Star Cloud

Falling through space as if a meteor
Or a grain of light pushed by a wave
As wind in the heavens, drifting
I could've felt no less inferior
As a fool none could save
The vacuum and my flesh kissing
With planets and moons aligned
In space there was little left
But for my soul I held inside
Screaming silently, bereft
The cosmos watched without eyes
As my being was oppressed
Watching as worlds collide
Nothing but dust
Hovering chaotically
Without gravity
Nothing but the sands of time
My eyes finally closed
I was at last given an air of trust
And I told myself
It was truly a ride for the ages

“You develop an instant global consciousness, a people orientation, an intense dissatisfaction with the state of the world, and a compulsion to do something about it. From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch.”  Moonwalker Edgar Mitchell

The Crows Flee

I walked along the pathway, as the crows then flew away
Alone without love, without hope, without anything much
With freezing rains falling, the ghosts of the past calling
Nothing I could really do, being years since I last saw you

“It is only natural, of course, that each man should think his own opinions best: the crow loves his fledgling, and the ape his cub.”  Thomas More

Asking

What if the words you say aloud
What if the thoughts in your mind
All said you knew better
Than to love someone like me
Knees and heads bowed
In obedience
What if you knew what mattered
And loved who you loved inside
No matter what others think
Whatever their shattered dreams
Whatever their restless sleep
You would make me proud
Let love grow so strong
Let it creep deep inside you
Like a weed in concrete
Never dying
Never crying
Knowing exactly
It lives again
Keep growing
Keep knowing
I never stop loving
It is a fire within


“I intend to bring you strength, joy, courage, perspicacity, defiance.” 
― André Gide

Oh My Love

I stare into your depths and know
When I gaze, it isn't enough
I need to know you more
When I even touch you
My soul soars
You are beautiful
In every breath you take
You are wonderful
You are lovely for love's sake
And I was incomplete
Until I married you
My love without you I am weak
Without you I'd rather pass from this place
Because of you I live and love
You are my love and my home
And there are no others
My heart is yours alone

Plague Bearer

As we begin an enormous test
We live in a world of despair
And a world of quarantine
Waiting for the hated virus
Waiting for our slayer
Those already dead attest
We are becoming aware
Every rumored plot
Winds about most serpentine
Accusations a chorus
We've run out of prayer
We've run out of time
Fragile is this flesh
We've become prisoners
Not of fear, but of plague
This life is finite
This may be a final breath
Shall we acquiesce
Will we cry for help
Spoken without listeners
Our certainty is vague
Modernity made impotent
We cower in the face of the bearer
Nosophoros
Bringer of disease
Bringer of death

“Man might defined as "modern" largely to the extent that he attempts to control, as opposed to adjust himself to, nature.”   John M. Barry, The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History

Winter and Raven

Like a raven in a cemetery
After a winter thaw
Absorbing the quiet
Avoiding fatigue
The isolation is serene
How does it feel I wonder
To be free from sorrow
Holding frozen earth in claw
The tragedy of winter
Winter kill and decay
But the snow is white
So it appears clean
But this is a world of cold
Seeking a source of warmth
Is manifest idiocy
This is a world surreal
A world of apathy
A world of ignorance
A world that mocks those who feel


Could it be that wisdom appears on earth as a Raven, attracted by a little whiff of carrion?”  Friedrich Nietzsche

My Misery

What enigmatic message did you give me
By forgiving my crimes
I know that I am guilty
I know even more my flaws
I am a failed idealist
There is nothing to achieve
Nothing more to find inside
But the flesh and my mind
My misery so divine
My dreams and my fears
All lay there
When they have a chance
Trying to climb out
Pouring the doubt
Telling me that it is time
So what were you trying to tell me
What mystery is this
How can I hope to be redeemed
If I have no sins to pay for
In the depths of purgatory
I'll be digging a bottomless mine
Sorting through the remnants
Separating the residue
From the ruin
Searching for the artifacts
To explain my demise

