You get old and tired

Memories

I walked upon the shores of the distant lands, the clouds were thick, and the ocean washed across my feet.  Toes digging into the sands, I remembered when the baby kicked, we thought the future was secure, so sweet.

I miss you since the day, and miss you all the time.  We were young and didn't care.  But now I am old, and quite resigned, to the fact I'll never see you again.  Sometimes I think life isn't fair, but I know, your spirit remains.

I will never be who I thought I was meant to be.
Because without you here, there is nothing.
And there will never be.
Again.

Red Skies, Black Crosses

Above the frozen ground below
Pilot breath, as if airborne frost
The eagles above fight for life
Bleeding and dying for the land
Awarded for the valor to show
Medals of a red star or iron cross
A political struggle, a racial strife
The blood is equally upon their hands
From the finest each warrior chosen
Talented men chosen for war
Making each contest a tragedy
For to win, one other must die
No hope to survive, the air is frozen
The event of battle leaving scars
Dogfighting and dodging, agilely
Heroes and villains filled the sky

We are the present

Echoes and cries of past generations
Linger and swell about the present
What are we to do?
Try to fulfill their expectations
Which we'll surely resent
Or follow what is true
Alive to our destiny
Ignoring the lure of fate
We will embrace our future
By rising above
Choosing our own names

A Sea Dragon Flies

A Sea Dragon flies above the ocean surface
With stingers in her tale, and cannons that fire
As with leviathans of the sky, she is heavy, slow
Her size makes her awesome, even ponderous
Her weapons in anger turn buildings into pyres
Leaving the foe with fear, pain, nothing to show
And yet this dragon is not wise
She is silent of thought
Cannot speak
She bends her will to man
She is made of steel
And carbon

I knew

Yes I know
Perhaps you meant well
maybe there was love
there within your heart
softly nestled there for me
but I think I was right
and it was better to split apart
I prefer to be hurt in your absence
than acid burn in your presence
I don't know
I can't read your mind
but our love was going to die
I just knew
I knew

make you smile

I wanted only what would make you smile
But that required a great deal of sacrifice
And an impish demon's guile
I thought I wanted a life together with you
But my heart wanted proof of life
And more to make it smooth
What is there? Why bother?
If it is all meant to take you down
Who cares as the pain smothers
And there is no holy ground
Nothing matters, it never did
Except for the heart burning within
It burns to embers
So I offer only this
I have nothing
But fire
And ash
But if that can make you smile
Let's do it

“...And, all at once, the moon arouse through the thin ghastly mist, And was crimson in color... And they lynx which dwelleth forever in the tomb, came out therefrom. And lay down at the feet of the demon. And looked at him steadily in the face.”  Edgar Allan Poe

Pendragon's Son

Even though he lived human
His spirit was holy and had been chosen
The blood pulsing through him
Guided his words, and pathway
His father was a king
A butcher of men
Warrior elite
A rapist
His flesh intertwined
With an unwilling, unknowing soul
The treachery left a legacy
A child born in the castle
Protected by tall walls
And knights and valor
But the product of the night
Of the treacherous lust
Desire made this man gone wild
Yet it bore fruit from seed, a child
Who would become the anointed king
He was taken swiftly by the seer
Who had arranged the night
Merlyn was not evil
And he needed to protect the babe
In the time when the land would be barren
Without a king
And young Arthur was trained
He was taught
He was inspired to be something more
Than a foundling
A bastard son
He was prepared to be the only one
Who might bear a sword
Kept from mortals by the Lady of the Lake
Who might build a kingdom
Defending a people
His way prepared
As a savior to come
The king was ready
To announce his presence
And that kingdom would be won
As the bearer of power
A just king and man
He bore the blood
Of the Pendragon's son
Guided by Merlyn
By his holy spirit
And his blood
He would be king
Of which
The Maidens of Avalon
And choirs of children
Would sing

Folly and Blame

We are fools, and evidence of our folly
Is found in the attempts to word an answer
But absolute truth requires no explaining
Every vision has a responsive calling
We lie to ourselves, hoping to avoid blame
But there is no escape there is only shame

Seconds passing and still

I watched as they took my brothers
Then they came for me
I bore the wounds of an anger
That tore apart seams sewn in love
Whatever the depths I'd seen
I knew it went much deeper
Never will I reach the good shore
and not because
Everything is foreseen
I know that the foe is eager
And when I reach out,
He closes the door
I fail with every breath
I am broken and so I invite death
There is nothing I can do
But I am ready
Faced with the final endless truth

