Return to Nothing

I rode
With the King’s companion cavalry
Across three continents
I saw battles with foes
Countless and fierce
I was wounded
Repeatedly
My armor pierced
But none of it injured me
None of it hurt
Nearly as much
As when you weren’t there
When I returned
I know you suffered
I know you couldn’t wait
When the Gods demanded
Your presence in Elysium
You had to come
It was an act of fate
But my love
I am here
And you are gone
And I am undone
And the toll of victory
Is more painful than all battles lost
The cost is worse
Than any gains
By battles won
I am alone
And the laurels they’d have me wear
Are bitter remnants
Of failure

Let Me Enter the Veil

Your beauty is surreal
And I am moved but I must relent
For it is coming
The gossamer mist
That closes the door
Kiss my lips then go
Shake me to my core

Escape through the veil
Run before I change my mind
Like every other time
As if I shouldn’t resist
So go before it arrives
Although I long for more

Let this moment be gone
As if never been
Let the torment begin
Again Again Again
I welcome the pain
I welcome the rain
Pouring down spit
Upon my remains

Because this is where it ends
I love you but if you are a dream
I cannot have you in this life
If only at night
If only when I sleep

So world let me go
Where I can sleep
Forever without waking
I don’t care how it happens
I don’t care what is taken
Just let me be released

Love take my hand then
Let me walk those gray lands
Where you are and I believe
That I’d give anything
To be with you including
This living flesh
My last breath
My being

JOIN OR DIE

Like flames that cannot be consumed
The revolution against the Empire
Grows indeed grows
The response is like fire
Every voice is fuel
Every sound is loud
The Empire is cruel
And our response is proud
This may be a last stand
You may sever our heads
But this is our land
And if we cannot live free
We’d rather be dead
Let the blood of the patriots
Baptize the land
Change every fate
Let our voices be found
Make it sacred
Human made
Holy ground

THE MESSENGER

Across a billion galaxies
And countless stars the warrior runs
For the wall approaches, the eater of all
The end is begun with epic blackness
Where nothing exists, where nothing resists
The wall is impenetrably void
And only one is aware and he runs
With the message to the worlds
Standing in the path of the end
For when the yarn is unspun
The worlds are undone
However many stand to die
The warrior is crying for the worlds
That have been lost to the wall
Darkness
Ever encroaching, so very near
The warrior cries but refuses to stop
For the message needs to be shared
To any who might hear

RUN AWAY

I never knew how hollow I could feel
Until you left my side
Now I can’t believe the emptiness
There’s nothing there
Any longer
How wrong it feels but I wasn’t deceived
I just had thought someday we’d build a life
Together make a plan, be more than this
And now there isn’t even that
I am so empty
Tears pound loudly down
In my heart there is a vacuum
In my mind there is no sound
Struck deaf by the pain
That you’ve left and gone
Because I saw the babies
In your eyes we’d have
But now you aren’t around
To see me smile, to hold my hand
To make love to me, to let me love you
To walk upon the beach, to run across the sands
You were my Queen of all I am
Now you are gone, and this is the end
For I lived to be with you and without your face
There’s nothing left but to pretend
Or run
Run away until my flesh turns gray
And someone finds me
And buries my fetid remains

In the Dragon Lair

“And there was war in heaven: Michael and his
angels fought against the dragon;
and the dragon fought and his angels,
And prevailed not; neither was their place
found any more in heaven.
And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent,
called the Devil,
and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world:
he was cast out into the earth,
and his angels were cast out with him.”

The Bible : Revelation 12:7-9

The blessed warriors
The slayers of the dragon,
And of his lesser dragons, long knew that
Someday he’d be reborn, in some new form
Beautiful perhaps, but foul nonetheless
And so New Earth, perfect, made by the true
Was to bleed anew, when the dragons of wrath
Birthed in this place, full of anger and so vile
Arose from their hellish ash
The fires of hell long cooled
But still embers cook
In the Dragon Lair