“Remember, this day will never dawn again.” 
― Dante Aligherie

Time is a River, Always Flowing

Ticking clocks, as our children become adults
Our parents age before our eyes, from time
And all the while, we enter the cycle of others
Birth, childhood, teens, adults and elders
All are victim to the same villain
And we can all shine
Knowing we aren't around forever
Knowing we have to be together
We are losing our days
Memory flees
Time is a beast, it is a crime
We waste our youth upon stupid acts
We see adulthood as a vital task
But waste our days in worry
Losing sleep over what is beyond our hand
Then we die
Still wondering where time went
Never realizing
how many times others wondered
The same exact thing
As the waves of eternity come thundering
Flooding our being with an end to one cycle
And the entrance into another one

Isolation

The soul finds solace
In the absolute silence
The world becomes small
When the flesh is calmed

“And the world suddenly appeared to me as such an awfully large place, with I so totally alone in it that I could have cried from the bottom of my heart.”  Joseph von Eichendorff

Like Lightning

Your whispered words struck me like lightning
They thundered and tore me apart inside
And I thought I heard the crows singing
There the children mourning as I cried
But it matters to you not at all
We spent our relationship mostly fighting
But each time we fought I thought I'd die
Each word spoken or screamed stinging
I longed only to one day fly
But for you I took the final fall

Ghost Burning Inside

Your voice still lingers in my mind
You are a ghost burning inside
Calling to me from the darkness
Soul cries, hurting, not heartless
If there's nothing left, why hope
Noose or a rescue made of rope
It is your choice, which to choose
I've chosen to let you be my muse
I can't escape the gravity
Of your powerful being
Nor would I wish it to be
Anything less

“But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.”  Albert Camus

Desolation

Wounded by everything said
Everything done and undone
I've a life that rises above hope
For there is no reason
Never has there been
Someone
Who understands why
Who understands when
Appreciates my sins
And the treason of knowing
When no one else knows
Goes far to explain why I am insane
And knowing the desolation within

“The fallen angel becomes a malignant devil. Yet even that enemy of God and man had friends and associates in his desolation; I am alone.”  Mary Shelley

Untamed

A large pile of flesh in the corner, I lay
Exhausted and sleeping
Like a child after a day of play
Breathing heavily
Waiting to hear you call my name
Just out of reach, but still
I'd run to you there
I have no self esteem to worry over
And I still care
I'm not a child
Not playing or even having fun
Always ignored
I'm a perfect memory amnesiac
Filled with shame, a need to run
For knowing most
And wanting to know more
You were the mystery revealed
A heart's beat gone untamed
And then again
My life is a circle
Leading from birth to death
And back
The end comes when not if
Keep thinking of this maze
There is no way to get out
I'm a rat, there is no cheese
To coax me from this trap
So please
Let me free
Call my name
Tell me you love me
Say you'll be mine forever
Or just for now be together

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.” ― Aldous Huxley

Tears Roll

Tears roll
And my voice is choked
Knowing the truth
Of my demise
All throughout my life
I've screamed at the knife
Held at my throat
In threat and anger
I've had doubts
But I know there is proof
Christ was not a stranger
My life was never perfect
Filled with remorse
And great regret
I tried to expose the lies
Both told by me
And that of others
There is a blanket of shame
Covering me in a disguise
It was a cloak of fear that terrorized
Eliminating my hope,
And every dream
Now I am ready
The unjust world is not a secret
Nor could it ever be kept
I am ready to leap
Into the great emptiness
The abyss awaits me

Broken Painted Smile

I mentioned to her how deeply moved I was
By her words when I was down
And she laughed saying it just needed be done
To cheer up her sad little clown
Her aura is divine
Her flesh is beyond the ken
I view her as my sacred ground
She thought of me as one who is a fool
Making me her little one
Annoying perhaps, without worth
My descent begun
My being a curse
To her I was a buffoon
And my attempts to lift
Made her aware
Of my fool's life
Of doom

