River Washed In Blood

Thukela River
Thukela River
Where the current flows
Still it empties the remains
Of the massacre of enemies
The deciding at Ndondakusuka
Of Cetshwayo's kingship
The losers cut down
The victors attacking the lost
Spears were washed in the blood
Impi raging aftermath
The victors knew no honor
The dead pushed in the water
Raising the level of the river
To a red flood
Leave no mothers to have more warriors
Leave no children to oppose this king
Just mix the blood and water
In unholy confluence
Until the river waters are thick as mud

Your accusations wound me not

Remember when you raised the question
Of why could I do what I did
I apologize for my mistakes
My transgressions
But I never ever did that thing
You blame on me
So go ahead with your inquisition
Go ahead and blame me for whatever you like
But I am honest and I never lied
About it
So your insistence that I was the one
Who broke you and wounded you
Fails to wound my conscience
But my denial is inconsequential
So long as you keep this bitter seed
Burning inside your heart
I am not perfect
I am flawed to the bone
But I can sleep and dream with no problems
My conscience does not bother me
I sleep deeply
But you have to live with the truth
That I never loved you
Nor gave you hope
I was never the one
And you blamed me for things
I'd never do
Nor would ever have done

My Elizabeth, My Angel

She is human
But could well have been an angel
Heaven sent
In the deepest hours of my suffering
She offered me solace and respite
My torment would have been unending
Without her care and charity
The endless fight
The sorrow of my flesh
Could have broken me
In this slight convalescence 
But for her love
She offered me her being
To comfort me during my throes
And I lingered in her presence
Gratefully supping
Upon her offerings
Bel amour
My love
Doorway to heaven
My beautiful love
You allowed me to deny
The end's beckon
And now I endure

Before Badon

Ambrosius Aurelianus was the war king
A man who accepted his fate
To defend Britainnia from the Saxons
And restore the banner of Rome
Over the island
And make the land safe
His father Vortigern was inconsolate
Having lost Essex and Sussex
And his other son
Ambrosius was the last hope
The Last Roman to some
To restore the land
And banner for the king
No one saw the flood approaching
The Anglo Saxon warriors hungered
But one stood against the flow
His sword and cavalry thundered
Across the land
And raised the banner
Until Arthur was born
And ready to lead
And make Britannia free

(Image Source credit)

We Fought For Our Lord, and Died by our Sword

Given a choice to surrender, or die
The Templar has not been given a choice
No Surrender
We have given our oath
We have defended our faith
We have spoken without our voice
But by our actions
So kill us with your arrows
Slay us with your lance
Our bodies will not die
For we are a body as one
We may fall
But our brothers will still come
We fight in unison
We may hold the banner while dying
But that banner is our code
Never surrender
Defend the faith
Know what is better
And live for the day
When our king returns
The only king
The one for whom our flesh will die
And it will be amazing

A Short explaination

I was asked about the meaning of some poems of mine about love, and lost love.   I am a poet, and I use the hurt and joys of my life to inform my work.   I am not speaking as me, Alex Ness, when I write about lost love, and perhaps not always writing as me, Alex Ness, when I write about someone I love.    The voice is that of the speaker of the work.

So for those keeping score:
I am in love with my wife Beth, and she is my only love, romantically speaking.

If you read that I've a broken heart, I might have one, or it might be fiction.   It isn't a good idea to explain every poem, because in the end, the universal emotions I express become limited should I explain them.

For the record also:
I love my son, more than anything in the world.
My two cats are angels in the guise of animals.

I have no money.  No one buys my work.
But I am rich for the love in my life.

The end.

