Plague Bearer

As we begin an enormous test
We live in a world of despair
And a world of quarantine
Waiting for the hated virus
Waiting for our slayer
Those already dead attest
We are becoming aware
Every rumored plot
Winds about most serpentine
Accusations a chorus
We've run out of prayer
We've run out of time
Fragile is this flesh
We've become prisoners
Not of fear, but of plague
This life is finite
This may be a final breath
Shall we acquiesce
Will we cry for help
Spoken without listeners
Our certainty is vague
Modernity made impotent
We cower in the face of the bearer
Nosophoros
Bringer of disease
Bringer of death

“Man might defined as "modern" largely to the extent that he attempts to control, as opposed to adjust himself to, nature.”   John M. Barry, The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History

Winter and Raven

Like a raven in a cemetery
After a winter thaw
Absorbing the quiet
Avoiding fatigue
The isolation is serene
How does it feel I wonder
To be free from sorrow
Holding frozen earth in claw
The tragedy of winter
Winter kill and decay
But the snow is white
So it appears clean
But this is a world of cold
Seeking a source of warmth
Is manifest idiocy
This is a world surreal
A world of apathy
A world of ignorance
A world that mocks those who feel


Could it be that wisdom appears on earth as a Raven, attracted by a little whiff of carrion?”  Friedrich Nietzsche

My Misery

What enigmatic message did you give me
By forgiving my crimes
I know that I am guilty
I know even more my flaws
I am a failed idealist
There is nothing to achieve
Nothing more to find inside
But the flesh and my mind
My misery so divine
My dreams and my fears
All lay there
When they have a chance
Trying to climb out
Pouring the doubt
Telling me that it is time
So what were you trying to tell me
What mystery is this
How can I hope to be redeemed
If I have no sins to pay for
In the depths of purgatory
I'll be digging a bottomless mine
Sorting through the remnants
Separating the residue
From the ruin
Searching for the artifacts
To explain my demise

“Remember, this day will never dawn again.” 
― Dante Aligherie

Time is a River, Always Flowing

Ticking clocks, as our children become adults
Our parents age before our eyes, from time
And all the while, we enter the cycle of others
Birth, childhood, teens, adults and elders
All are victim to the same villain
And we can all shine
Knowing we aren't around forever
Knowing we have to be together
We are losing our days
Memory flees
Time is a beast, it is a crime
We waste our youth upon stupid acts
We see adulthood as a vital task
But waste our days in worry
Losing sleep over what is beyond our hand
Then we die
Still wondering where time went
Never realizing
how many times others wondered
The same exact thing
As the waves of eternity come thundering
Flooding our being with an end to one cycle
And the entrance into another one

Isolation

The soul finds solace
In the absolute silence
The world becomes small
When the flesh is calmed

“And the world suddenly appeared to me as such an awfully large place, with I so totally alone in it that I could have cried from the bottom of my heart.”  Joseph von Eichendorff

Like Lightning

Your whispered words struck me like lightning
They thundered and tore me apart inside
And I thought I heard the crows singing
There the children mourning as I cried
But it matters to you not at all
We spent our relationship mostly fighting
But each time we fought I thought I'd die
Each word spoken or screamed stinging
I longed only to one day fly
But for you I took the final fall

Ghost Burning Inside

Your voice still lingers in my mind
You are a ghost burning inside
Calling to me from the darkness
Soul cries, hurting, not heartless
If there's nothing left, why hope
Noose or a rescue made of rope
It is your choice, which to choose
I've chosen to let you be my muse
I can't escape the gravity
Of your powerful being
Nor would I wish it to be
Anything less

“But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.”  Albert Camus

Desolation

Wounded by everything said
Everything done and undone
I've a life that rises above hope
For there is no reason
Never has there been
Someone
Who understands why
Who understands when
Appreciates my sins
And the treason of knowing
When no one else knows
Goes far to explain why I am insane
And knowing the desolation within

“The fallen angel becomes a malignant devil. Yet even that enemy of God and man had friends and associates in his desolation; I am alone.”  Mary Shelley

