Crown Royal

In the haze of the distilled rye
I am drinking
I try
To finally get free
I try to forget
But in she walks
And I can’t help but remember
All the things she did to me
My eyes burn to see her
Even alone without her new man
I don’t cry and tears don’t fall but
Doesn’t mean I’m not sad
So many hopes crushed
So many hurtful lies
How could it end that way
I was consumed by rage
Destroyed by the venom
Of cruelty served cold
We were meant to be lovers
But now she hates me
I longed to hold her
But she is with another
And while I am left cold
I seethe
Inside I’m dying
And the pain is killing me
I can’t stop the way I feel
Betrayal is so alien
Something so surreal
I burn inside
I should be with her
This life is a lie
If I cannot be by her side
Let the end come swiftly
I’m done with this world
I’m alone, shattered
But still she lives, still the world turns
And I linger here, drinking
Remembering everything

Sleepwalking

Pour cette vie Je suis l'somnambule
Irony strikes for I cannot sleep
Realizing all my life that I am a fool
For even when I speak my heart
She doesn’t think I am true
If I see clearly
I’m still blind
Still locked in my tomb
Of despair and fear
I’ve spent my life embrace
Chasing after never was
Thrilling to scented perfumes
Of never could be
Waiting upon one who will not wake
While I live the half life
Of someone walking in their sleep
Or sleeping while I walk
I long to be heard but
My lips move but say nothing
My tongue moves but I cannot talk
I am sleepwalking through my life
But don’t try to wake me
I am overwrought
Je suis accablé
I am lost
In my dreams
In my sleep

We Are The Children

In the midst of the heavens
Is a world of green and blue
Spinning in the darkness
Lit by the sun
In glorious light embued
So holy and sacred
And life when begun
Is so beautiful
Fresh, and naked
Nude to Gods’ eyes
Serene and new
Without guile
Without disguise
We dance
We are children of the green
The kin of the forest
The fae of the earth
We hover between this world and dreams
We sing as if in chorus
We are blessed beyond any curse
Life will follow the rivers and streams
To the oceans and their course
So that the land may quench its thirst
As rain falls and renews
The children of the blue
That will nurture our being
Floods our lands
Falls as morning dew
With life, and growth
The horizon is not the limit
We are one with the blue
We are one with the green

THE LAST PHARAOH

Descended of royal blood
Voluptuous more than beautiful
She rose to rule in the desert land
Made rich by the flood
Desirable, powerful and bright
She knew how to move any man
Knowledge and wisdom deep as the Nile
Wide and deep, in no way shallow
Knew how to get her way
Cleopatra the last Queen of Egypt
Who ruled as a pharaoh
Was a moment
That comes rarely
From history pages ripped
We remember her
For she was more interesting
Than a fiction writer’s dream
And she lived a life
That was anything
But serene

A HOLY SHROUD IT WEARS

(special thanks to James McGowan for these photos, taken in Russia and Armenia, he is a friend who also contributed photos for my book A LIFE OF RAVENS)

Shroud of mist upon
An ancient monastery
Remnant of faith
Watches over the steppe
Where the winds roam
And snow covers the plains
Cold and seemingly lifeless
But for those who remain
Full of life and vigor
Tears of joy and pain
The memories linger
But the ghosts scatter
When a child laughs
And the memories brighten
When day comes at last
But in the mists of winter
When the afternoon light is short
The shadows cast long
And hearths churn smoke
And ash and cinder
To help the living stay warm

Undone Dreams

I believed in her
She believed in me
We believed
What we had would last
But now we run
Unredeemed by love
Broken dreams so many
Unspoken hopes fleeing
Since she left me
I am undone
Left me reeling
I’ve been desolate
Inconsolable
We thought we’d tempt fate
By overcoming
The uncontrollable odds
But we didn’t
They took us down
Like we were prey
Like we were fallen Gods
Crushed by the missionaries
Of the new faith
And now I have nothing
But soft memories
Of a beautiful person
Taken down
By the pack
Of beasts that hunt
Relentlessly