Cast Down from the Sky

What becomes my world
Should it be cast from the sky
What becomes my eyes
Should I be driven blind
By the lack of compassion
By the lack of tears
Who am I to question my place
Amongst the world of lies
Fears and hate
Why should I try
It ill becomes my soul
To walk when I was born
To fly
So I am condemned
Now to crawl
And that is more than all
The tears gathered in one cup
For my place at the table
Of mankind

Sorrows

If there is sorrow in my heart
It is for the love I have not shared
If there is sorrow in my body
It is for the love I have lost
I am not aware
Of the life I've lived
Only that which passed before me
Only without a cost
Call my name
Lift me out of this pit
Call my name my God
And carry me from this place
I am not worthy
Of salvation
Only by grace can I be saved
I am not worthy
Of your mercy
But save me from the grave

I am Icarus

I have flown to the ceiling of the atmosphere
Only to have my wings fall off melting
And I have crashed to the sea
Life stealing
And am no longer able to fly
Only scream
In fear

Achilles is Cruel

Lithe and able

Elite of ability

Miniscule in humility

Achilles was as a lion

With attendant strength

And vanity

Hector met him outside of the gate

As they planned

Two lions met in combat

Only one survived and after the battle

Achilles pulled the slain body

Round the city of Troy

The city walls lined

With horror struck citizens

As he mocked their hero

Now struck down

Dragging him with his chariot

The legs and arms flailing about

Lifeless yet, moving

Like a puppet under a madman’s strings

Broken hearted children sing

Anthems to their hero

But as with life that betrayed him

There is nothing to be done

But to wait for death to end the scene

And restore hope some other way

“And overpowered by memory
Both men gave way to grief. Priam wept freely
For man - killing Hector, throbbing, crouching
Before Achilles' feet as Achilles wept himself,
Now for his father, now for Patroclus once again
And their sobbing rose and fell throughout the house.”

 ― Homer, The Iliad 

Forgive me for begging

I could keep asking
But you'd keep ignoring
And then you would tell me
There is too much pressure

I would have whispered I love you
But you refused to hear
Anytime I spoke

I would have told you I need you
But you'd turn in fear
Anytime I'd approach

I cannot reach you
I cannot find you
When you tell me
You are drowning
I worry
And don't want to appear
The beggar

Forgive me
I am unable
To make you
Understand
That I cannot deliver
Salvation
Or pleasure

So reach out for me
I will take your hand
Speak loudly or softly
I will listen
But I am alone
I am just a flawed man
And I cannot wait forever

HE WILL RAISE HIS BANNER

He is just a servant 
A knight in service to a king
For whom every kingdom serves
For there is no higher power
He lays his arms before the king
Bows before him in honor
Showing his absolute fidelity
The knight knows his role
And has played his part
The world a great stage and play
He gave his role his entire heart
Blood and honor
Soul and flesh
Nothing more can be given
Except for the things that cannot be taken
To live for one with every breath
To give every moment for the king
To live for one purpose
To give voice to hopeless
To give hope to the voiceless
To be the reason the King's anthems sing

I Fall To My Knees

I never asked why
Because I knew there was more
I left my home
For all my life
I knew that I
Was upon a quest
Trying to find you
Trying to find your throne
And now that I have
I fall to my knees before you
Giving you the best of my harvest
The greatest of my work, of what I own
My highest and greatest for you
I give you everything
And you called my name
But I am the one who received
Because you gave me
The unblemished lamb
His fleece
The purest
Whiter than snow
Because of you
I know truth
I know your name
I believe
For you alone are worthy
For you alone
Are worthy of my praise
You are my Lord

The Green

I used to believe that the earth was the answer
To the question: what is right and perfect
That humanity was a disease worse than cancer
Burning and destroying everything
And I sorrowed our actions
The beast of man, of humans
Our choices and our decay
But now I know
The earth is perfect
Not because of its own design
But because it was made
The trees sway like dancers
The birds and the animal calls
Are the cantors
In a church for just one
Who is truly perfect
The one without flaw
Who is self aware, and self created
Oh, so perfect, The creator

 I am sorry for my friends who are left of center politically, to my friend pagans, and atheists, I realize they'll think that I am purposefully insulting their beliefs. I am simply saying, I was worshiping the created, rather than the creator, something called idolatry, and I think that in doing that, I was wrong.   This is my public apology to my God for missing the point. I always heard in the thunder the voice of God, I found rapture in the glory in nature, yet I thought wow nature is great, instead thinking, God is speaking to me through nature. Since the cancer I face might take me from this earth, I wanted to right my wrong.   I have many but this is one I need to fix.

