My own cage

I wonder sometimes my future
Set adrift in a sea of change
Do I plan for a disaster
Or something less wild
I'm at times foolish, a loser
These choices left me in a cage
I long to know the answers
I know inside me I'm a child
My life has been lived with fear
Over the things I might endure
But I am alive, I will resist
All the sorrows and doubt
As I look deep into the mirror
I see my motives aren't pure
I'm no longer content to exist
I need my life to be more devout
If unable to do what is needed
Or unwilling to change my ways
If I'm to survive I must do the difficult
Or in deep shame change my name