New Earth Diary
Book I: Born of Fire

Señora de la madera, mi corazón está roto por el toque

We laid in splendor
Held in the other’s arms
In the days we spent
I never ever thought
We’d be apart
Now we are
And there is nothing
Only the silence
Of my thoughts
And rain
Tears falling
And pain
Hands wringing
No children singing
No miracles
Just an old man thinking
How he’d rather be gone
We used to be young
Our love was wild
And then you left
I cannot get up
From falling down
And won’t
I will make this ground
My death bed
And won’t move
Death won’t take long
And then I can sleep
Forever
Without you
Not even
In my dreams

PAINTED BLACK

I shivered the moment I saw you
I knew something was different
I could see it in your spirit
So beautiful, so true
In your eyes I saw children
Our souls entwined would create
My desire for you was not lust
But a committment to a belief
That our life together was destiny
We’d build a legacy
Of love, of hope, and trust
But it never happened
No children
No moments forever
To remember
And I am left
Alone, as ever
For I refuse to accept
What I am left
Rather than what
I should have had
Farewell
Farewell
My heart will be painted
Black

Burn

screaming answers
that burn like fire
filled with cancers
of society’s desires
we are the youth
without birth
we are the ones
who bear the cross
of the burdens
of those never
begun
burn in us
burn in us
like a storm
raging out of control
with flame instead of rain
burn in us
our veins bear your mark
we are the ones
who bear your message
burn in us
brand my heart
burn
let it burn
and may our ash
be the gentle ground
for a new world
at last
we will be done
and returned
to where this
was begun

Emptied Within

Cannot count the tears
Pouring in endless
Streams
Can’t count the fears
Of being left
For dead
Unredeemed
What did I do
What could I do
But what I did?
You wanted more
Than I could give
You needed more
Now I am emptied
Within
For you
I gave everything
And then you left me
For the want of more
But I was emptied
And there is nothing left
To give
To give
But I forgave
Because love doesn’t keep score
But you are still gone
And there is no comfort
From that closed door
Now the solitude
Humbles my hopes
For there is no sanctuary
In loneliness
And again I wonder
Why you left
And still I wonder
What did I do
My hopes are gone
They left with you

You are my Quest

My heart is stained
More red than crimson
My eyes are tired
From crying before
The morning sun
Nothing I can say
That I haven’t said before
Not a lot to do
That hasn’t all been done
When it is about love
I don’t keep score
When it is about love
I don’t care if you hide or run
If I love you it is all I am
If you love me
Let it be begun
This life is meaningless
Without you
Away from you
There’s only doubt
With you I am complete
And I promise to you
I will give you a love
Sacred
I will be devout
Filled with desire
Hope and forgiveness
And faithful throughout
For your love is redemption
And love is all there is

SINCE YOU WENT AWAY

Telling me a joke
May make me seem elated
I tell everyone who asks
I am so happy
And I refuse to act as if I’m down
But the truth is out there waiting
To make the lie well known
Since you’ve been gone
There is nothing worth doing
There is nothing worth being
And you haven’t been gone long
These wounds won’t heal
And there is nothing, nothing
That can make me feel
As if life is worth living
Because you were all
And that is enough
For me
Streaming tears remind me
It isn’t going to change
Without you here
My life is empty
Without you near
I can’t turn a page
Because you were all
And that was enough
For me

Spent a year thinking

I spent the last year thinking
And I am still unsure
How it could have happened to me
My heart was never so certain
And then you left
And unloved me
Unneeded me
Unwanted me
Took my heart with you
That I'd given freely
And now I have nothing
And you are gone

Iberian Fire

Crimson red the flag was
Standing atop the hill
The Loyalists to the Republic
Waited for the blood to spill
When the Monarchists
And their allies of fate
Along side of the butchers
Collaborators against the state
From Fascist regimes
The German Condor Legion
The Italian force
Corpo Truppe Volontarie
Poured into the valley
Supported by planes
Bombing the innocent
Destroying
Iberia enflamed
The terror of the war
Came not from the battle
But from the hatreds exposed
Between ideologies
Between neighbors
Between modernity
And the ancient regimes
Many fought for a cause
Some were forced to fight
In the end war would go on
And the land and people
Bled until white