Waiting

To know is not to have
To want is not to need
To desire is not to possess
To think is not to feel
I waited for her to decide
I stayed true to this day
And then I waited
Waited
Waited some more
I waited for the tide
That would wash me
Far away
For I could see in her face
That she loved someone else
I could hear in her voice
While she hid from my eyes
and undressed
That she desired another
One less complicated
One who wouldn’t smother
She longed to be left alone
Leaving me bereft
For I loved her
Beyond need
I wanted her
Desired her
Felt her
Waiting still
Waiting
Forever

Endless is our labor

Endless labor
The parts break
The machine is soiled
From our unworthy sweat
Endless toil
Our joints ache
We are the broken
Our bodies feel the pain
Working to build
Living alone destroys
We are industry
We are factory
We are the oil
Of the gears
Of the machine
Of industry
Through the years
Lives spent hunched over
So that we are worthy
Arbeit macht frei
Is a lie
We are trapped
We can never be
More than members
Of an industrious hive
We are the ones
Who will never see the light
For we endure
In the tunnels of wealth
Laboring for another
We never win
In the dark dungeons
Of our man made hell

MACHINES OF CULTURE

Our soul is invisible
Our labors are toil
Our being is questionable
We are created at their leisure
Purpose built
Manufactured
For the pleasure
Of the hive
The sound of toil
Labor’s sound
Drives us all insane
The drone workers
Born for work
No more than a robot
Barely alive
Shaking at birth
From the pain
We are the workers
Who toil
The machines of culture
Our sweat becomes
Society’s gain
But who are we
Why do we bother
Do we exist
Or simply
Survive

Smoke Rising

Why bother when what I possess and have had

Are far more than I ever did desire
Why seek to go on when I know the path
And it has consumed all my fire
Why hope when there is nothing but pain
My goals reduced to tears and flames
All I am is flesh that lingers
But there isn’t anything left
Outside of my spirit
Let me burn upon the pyre
Let me be ash, an incendiary cinder
Let me be the smoke, rising from my burning chest
I am not worthy of the life placed inside me
I am exhausted from the flames that test
Let me be redeemed
Free my spirit
Let me be unbroken
Free me
By flames let me be released

RED TIDE

Suctioned
Vacuumed
Pulled from the darkness
The warmth
The chamber
Where we all begin life
Unborn birth
Saline washed insides
Burning worse than fire
The deadly red tide
Swimmers swimming
In dangerous waters
Poisoned
By choice

You Lifted the Veil

"I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down.
That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something
pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you
never know where the hell you are." J. D. Salinger

YOU LIFTED THE VEIL

I don’t know my name when I am with you
I don’t have a clue where we even are
I haven’t a thought about world when I’m with you
I might as well be living in the stars
Because you move me
You make my world come alive
You redeemed me
Because of you
My dead spirit was revived
So gray, covered in shadows
Now I see the reasons
Now I see the truth
Because of you
There is less darkness in the night
I love you, am in awe, always
I need you, don’t deserve you
You lifted the veil between us
So that I might be walking in the light

"Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires." Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Bleeding Roses

for my best friend, who is hurting...

Bleeding out while taking in
The pain of love
Burning within
She broke my heart
Left me to die
Now I know
That I’m alive
But not that I’d rather
I want to be dead
Instead of bleeding
Pouring out red
While she sits
In her throne
Instead of needing
Me for her own
Broken hearts
Bleed unending
She crushed my hope
Now I am wanting
Just to die
Rather than wait
For memories to haunt me
It burns inside
Time to commit
Romanticide

A Field of Flowers

“Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.” Epicurus


A FIELD OF FLOWERS

Every second lost, I am
Closer yet
To my sobriety
For when I am dead I will not hover
Will not stay in the world of stone
Lay me down in a field of flowers
So that their perfumed scent with cover
The consumption of my hours
I linger in the moments as they flee
Amazed by the variety
Some are sweet, some are sour
Some are ugly, some possess beauty
Some are tragic, some have majesty
Lay me down in a field of flowers
Their beauty will betray
That I have been devoured
By the day
By my misery
Jesus let the harvest
Begin in all its wrath
Jesus take me home
Let me lay
Let me fall
Upon the path
Jesus I am lost
And can never be found
Jesus come for me
I lay upon unholy ground