Beth

My love for you was never kept inside
Never hidden, never a secret
I could never get enough of you,
I had no regrets
I was burning inside with passion
But I was broken and you were not
I lived with a sort of pretense
That I was alright
A man of action
Longing to turn the noose into a knot
To hang on long enough
To survive this place
Your love helped me surive
Long enough
To love
You allowed me to live
And find a way to forgive
All those I needed to forgive
Including me
My love a secret I could never keep
Now looking back
You were the only one
How much a miracle you are
For me
You gave me everything I lacked
I'd never go back to that place
So dark and unpleasant
How very lucky I've become

to them

To them its a purely simple thrill
Running with little steps down the hill
Screaming in joy the whole way
While you worry
Over a non existent fear of hurt
They find friends, begin to fight and play
As you watch hoping they find their path
Rather than to find your found truth
That this life is painful
With moments of splendor
But much more wrath
How to guide them
How to love them
Without taking their steps
Without taking the pain
Without sharing your shame
Letting them instead
Unlike you
Exalt all the good things
And unlike you
Find the life that is there

Not an apology

Please note: even if I don't remember
It doesn't mean it'll erase the stain
A million holy people giving prayers
Couldn't help nor absolve my guilt
I linger in the echoes of my madness
I know that dreams don't wait forever
There's nothing that can stop the pain
Existence gave me this empty stare
Because hope cannot be rebuilt
Black is my life, upon a black canvas
There is nothing left but breaking
This is not an apology
It is my statement of being

“A sick thought can devour the body's 
flesh more than fever or consumption.” 

Guy de Maupassant

Clash of Iron Dragons

No surrender, no quarter given
They bore a fire inside, compelling them
With a specific mission
These Iron forged dragons breathed fire
They forever moved forward
Never relenting
Fighting each other unto death
Memories of their actions show as scars
Carrying warriors to the field of battle
Fragile compared to the beasts
Made of flesh
But somehow still, of iron

fate

Alone in the darkness
I am consigned to fate
The devil is among us
He works to harvest hate











“La plus belle des ruses du diable est de vous persuader qu'il n'existe pas." ("The devil's finest trick is to persuade you that he does not exist.")”   Charles Baudelaire

Cruelty

Such divine cruelty
We've never experienced
As first love once severed
How dignity becomes slain
Choosing for beauty
When the inside is hideous
Justice misdelivered
An ever burning soul pain

Duel in Winter

Exhausted, frozen through, waiting to retreat, in the face of Ivan and his endless inbred cousins.  We held the line, with Moscow in sight.  We held the line, in the city named for Stalin.  We were bled white.  Our numbers fell.  We wait now, to get out, or remain in this white Hell.

Our crusade is over.  We cannot win.  Keep underestimating the foe, now we have nothing to show, but bodies pale from cold, wafer thin. We haven't slept for a year, haven't felt warm in Autumn, Winter or even Spring.  We fought for our cause, and now we are left with nothing.

We wait for the order.  But it may never come.  All that we have achieved, will be consigned to oblivion.

Cry of the Innocent

Woven into the walls
The memories of the screams
Carrying into oblivion
Victim hopes and every dream
Concrete blocks stained
The wounds were unending
The pain pours out loudly
The path to death unbending
Cry the innocent
What is their life compared to yours
Cry of the children and lost
When consumed by corporate whores
Who bears the cost?
When earth is made toxic
When all water poisoned
There is no trust in truth
The greatest hope is to survive
As this world longs to exploit them
And there is nothing they can do

Psalm 68:5 NIV
5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Rusted Steel Leviathans

We watch as the children play upon the rusted steel leviathans.

Rulers of the world in the past before the fall and the famines.

They now dance and act as if upon the stage, ignorant to the wars of the damned.

It was a miracle to survive the final act.

Our leaders worshiped Mammon, the wars return us to the stone age.

There is not a patch of green in a brown land, as we are forced to accept our place in the caste.

Where only steel artifacts remain, bones of the dragons,
          how they've littered the fields where we now must live.

There is nothing left but to forgive those called the destroyers.

We must try to begin building a world.

Let us return to civilization
                as ever before anew.

