Wings broken

The winds blow against me
I am kept still
These wings do not lift
They are broken and weak
I am shattered
Unfulfilled
Take my prayers and keep them
When my time comes
I’ll be ready to leave
For I am aware of the cost
And the moment I calculate
What I’ve paid
For the opportunity I’ve had
It is far too expensive
I am waiting
Pensive and broken
Nothing able to satiate
The need for relief
Nothing able to shake
The desire
To be out of pain
To be done with this body
So much unspoken fear
So many years of anguish
Let it rain
Let the tears pour down
All around me
Surround me
Upon the ground
Screaming
Out
Still no doubt
Am I reaching out
Will I ever be found
Is someone searching
For me
Or am I abandoned
To my personal fate
My own oblivion

Black Hole

So cold and alone
In this vacant space
Where you used to live
Within my embrace
I loved you deeply
Beyond my measure
And then you left
There is nothing
Bereft of love
There is only emptiness
There is something
I guess
A black hole
Where my heart was
Yes that's it
A black hole
I've been consumed
My soul devoured
Since you left me alone
There is nothing worth having
Nothing worth doing
This sorrow has taken control

Decayed flesh and DNA

The moment of birth
Just the beginning
Life is decay
Filled with sorrow
There is only dust here
But for this flesh of clay
The twisting
Of our words
Of our flesh as it hangs
Upon the tree
The wind blows us
From side to side
Nothing to grieve
Nothing left to say
But that our lives
Were not meant to be this way
Not meant to end this way
We all must die
But we should live
Before
Rather than erode
With this decay
Let others spin
In the abyss
Let them sort out
My decay
Let them fall through
The bottom floor
Rooted in my failure
Added to the pile
Every living day
Let them drown in the
Spirals of my DNA
I would rather resist
And exist
Without this betrayal
That ends this life

Inspection

Dissection of my whole
My body is putrified
By sadness
Wounded
With an infection
Of my soul
I stare in apt reflection
Lost in the gaze
Of the abyss
Fully aware
Of my descent into
The sorrow
I cannot erase
The memories
Of my loss
I can almost taste
The bleeding
Within

Je ne peux plus l'amour

You have hurt me
You have torn me so
Wounded my soul
Thrown me to the winds
Made my heart so cold
I am the one
Who must recover
From this
Never again can I
Be someone's lover
Never again will I kiss
I am undone by you
You have gripped my being
My spirit has burned through
Your words the match
Your love the gasoline
Answers to my questions
I will never receive
You never loved me
But I always believed
And now it is over
My heart beats
Aching the sound of thunder
I can barely breathe
I am torn asunder
Thrown into the breeze
Cast into the sea
I am no longer alive
I simply survive

The Tower in the desert

An alluring vision
So unique
In the depths of night
Walks alone
Under darkest reach
Of African sands
Before her
The tower stands
It showers its mystique
Upon the surrounding land
Baptized in blood
Of the sentries
Who defend against
The invader wave
Riding camels
And Arabian horse
Led by a prophet
The horde a beast
Killing
Slaughtering
The adult men
And enslaving the rest
To sell for gold and silver
And precious gems
Forbidding them life
Outside of another’s control
They toiled
Until death
No matter
The worth
Of their life and soul
The Tower stands
Remembers
All of the loss
For the love of gold
She walks away from it
Refusing to enter
The Tower is empty
The toll is a memory
That haunts
Forever

I dreamt

My eyes burned
I shed tears of disbelief
I dreamt there was an ancient place
Growing up amongst the modern
A necropolis and temple
Built amidst the new
And forgotten
For the people did not care
To know themselves
They did not want
To face their fate
They went about their lives
Nothing could stop them
From pursuing things
That cause rot
That cause death
Without knowing
Without caring
They celebrated
The dead
And worshiped its offerings
Whilst giving away their existence
Without knowing
Without caring
They simply
Exist
Filling the city
Like vile pus
In an abscess
They obey
Only threat
And fear
And pleasure
While they waste
Their only treasure
Life

Burning tears

Beneath the new sun of the morning
The scars of yesterday might fade
But the tears on my face
Burned anew every night
Will be visible forever
Staining my skin
With salt and trails
Never loved
Never held
In sweet embrace
I’ll exist
And be gone
Without a trace
I am a haunting
I am a grave
Covered with skin
I am empty
Within
I am a vacuum
Filled with sin
There is nothing
But my soul
Painted black
Bleeding sorrow
As with every mood
The dark has control
And there is nothing
To console me
For there is nothing
But the trails of tears
That sting with salt
And water

To Be In This Masquerade

Until forever comes
I am waiting
I long for her
Endlessly
My thirst unsaited
I long to kiss her
To hold her
To be with her
In the tall grass
To be in her presence
To be awash in her scent
To revel in her being
I long to be drenched
In her kisses
That pour from her soul
She is exquisite
Perfectly made
Who am I to ask
To be with her
Who am I to be a party
To such a grand masquerade
Where our flesh is mask to our soul
I am no one, no one at all
Just a man who burns
And knows to answer the call
Deep inside my being
For when I see her
I am made whole

Howl to the Furthest Horizon

Howl into the winter wind
The sound carries
And the frozen world
Echoes the wail
Your pack is gone
Chased into the distance
To the furthest horizon
Where the winter sun
Doesn’t rise
And you long
For the others
In your tribe
But fates are not kind
And the path is
So very far to go
And the world
Around you
Swirls
With the wind
Your voice echoes
Bouncing upon the snow
Covered hills
Alone
For you are
Without your kind
Alone in winter
Where is your tribe
They cannot hear you
Their path blanketed
By the snow
Your howls
Are unheard
And the sorrow sounds
All your own