Panic Room

I heard a sonic boom
But didn't move
There I laid
In a foam rubber bed
Without sheets to hang myself
Someday though I'll be dead
It isn't up to me
Here in my artificial womb
They speak to me
Someone said
Oh how long it had been since we talked
But I never had, so I went on without the guilt
In my circular rubber padded room I walked
Creating a wear pattern of one who stalks
Every step left a print
And I manifest madness until it fits
My cell will almost certainly become my tomb
Pounding thoughts until they ring
I am the master, the world are the slaves
Clockworks tick, keep ticking, until the end
I try to silence the mad, as they sing
There is no one else inside me
My brain is full
My brain is empty
Go away
There is no room

We Do Change the Equation

Some people think that climate is something so large that humans cannot have an impact upon it.  But the truth is, the earth is composed of many life forms, land forms, and weather.  We interact together and this is both part of and reply to the world we live upon.

But humans absolutely can have an affect upon their world.  Even 3% difference can change how it works.  Tearing up grasslands to make farmlands, allowed the wind to steal black dirt.  We've occasionally done even worse.  And the earth shows the toll.

I am not saying I agree with everything said about climate.  I don't know enough to debate.  But I do know statistics can mean anything in the hands of someone willing to twist them, and lie.  They cannot disguise their intent.  And life goes on, for better or worse.

When scientists warn us, we tend to shrug our shoulders.  You can't blame us.  When historians explain what happened, people say well, that was then, this is now.  But someday we'll cause a crisis we cannot escape, nor repair  and whatever we blame, it'll be our own fault.  And then we'll trade our future for despair.

"Houses were shut tight, and cloth wedged around doors and windows, but the dust came in so thinly that it could not be seen in the air, and it settled like pollen on the chairs and tables, on the dishes." John Steinbeck

For Further Reading

Dust Bowl: The Southern Plains in the 1930s by Donald Worster

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

Dust to Eat: Drought and Depression in the 1930s by Michael L. Cooper

Whose Names Are Unknown by Sanora Babb

Woe

I often long for relief from woe

And my flesh echoes my sorrow

My soul and flesh are broken

With spirt and flesh interwoven

Time slays, existence weaves

I refuse despair, I still believe

"There are bitter tears in human flesh."   Sumerian proverb 

When Hell Happens

In the inferno humans meet
Fight with means imperfect
Destined to die and again die
Should they meet utter defeat
There won't be a speck of regret
Their nation committed suicide

Lesser Holy Grails

As if you are threading the needle
This love and our youth enter wisdom
There are far too many ways to fail
This is an age when love can be fatal
We abandon hope and live in a prison
We choose to pursue lesser holy grails

They Experienced Armaggedon

A city named for a leader
A leader named for steel
It was a symbol
To her people one of greatness
To her enemy one of weakness
To both it was an immutable goal
Defend or die, or to Conquer or die
More than a million died
When counting the civilians
And absolutely must
They had no choice to die
They could not leave
They could not fight
They could only fall dead in the crossfires
Or smothered in collapsed buildings
From artillery shells, bullets or bombs
The city Stalingrad experienced Armageddon
Each of the Four Horsemen had visited
Death, Pestilence, Plague, Famine
Stalingrad was to suffer
But it was not enough
Tokyo, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and Dresden
Each faced their own Armageddon
And the Horsemen rode there
To show mankind the cost of oblivion

Yes I heard you say that

I heard what you said
Every word
That I should be dead
My existence stands
Out of reach of your petty dreams
I offer only my resistance
To the machinations of your hands
And secrets you wish I'd just keep
When the darkness burns inside
Know that you'd a choice to make
Your choice left me forsaken
When you are unable to see the light
Remember you called me a mistake
You were wrong
I have a future
I exist, I breathe
I found a purpose
And I am more
More than a thought reconsidered
I reject the abyss
More than a need
More than a burden
I am a miserable failure and sinner
And still, I've found that forgiveness
It comes from more than what you offer
Not a thing found
In this world or the next
All fall before the majesty of eternity
Where no one suffers
There is no greed
There is only love
Yes, I heard what you said
You cannot stain my birth
My life will be redeemed
Whatever the circumstance
I finally know
I was not a curse
Death doesn't scare me

“But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.” 
― Martin Luther King, Jr.