Untamed

A large pile of flesh in the corner, I lay
Exhausted and sleeping
Like a child after a day of play
Breathing heavily
Waiting to hear you call my name
Just out of reach, but still
I'd run to you there
I have no self esteem to worry over
And I still care
I'm not a child
Not playing or even having fun
Always ignored
I'm a perfect memory amnesiac
Filled with shame, a need to run
For knowing most
And wanting to know more
You were the mystery revealed
A heart's beat gone untamed
And then again
My life is a circle
Leading from birth to death
And back
The end comes when not if
Keep thinking of this maze
There is no way to get out
I'm a rat, there is no cheese
To coax me from this trap
So please
Let me free
Call my name
Tell me you love me
Say you'll be mine forever
Or just for now be together

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.” ― Aldous Huxley

Tears Roll

Tears roll
And my voice is choked
Knowing the truth
Of my demise
All throughout my life
I've screamed at the knife
Held at my throat
In threat and anger
I've had doubts
But I know there is proof
Christ was not a stranger
My life was never perfect
Filled with remorse
And great regret
I tried to expose the lies
Both told by me
And that of others
There is a blanket of shame
Covering me in a disguise
It was a cloak of fear that terrorized
Eliminating my hope,
And every dream
Now I am ready
The unjust world is not a secret
Nor could it ever be kept
I am ready to leap
Into the great emptiness
The abyss awaits me

Broken Painted Smile

I mentioned to her how deeply moved I was
By her words when I was down
And she laughed saying it just needed be done
To cheer up her sad little clown
Her aura is divine
Her flesh is beyond the ken
I view her as my sacred ground
She thought of me as one who is a fool
Making me her little one
Annoying perhaps, without worth
My descent begun
My being a curse
To her I was a buffoon
And my attempts to lift
Made her aware
Of my fool's life
Of doom

Panic Room

I heard a sonic boom
But didn't move
There I laid
In a foam rubber bed
Without sheets to hang myself
Someday though I'll be dead
It isn't up to me
Here in my artificial womb
They speak to me
Someone said
Oh how long it had been since we talked
But I never had, so I went on without the guilt
In my circular rubber padded room I walked
Creating a wear pattern of one who stalks
Every step left a print
And I manifest madness until it fits
My cell will almost certainly become my tomb
Pounding thoughts until they ring
I am the master, the world are the slaves
Clockworks tick, keep ticking, until the end
I try to silence the mad, as they sing
There is no one else inside me
My brain is full
My brain is empty
Go away
There is no room

We Do Change the Equation

Some people think that climate is something so large that humans cannot have an impact upon it.  But the truth is, the earth is composed of many life forms, land forms, and weather.  We interact together and this is both part of and reply to the world we live upon.

But humans absolutely can have an affect upon their world.  Even 3% difference can change how it works.  Tearing up grasslands to make farmlands, allowed the wind to steal black dirt.  We've occasionally done even worse.  And the earth shows the toll.

I am not saying I agree with everything said about climate.  I don't know enough to debate.  But I do know statistics can mean anything in the hands of someone willing to twist them, and lie.  They cannot disguise their intent.  And life goes on, for better or worse.

When scientists warn us, we tend to shrug our shoulders.  You can't blame us.  When historians explain what happened, people say well, that was then, this is now.  But someday we'll cause a crisis we cannot escape, nor repair  and whatever we blame, it'll be our own fault.  And then we'll trade our future for despair.

"Houses were shut tight, and cloth wedged around doors and windows, but the dust came in so thinly that it could not be seen in the air, and it settled like pollen on the chairs and tables, on the dishes." John Steinbeck

For Further Reading

Dust Bowl: The Southern Plains in the 1930s by Donald Worster

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

Dust to Eat: Drought and Depression in the 1930s by Michael L. Cooper

Whose Names Are Unknown by Sanora Babb

Woe

I often long for relief from woe

And my flesh echoes my sorrow

My soul and flesh are broken

With spirt and flesh interwoven

Time slays, existence weaves

I refuse despair, I still believe

"There are bitter tears in human flesh."   Sumerian proverb 

When Hell Happens

In the inferno humans meet
Fight with means imperfect
Destined to die and again die
Should they meet utter defeat
There won't be a speck of regret
Their nation committed suicide

