In Winter, Wind

The wind forces us to crouch
In the cemetery for the war dead
The snow fog blinds us for a while
Distracts from the purpose
Of our visit
Brings the sorrow to life instead
When we remember the point
Of our journey
We remember the sacrifice
Remember their pain
The cold wind makes us understand
The rivers of tears shed
For lives remembered
Instead of lived
Now marked by stones
In the snow
Blown colder by the wind

Awe

(art by Jeffrey Catherine Jones)

She is my treasure
My life has led me here
She is beautiful
Her being is beyond compare
Her soul shines brighter
Her spirit flies higher
Than I could ever dare
So beautiful
Her joy fills my cup
Her scent is heaven's aroma
Her smile fills me up
With glory everlasting
With mercy so much to share
I am blessed beyond measure
To love one so very fair
I am flesh and clay
She is spark and light
I desire to hold her
But she cannot be possessed
I desire to kiss her
But she will take to flight
A perfect tender being
Above my desires and life
She is beautiful
She is beautiful
I can barely comprehend
The depths of her
And she is beautiful

She never cared that she broke my heart

Could spend a lot of time in therapy
But it would do no good
Not for me
I could write a lot of songs
Sing them loud
Badly
But the thing that really hurts
The thing I think about
Is that she broke my heart
Took my soul
And spat it out
And doesn't care
Didn't matter to her
And now I am broken waiting
Never going to heal
Shattered totally
It doesn't matter to her
Just to me
And there is nothing I can do
To make her see
Just how cruel she was
Deeply
And even when it happened
When I see the world I had before her
I am amazed
I didn't die right there
Right then
I was flattened
Ruined by loving her
The time is just a blur
And she doesn't care

Light and Dark

They tell you that there is light
At the end of the tunnel
But what if at the end
You find only
Solely darkness
The sort that absorbs
Sucks out life
And devours
Consuming your existence
Depositing the bones
Of your soul
In inky black
Without hope
For ever
Like a knife in the back
Betraying you
What if there is nothing
That gleaming light was
A lie your mind played
Asking you to believe
While offering only hope
I choose to embrace that hope
For without it
I will only have the inky black nothing

Sep 28 1066

One army fresh
The other exhausted
One the invader
The other the harried defenders
The skilled warriors on both sides
The numbers didn't matter
The tactics didn't decide
But the exhaustion showed
And eventually the frustration belied
The Anglo-Saxon wall
And William conquered
Harold died with an arrow in his eye
And the Normans took a land
By force and arms
Albion, now Norman's England
Hastings 1066

Anubis and the Jackal

Evil or Good
The Jackal headed God would decide
Ancient texts of mystical truth
Ancient faith in ancient ways
When a person would die
Anubis would weigh the heart
Of the recent dead sent to him
Would the good outweigh the evil
Would the life be worthy of honor
Or be exiled from the flesh
My heart, so black within
Would be cast out into the desert
And consumed by the jackals
My being eaten in flesh
And my soul cast out to wander
Under the sun
In the shame of my sin

If this is now, then

They said to wait until it happens
And when it does you'll be ready
But if this is now
I don't get it
I am no less able to love
No less steady of faith
I have no doubt
I've said it
I prayed to God above
Waited for the day
When you'd return
Waited for the day
When the heavens would scream
I'm in love
So where is it
When is it going to be
When is it now
When my sorrow will set me free
This plague of waiting
This world of pain
Won't leave my soul
Until I am redeemed
By you again
I remain
Undone
Until you return
To me

Your love

Before it
I couldn't paint it
I couldn't sing it
I couldn't know
What it would do to me
Until I tasted
And it was so good
It made me alive
There was joy in my spirit
There was joy in my soul
I could sing before kings
Against flame I would have stood
I could paint such beauty
Because I have seen yours
I could speak and others could see
I could speak the forests and wood
Into being
Because when I knew
That was all there was
Because of you
I knew what was good

Scarab in a box

Symbols of wisdom
Powers of beyond
The Scarab represents
Eons of thought
Long long gone

You are a heart attack

Eyes of violet
Lips of silk
Hair so dark
Hips so perfect
I must be crazed
For looking at you
It will kill me
If I am not careful
Your breasts so alluring
Your voice so sweet
I know you are in control
My heart is stirring
My life for this moment
Redeemed
Awake am I
In your power
Do what you will
Whatever you wish
To me

Drowning in a Desert

The sorrow pours down
Harder than any rain
The dry bone air
Sucking in the pain
I can't breathe in this torrent
I can't breathe in this torment
Gone insane again
Waiting for the end
Drowning with no water in sight
The desert air an inferno
I am withered in the heat
I am left out to be scavenged
In the night
When the desert animals come out
To feed upon those
Who failed to take cover
In the day

Forgive maybe, Forget never

Betrayed by a brother
Given up by a mother
Planted as a seed by beast
Of the greatest I am least
I am alive now
Thanks to flaws
I am alive
Without due cause
You made me
You hated me
And now what is there to show
A life taken for granted
A life haunted by chances
Not taken out of fear
The offerings of hope
Made worse by the lies
That make every step a curse
The devil is in the disguise

Mi amor

I long to hold you
To kiss you
To smell of your perfume
To touch your lips so sweet
To gaze into your eyes
Mi amor
Te quiero a ti
I long to be with you
Forever
Without end
The joy for me
Upon this earth
Multiplied
To infinity
With you
We rehearse for everlong
Every night we are together
Going until the birth
Of the morning
Forever
I long to be with you
You delight my soul
You lighten my heart
Give me purpose
In my being
You break the curse
Of mourning
You scare away the pain
With the beauty
Of your spirit
Sorrow fleeing
Because of you
Only you