Never Let Me Go

Never let me go
Never let me go
I pray you never let me go
Please
You moved me
You saved me
You made me dream
I found serenity
In your arms
When I sleep
I see you there
Dancing atop the sky
Playing amongst the stars
My heart is full with you
I saw happiness
Because you loved me
I long to be held
Forever now
Into eternity
In your arms
So comforting
I pray you find me too
The way I want you
Being moved by me
Afire with my charms
You are all I desire
You create my inner fire
I become alive
Never growing tired
Because you love me
I certainly
Search for you
Whenever I sleep
In your embrace I dream
Even in my sleeping hours
I desire you
You are graceful
You possess divinity
I long for you
Every second
Every minute
Every hour

Le Paris Métro

Read a poetry book by E. Pound
Smoked two packs of cigarettes
Drank a pot of coffee with cream
Early May 1988 Le Paris Métro
Waiting for her in the noisy station
Coffee to stay awake
While sitting slumped in a chair
A nearly empty cafe
I knew she’d never come but
Still I waited until the gates were closed
And the cleaning staff with brooms
Pushed me out
No matter that I’d waited
No matter that I’d been the one
She said that she loved me
But it wasn’t true
I spent a lifetime waiting
I spent a lifetime praying
For her to be mine
I did everything I was asked
Jumped through every hoop
Short of suicide
Gave her every ounce
Still she didn’t love me
I was so tired
If I’d said I loved her
It wouldn’t matter in the end
All there was, was heartache
From dreams I could no longer have
Not allowed
Any more
Never again
Because I loved her
And she was too proud
To ever love another
So
What was the point of trying
You end up tossed aside
Laying upon the floor
Dying from lack of love
Crying from lack of love
The end was begun
For without her
Loving me
I was done

Spider

The poison within
Infection begins
Starting from the site
From where the two collide
You never thought of me
How your love would strike
Weakening my resolve
The devastation bleeds me white
You never think
When you are about to hurt
You never care
That you make my life worse
This world is cold
Your love is never kind
Selfishly hunt for more
Destroying hearts like mine
You consume me
You drive my faith to despair
You create disillusion
As you pull me into your lair

NOT A ROOM FULL OF GOLD AND TREASURE

Not a room full of gold and treasure
Not one hundred slaves at your ready
To bring you pleasure
Not silks and furs and pillows of down
For your total leisure
Are worthy of your presence
Your being is kissed softly
By perfumes and scents
But they do not add to your beauty
For perfect is infinite
You are that and so much more
Angel of the desert
Rose of the garden
Flower of my soul
I am not worthy of you
When you smile
Doves fly above the desert
In wild exultation
When you cry
Ravens call from dying trees
And in all the world
Dreams die
That you might love me
Gives me wings
Able to be wild
Rather than tamed
That you might call my name
Gives me hope
The kind about that angels sing
The kind that lets my heart rise up
Instead of being lamed
By my being
So unworthy
The hope of you alone
Redeems me
Fully
Completely

A Raven Flies Towards Glastonbury Tor

A raven flies quickly
Adjacent to a storm
That gathers, so darkly
Over Glastonbury Tor
The site where Arthur was laid
Next to Gwenifar
His queen in death
Lover in life
They sleep still
Though hidden elsewhere
For the day when
Arthur will breathe
Air born
Of Albion’s sky
The raven knows
To go to the Abbey
Standing in memory
Upon a hill
Covered in mist
So beautiful
Looking like an island
That some called
Avalon

Read more Arthurian Legend @

Excalibur, Song of Albion

Held by the Lady of the Lake
Awaiting the king
The son of Uther
No doubt of king ship
Would remain
Made of ancient forge
By the elders of the Fae
Who knew there would be a day
When the race of man
Would need a king
And the King’s hand
A King’s sword
Qu'il avoit cainte Escalibor,
la meillor espee qui fust,
qu'ele trenche fer come fust"
Excalibur
Sword of Kings
King Arthur
Lord over men
Albion sings
For Arthur’s hand
Holding the sword
Excalibur
Albion
Arthur’s land
Will answer
Will rise
When Arthur calls
Again