“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” Will Shriner

Angel Mourning

Let us look upon the world we make
Let us survey our works
And compare them to what we've been given
And let us wonder
Should we be forgiven


Consecrated to the world
The son’s grave was held to be
Home to greater divinity
We’d carry the symbol
Call upon its power
Until something else
Captured our attentions
Our good intentions
We become distracted
And the visions of our being
So devastated in his absent shadow
So hallowed
We are consumed and bound in sin
Our skin is our cloak, so thin and weak
We find our world lost
Rain forests burning covered in smoke
Our oceans filled with oil
Cities burgeoning
With crime and pestilence
Any holy ground is now polluted soil
God and heavens please save us
If there should be
Any chance for redemption

Alone Again

I still longed for her touch
My desire had left me undone
I dreamed of her in the white dress
Looking serene like a goddess of love
Her eyes sparkled with power
As if she could act with but a thought
She was able to devour
All that I was inside
Her beauty was so surreal
Unbelievable and magical
I was in her spell
Unable to escape
She moved me within
But left me in pain
I loved her
But she drove me away
I remember her face
As she walked out
She said this is it
And left no doubt
That I was unloved
And she’d be gone
Farewell sorrow of my soul
Farewell cold November rain
I am desolate
I am alone
Again

WAITING ON IT

I've been here all along
Don't mind me at all
I've been waiting for it
Waiting on it to come
I've been just waiting
For the apocalypse
My life's been over
I am just hanging on
Waiting to see the Horsemen
Appearing through the mist
I long to be there when the banners fly
To see the return of the one
Avoid the whore of Babylon's kiss
Try to feel it all but not to die
See the final battle
When mankind learns the truth
And the ravens cry
When the miseries are begun
The end is on the way
I am waiting for the proof
When the returned wields his sword
And the devil's day is done

The Praise of a Goddess

On an island in the sea
Above the shores, upon a hill
In the temple of a Goddess
Abandoned for millennia
In the silence of the ruins
You can hear the choirs
Singing to their patroness
Singing to her glory
So perfect in her majesty
So worthy of song and stories
For in their worship
For in their prayers and sacred ways
They left a footprint upon the world
Their souls poured out in joy
To a being, joined in worship
United in their praise
Forever in the evers
They still remain in praise
Upon that island

it doesn't help to know

The whispers in the rain
Call your name
Telling me your longings
Telling me your sorrows
They move me to tears
At the injustice
Of having no tomorrows with you
But some things are destined
And others aren’t meant to be
Tell me now, does it help you then
To know that I cannot be the one
To dry your eyes, to call your name
Does it help to know this
That I remain
Devoted despite distant
Loving but not in love
Does it help to know that
I can still be wounded
As if I were still the one?
It doesn’t help me
It doesn’t wrap me in its arms
Doesn't hug me
It doesn’t help to know
That you still love me

Ancient Race, Destroyed

The moment of sorrow
Addressed in prayer
To unknown Gods of an ancient race
Who demand to be fed
By the blood of the innocent



Sacrificial blades
Held aloft before they strike
By the Priests of Atlantis
Downward they fall with no emotions at all
Another baby is slaughtered
But the deluge will happen
Crashing through the walls



The city will crumble
As the ocean water pours in
The continent will sink
With enormous waves
As earthquakes avenge
The deviant debauch
And no one will remember



For the world will be renewed
After the fire
The destruction
And pain
But the tears of the fall
Will be the rain
That makes the world green
Again

DEATH POEM

In the end of life
We celebrate one’s success
Funeral parades
And the cremated remains
Speak nothing of the sorrow

(Japanese poetry form Tanka used)

Different Storms

Upon the battlements
The sentries watch and wait
They are bored but attentive
Fearing the result of their sleep
Should they fall
And the enemy jumps the gates

They are waiting for
the Golden Horde
Who comes without invite
Who ride their ponies
And foot march through storms

