Paradise Lost

With families torn by the violence of the storm
The new order imposed by warlords is a disaster
We'd lingered in the sun for so long, so warmed
We'd no idea how bad life could become in war
Our breath stolen from our chest, with our hope
We'd ignored what prophets said as they warned
We allowed our world to be taken, slaughtered
Pride obscured visions of unity of all life forms
We traded for bare necessities, even sustenance
By empty praise from the ignorant and the cruel
We'd lost our way, offered our youth on an altar
We've nothing left to defend, not any more
Because we've given up our future
Let us record in lavish detail our folly
To make certain no one repeats it

Flesh and Circuitry

In the maze of conduits of wires, tubes, technological soup
The faith given is based upon the return upon new dreams
Humans are never satisfied as they hunger for new stimuli
We seem to fear we'll become trapped in some time loop
Where we never escape the boundary of flesh or screens
Each being is spiritual, not physical, change is our war cry
Polished steel, fibers, wires, circuits and more technology
Cannot be the replacement for biological life and existence
However much we might amend our personal mythologies
Our lives are deepened, find worth in constant persistence
Not in any technological advance, nor modern pathology
Our lives are our own, assisted by or ignored by modernity

Consider

Walk into the light, let the horizon be your goal
Go far beyond all the limits you fail to perceive
If you cannot find light, keep moving and trying
Learn the many ways to fulfill your eternal soul
Become the arbiter of the information you receive
Go from reactive to proactive, live before dying
Life is short, true but our limits end upon death
Take every minute and find more in the moment
Time is a construct, it has never drawn breath
Find purpose, reason and hope, never relent
We are meant to live, and in life to learn
Heaven is the reward, not a destination
Eternity exists, it is not something earned
It is meant to be understood by preparation

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not
the same river and he's not the same man.” Heraclitus

We Don't Dance in the Asylum, They Won't Let Us

I'll find a path in this madness, all asylum doors are closed
Wait in a corner of my round room, my release opposed
Forced to wear a mask, for others, and myself
To keep me mouth shut, kept laying upon a shelf
Nothing to say or think, due to medication
My mind emptied and screaming inside
I'm wounded with mental starvation
But this heart needs more
I've nothing to offer, only emotional sacrifice
Left long ago and allowed dreams to entice
I'll dance in darkness, no beat, no rhythm
I've no sound accompaniment
My flesh is payment given to a world
Demanding that punishment

"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to
give birth to a dancing star." Friedrich Nietzsche

Permanent

Some find only bitterness, planting toxic seeds
Some seek only vengeance, hating all beliefs
Then complain over their portion, an ignorant lot
If still alive I might care, but I'm thankfully not
I passed so long ago behind the veil, oh victory
To survive years, burdens to bear, but now
My flesh is gone, faded, tears remain, oh God
What was the purpose of it all, all this mystery
The baptism of rain, are the tears of God that fall
I watch from the gray, I long waited my time
To transcend this place, to overcome the taste
Of failure, of my flesh, passing into spirit
I'm ready, I'm waiting, as nothing survives
It changes form, a manifest transformation
From temporary into the permanent form
Now into forever, from darkness to light

Let my spirit rise, in sweet ascent
Let my flesh pass, as a message sent
Nothing lasts forever, I give up control
Forever consists of spirit and soul
 

Round Room Rantings

I think I reached the end, not like before, not again
My dreams are gone but the nightmares still remain
The room they've put me in, well it has no corners
Edges are soft, emergency call box is out of order
They say I can't keep silent, or I'm being too quiet
But it's my life, if I'm insane, just keep that private
In my existence, there's only darkness and the rain
I'm aware your views, yes, in your eyes I'm a stain
But DNA and experiences don't equal my being
So think whatever you like, I'll not scream
Just to be what you want me to do or be

Run With Me, Run Into The Mist

The time for love is right now, grasp it before it is gone
Take my hand and run with me, into the fields of dawn
You are my only love, only dream, I long for your time
Your smile spawns hope, into my heart and my mind
Please see my soul, open to your eyes alone, here it is
Take my hand and flee with me, run into the mist
For this world is growing silent with frozen hearts
Life is cold, with my flesh a mass of scars
In your arms I find warmth, let us again reminisce 