Lesser Holy Grails

As if you are threading the needle
This love and our youth enter wisdom
There are far too many ways to fail
This is an age when love can be fatal
We abandon hope and live in a prison
We choose to pursue lesser holy grails

They Experienced Armaggedon

A city named for a leader
A leader named for steel
It was a symbol
To her people one of greatness
To her enemy one of weakness
To both it was an immutable goal
Defend or die, or to Conquer or die
More than a million died
When counting the civilians
And absolutely must
They had no choice to die
They could not leave
They could not fight
They could only fall dead in the crossfires
Or smothered in collapsed buildings
From artillery shells, bullets or bombs
The city Stalingrad experienced Armageddon
Each of the Four Horsemen had visited
Death, Pestilence, Plague, Famine
Stalingrad was to suffer
But it was not enough
Tokyo, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and Dresden
Each faced their own Armageddon
And the Horsemen rode there
To show mankind the cost of oblivion

Yes I heard you say that

I heard what you said
Every word
That I should be dead
My existence stands
Out of reach of your petty dreams
I offer only my resistance
To the machinations of your hands
And secrets you wish I'd just keep
When the darkness burns inside
Know that you'd a choice to make
Your choice left me forsaken
When you are unable to see the light
Remember you called me a mistake
You were wrong
I have a future
I exist, I breathe
I found a purpose
And I am more
More than a thought reconsidered
I reject the abyss
More than a need
More than a burden
I am a miserable failure and sinner
And still, I've found that forgiveness
It comes from more than what you offer
Not a thing found
In this world or the next
All fall before the majesty of eternity
Where no one suffers
There is no greed
There is only love
Yes, I heard what you said
You cannot stain my birth
My life will be redeemed
Whatever the circumstance
I finally know
I was not a curse
Death doesn't scare me

“But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.” 
― Martin Luther King, Jr.

Clash

When the Horsemen have ridden
And thereby released their woes
Humanity will have ended
But the celestials still fight
The fallen ones and shadows
Those of blackened hearts
Made for purposes to serve, to build
They followed the crash
Of the bright morning star
And the earth bore the scars
Michael called his angels to flight
And entered battle in armor
The fallen had no choice than to resist
For they knew their ultimate fate
Should they fall
They have a home
Prepared for them in Hell
The end of the story known
The fallen will lay where slain
Their celestial flesh will grow cold
Into fire is cast the Beast
And the Lord's army have victory
Upon that day a cleansing rain
Will be released

Meet over cigarettes and coffee

We never failed
To meet
Together on Sunday
Smoking cigarettes
In the cafe on Nicollet
It never grew tired
The conversation moved
And who knows
Maybe I loved you
More than a bit
Or even a lot more than a bit
So now
We have lungs that cough
We have loved enough
And wonder
Where did those days go
We thought we'd know
We were so smart
And talk all about it
We should know
We should start
Again
Together
Because it is never to late
Until the never
We have time
And you know
Just as I
It is time to decide
Will we actually love
Like we should have for so long
Or shove the feelings down
Inside
Deeper and Deeper
Until they're gone

The World Falls Apart Without Her

The moment I spent with her left me
Thinking
I was made to be with her
Dreaming
I might be the one to love her
Believing
That I could be her own
And I might
Never be alone
Again
She would be my home
Be my place of safety
Be the world around me
I think it is time
To hope

Yeah, that girl

It wasn't love
So she said to not cry
I'd get over her
She was never the reason
I'd cry
For me
It was that I had given everything
And it still wasn't enough
Never was
And now here I am
And she is there
And I can't do a thing to change it
I miss her
And can't change a thing
To make it different
I can't repent
I still long for her to be in my arms
But my spirit would die
And there'd be so much harm
She'd survive
But not me
Because she thrives
Upon my suffering

Different Definitions

I don't need a lover
I need a person who loves me to the end
I don't need a new friend
I need someone who loves me until I'm undone
I don't need, I want
I don't want, I have a need
And to the junk heap I go
Oh my life is needing you
Waiting and wanting
Everyday passes, I know
But I'll still be living in 1973
Thinking of what I need to be
And there is nothing I can do
That can return me to that time
But if I wait to decide
I'll just love
And if you love me
You can let me know
Its called the truth