Lost in my ignorance

In her way she was never demure
Her body laid out almost poured
Across those black silk sheets
Her form was perfect, highlighted
Featured white skin, curves
Like the moon in twilight
Standing out in stark beauty
She was catlike, almost hearing her purr
She was never coy
Never one to stay quiet
Her voice was not loud but was heard
I would have given gems and rubies
Anything to hold her, to love her
She would have said yes
I said no, despite my urges
Time flashed by, even blurred
Never offered the chance again
A memory of it lingers
The consequence of a fetid, unhumble man
Remembering his ignorance
Of a beautiful offering untaken, is absurd

Nemo me lacrumis decoret dare neque fletu celebrare exequias volutabantur

They will dress nicely
To keep warm and to be respectful
And during the procession there
Some will be strong
keeping
a silent look upon their face

During the funeral some will cry
Because they see life as all there is
But they are wrong

Wasting those tears collected
in handkerchiefs made of finest cotton

There is more, I cannot show them
I am only human
I cannot tell them, words alone cannot transform
I only know from knowing
That leaves me torn

There are cemeteries all across the horizon
The land is filled with bones
The ravens and crows fly above
The sky is dotted

But when I die I will not be missed long
Because little in this world matters
Little in this world is remembered

Dead flesh passes quickly
Words are forgotten
The only way in which we matter
Are the way in which we love
The way in which we care

We are temporal, and made of dust
The spirit is eternal
The flesh will die
It is rotten
Which will you trust?

Art credit Henri Rivière

“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.”   ― Sholem Asch

Should the Darkness Come

Should darkness come
I will be waiting
For the fall has
Begun
My heart
Fighting forever
Knows the name
Of the one
Who can save me
From the fire
From the madness
Inside my heart
He knows my name
He calls my name
And I walk
Like Lazarus
For I cannot die
Though my flesh will burn
And fall away

Dark Street by Petr Kratochvil

Dreamer's dreams

I dreamed that I was special
Building worlds from words
Laying foundations from emotions
Doing things no one else could do
A god among the men you see
It is true, I dreamed falsely
I fell when I finally woke
Looking upon the reality I live
Knowing a world I can't change
I was broken knowing
My words cannot affect a thing
So I dream
And do nothing but sleep
I dream falsely dreaming things
I dream a dreamer's dreams
I dream, I dream

Ecstasy's Garden is lost

I have walked in the winter winds
Sought solace and warmth
I begged for silence but have been crushed
By the cold and screams so loud
I have looked for you
But have only found
The empty places inside
Where lays my soul
So cold
More so than any December ground
Frozen it cries
The blood inside me doesn't move
The spirit decays
As my flesh flays
I have looked for you
But you are not here near me
Anywhere I might look
I do seek you
You no longer call my name
I cannot hear your voice
In the winter's haunting
My flesh fails
My spirit mourns
My mind reels
Nothing calms
My throes

Once I tasted of ecstasy's garden
Once I caught the aroma of her spice
Once I saw the most beautiful goddess
But now there is only woe

Without your voice I fade
Without your hand in mine
I cannot make my way
I have looked and have not found you
This winter betrays
Everything I am
Everything I long to be
Once I knew you
But now my hopes flee
I am desolate and frozen
To this earth bound place