“I was made and meant to look for you and wait for you
and become yours forever.”               Robert Browning

Reflection: A Cracked Mirror

All of time is fleeting, sinking like a lead bottomed ship
Existence troubled by thinking, knowing that I'm a being
Who has shed his past, present and future, and convinced
There's only a moment, only this thought that I've in me
There is nothing beyond now, nothing beyond my reach
Digging deeply into ego, with more to learn than to teach
No solipsistic minute in me, but in selfishness I find glee
And then I realize, I am a vessel with no value, emptied
Delving into fathoms without a guide, a rejected seed
I've no reflection in a mirror, regrets inspired by me
I see nothing, I've become invisible, I'm made toxic
I'm hidden in the shadows and my vision is myopic
The darkness has swallowed me, harrowing me
The cracked mirror is empty, like my mind
Lost in my vanity, but is it by my design?

Just Live

He spoke the words, "Just live."
As the prophet spoke aloud, the people shook in fear
The words were not frightening, but were still truth
As the people saw their future, bringing them tears
Asking why joy was a moment reserved for youth
A time fleeting, as none could turn back the years
Sorrow, aging followed, trust unsupported by proof
So the people asked themselves, repeatedly
Why should I endure, if the rest of life is decay
Why should one bother, if all that is left is pain
What is life, if the sorrows grow increasingly?
It doesn't matter, the prophet said, the key to life
Is to live. Just live. It is all there is.
Find a purpose, exist, and hope
Unceasingly

"To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become
presence, means accepting the risk of absence.” Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Being, Defending

There is hope and light
There's darkness and night
I believe in trying to find joy
As much as anyone might
I realize too
After years of searching
Perhaps I'm a fool,
Or I'm naive, or ignorant
My soul is a fire,
A fire for warmth

But also, as fuel for anger
As it burns me, and causing rage
I must give in or leave the world
An anger can't be quenched
My soul needs peace
I remember that all that I need
Are within reach, available to me
Are love, kindness, hope and joy
I must do the things in my life
To make them happen
I must lift others up
Be the voice of the voicelesss

Give choice to the choiceless
I must be a defender
So I must surrender
And let my ego go free
Free to fade into the gray
Free from me, able to fly
Free from rage
And at peace

“The worst thing that can happen to a good cause is, not to be
skillfully attacked, but to be ineptly defended.” Frédéric Bastiat

The Harvest is Ready, So am I

The flesh cloak becomes tattered and ripped at the edges
The soul I wear is whole, impervious to life's offenses
My being is indivisible, flesh and soul connected
Time is temporary, I'm aware there's work left
Fields are ready for harvest, heavy with seed
One life may seem to not be enough
But I am ready
My flesh will fade away and age
But I've been created for this day
For all of the work still to be done
All work needing completion
Will be complete
If my soul exists forever
I will be in his service
In the fields of the earth
And across the stars
In our fragile hearts, minds, and dreams
Awaken dreamer, awaken my soul
It is again time to live, at last
Time to awaken from sleep
To finally be restored
Ready to forgive
Ready to ascend

Our Mind Pilot

Our mind is a vessel, allowing us to fly across the galaxy
Our flesh becomes ever more fragile, our sanity atrophies
We discover our being will enter such a perfect entropy
How the intricate universe outside of our planet grows
The moment we close our eyes, we become the master
There miracles and catastrophes form a confluent flow
Our dreams take us places, as we escape every disaster
Far beyond the fields and lands that we now know
Until we wake, we linger, we've found new worlds
Delving the mysteries and fathoms of imagination
We have a way to escape life's misery and rage
In sleep we are the central actor, director and stage