Without rest, without mercy
Who fears neither darkness nor light
The winter forgives no one
So the marchers never slow down
To let the snows gather
Nor linger in the winter sun
Singularly driven

To assault the neighboring land
Stealing all the grains
Slaving and depraving, and the like
Crawling up the castle walls
And consuming every life

So the sentries know their duty
And make certain
To be awake for the onslaught
Even if they will not survive

I woke up to Red Skies

I woke up to red skies
Sitting in the midst of rubble
I was praying for comfort
But I wasn’t standing
Upon any holy ground
The smoke was rising
Collapsing lives unfulfilled
There wasn’t a sound
The fire was growing
The winds were still
And the rain fell down
Someone crying for a life of hell
And the need for a scarlet garment
A striking red wedding gown
The groom is returning soon
The bride’s life is burning
There is no room to recover
For we live upon the world’s edge
About to fall in the crevice
Having already abandoned the fetus
To the salt water tide
And our sisters and brothers
And having devoured our parents
In a ritual sacrifice
We passed the cup to drink
Beneath the silent screams
We hid beneath our disguise
A cloak of withered flesh
A belt of broken dreams
Our hopes turned to dust
The red skies are turned loose
Our lies are the noose
That hangs us

Saint Joan

An answer to a prophecy
A messenger from God
Jeanne d’Arc
Saint of Lorraine,
Maid of Orléans
Saint Joan of Arc
The spirit within you
Straight from God’s heart
19 years old, and spiritually moved
You refused to take no for an answer
You raised a country from ruin
When trained men wouldn’t start
Orléans so foreboding
Held as a lynch pin
To the country’s freedom
From the English
To Charles’ crown
You led his army to victory
Whilst you held his banner
And the people flocked to you
But you abstained from praise
The glory was God’s not yours
So you said no
And you were betrayed
Called a witch despite your faith
You were pure and innocent
In custody raped
And still you saw God
You burned when they set you
Upon a pyre for witchcraft
And you were innocent
Saint Joan we cannot know
How much more you’d have done
But know we all what you did
First with simple prayer
And then with battles you won

For further information click here

Winter castle with Ravens

In the coldest, driest winter
A castle stands so bleak
With blustery winds lifting
Plumes of snow and ice
And passing ravens
The people of the castle are huddled within
Sitting and warming before the fires
They wait for the enemy to invade
But who would leave a warm place
For this frozen outpost of a shire
But they fear the invaders coming again
So the sentries stare out from the towers
Hiding behind the battlements from the wind
Praying to their many Gods
To be delivered from this place
Before they begin to cower
The cold leads to despairing
The ice and snow bite the skin
And the waiting drives them mad
When march the vulgar clans
Their skin covered drums begin

The Swan Princess in the lilies

I saw her bathing in the pond
Through the tall grasses I spied
She was beautiful beyond my dreams
Her grace reminded me of a swan
So gently able to maneuver, and glide
The only sound, confluence waters of a stream
Filling the space where the pond lay
Where she was serene
In the summer sunlight
The gentle breeze
And my gaze
Tears filled my eyes
As I turned away
For she was so beautiful
So divine
In the Lilies
I knew she’d never be mine

Because I am RA

Because I am Ra
This world exists
Without my being
There is nothing beyond
I created the world with my tears and sweat
Children of mine are mankind
Mandjet the Boat of Millions of Years
Is morning light
Mesektet the evening veil
The evening darkness
Carry me beyond
The world calls out in pain
But I created the rains
And bring the harvest
The Nile cries out
As the rise of waters inundates
The deluge of water and mud
The people who depend upon her flow
Starve without the flood
And still I am Ra
Formless was the earth
Void were the heavens
And I came into being
The earth was made of rock
No green to be seen
And still I am Ra
I made the rains to fall
The oceans to fill
The earth to take form
There is only me
And I am the sun to warm the land
Light to fill the sky
And children to stand
Upon the warm sands of Egypt