Find more Arthurian Legend @

sands and time

Relentless
The seconds go by
Lost to our touch
Inexorable
They flee so quickly
Forever they go
Time marches
Continuously
Without forgiveness
Without reuse
Seconds of time
Scream
Are like grains of sand
Flowing and fleeting
Far beyond our reach
And their passing
Leaves us
Older
Aged
Vanquished
Defeated
Until there is no time

It stands in Rub' al Khali

A plume of sand raises and twists
In the midst of the Rub' al Khali
Where nothing except nothing exists
The winds of desert carry dust
And the heat sucks air from lungs
Nothing living can survive there
Where the bleak landscape drowns life
No faerie songs are sung
The only sound that thrives
Is that of blowing sands and wind
And blazing heat
No life can be wrung
From a land selfishly dry
Selfishly hot
In the center of nothing
Where life is prohibited by the waste
Stands a tall citadel and structure
Made entirely of gold
The halls luxurious with fibers
Untrodden by feet with shoes
The walls decorated with tapestries
Made of silk and gold and perfect hues
No one knows who made it
The knowledge solely possessed by eternity
It stands where life shouldn’t be
And offers succor to the weak

Chapter One

"Come, come, whoever you are.
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving — it doesn't matter,
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow a hundred times,
Come, come again, come."

Rumi

Hope is Gossamer Thin

I was with you in the abyss
When you fought demon hordes
I was with you in the midst
Of the celestial wars
And you slept to recover
I was there too
Distant yes
But still your lover
From the start
I spoke your name
But you simply heard words
Before you woke
From the deepest sleep
I swam in the oceans of your dreams
I lingered in the echoes of your heart
I saw the hope so far off
The broken shell
That held you tight
Opened now and shattered
From the light
You screamed silently
For someone to help
And opened your eyes
Reluctantly
Quietly
From your hell
Your life begins
As mine ends
At the edge of darkness
Where the light is faint
And your heart mends
The ones who dance in the distance
Who charm you and desire your fall
Are reasons enough to go on
For hope is ethereal
Hope is gossamer thin
But beauty is more
Than some desire within
It is real
It exists
To offer you hope
So go on and live
While it is my turn
To enter the mist
Of the gray lands
Of sleep

The glass is broken

The breath of the dead
Lingers in the echoes
Of the moments they lost
Frozen in time
The glass was broken
The blood poured in
From outside walls
Seething in sin
The bugs crawled
With their foul descent
Across the skin
Seeking the heat that laid
Deeply within
Diseased and vulgar
Screaming nightmares
Alive to life
Hiding in view
Without invite
My skin is crawling
Towards the vein
My memories are fading
I might live
Again

Street

Old or young they lay
Healthy or diseased
They have nothing
No home, no backyard
The streets are not home
The street is cold and hard


Those without homes sleep
On streets unswept, they go undreaming
Cold and hungry
No money or hope
The streets are unforgiving
But humans are more so


Concrete and asphalt
Tar and steel rods
The streets are unmoved
By pleas or prayers
To men or gods
They exist because they are


The dreams of a hungry child
If realized would not be large
Filled with hope and fulfillment
Covered in happiness
And joyful hearts
But the streets are unmoved

BELLEAU WOOD

In the Belleau Wood an angel sobs
Surrounded by trees and wildlife
She sits at a shrine
Remembering the lives
No longer here already gone
The legacies that faded
Around some point of anger
Broken trees and bodies tossed
Into the air
In a battle fought by tribes
Over land and emotions
Over anger without reason
At such a cost
The trees were shattered
Lives were scattered
In a war like others
In the end what matters
Nothing now,
To the bodies buried
Under trees and moss
But for the trees still standing
And the soldier families
They remember the lost

Account of the battle
The battlefield today

Yesterday I was Dead

My love, I am alive,
Because you cared for me
I was buried dead,
Read rites,
Planted and covered
You, reached within,
Offered up your heart to me
Gave me hope,
Gave me life, like no other
You make me reach the sun
So here am I, on my knees
Begging you to let me in
To your life, forever
Together
You don’t realize what you’ve done
Take my hand, take my heart
Together we will be
Alive to world
Alive to love
You redeemed this life
You offered me hope
And now I am found
Instead of lost
Let’s finish what we’ve begun
Together