“Night and day, wind and storm, tide and earthquake, impeded man no longer. He had harnessed Leviathan. All the old literature, with its praise of Nature, and its fear of Nature, rang false as the prattle of a child.”  E.M. Forster 

Sacrificed

A soul still bleeding after his kiss
Shards of sorrow the epiphany
Your enormous suffering I missed 
An exquisite pain never leaves the flesh
I've tried to say no, tried my best to resist
Because I couldn't watch them kill you
I thought I understood the meaning of chivalry
But that was laid bare and false upon Calvary 
Far more clearly is the meaning of death
A couple nails through the feet, and ankles
You've been crucified, without a way out
With crying family and followers to wait
Removed from the cross
Crucifixion left your body slowly strangled
Body broken, many followers in doubt
I was brave but never your surrogate
I could never tempt such fate
While I do not deserve it
By your sacrifice I am redeemed
I have a clean slate
The debts are gone
My soul is free

Beneath the irradiated sands

Nothing should be taken for granted
Not our world or the species therein
And yet we poisoned our planet
And our  anger transplanted
My eyes look across the plain
And I burn in a deeper shame
For what there no longer is, is by our hands
A sacrifice of innocence in the flames

Now I walk in irradiated deserts
Sands cover cities we once built
High and ever glorious
We created systems, teaming with existence

Until we chose to destroy, enter divorce
With nature we then split
Our souls preferred to sleep with Morpheus
Dreaming of greatness while giving in to the resistance

  
We became the spear that pierced
The body of god, oh great shame, great guilt
Building machines, in our image so obvious
We passed from view, due to our lack of persistence

We cursed the land
By the acts of every hand
We wanted to become gods
Instead, we became the damned
Standing before God we cry
How should we have known
But we chose our kind of suicide
And now we've nearly all passed and died

A prayer

Dear God
That thing that I was I praying for
Please delete from my list
The love and desire I had is dislodged
I think it is time to return to who I was before
And I'll try to catch all the messages I missed
I've been a ghost, in a waking life
I've been a child of misfortune
A sorrowful child of the sky
Waiting for all that might have been
I was not meant for this world
My cord was cut as with a knife
Hung like fruit in a body's orchard
Aware all the time of my plight
My soul was to be moved, but bent
Let the surrender flag be unfurled
I'll be gone before the fall of night

“Love or hatred calls for self-surrender. He cuts a fine figure, the warm-blooded, prosperous man, solidly entrenched in his well-being, who one fine day surrenders all to love—or to hatred; himself, his house, his land, his memories.”  Jean-Paul Sartre

Cruel Flavor

You broke their hearts and then you laughed
Never understood you, from day one to the last
You wanted love without returning the favor
If beautiful, you still give off a cruel flavor
Keep arguing about things that don't matter
Demanding things until your friends scatter
In the end, you'll not find yourself satisfied
You aren't worth the tears people have cried
Wrap more barbed wire, protect yourself
Because only you and the traitors left











“Amid the moon and the stars, amid the clouds of the night, 
amid the hills which bordered on the sky with their magnificent
silhouette of pointed cedars, amid the speckled patches of the 
moon, amid the temple buildings that emerged sparkling white 
out of the surrounding darkness - amid all this, I was intoxicated 
by the pellucid beauty of Uiko's treachery.”  Yukio Mishima

He Despairs

I was asked by an old man

"What do you pray for before sleep"

I said
'for the health, hope, and well being of my family'
I asked

"Why, what do you pray, what words do you say?"

He said

"Each time I close my eyes at night
I pray to never wake again
That doesn't mean I've done anything wrong
Just that this life
This flawed and foolish life
Has gone on far too long
I don't pray to reach heaven
I don't pray to get away from the pain
I pray it ends
Because that is all I know is real"

The truth is, he need never pray
The things he wishes for may some day come true
For the despair his words reveal that will be ended too
 Someday

Falling but I stand

Some fools live even despite themselves.  Some saints are so averse to pleasure they despise living.  So many dark souls hunger to kill for the thrill.  Who will stand for the innocent, who will stop the darkness. Some shout What does it matter?  Why should we care if everything dies, Why  care if all hope shatters?  I say now, I care.  It is why I fight.

There inside the devil's lair, I heard the cry of the innocents, I heard them call to God on high. I had to act, defending them remained my task. My weapon, if nothing else, is a force of will.  There before me there was a body orchard, with bodies hanging like ripe fruit, many wearing death's mask. Few still lived, without rescue they'd all pass, by now so cold, so numb, the bodies blue.  

Gathering courage, I drove my steed into their midst, with abandon, for the margin of life or death was thin.  My lance cut the strap holding each to their tree, I cried victory with each soul saved, they were free.  But I had demons to fight, and bloody ichors covered me. Yet we escaped with our lives, and for that, we were thankful, grateful, and blessed.

I made my stand, freely offered up myself as a sacrifice.  Had I died, I'd have been satisfied, for giving all to the cause of the one.  But I survived. And then I did wait, until the play was over, and this magnificent the masquerade was done.   I am ready, let the curtains fall.  To the surface of the earth let the rebellious  angels crash, and burn. I am not an angel, but my savior paid my debts, perhaps I am the only one left.

