Was to commit suicide, a way of playing with fate
Knowing the depths of grieving from life's cost
Where most life is born by mysteries of love
But my origins burned with a sort of rage
Choosing my own conclusion I might take control
From what had been forged and forced upon me
I'd been spawned by the most sorrowful decisions
Of lust conquering rationality and civility
It began a legacy in me where shame and sorrow burned
I knew that it was not of my own hand
That my existence was a matter of grace
My choice of remaining was another
If I can't live by my own terms
I still remain for those I love
Who shielded my being from pain
Rather than invite death all the while knowing
The final curtain is certain
With a future where I'm redeemed of this flesh
Choice of life or death is demured to one
Who is better able to choose than me
When I saw my hopes scream and my dreams die
In a mass heap of sorrow upon the floor
My hope to be normal, or even persevere
Someone had opened death's door inviting me to leap
Secrets kept for so long that my life is gone
So many secrets I can no longer keep
What about the nightmares replacing the dreams?
I can't hold on.
I'm tired of a world demanding my attendance
Constantly broken and everything I do is wrong
What if I don't need to hold it in?
What if I don't need to be forgiven
For the sins of man, past, present and future?
My pyre was so long ago prepared
So why should you care?
If I am ready, eager even, to say farewell
This life has seemed more like Hell
While the clocks keep ticking
And the doomsday clock ever closer
To Armageddon, personal or otherwise
So do I need to calculate the efficient quantum
Of the sins totaled in between watching all I love die
I've been waiting when it wouldn't be a problem
Since you need someone to clean it all up
For free and without causing any any stress
Trust me, no one would grieve
This has been a life spent
In the flaws and brokenness
That leave behind a mess
However you might leave