Attachment lost

I gave up all my deep attachments
By doing so I have given up fear
I had chosen this path I'm upon
And all my tears, scars and flaws
Mean that I'm alive and feeling
Made of clay and spark, I exist
Standing before life, a mirror
A light inside me burning hot
A greater new hope spawns
Giving up everything is the key
As I give up, it leads to healing
I stand ready before the void
I've become free and refuse despair
And as I gaze into existence
I've chosen to be redeemed
In a world that doesn't care
But I do, and I will

Stare Into the Dark Clouds

As a cold rain falls in April
I stare out into darkest clouds
And I wonder my place here
Insomniac, fully wakeful
Losing my dreams
I'm full of doubt
I shiver
And no one draws near
But I can't care any more
Life is temporary
I'll never be restored
As I watch quietly
I truly know
The decay will happen
As flesh fails, silently
The meat falls from bone
With Azrael's chilling laugh
I will gaze into forever
With eternity enthroned
And when ready
I"ll be dispatched
And no one anywhere
Will notice or even care
And that is the way it goes

Between Life and Death

Should no one care, I will still have spoken
Should I be silent, my thought will still exist
The flesh passes by, but time is a construct
All roads converge, around the path chosen
A future unwritten, the weed that persists
The lives composed of clay being corrupt
Every single thing we do, leaves an impact
The world we build, is absurd, an abstract
One thing is known, we long to be renewed
In a world of madness, condemned to doom
We long for logic, but it escapes our gaze
We long for love, instead we find rage
Oh how eternity beckons, with a kiss
Azrael is dutiful, and reads his list
Elysium waits, and we are ready
With a kiss, life turned deadly

Nightmare

At a birth, we will all acknowledge life as amazing
We've witnessed a hopeful, beautiful miracle
In the flash and spark of lights, we become alive
But we watch as life turns ignorant spectacle
By bread, circus, sex and food, we feed a need
In pleasure, not dreams, we find contentment
Given drugs to wake or sleep, to have sex
Or even to be alive in the moment
This is not life, it is a nightmare
One created by our own addictions
Dreams are lost and we are broken
We embrace the victim-hood
Of all of our afflictions
There is nothing we wouldn't do
To relieve our self inflicted torment
If only for the moment, a minute passing
And for pittance, we'd sell our soul
Our souls, for a temporary pleasure
In exchange for a life everlasting

34 years and 1 month later

I never knew life could be good before I met you
It was painful, torturous, no moments of healing
Did my time, barely survived, I learned the truth
Loving you was my life's release, I was believing
You shared my life, and your love was my proof
Evidence gathered, overwhelming all I perceived
You broke the rules I'd lived by, said life is good
Thanks, 34 years and 1 month since redemption
I'm not perfect, in ways yes I am still a child
What you did led me to true ascension
In your love I am tamed, but still wild

"I wanted excitement and danger and the chance
to sacrifice myself for my love.”        Leo Tolstoy

Alone

This world offers what will not make me whole
Temptation beggars my soul, then steals control
Wanted so much more, wanting a person to adore
Without you in my life, my being's been ignored
What purpose could it serve to deplete my reserve
To find that the rewards of life are well deserved
In this world I'm considered an unworthy fool
But this world is filled with many who are cruel
And they are the judge, the jury and the people
My case is ended, I'm guilty as charged
It is all quite perfect, all quite legal
Let me serve my sentence
I am finished, nothing remains
Forever alone, I know I'll go insane

Unrealized

In your eyes I saw a future, those children that we created
I lost myself in the dream of being with you, I was elated
But life doesn't offer return upon promises left unfulfilled
As I pondered the reasons why, somehow I had to rebuild
A dream led me down a path that could never be realized
I expected hope and completion, yet, I was surprised
No home, no children, no pets, no, I'd have no family
My dreams had turned out to be false imaginings
I'd have to live, without creating my own legacy
And then I'll walk my path alone, for the future
As I realize what I've unrealized, thereafter

“The happy have whole days,
and those they choose.
The unhappy have but hours,
and those they lose.”
                         Colley Cibber

Agony

On this, your wedding day, I can see you are glad
Don't know why it matters but I've needed to say
We never made it from friend to any sort of lover
I know you are happy, and I'm so happy for you
Tears falling on my face don't mean I'm sad
I knew you waited for him, not for any other
I know, you made the best choice, I really do
My future is empty without the hope of you
And I want you to live the best life you can
If you need to never see me again, I want that
Even if it guts me like a fish, writhing in agony
So have a great life, I love you, farewell
And I'll just go back to Hell.