Clash

When the Horsemen have ridden
And thereby released their woes
Humanity will have ended
But the celestials still fight
The fallen ones and shadows
Those of blackened hearts
Made for purposes to serve, to build
They followed the crash
Of the bright morning star
And the earth bore the scars
Michael called his angels to flight
And entered battle in armor
The fallen had no choice than to resist
For they knew their ultimate fate
Should they fall
They have a home
Prepared for them in Hell
The end of the story known
The fallen will lay where slain
Their celestial flesh will grow cold
Into fire is cast the Beast
And the Lord's army have victory
Upon that day a cleansing rain
Will be released

Meet over cigarettes and coffee

We never failed
To meet
Together on Sunday
Smoking cigarettes
In the cafe on Nicollet
It never grew tired
The conversation moved
And who knows
Maybe I loved you
More than a bit
Or even a lot more than a bit
So now
We have lungs that cough
We have loved enough
And wonder
Where did those days go
We thought we'd know
We were so smart
And talk all about it
We should know
We should start
Again
Together
Because it is never to late
Until the never
We have time
And you know
Just as I
It is time to decide
Will we actually love
Like we should have for so long
Or shove the feelings down
Inside
Deeper and Deeper
Until they're gone

The World Falls Apart Without Her

The moment I spent with her left me
Thinking
I was made to be with her
Dreaming
I might be the one to love her
Believing
That I could be her own
And I might
Never be alone
Again
She would be my home
Be my place of safety
Be the world around me
I think it is time
To hope

Yeah, that girl

It wasn't love
So she said to not cry
I'd get over her
She was never the reason
I'd cry
For me
It was that I had given everything
And it still wasn't enough
Never was
And now here I am
And she is there
And I can't do a thing to change it
I miss her
And can't change a thing
To make it different
I can't repent
I still long for her to be in my arms
But my spirit would die
And there'd be so much harm
She'd survive
But not me
Because she thrives
Upon my suffering

Different Definitions

I don't need a lover
I need a person who loves me to the end
I don't need a new friend
I need someone who loves me until I'm undone
I don't need, I want
I don't want, I have a need
And to the junk heap I go
Oh my life is needing you
Waiting and wanting
Everyday passes, I know
But I'll still be living in 1973
Thinking of what I need to be
And there is nothing I can do
That can return me to that time
But if I wait to decide
I'll just love
And if you love me
You can let me know
Its called the truth

She

When a few hours after sun rise
I open my eyes after a night of dreams
To my surprise, I've been blessed
Perhaps it shouldn't be a surprise
But you should know, my heart is scarred
A woman, my best friend, lays there
Beneath the sheets and undressed
She is heavy in perfect sleep
I remember when I first saw her
And when I first knew she'd be in my heart
Her breathing is rhythmic and easy
I place a soft kiss upon her head
This is a sight I'd thought I'd never see
I'd have more faith that I'd be dead
Than to be joined in life
By such a vision of love and beauty

The End

When the chasm between hope and despair is far too wide, we make it worse.  We act as though the world will end, by our own hand or refusal to act.  We've become the curse.  The world might be in grave danger, or we've been told lies that enhance any risk we might face.  We listen to many different voices. They change our minds and affect our choices.

We may be the cause of the end of the world.  Or the end of the world is a natural event, perhaps a recurring theme of catastrophe. We face what other societies and civilizations have faced, but they responded with vigor.  In our case we believe the hubris, and have already embraced our fate.

“This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.”  T.S. Eliot

Kiss of the abyss

Why do you think
That we can finally kiss
The perfect moment
Well it doesn't exist
With every piece of baggage we carry
We bring along our despair, and we share
You have inviting lips
But I know they'll lead me to the abyss
And yes it matters
Yes I care
I've lived too long trying
To throw it all away
Upon something I don't need
Today or any day