Drink of my wine, and enter

The wasteland before us is vast
Untold millions are lost within
Eternal famine
The depth is untouched
My vein untapped
Blood flow is inexorable
The fear relentless
My sanity like a throat clutched
My will permanently wrapped
In a tomb immeasurable
Large and endless
The devastation of my soul
From the hunger
Of longing
Never ends
This is a journey
I have walked alone
There is in the distance
The horizon with a low hanging sun
I see the plains and land it shines above
Completely bare
Starved, dead, dying
For my soul is emptied
From despair
The sorrow within pour out
Until my cup
Is full
Of a wine so rare
Drink of it
And enter oblivion
With me
And my wine
And cup
And enter my lair

Into Never

I was told that love was forever
And then you left
My heart was crushed
My soul bereft
And I never knew these nights were so very long
What is forever
I thought we were meant to be together
Never passing a day without each other
But I was wrong
And my heart isn't strong
Enough to last
Without you here
Next to me
I miss you now forever
I know we cannot be
Again you and me
But I know
When I hear your voice
Catch your scent upon the air
See you in the glimpse
I'll fade away into never
Because I believed in
Forever
Forever

God Knows

Some see me and run
Others think and say
I am a nonesuch
Shaking inside
Having no worth
I fight my enemies
All of my failings
And the failures
My life hasn't been easy
Despite the whispers of my critics
I spend more time in prayer
Begging for forgiveness
I don't pray to God
For him to grant my wishes
I will never be healed
My flesh is broken, suffering necrosis
My brain is broken, suffering crisis
I believe in God
Does God believe in me
Only God knows
He is the final judge
I walk in memory's shadows
And have nothing awaiting
But death
Until I walk in the light
After I draw my final breath
So I hope
I have faith
But I also have fear
That I do not believe
Enough

I Long For You, Again and Again

Your beauty leaves me amazed

And I keep wondering

Are you still mine

Because I am weak

I need to know you remain

Whether night or in the day

I long to be where you are

I long to hear you call my name

I want to see your face

I want to be near you again

I need to know you are here

I need to breathe the air

That you have breathed

I need to hear your voice

I need to know you still reign

Over my heart

Over my soul

You are my only love

You are the only one

In my eyes

You are my queen

And I bow before you

Giving you all I am

And everything that I have

So that I might be yours

I long for you

Again and again

Father and Son, Together

Valued for his mind
He was a prisoner
In a gilded cage
Daedalus needed to escape
Being bruised by the tyranny
He theorized then
That with only wings
Would they lift from the island
Aloft would they fly
In the depths of a night
Without day
Accused by the tyrant
That they now betrayed
Should they be caught
Caged lifes
Forever
Instead
Two tamed hearts
Each other's ideal
A relationship marked
By such gentleness
A father's delight
Hope without shame
Two lives in legends hallowed
Fly with me father Daedalus
You are my joy son Icarus
Let us forever rise
Find our lives
But father in Hades I wait
Walking now with the shadows

Life Blood Splattered, My Dreams Scattered

Sweet Jesus what have I done
My madness is again begun
Spiraling deep into shame
I keep rethinking my shit
Slicing into flesh, to relieve my pain
Sprayed my life upon the concrete
Finished
Nowhere left to run
Only myself to blame
How complicit
I feed my disguise
Living my lies
Oh Jesus
There is nothing I can do
Please hold me
I am so cold
Soon
This life removed
So askew
Jesus take me with you
I have nowhere else to turn
The hurt
Oh God it burns
Please Jesus let me free
So I don't do
What I want to do

My Greatest Victory

I knew that the day you said yes
Was my greatest victory
My greatest legacy
Of my life
When you said yes
That you would take my hand
And would walk with me forever
That you would enter forever
As my wife
From that moment I'd remember
Every tear of sadness
As something to laugh at
As something that would pass
They were a moment in a December
Versus a lifetime of days
For I had eternity
With love that would abide
With a fire that would not die
Inside
With a heart ablaze
With love
For you
Side by side we would face
All our days
All our nights
Together
As one
Together
Never to sever
This bond