Wordless Despair

 
Say not a word and make no sound be still
In this moment affections become unheard
As I bleed upon the ground and struggle
Give birth to the torment, in a hostile world
If we are allowed to live at the mercy of existence
Too proud to give an ounce of hope, resistance
Let us in our world be born, let our hope be scorned
Let blessings be poured upon the ground, in sorrow
Through hands more like a sieve, twisted whispers
Aimed at deaf ears begged for hope or to be forgiven
It doesn’t matter at all, the way forward isn’t clear
Existence is our only offering, but given destiny
We must reject fate, we look up to the stars
A new sun has arisen but life offers nothing
but constant need, but hope in the distance
Far from the horizon we've no warmth
Light of a distant sun born every day
Arrives to this dark planet huddled in fright
My chains of sin are worn like a cloak
A cloak covering me, weighing me down
With words of prayer from my throat choked
For some hope to escape the eternal night
In our beating hearts

I Was Lost

I served in the royal bodyguard
She was the daughter
Of the highest of high
The Shahenshah
She was so beautiful
I couldn’t bear being
Near her, without her
Holding her and devouring
Her kisses her lips
Melting my spirit
Embracing the love
That would occur
So I rode from the glory that was Persia
To distant lands



My steps took me to the India
Through the rivers where Alexander rode
His cavalry into enemy spears
Victoriously
Through these strange lands
Filled with people
Full of despair and hope
Heat and exotic things
In multitude of languages
I could never understand
Naked men praying
Wise men in robes
Singing and swaying
Though holy, they could not heal
My heart still burned
Though I never revealed its wounds



I served for a time
As a mercenary for various lords
And spent a tour in Bhutan
Where the dragons live
Mountainous lands
Beautiful and peaceful
Serene and hopeful
Truly blessed by the dragons
A blessed reign
I served defending the throne
Against bandits
From distant plains
But grew weary
For I still remembered
What I could not have



So for moment in my life
I took down my sword
Packed my armor
And pursued the Buddha
In Angkor Wat
Where the mysterious unravels
Inside the mind
And I sought to reject my flesh
Reject my living thoughts
Replace them with serenity
Free myself of this world
Of thoughts of her
But years passed slowly
The world still turned
And inside my heart
I still burned
For her



I took up the sword again
And left the lessons behind
And served a leader of Chung Kuo
We call it China,
They called it the Middle Kingdom
We watched as the rivers rose
And the people fought together
As nature took its toll
But they also sought freedom
And that was my hardest task
Enemies from the reaches
I can move against
But the people of the land?
The demands of the Emperor
I follow
But doubt sways my hand

I longed for more
Since my memories lingered
In the arms of a woman in Persia
Gloriously beautiful Persia
But in comparison to her eyes
A dark, ugly place of sorrow



I left Chung Kuo on a northern ride
And joined the horse warriors
Of the Khan
Small horses
Rode by squat warriors
Freely vulgar
Who lived in squalor
But possessed riches
They’d ridden the reach
From far Japan to Rome
And now their country
Was small, but they possessed
The ability to act
Quickly, swiftly they rode wild
Living by hunger, action and thirst
If any tribe were to lead
Theirs would have to be amongst the first



I’d aged 5 years in my journeys
And I learned about myself
About my hopes and fears
But there was too much left
Inside my heart
Even if I freed my mind

I took work as a crewman
On a trader ship
That had to stop in Japan
I can speak to its beauty
I can tell you it is unique
But for the most part
It was unfathomed
Impossibly insular
With warriors and peasants
Laws and peculiar views




When the ship left
We spent months
At the sea
But finally we returned
To the beauty of Persia
And I faced my sorrows and fears
The high one was still in power
And I offered my sword
In fealty
Whatever the cost
Still bowing
I heard a sweet voice
Welcoming me home
She said
Through tears
She thought I had been lost

Sorrow Tree

You cannot make me cry
Because there are no tears for you
(Any longer)
You didn’t leave me alone
I wasn’t left to die
You just went your way
and I lost my place
(in your life)
I’ve never been stronger
(Being with you, next to you)
Left to die alone again
I can stand and be myself, again
(Nothing then, nothing still)
Why worry, there is nothing to fear
(Loneliness, emptiness, isolation, tears)
I will sit in a tree
Climb to the highest tree branch
Sit there upon my perch
Look down on the world
Like it looked down on me
I took my chance
Gave it a whirl
And now am waiting to be
Taken up and away
Gone from this place
That wounded me
Sitting in this sorrow tree

Not my friend, not my lover

“For the poison of hatred seated near the heart doubles the burden for the one who suffers the disease; he is burdened with his own sorrow, and groans on seeing another's happiness.” Aeschylus


Sorrow gives me company
All the time when I’m lonely
It holds me tightly
Never gives me room to grow
But it is more than nothing
Which is all I have
Sorrow doesn’t comfort me
Sorrow isn’t what I prefer
But alone is all I am
In a crowded room
At a party in my honor
Sorrow is the companion
Who never leaves
I am broken inside
And sorrow is there
It never deceives
It never tells me what to believe
It is the one who never lies
It never hurts me or wears a disguise
Sorrow is not my friend
Sorrow is not my lover
But we are endlessly together
Never apart,
When I bleed
And when I am alone
It is there
For me

“Bear and endure: This sorrow will one day prove to be for your good.” Ovid