Before me, Behind the veils

When my eyes spied her
I was consumed
She was the perfect one
She would be my proof
That God had saved a being
Simply for my eyes
Within her gorgeous being
I saw the truth
And she danced for me
She danced
And nothing could remove
This feeling inside my soul
Called love
We fell into each other
Like rain falling into a lake
We mingled freely therein
And our dreams moved to hover
Above us watching
As passions took us away
Into the ever passing
We longed no more
To be saved
For we were
And together so
The ever took us in
With just the two of us
In each other's being
We consumed lust with love

Two love poems

YOU LEFT AGAIN

Why did it fail, what did I do
Where did you go, who did you run to
You are my sweet one, how did it end,
I never knew, dear God help me,
I never stopped loving you
You’ll have my love, it will always be true
No matter what, no matter when,
Never will stop this feeling,
So just so you know
There is nothing you can do
There is nowhere you can go
Where I won’t love you
Where I won’t know
How deep is my love
Poured down from above
You were a gift to me
One that made me come alive
Without you how will I survive
You never need to explain
I will take you back
You never will hear me complain
I need you back
I long to hear you call my name
I am yours, forever yours
I can hardly explain
What you mean to me
But you won’t hear me complain
I need you near to me
You are all that I need
You are the air that I breathe
I cannot believe that you left me again



(written in 2008)



WHAT DOES ANYTHING MATTER TO ME, BUT MY LOVE FOR YOU

What does anything matter to me, but my love for you,
You are the only one in my heart, you don’t need any proof
Just look at all I’ve done, Just look at how I’ve changed
My love for you is simple, I was lost and now am saved
Your love, it saved me, your love, so good
Your love, it changed me, your love so true
You are the only one I’ve called my girl
Any one else never moved my heart
They never were my world
Your love, it saved me, your love, so good
Your love, it changed me, your love so true
So now you are angry, for something I’d never do
And you want to break up, without a bit of truth
So test me, so break me, so leave me alone
I will still be here, if you come back
With a broken heart in my home all alone,
Because no one could ever replace you,
Your love, it saved me, your love, so good
Your love, it changed me, your love so true



(written 2009)

By the beat of my heart

I know you were hurt
You felt like all it ever did was rain
But you gave me a gift
There in my heart is a beating pulse
From the life you gave me
While in so much pain
I am unaware of who you are
Despite your having a name
Because you gave me up
In love, in having hopes for me
That came from above
I was your child and flesh
But you gave me to others
So that I could thrive
And have a breath
Of air that wasn’t empty
Of all I needed to survive
You gave me up
But I know if I were to lay my head
Upon your chest while you slept
I’d recognize you from the beat that you left
In my heart when you gave me away
So that I could be given more
So that you could let me be saved
And in the absence of your touch
I remember your love
From the constant beat
Of my heart
That you gave to me
In love
When you gave me up
In love for me

The Body in Repose

I stared at his form, the body in repose
Stared at it as if it were alive still
But his being had left, circled by crows
Upon the top of a steep, abandoned hill
There was nothing left in him
But I still stared
For the face looked alive in pain
For his flesh had withered
As if nobody cared
And he lay there alone
While his spirit ascended

Spiral stairs

Untamed Caledonia

Painted, lymed, tattooed, and tested
Wild tribes of men
Picts
Prepare to die, for victory
To act without relent

Legions and Wild men
Clash in the lowlands
Chase in the highlands

Trained, armored, paid, and reviewed
Legions of men from Italia
Romans
Watch the walls, for incursions
Ready to respond

Walls and Armor
Hearts and flesh
None are prepared
To share their worlds
Nor to share another breath

Rainy eyes

I saw her face
Touched her eyes
Melted into her
Waiting lips
And fell away crying so
Crushed again
My heart was ripped
For she was just a dancer
In the memory of fate
She beckoned me
To taste
And I wonder
In the moment
What was there to know
In the first place
Longing and desperation
Unrequited need and hope
Emotional starvation
I saw her face
And I was healed
There was hope
We'd embrace
and I would know
Redemption
Redeem me
Like a drought by rain
Redeem me
Breathe in me
Let me be consumed
And let me believe

WHITE HART IN WINTER RUNNING

This is a poem from my book Arthur, the sequel to Lancelot... News to come as to the date it will be out.

