Renew

I see you
Waiting
For me to make the move
To renew
Take my hand
Let me be yours
Again
Let us begin
Again
For this love within
My heart
Remains
Once as one
Always as one
Let us renew
The love that sleeps
But lightly
For it still burns
Its embers glow
And you hold the key
To making me
A bonfire
Burning brightly

Mi amor

I long to hold you
To kiss you
To smell of your perfume
To touch your lips so sweet
To gaze into your eyes
Mi amor
Te quiero a ti
I long to be with you
Forever
Without end
The joy for me
Upon this earth
Multiplied
To infinity
With you
We rehearse for everlong
Every night we are together
Going until the birth
Of the morning
Forever
I long to be with you
You delight my soul
You lighten my heart
Give me purpose
In my being
You break the curse
Of mourning
You scare away the pain
With the beauty
Of your spirit
Sorrow fleeing
Because of you
Only you

Asked I answered

She asked if I loved her still
I said how should I know
I wasn't allowed to do that
That seed could never grow
And yet
Deep inside my heart
That seed reaches out
And fills my soul
It doesn't matter
What went before
It doesn't matter
Where I am now
The heart knows
And the love grows
No matter
What I do
Something deep inside
Still loves
Still knows
Still is alive
No matter
What I do
So I should answer
Yes
But I know
It will hurt
So I stammer
Look at my shoes
Through tear stained eyes
Exclaim
I don't know
But I do
I do

Burning inside, Burning

So what
What if I love her
She isn't ready to be
Loved by someone
Someone like me
My heart is becoming fragile
And my chest hurts
So hard to breathe
How many tears
Must pour down my face
How many years must I pray
For a simple embrace
To kiss her lips
Just one taste
To see her loving me
What cost haven't I paid
She doesn't love me
And won't
I know its true
But I pray anyway
Knowing
That
Knowing that
Knowing that
I fail

Falling down without you

Sleeping
In the door frame
Waiting
Gone down
Fallen and broken
So many dreams
Unspoken
Gone away
When you leave
Again
I remain
But you
make me believe again
Every time I see you
Or hear your voice
Undone again
Gone again
I remain
Needing you
More than ever before
I remain
but
You are gone again
Cold early winter
Wind and rain
Couldn't make me colder
Than my heart feels
All I have left
Is dreams of you
But without you
I feel so much older
And forever is so far away
No one knows
How much I gave
But now
I am too far away
To ever be saved
Because you came
And went away
Again

Saved

You saved me
In my abject brokenness
You found me
Tore me from my addiction
To the pain
My heart was unmade
Broken in two forever
So hard to be healed
But able to be saved
You healed me
With your hands and lips and body
You loved me
Redeemed my soul from the pain
Brought rain to my desert
You brought joy to my soul
Severed the last links
To the one who made me insane
With you
My healing had begun
And you came to me
Pursued me for I ran
And you saved me
For I had finally come undone
From the years of holding
The broken pieces of my heart
In my hands
Out of sight
Ashamed
Hidden from view
I was lost
Until the moment
I found you

When the mist parts, she will see me walking

I acquiesced to the fate
That we'd meet
Even if I should be
Unworthy
I trusted somehow
That we'd be together
And I was right
I loved her since I was created
I knew her
I knew she existed
Inside my being
And when she was mine
There was no other time
That I could have been
So happy
To be
And now my life
Is nearly over
Infused with sorrow over
Endings
Final days
But glad to be
Ready to meet her
In the ever after
Where she remains
Waiting for me
Behind the mists
Of ever

two and one

there isn't a path to follow
there isn't a book to learn
Love is the answer
to every question
to every situation
there is nothing to earn
nothing to be aware of
it is not lust
not desire
if you begin with love
and endeavor
your heart will burn
forever fire
towards the other
where two become one
together

She is glorious

I would give my being
Everything
I own
To be hers
To be the one
That she loves
Let it be
Let me sing
Her praises
She is glorious
She is amazing
And she is just
Out of reach
I need her
I need her
I beseech God above
To be the one
She loves
But there is no answer
From God or her
And I wait
Forever
Until I know
Like a burning cancer
The question is unanswered
And I wait
Until ever
For her

I love her

I hold your hand
I kiss your lips
I find you in these mists
You extend your soul
I extend my being
And we become whole
You are mine
I am yours
In the midst
Of life's sorrow
I grieve yes
But there is with you
Tomorrow
You make me
Whole
I love you
And we will grow
Become one
We've begun
Let us hold
One another
Until there is no night
Left in the sky
No tears
Left to cry