She

When a few hours after sun rise
I open my eyes after a night of dreams
To my surprise, I've been blessed
Perhaps it shouldn't be a surprise
But you should know, my heart is scarred
A woman, my best friend, lays there
Beneath the sheets and undressed
She is heavy in perfect sleep
I remember when I first saw her
And when I first knew she'd be in my heart
Her breathing is rhythmic and easy
I place a soft kiss upon her head
This is a sight I'd thought I'd never see
I'd have more faith that I'd be dead
Than to be joined in life
By such a vision of love and beauty

The End

When the chasm between hope and despair is far too wide, we make it worse.  We act as though the world will end, by our own hand or refusal to act.  We've become the curse.  The world might be in grave danger, or we've been told lies that enhance any risk we might face.  We listen to many different voices. They change our minds and affect our choices.

We may be the cause of the end of the world.  Or the end of the world is a natural event, perhaps a recurring theme of catastrophe. We face what other societies and civilizations have faced, but they responded with vigor.  In our case we believe the hubris, and have already embraced our fate.

“This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.”  T.S. Eliot

Kiss of the abyss

Why do you think
That we can finally kiss
The perfect moment
Well it doesn't exist
With every piece of baggage we carry
We bring along our despair, and we share
You have inviting lips
But I know they'll lead me to the abyss
And yes it matters
Yes I care
I've lived too long trying
To throw it all away
Upon something I don't need
Today or any day

Maybe A Goddess

She demanded respect if not worship
Her regal presence seemed perfect
None could mistake her as common
Her voice alone could not be forgotten
She was the manifest epitome of grace
Beautiful dressed as if in gossamer lace
I do not know if she were a goddess
Nor if our meeting was a divine test
However I remain upon this world
Somehow the world continues to turn
I do know that she isn't upon this sphere
Even with prayers offered, so sincere
Perhaps hopeless, I wait for her return
But that would be more than I deserve

Majestic Pageant

In life's majestic pageant we are all contestants
Some are beautiful, others are so very clever
Some perform tricks, others sing or play piano
In the end we never measure the most important
How the mind, the soul, the body, enter forever
We never see our lives in the widest panorama
So how is it that we are able to survive
Are our lives meaningless without awards
How can we exist beyond the savagery
Fragile flesh measured in worth by time
But for that which gives immediate reward
When everything is relative, facts are arbitrary
How can we escape with our lives
When worth is measured by our utility
Cogs in the machine, members of the hive

“If the bee disappeared off the face of the earth, man would only have four years left to live.”  Maurice Maeterlinck

Oklahoma blues

She wanted me to call when she was drinking
She said I could speak French to her,
Or do or say something else
She wanted to get to her dark place
Without undo thinking
Pre -Blackout invitations of love
Made in the gaze of booze caused romance
Are quickly forgotten
Post Blackout shout outs to go fuck myself
Are well remembered
Time for me to relinquish the job
Forsaken as it was, it doesn't pay
I knew this ship was sinking down
Still didn't get a life preserver
Stupid me but I can swim
Even if she'd rather I drown

What if

What if you could know all you need?
What if you just need to ask good questions?
Would you ask or do you prefer to wonder all the time?
In each disaster there are planted powerful seeds
We need to be honest, as if we are in confession
Lives are temporary, but our spirits are divine

The Wall, Germany is One

A city separated into quarters
Not all of them free
The wall was built
To hold residents in place
Even as many tried to flee
And were shot down
This wall
Cold, gray, with barbed wire
And pointing inward
Machine guns
It was different than most
It wasn't built for safety
Only to divide
A battlefield of ideologies
As a symbol of repression
A place of broken dreams

Berlin, divided city
Paid the debt for past tyrannies
But the Cold war generation
Didn't get to pick sides
Even as the border guards fired
Some crossed over to freedom
All were brave but not all survived
Crossing over or under the wall
Victory anthem sung by choirs
Freedom and liberty began
As the monstrosity would fall
Hope is more than a desire
Fuel for revolution in the world
So dire
The Germans cried
We are one people, one land
Lighting torches at nightfall
The wall had come down
For one and all

It was gone
History now faded
The bitterness was lost
A new world was found
First people had to believed
Then they had to tear it down
With their spirit first
As an example
For the world
Then hope takes shape
In our minds
Hammers are not enough
It required hope and courage
The earth can change
Even one person at a time


"Walls in the mind often stand longer 
than those built of concrete." 