For my love

You loved the loveless
You helped the helpless
Brought hope to the hopeless
Gave a voice to the voiceless
Even when you're wounded
You've helped others heal
Your center of love is far away
A great distance from human realms
This world could fall apart
Like a house of cards
Should you have to leave
And you could at any time
I'd collapse as well
But whatever has happened
You are with me still
You're the one
Who balanced out the evil
You're the one who paid my cost
However high the bill
I promise you
You've moved me all 35 years
You move me, continuing to do so
As we walk hand in hand, together
At last I know you understand
Every single thing I've been through
And what I still have to go through
So I will remain in your presence
Forever with you, forever amen

Moral Quicksand

This disaster that I've created
The end curtain of the drama
For I've become my own demon
In the midst of a sort of quicksand
In my own moral failures, I sink
Reaping my own life's consequences
Wanting what I can't have, I scream
Inside my head, all the voices sing
It does not matter what I think
Days are too long, night so serene
My imagination births vile offspring
Into the madness, I'm pulled down
My screams can be easily heard
Like the voices inside, they are loud
My physical body will not be found
My conscience begins to haunt
No one should ever worry
In this state no tears are allowed
I've been lost for far too long
And I can never come home
Even if that is what I want

"Vanity is the quicksand of reason."  George Sand

I know I'm wrong

No, I won't forgive myself for what I did
I know you can't do it either, I was wrong
I had spent my life wanting something else
Rather than being happy with what I have
Over time I became bitter, my hope is gone
And now, as desert dust covers everything
The extreme heat dries my throat, I cough
I know my flesh is dying, I want to say
I was the one being wrong, I'm ashamed
So what now? Just saying I am done
And I am sorry, very sorry

Black Roses, Dying but Beautiful

The mercy you ask from me, was never extended to me
Same goes for the love that you offer me now
As I waited long ago, my hope was killed
 I have spent decades praying without relief
I need to be comforted or to be redeemed
My heart beats sorrow, distilled
This act of grace you desire in me
Like dead black roses, is still beautiful
But I can't fulfill it, nor can I help you
I know it will fail me somehow
Not in my anger or petty grudges
Because I know the truth, I know
The emptiness in my heart
It was long ago created by you
And now, in this place of hurt
I watch it as it grows

Unfair endings

I watched, gazing inward, as the joy of life left your eyes
Heard you crying, praying to be released, but were denied
And then you began to walk into the gray realms of death
Unliving but not dead, you chose a path, gave up all breath
Then I realized that wanting you to stay would be wrong
Because everything I loved that you were, was now gone
The gray realms embraces all, no walls to keep us out
Joy allows us to ascend, finding hope, answering doubt
I hope you are happy, and someday I'll see you again
Without pain, without sorrow, and without stain

The Madness of the Somme

Upon July 1, 1916 the first day, Battle of the Somme
The British Army suffered a worst day in its existence
Counting all events of its illustrious and storied past
Losing a small city of humans, losing 19,240 men
But true loss and awareness of tragedy happens
Upon an individual and family level, not the army
In war's mania, a madness, a drama, and tragedy
Leaders and state only feel absence of use
Due to an inability to spend the lives again
Use of those lives stopped due to war's course
Death is forever and wounds can be permanent
To be killed might actually be a form of relief
However grievous to the future of a soldier
Physical injury and PTSD are hard to endure
Dying an ending, an escape from the present

“This is what is called dying for your country, but it is actually
selling your soul to a few profiteers for a shilling, and being
massacred to satisfy their selfish purposes. And they call it
                                    WAR--and a legitimate thing at that." 

        Private Arthur Wrench HQ, 154th Brigade, 51st Division