In the last dregs of winter
In the forest there was no sound
Just a recently thawed creek
And a hart, taking a drink
Legs sinking
Into the mud freshly soft
The white hart, a beautiful wild beast
Caught the eye, of Arthur’s party
As they set to hunt about the vast grounds
Of Camelot’s lay
As the hart darted away there wasn’t a sound
The hart leapt all obstacles
So graceful and lithe
It moved without effort
So beautiful it escaped time
So many desired in the party
Deigned to be with the king
His company was genuine and kind
He was a joyful companion
As were those with him
But he alone spurred his charger to action
And gave chase into the wood
The hart was quicker than fast
But nonetheless it could move
Agile and without sound
Unlike the war horse hooves
Arthur spied the hart
And for a moment notched an arrow
But unlike for so many prey
He set down his bow
So rare did he see such a creature
Perfect but for its presence here
Upon the earth
A single tear trickled down
And he rode from the hart
Wondering for his courage
But knowing deep within
It was no sin to have compassion
For the innocent

Echoes

The echoes of the love
Haunt me like a ghost
Passing before me
But still there, fading
She left and still
Its there, betraying
Laying in shreds
But still displays
The body of our love
The haunting goes on
Leaves me in disarray
Because I still believe
Yet it decays
Falling into a crevice
The deepest darkest hole
Found within my heart
Crushing my soul
Oh my Lord I sing
Let me die
For the being before me
Steals my hope
Crushes my dreams
Makes me cry
Slaughters my esteem
And if it were to ask
To hold my hand
I would surely say yes
For love demands
Love demands

In the tall grass

I hold her hand as we walk
Through fields woven in tall grass
The low sun of Autumn still warm
Our passions pour out fast
Like we are a raging storm
We love like it won’t last
And we hunger for the other
Her lips reach mine
I drink her spirit in
Oh I love her, I love her
It is she who I adore
She is finer than wine
Upon my tongue
And in her love I transform
From broken hearted sadness
To hope, beyond hope
There is no scorn
No transgressions
Simply love
With her I am
Reborn

The Dominion of Death

Make no mistake, the angel Azrael will visit you. He visits everyone.



There will be an end to all things as sure as Night closes Day, while the spectre of death will haunt and the angel of death will slay, Every moment wasted is a greater death to face for the seconds that pass will never come again, no matter the words of or manner of the things you pray.

The plagues you hold close to your heart will wound you for the sins you act upon will not soothe or help you in the quest to learn the truth, there is no answer for your acts, no easy solutions to the pain, but these attacks, will surely drive you insane.




Death will come,
The plague doctor cannot stop it
Death will be here soon
You cannot pay its cost





"Death most resembles a prophet who is without honor in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people." Kahlil Gibran

Nightmare Factory

Humanity awaits final judgment
For the sins of the past
And the dreams that never were
Undelivered redemption has passed
And there is nothing that can save us
From the nightmares we preferred
Over righteousness
Over hope
Over faith
The ovens burned with humanity
And so shall our pyre
For the nightmares we create

One Wine, Two Chalices

Poured from two chalices
Our being is one wine
I surrender to you
As we are entwined,
together,
your lips find mine
we embrace
I desire you as no other,
forever I pray,
I see your face
Our love is eternal,
for the moment I saw you
It was as if I was reborn,
with memory of you
Upon your lips I taste,
your soul, your being
Captured in the moment,
my desire for you
Shall never relent,
this ecstasy is a gift
You make me wish to never die
For in your arms I am free
Your being makes me glad to live
We are one in being
Your love helps me to thrive
We are laid together tangled
And breathing in your scent
I am redeemed

She Is A Dream

I could take everything I have and sell it
I could spend all my money
All my time gone as well
Trying to find her
But there’d be no point
For she is a dream
Nobody else could replace
The love she had
The love she gave to me
Without her what am I
I am a vacant hollow man
Without her why should I be
My soul is in her hand
When she went away
I decided to live differently
I’d live outside of time
I’d think about things that are
And change them
And change me inside
But instead of hope
I feel despair
Of ever being free
For there is nothing in the world
Like the love she gave to me