Inside I am aware

Too much going on
Too little going in
Too far from home
Standing alone
Hope is still alive
But strength is gone
Undone
By love for another
And left behind
For the wolves
I rise
But there is so little time
To get back
To my sanctuary
Of my mind

Soul sometimes

Being in your control
Had a cost
You stained my soul
Tattooed my face
With your name
Branded me
With your embrace
Took control
Of all my wits
And thoughts
Every movement of my mind
And without shame
I return to your arms
You own my soul
Sometimes
Despite me

Extraction

Remove my heart with a single movement
Remove my soul with a breath
Leave no room for error
I am made of flaw
I have nothing left
Your ways left me
Emptied
Your love leaves me feeling
Shamed
Your words cut me
Down
I've only myself to blame
For I allowed my self to hope
When hope had already gone
Toss my heart into the flames
Leave nothing behind
Extract my soul with a slight twist
And leave me
Crashing
Completely drained
Hang me up
By my wrists
And let me bleed

From Spark to Flame

To love you
My heart must risk
My soul must brace
To be forbidden
To embrace
Your being
I long for you
I long to taste
My soul begins to weary
From the pursuit
But from hope
I continue
For your form
Is grace
For your lips
Divine
Your face
Is proof
Of perfection
As the taste of
The finest wine
As the scent of
Perfect perfumes
I long to be
In your embrace
Within your
Private rooms
Of your secret garden
Of your gentle whims
Of your fire
Of your scent
To taste of your soul
In my mouth
And being
I cannot relent
In this chase

inspired by Rumi

WHEN SHE

I loved her and knew
There was only love in my heart when I saw her
And she showed me that it wasn’t enough
For so long I suffered
Without her
And now alone
I still see her
And step behind the veil
So that I could see
Through eternity
And wait


“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for
you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally
meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.”

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred
veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to
take a step without feet.”

Jalal ad-Din Rumi

The Gamble

I don’t know that you love me
Even if you say so,
Almost all the time
You’ve never shown me
It’s not enough
For me to decide
Not enough
To go all in
To take the chips and let it ride
If you love me
Its a gamble
If I lose
I break inside
I don’t know
That you love me
I don’t know
From what you do
All I know
Is that I love you
Its a gamble
That’s the truth
So give me hope somehow
Let me see
Let me take a chance with hope
My chips are down
I’ve a weak hand
I have to say
It looks bad
So let me see
Why I shouldn’t fold
And walk away

Let me be an offering to you

To move amongst the stars
To fly in the sky of clouds
To dream when awake
To reach far away
To do more
Than what is allowed
To be for being’s sake
I long to be renewed
Gently pray
To find the truth
Let me be a flame
Let me be consumed
Upon an altar to you
Let my ash and scent lift high
Let me be an incense
A beautiful perfume
That brings you joy
That allows me hope
That makes you love anew
That this world can live
Apart from strife
Be redeemed
Be birthed entirely through
The sacrifice of my life
To be an offering to you

Vanilla scent

Walking in a decade of winter
I smelled the scent
Of an orchid, that produced
Vanilla fruit
A perfume
I was moved to tears
For it woke my senses
As never before
I walked further and saw tracks
Of a fox, on a desert floor
I followed until it changed shape
Took upon itself
Another form
I was confused
Filled with a rush
Of sensual overload
And saw before me
A being
So unique
I cannot describe
But I tried to speak
But she said hush
My love
Hush
And laid before me
So beautiful
Full of grace
And glory

How can one...?

If you've had the finest vintage
Drank from the perfect glass
Enjoyed the most divine wine
How can you return
To water
And pretend it is good

Hollowed by the Pain

I loved a Princess
Her golden hair and perfect eyes
Called me from my slumber
From my dreams
For here she was, so golden and perfect
And I was there, so tired and burdened
I could not lift a hand to call to her
She called me with her voice
Again and again
But I could not reply
It was not a choice
It was a debt of honor one makes
To carry a banner of the queen
To so is a privilege not a curse
To desire another would not do
And to leave would make things worse
I burn in the memory of that debt
For it can not be paid
And I am filled with regret
Forever since
My heart wounded
And the ravens call me
Through the cold rain
For my soul died a little
And they see through
My being
For I am hollowed from the pain