“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
Roy Croft

I Was Lost

I served in the royal bodyguard
She was the daughter
Of the highest of high
The Shahenshah
She was so beautiful
I couldn’t bear being
Near her, without her
Holding her and devouring
Her kisses her lips
Melting my spirit
Embracing the love
That would occur
So I rode from the glory that was Persia
To distant lands



My steps took me to the India
Through the rivers where Alexander rode
His cavalry into enemy spears
Victoriously
Through these strange lands
Filled with people
Full of despair and hope
Heat and exotic things
In multitude of languages
I could never understand
Naked men praying
Wise men in robes
Singing and swaying
Though holy, they could not heal
My heart still burned
Though I never revealed its wounds



I served for a time
As a mercenary for various lords
And spent a tour in Bhutan
Where the dragons live
Mountainous lands
Beautiful and peaceful
Serene and hopeful
Truly blessed by the dragons
A blessed reign
I served defending the throne
Against bandits
From distant plains
But grew weary
For I still remembered
What I could not have



So for moment in my life
I took down my sword
Packed my armor
And pursued the Buddha
In Angkor Wat
Where the mysterious unravels
Inside the mind
And I sought to reject my flesh
Reject my living thoughts
Replace them with serenity
Free myself of this world
Of thoughts of her
But years passed slowly
The world still turned
And inside my heart
I still burned
For her



I took up the sword again
And left the lessons behind
And served a leader of Chung Kuo
We call it China,
They called it the Middle Kingdom
We watched as the rivers rose
And the people fought together
As nature took its toll
But they also sought freedom
And that was my hardest task
Enemies from the reaches
I can move against
But the people of the land?
The demands of the Emperor
I follow
But doubt sways my hand

I longed for more
Since my memories lingered
In the arms of a woman in Persia
Gloriously beautiful Persia
But in comparison to her eyes
A dark, ugly place of sorrow



I left Chung Kuo on a northern ride
And joined the horse warriors
Of the Khan
Small horses
Rode by squat warriors
Freely vulgar
Who lived in squalor
But possessed riches
They’d ridden the reach
From far Japan to Rome
And now their country
Was small, but they possessed
The ability to act
Quickly, swiftly they rode wild
Living by hunger, action and thirst
If any tribe were to lead
Theirs would have to be amongst the first



I’d aged 5 years in my journeys
And I learned about myself
About my hopes and fears
But there was too much left
Inside my heart
Even if I freed my mind

I took work as a crewman
On a trader ship
That had to stop in Japan
I can speak to its beauty
I can tell you it is unique
But for the most part
It was unfathomed
Impossibly insular
With warriors and peasants
Laws and peculiar views




When the ship left
We spent months
At the sea
But finally we returned
To the beauty of Persia
And I faced my sorrows and fears
The high one was still in power
And I offered my sword
In fealty
Whatever the cost
Still bowing
I heard a sweet voice
Welcoming me home
She said
Through tears
She thought I had been lost

The Legionnaire didn't celebrate Samhain

Every Autumn the Celts
Wild and superstitious to a one
Call the dead to the living world
In a ceremony and celebration
Called the Samhain
But our Legions have fought
For so long
We are not afraid
They build fires and walk between
Bonfires to call the dead
But we do the same
But burn their villages instead
The Icenii and others
Seek to rebel against our hand
But they cannot realize
How futile and foolish it is
This place is now
Caesar’s lands
They call out the dead
And dance and sing
But we will never leave
No matter what the fools
Believe

Pity the Boatman

There are those who dwell
In the darkness by caste
In the depths of sorrow
By decision
Some by choices in haste
Some by indecision
Some with lives forgone
And they end being forfeit
So have pity upon him
Have pity for Charon
Master of the boat
Across the rivers
Of Hell
Styx, Phlegethon,
Acheron, and Cocytus
For his work is endless
His work is unwelcome
Bringing souls from the living
Through the sleep of damned
To the fires of Hades
Where the souls
Can be tortured
Be burned eternally
Pity the poor Charon
The boatman’s job is toil
For which he is hated
We keep feeding the lands
Of eternal lakes of fire
The gates of Hell are firm
The fire-born lakes burn hot
None enter without Charon
But they must somehow
But the rivers are swift
And destroy without killing
Consume without hunger
For death is forbidden
And sleep is gone
All that exists is pain
Charon escorts the newly dead
To a place they will never leave
And only pray to die
Instead