Mars Is Wrong

It is time we stopped listening
To the Roman god Mars
We don't need another dictator
We don't need another war
We don't need another hero
We don't need more scars
We need to be fed til full
We need to have a job
We need education
We need working cars
Syria Iran and North Korea
Don't need our bombs
Or missile strikes
We don't need to be over there
We don't need to be over there
It is time for peace to be the cause
It is time


"And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths: for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem. And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more."    Isaiah 2:3-4






















((Source))

I am wrong, he can redeem me

As a child I thought I could be
More than the beast I am today
My soul entered winter
And I began to realize
That there is beast inside me
It struggles and fights to escape
It tries to eat my flesh
My heart is dead
Unreachable
So deep within
If judged by my actions
By my eyes I commit rape
By my heart I am a killer
I linger in the madness
Insanity that only I could feel
If I confess
I should be taken in
My life is so surreal
A life full of major sins
My hand was the one
Holding the hammer
That pounded the nails
Into his wrists
I should have gone to jail
But
As the echoes
Of tears I have cried
Come down like rain
I can see his pain
And I confess
My life is over
Jesus forgive me
You can't redeem me
I deserve to burn hell
Or to be sent to a prison cell
And never
No never
Be released

The Hunted

Due to the circumstances
Of the curse
Of the Loup Garou
The Wolvish birth
Others have hated me
Called me an outsider
Or worse
Since my time as a child
The dark tidings
Of racial hatred
Longed to steal
My joy inside
To take what was in my heart
What I knew was true
In my mind
For I am the hunted
I am the true son of the Wild
I have walked full reach
Of the distant marches
For the king
I live the life of honor
Without defile
Despite the accusations
That I am a beast
And that I hunt flesh
That I eat men
Raised by the hand of humans
I am the son of the wolf
But I am the child of man
And I am noble

Mars Staring

 "Many of us who have our homes on Olympus endure things from men, when ourselves we inflict hard pain on each other". Homer, Iliad 5.385

He watches all of his children fight
But not as children will do, as in war
We admire him, his power and strength
But his way shouldn't be thought right
His path is well worn, to our horror
For it is littered with bodies and blood
The souls consigned to ever lasting night

"Most hateful to me are you of all gods on Olympus, for ever is strife dear to you and wars and fightings." Homer, Iliad 5.890

Just a Jester in her Service

Might I dance for you
Or juggle or sing a tune
I can tell a joke
Or make you laugh
Perhaps I might be of worth
Somehow
Someway
Or is it in opportune?
I am just a jester
And you are after all
A queen
I live to serve you
But somehow I feel
You don't see me 
I am invisible
I don't exist
But for my service
As a jester
To make you laugh
To make you smile
All day long
When things are hard
And life is wrong
I do something funny
But my Queen
We weren't meant to be
So

For my wife Beth, A Gift From God

There is only one
It is you
To Jesus, I prayed for you
I received a gift from God
I prayed to know joy
You gave me a son
And because of that
I know what joy is
25 years of struggle against the tide
Would have been a disaster, alone
So thank you for my life
I didn't know what I would find
Didn't know what I would experience
Didn't know what was inside my heart
How you moved my soul and mind
Thank you my love, thank you
You are all I want
All I need, it is the truth
Thank you for my life with you

Despite the Times we live in

In the shadows cast by the light of the moon
The darkness falls upon the dark
I stumble while we walk
Amongst the ruins of the landscape
Of the city now gone
Dust and rubble
Of a land destroyed
By war and catastrophe
The midnight moon though bright
Casts shadows below
And though it covers her in dark
Her face is hidden by the night's mask
I can see the tears that she has cried
About things I don't understand
About the things that are out of my hands
She thinks that I don't love her
But it my love for her that keeps me alive
When there is only darkness
She is unable to see
How someone could love her
But I do
She make me glad
Even in such sorrowful times
When the world crumbles
And ghosts of my failures creep and haunt
I hope that she can trust me
That that love is all I have
And that it is all I want