Let me linger in his memory, for all I am, is due to him.   Let me be a witness to the new birth.  A new world beckons, foreseen by prophets, before us is a fresh path that only knows to care, with people who desire to know truth.  This generation may die, if so let it end quickly, quietly, but let us welcome the new human.  

In his or her new world they hunger, to know the one. The new human will desire to know what is right. They will long to know, and for  truth thirst.  I now let hope live in my heart, with all else that is good.  I have also been healed, so there are no scars of the past.   I will live to see the day, when finally, the innocents come first.

“It is not enough that we do our best; sometimes we 

must do what is required.”  Winston S. Churchill 

Not perfect

I tried to be all that life would let me be, without being what you wanted.  I'll never be what I wished to be, and that will leave me haunted.  I loved you, tried to make you proud, but you could never be, because I needed love, but cried too loud, even when tears were needed.

We were different spirits, never seeing eye to eye, still I'd come if you called. I wanted the best for you, but you wanted me to fall.  I wanted to live and be happy, like everyone else, you wanted that for yourself but didn't seem to want any happiness left.

I miss you, as any person who has lost a meaningful love.  But you never had inside enough, to share.  So am I saying life is so unfair?  You could have given me to another, had you really not wanted me, but you didn't, poisoning our time together.

They Were Reviled But...

How they have entered current memory
Per the user, is how they are now remembered
Some see them as saints who gave all for a cause
Others view them as a blight upon history
They and their order were killed and dismembered
As badly as they were slain, their history is deeply flawed
With deep mist and fog, their existence was a true mystery
The burning fires of their slaughter still have glowing embers
 They could not escape nobility's desire and gaping maw
Never allowing a challenger to exist

Comrades

After years of knowing me, you know how I tick
Years together lets us know, buddies can be dicks
I know that friends fall apart, even if they're close
Sharing interests that change, even sharing clothes
If we were in a war, each would take the other's pain
We know what sets us off, we drive each other insane
But I love you, always will, would die for you but still
Wonder if you care at times, wonder what you feel inside
I'll let the years settle in and will always be your friend

“He which hath no stomach to this fight, let him depart, his passport shall be made and crowns for convoy put into his purse. We would not die in that man's company that fears his fellowship, to die with us.”  William Shakespeare

Crimson sprayed

Burned in effigy, in her angry mind, I was a victim of the hate she kept stored inside.
Thinking I was crazy, that I was defective, worthless and unworthy for her to forgive.
My eyes stare at the sun, never going blind, I couldn't see anything worth a fight.
Her hatred condemned me to the great abyss, all for the want of love in her kiss.

“Unspeakable feelings need to find expression in words. However... 
verbalization of very intense feelings may be a difficult task.” 

James A. Chu

The portion of blame

Please tell me true, what is my portion of blame?

Who bears the reason for my presence, and now, since I've gone, my absence? Am I the one child of no name? Well I am a bastard, yes? But am I a fool?

I have no pretense but I might try to be good.  I am the son of the moment,  unable to push straight through, to the end of the days.

I desire the torment and the haze, leading to that place. Forward ever forward, progress yes, be the proof!

Tell them all about your greatness, tell them you are more than an insect, a despicable child of incest, venomous, wild and living in an abscess.

I know my being so honest has troubled others. They love telling me to my face that I must be a child of a different mother, than any that they ever knew.

This flesh lives a life that is akin to walking upon a bridge from the known to the unknown.  From a world that is absurd and unfair, to one of generosity and joy.

I live in sin, and burn with regret for each one within.  The bridge is there, and I long to take it to nowhere.

“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.”  

Omar Khayyám

Damned if we'll be the curse

Told we can never rise
That our souls are vacant
And live vile empty lives
Our great dreams are vapid
That our world we despise
But
We sorrow when children are hurt
We consider family sacred ground
We hope for the lost of our tribe
If cast into the vast dangerous desert
We make the most beautiful sound
Raising the cry
We refuse to believe in the lie
We are the children of earth
We might not be her blessing
Damned if we'll be her curse

“We wanderers, ever seeking the lonelier way, 
begin no day where we have ended another day; 
and no sunrise finds us where sunset left us.” 