Sorrow Tree

You cannot make me cry
Because there are no tears for you
(Any longer)
You didn’t leave me alone
I wasn’t left to die
You just went your way
and I lost my place
(in your life)
I’ve never been stronger
(Being with you, next to you)
Left to die alone again
I can stand and be myself, again
(Nothing then, nothing still)
Why worry, there is nothing to fear
(Loneliness, emptiness, isolation, tears)
I will sit in a tree
Climb to the highest tree branch
Sit there upon my perch
Look down on the world
Like it looked down on me
I took my chance
Gave it a whirl
And now am waiting to be
Taken up and away
Gone from this place
That wounded me
Sitting in this sorrow tree

Fætus Tunnel

Desperate
Relentless
Fetus reaching
Trying to enter
Attempting to follow
Driven and empty
Hollow shell dark
The tunnel goes
To nowhere
Vainly lit
Against the abyss
That pulls it forth
From the world
Of light
Falling through
A black vacuous place
To land upon
Some unsolid ground
And taste the earth
Beneath the feet
Of a child
Newborn to the world
As the vapors
Of eternity swirl
Wildly tempting
Wildly driving
All
Entering the tribe
As an unequal
Knowing one must
Kill or die
A man stands up
Ready to live
Dying of thirst
Ready to feed
Rather than reenter
The tunnel
From his mother
Earth
Or from within
His soul
Who gave him birth

Eternity's Garden

She dances there
And sings
As she prances upon the top
Of eternity’s gardens
Covered in glowing light
From the sun
A faerie with beautiful wings
They are gossamer
Woven of the cosmos
Her spirit is divinity
And no one who sees her
Could ever doubt her joy
The gardens are full
Of flowers reaching up
To meet the sun
With their face
A joyful taste
A sweet embrace
Eternity is glorious
And we can only dream
Of the chance
To dance
With the faeries there
When we sleep

NUMBED

This despair I have
Never relents
For when something is good
Something else
Replenishes
The pool of sorrow
Remains so deep and full
I linger
Where I can never escape
I’ve been offered means
But they are not good
They replace one pain
With another
Sometimes I wonder
If it woudn’t be easier
To just stop thinking
About everything

"Walter Freeman lifted the patient's eyelid and inserted an ice pick-like instrument called a leucotome through a tear duct. A few taps with a surgical hammer breached the bone. Freeman took a position behind the patient's head, pushed the leucotome about an inch and a half into the frontal lobe of the patient's brain, and moved the sharp tip back and forth. Then he repeated the process with the other eye socket."

“Analysis is like a lobotomy. Who wants to have all their edges shaved off?” David Byrne

They Stood

They stood
Waiting, polishing armor, and watching
They could hear the Persian Immortals marching
They could feel the earth shaking at the approach
The drums of the invaders could be heard
Thousands of men moving, past the pass remote
Thermopylae the Hot Gates of Heracles
The tribes of man collide
Standing at the pass
Barring forward progress
300 armored men
Naked flesh and bronze
Stood against the tide
With allies in the rear
The Spartans took the field
And stood against the flow
Of 10,000 Persian Immortals
And more than 200,000 others
3 days they stood and fought
3 days before they died
The Spartans stood
What was taken was flesh
What remains is still alive

We Broke Jesus

Christ’s body broken
For you
Christ’s blood shed
For you
Innocents die violently
For you
Children die silently
For you
Broken Jesus
On the battle field
Broken by the horrors
That attend to combat
We cannot exit that door
That leads to peace
We are unable
To escape the violence
We are unwilling
To hide the scars
We are broken
To change
Our nature is the beast
Down to the core
We are violent
And hurtful
We are human
We are animals
Blessed with brains
Cursed by love of war
We broke Jesus
We drank his blood
Our tribe is deadly
Cannibalistic
Bleeding Christ white
His body broken for us
His blood shed
For our delight