Oh this Foolish Heart

I don't mind that you don't care
I don't care that you don't mind
That I am bleeding inside
From the love that isn't there
I know what I feel
Not responsible
For anyone else
I can't wait forever
Not going to take your pulse
To see if your heart beats for me
I know it doesn't
I won't deceive myself
I can't fake my belief
I don't mind that you don't care
Because you never did



















But I do



















Still

Green Christ

Hold your faith banner
Hold it up with pride
Know that you are a good man
Know that you are good inside
Here he is Our savior
Made of God flesh
Or made of man?
Up lift then our beliefs
Display them for parade
Place them all upon a crucifix
And Praise him
Oh Praise him
Raise him up before you
Stare at the symbol
And bow down
Before the Green Christ
The Elvis Christ
Conspiracy Christ
Commercial Christ
Industrial Christ
Every Christ
Of our imaginations
Ignore the living word
Trust in your vanity
Trust in your self deceit
Worship what was made
Instead of the maker
Inviting your doom
Oh idolatrous nation
Sheep to the slaughter
Wie Schafe zur Schlachtbank geführt

A slaughter that will come
Any day now
It will come
Very soon

Wie Schafe zur Schlachtbank geführt

Just saying...

Many people criticize creative people, and that is fine, but remember this... If you do not like me or my work, don't keep reading it, or knowing me. Trust me, I know, I am not for everyone.

Masquerade's End

Wore a mask
Changed your name
Asked me in
And then
You played your game
Said you need me
Said you love me
You might deny
But you know you did
I tried to love you
I tried to help
Even when I knew
I would lose
In the end
I would lose
And you would win
Now that fucking door is closed
After you moved back in
The masquerade's end
The party fades
You changed your name
Your mask went on
Again
For another round
With another love
With another heart to break
Without the shame
Without the risk
Hide your heart for another
And invite him in to find it

When the Wind

When the wind stops blowing
When the sun stops burning
When my heart stops beating
When my blood turns cold
When the world stops turning
When all the oceans stop churning
When my eyes turn empty
When I flee with my soul
This earth may die
All the flesh will grow old
This world will pass from view
Still
I will never bid you adieu
I will never say goodbye
For you are my love
You are my life
You are the truth
That fills me inside
You are the one
That my heart burns for
You are the one
Who brings me alive
When the world stops living
I will still be alive
And I will always desire
To be with you more
You are my love
Alone

A Simple Girl named Joan

In her heart burned sorrow for her country
Her king was tested by the English
She was unable to speak what she felt
But had visions inside
They forced her to act
To be reviled as a fool
Perhaps
The visions would surface
And she would be received
By the king
Lead the armies
Break the siege
Around Orleans

A girl who dressed like a boy
Prayed like a monk
Made war like a general
Led a people to arms
Broke the siege
Around the city
Even as the English taunted
For how could a girl
Lead an army of men in war
She was called many things

A prostitute
A bitch
A slut
An apostate
A whore
A witch
But what she was
Was a woman
Blessed with a vision
Remembered for
Leading her country
From another country's grip
To freedom
To greatness
Betrayed and dying a martyr

Jeanne d'Arc

Bast, God, and the Gift

You are welcome to believe
What you wish about God
Gods and Goddesses
I believe in the creator
With ever fiber of my soul
And I believe God's message
Is love, eternal love
I sorrow the lost opportunities
That I had
But I give God all praise
For the blessings he has given me
And the reminders of his love
That have shown me his grace
Mischa
Simone
Katya
Sophia
Blessings that others might not see
But they remind me
Comfort me
Are proof to me
Of their divinity
Of his love
Of the love for my being




















(Photo credit)














Proxy photo for my Mischa
( photo credit )











Proxy photo for my Simone
(photo credit)

My Sophia

My Katya