Willy Brandt
"The Dream of European Unity"
Awake! magazine, December 22, 1991.

Some call it love, others call it being human

Compromise? or was it something better
We each got to feel as though we were listened to
Negotiations?  or did we simply act human
Refused to get into politics, only accepted the truth

“And the days are not full enough
And the nights are not full enough
And life slips by like a field mouse
Not shaking the grass” Ezra Pound

This Caller has not set up his inbox

When you called I didn't answer
I didn't think I could fake something
That you or I'd believe
Or could live with
It isn't like I wanted it to end like it did
I miss you
But I missed you before too
And you knew
Everything you did to make it end
Like it did
You know the truth about why
So you know why I couldn't pick up the phone
And give you a bunch of lies
You wanted to hear me say it
But I am barely breathing
I miss you for reasons only you know
For reasons you might not know
That's just the way it goes
When betrayal happens
I didn't see it happening
Until it was over
And so were we
Forever
Don't call again
I could answer this time
That's not a promise
My phone is broken
I can't decide which lie
You might prefer

Knife

Every whispered threat
Still upon my breath
Every word I said
Anticipates me dead
And I know how
I'll regret it all
But still it gets said
My life is once
My problems a moment
Blood and flesh
So temporary
But regret is forever
If I remember
And stop in time
Each failed attempt
Lingers in my mind
As a message sent
Suicide is a wicked friend
Now is the time
For the friendship to end

24/7 Suicide call for help 800-273-8255

Bloodsport

Sold into the sport, many had no choice
They fought each other with deft precision
Crowds screamed until they had no voice
Armed or unarmed, armored or without
Battle exchanged for the emperor's pleasure
Cults following gladiators were devout
Should the warriors be victorious they live
Should the warriors lose they would die
Without death, both would see the other as kin
For the war was unnecessary, battle is sport
Violence beckoned shouts and the crowd's joy
Whoever won, all gladiator lives were short
They were human beings with beliefs and spirits
Being fed into a grinder for a crowd's enjoyment
Some were cowards, the survivors were fearless

Book Resources to read for more information

The Hunger

The hunger never leaves
A vacant emptiness inside
I am unable to dream or live
With the burning in my depths
I am losing my beliefs
My personal deicide
Others won't forgive me
Unable to proceed
I've nothing left
Except for the doubt
I'll drink the poison
Suck it down
And reflect
Until I am empty
Inside and out

Jonesboro 98

Two young angry kids
Decided to shoot up a school
They collected guns and ammo
Carefully planned the crime
That they were about to commit
Not evil, perhaps just fools
Dressed like their toy GI Joes
At the appointed time
A fire alarm pulled
Shots rang out
Mitchell and Andrew fired
Killing friends and others
This wasn't an act of precision
It was a general cull
A fascination with guns
Killing seemed fantasy
Kids killing kids
A slaughter to remember

When he awakens

And should the walls fall down
How will humanity ever survive
For the enemy remains waiting
The alien gods and their pawns
Despise humanity's way and lives
And wage war without abating
Dead Great Cthulhu now sleeps
But upon his awakening
Hear then the sorrow filled cries
And listen as the orphans weep

“That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die.”  H.P Lovecraft 

Do Not Mourn

When life ends for some
They step into a new womb
Born into a longer journey
When my life is finally done
I intend to climb in the vacuum
And wait there without worry
I'll find my way home
It has been calling me
Since I was born
I will no longer be alone
Nor worry about how to redeem
This unworthy life do not mourn
I'll find my way home
It's been calling all along
And I won't be gone long
I'll find my way home

For all of our learning

For all of our learning
For every extent of our study
We know so little it hurts
But when it comes to earning
Fulfill our commands til bloody
And when we weigh our purse
There is nothing inside
But paper and metal
Instead we must learn to live
We must give where it counts
To our children and friends
And our elders
Completely
Freely
For to love is to give without end
And be rewarded majestically