Khalil Gibran

Floating on High

Goodbye she said
And I thought
Well you see
I'll be better off dead
If this beautiful person thinks
I'm too awful of a fish to keep
She'd rather be alone instead
What does it matter to me?
Because the path this love has led
Would kill me soon enough
I'd be free and in death there dream
And thereafter fly upon high
Looking down upon the earth
Seeing you living
Your better life

“There was a long hard time when I kept 
far from me the remembrance of what I 
had thrown away when I was quite ignorant 
of its worth.”  Charles Dickens

Fragility and Fear

There are some who say there is no hope
Every life features a path
Treading it is between hell and survival
No hope even for Heaven
Hell does not easily endure trials of life
So we seek a place of sleep and quiet
Hoping for solemnity and grace abundant
Perhaps it is hidden amidst a structure 
Abode of safety, invisible walls, construct
Perfect silence
Yes, it does exist
There is no mask or disguise only exquisite lies
So you push and enter a state of perfect tranquility
No natural way to enter into the place
Too many distractions and pain, fear and fragility
No need for resistance because there is no escape
Life has a toll and you have a soul
Both have to be obeyed
Where they lead is up to you

“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”  Edgar Allan Poe

Staring at the sun

“No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality.”  Shirley Jackson

Living in a world gone blind I decided to try something new, something that would change the way I thought, the way I saw, the way I was. It occurred to me, and I knew, there was no way out.

Staring at the sun, I'd begun to cry as the tears burned. The light was intense, and I had no regrets, even fewer doubts.  For a moment I thought angels were flying nearby.

But as my vision had faded, by the sound of their wings, I knew, I was present when the birds of our planet sought to leave. They had nowhere to go, the world they'd known was now dying.

However they escape it would end similarly, no matter how hard they might be trying.  The world and all of her children will surely be gone. Explanations fail, I could be wrong.

So I ask myself, is it wrong to seek to live, to find someplace better, along with all who are able to leave?  Is it wrong to survive, even if we caused the death of this place?

Even if I've been deceived and know I am a fool, do I deserve to live? If so how can I join the birds?  How can I fly to a safe place?  How can I find a way to be alive, in a world that death has embraced?

“There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.”  Oscar Wilde

Early Exit

We were finished before we'd begun
What there was is almost gone
With only fine ash that remains
Oblivion once invited never leaves
We lied and tried saying all are one
You can capture the truth in song
We are known by numbers not names
Nothing changes if you just believe
Apocalypse and Armageddon just words
Appealing to those seeking the end
Instead of building hope together
We have wrought what we now have
A world with no wild, no bees, no birds
We've ignored the messages nature sent
We'll never reach the world of ever
Instead will receive vast offerings
For we are the damned

“And how should we behave during this Apocalypse? 
We should be unusually kind to one another, certainly. 
But we should also stop being so serious. Jokes help a 
lot. And get a dog, if you don't already have one.”  

Kurt Vonnegut

 

















I am a Christian, and I do believe. But belief without action is every bit as meaningless as non belief.   Every thing that imperils the world could be fought and changed.  But we watch...

Liberation

Human life has limits imposed by time, flesh, and inclinations

A world is vast, oceans incalculable, with fortune born by wind

Rhythms of power, endless tides of war, coinage of the realm

All forms of contact, all wages from labors, rages overwhelm

One day the Jolly Roger, flag of piracy will be your liberation

It will be your source of freedom, from the cages within

And without

A tapestry

A magnificent golden tapestry 
Woven in unison together
Our life was a master's piece
Now we have simple threads
Our love once defied gravity
Believed our love was forever
Anger is now become caprice
Following where love has led
And lost our collective sanity

 









“Destiny itself is like a wonderful wide tapestry 
in which every thread is guided by an unspeakable 
tender hand, placed beside another thread and 
held and carried by a hundred others.”
 
Rainer Maria Rilke

Memory Abyss

Memories are my prison cage
Iron bars prevent my escape
The things I did or didn't do
Led me here, that is the truth
Whether I go on or never start
My flesh shows the deep scars
I wake at night shaking
I dream the worst things
My memories do not pass
No hope behind the veil
Into the abyss I've been cast

“Only pious people believe that hell is in a world beyond.”
― Ernst Wiechert

Crash

Smoke still rises from where I crashed

Angels take me from that burning place

I hear them all exalt the lord's miracles

But I'd not entered heaven, only sleep

Life passes in moments there in a flash

You long for home, but its been replaced

As the children sing their songs mythical

While you pass for the dead as you dream

So deeply dream

Long past the rising of the sun

Secrets there will never keep

For in the land of sleep

Everyone knows everything you've ever done

Linger in the perfumed land of leisure and silk

Or walk long in a pure white panorama

And you wonder what is the point

But you can't leave once you've begun

You've never died, but life is yet to be

I long for the taste 

But it will never be mine

So I sleep and dream until I can find 

Perfection and sympathy 

For the wounds caused by me