Exiled

When you don't love me
When you force me to be alone
When you try to hurt me
I am in exile
There is nowhere I can go
Because my heart is in your hands
And I never wanted it to be
Any thing other than that
I never wanted to be free

Moving mountains

Within my heart is a stone
So small and insignificant
But it hurts me daily
Every hour
I bleed
For you
I pant for the water
Like a deer in the summertime
Laying in the shade
Awaiting my fate
To be renewed
By a drink of the stream
To escape the nightmare
Of fear
To enjoy a dream
With you
Only you
I have stone in my heart
Where you once were
And now that you are gone
I forget what's true
All I know is
All I see
Is that there is a mountain
Before me
And without you
I might as well sleep
Because it isn't moving
And I cannot climb
Without your love
I might as well die

Wings broken

The winds blow against me
I am kept still
These wings do not lift
They are broken and weak
I am shattered
Unfulfilled
Take my prayers and keep them
When my time comes
I’ll be ready to leave
For I am aware of the cost
And the moment I calculate
What I’ve paid
For the opportunity I’ve had
It is far too expensive
I am waiting
Pensive and broken
Nothing able to satiate
The need for relief
Nothing able to shake
The desire
To be out of pain
To be done with this body
So much unspoken fear
So many years of anguish
Let it rain
Let the tears pour down
All around me
Surround me
Upon the ground
Screaming
Out
Still no doubt
Am I reaching out
Will I ever be found
Is someone searching
For me
Or am I abandoned
To my personal fate
My own oblivion

Ashamed

I am ashamed
That the name
Troy Davis
Will be remembered
For being a murder victim
By the hand of state
By the country
Where I live
He was
Made of flesh
Imperfect
Flawed
Accused
Convicted
Condemned
To death
Lethally injected
A death among many
Unjust
Killed in a country
That holds life sacred
At its inner core
Except if you are black
Or if you are weak
Or if you are poor
Or if you are lost
Or if you are homeless
Broken
Fallen
Undone by life
Or guilty

But the end is close, it is

Global pandemic
Enormous panic
The end is here
The misery is near
When we stare at the sun
And see nothing again
There is still none
That remain
Undone
Stare at the end
Rushing in
Breathing
Ripping wounds
Bleeding within
My body
Given for you
My life ended
For you
Oh my lord
You give
You take away
We don't deserve your mercy
But deserve the pain
Let it end
Let oblivion rain
I believe
And wait
For the end
You give
You bring
You take away

Visitation

He knew that the nation of Israel
Broken and despairing would fall
That Babylon would conquer Jerusalem
The city of peace
He knew he heard God's call
He saw the vessel
He entered in
His faith increased
His visions never ceased
His vision was perfect
And he stood
Watching it come true
Ezekiel
Saw the dry bones
And knew
What would come



Ezekiel's vision

Misplaced Fidelity

Forgive me, my love
Allow me to be free
I've no right to be yours
I am unable
Unwilling even
I am the cause
Of everything wrong
So redeem me
By releasing me
Give me
No second chance
Because I am never
Going to change
I know it is not
Coincidence
That you are sad
When you are with me
In my presence
I cause you sorrow
I cannot change
Circumstance
And I know
At this stage
Its our last dance
Forgive me
I love you
But I will never be
Who you need me
to be
Your loyalty
Endless compassion
Are better spent
Given
To another
And not me

When the End comes, I will not be here

I am neither Cain nor Abel
I was alone here
The fault and flaw were my own
After the repast of my life
It was at end
A shameful recount of all before me
No one embraced
Nothing but my own tears to taste
My infected flesh lay cold upon the table
The skin gray and lifeless
The dissection of the body
Terminal ending place
No singing angels
Stainless steel and reflective
My decay so endless
Nothing to confuse the issue
Why shed tears over waste
All can see that this life was lost
From the first moment
That this body was broken
That the mind was unstable
No loss really, no hateful spew
The cranial scan is empty
A solemn moment
Bidding farewell to the flesh
But the memories are already passed
Along with that final breath

Biafra Doesn't Exist, Does it?

If you erase the lines of nationhood
The boundaries don't reappear
So we can just reassign names
No confusion between evil or good
No more Biafra
No more Soviet Union
No more confusion
Over being nations
Over cultures
We are all one
The same
We never fight
We trust one another
And life is good
Right?

The Cost is too much

The walls will fall
This is certain
There can only be failure
No resistance
Rain without end
Without end
From the greatest tower
To the lowest village
Torrents of water
Torment again
No matter destiny
You cannot stop a flood
The deluge is beyond power
One is not enough
You cannot pay the debt
One cannot atone for the rest
of humanity
The cost is too great
We all fail that test
The time is now
The moment is here
This is the hour
When an accounting will be done
One cannot stop an event
Done in the past to another
One cannot change fate
However one may struggle
The only thing one can do
Is follow his own path
The journey is long
must never stop
The labors of a day never cease
you will never be God
No matter your belief
But you can reach for whatever is there
That moves you

An Invite

I am waiting
For forever
So come in
Welcome to my world
Welcome to a place
Where so few find life
Worthy of keeping
Come Lord Death
Let us sit a while
Together here
I would like to speak
Because
I have no love of you
Of what you offer
But rather
I am tired of this existence
Of the pain and suffering
I see
I embrace your hand
Kiss your lips
And take dying from you
For it is nothing
If it is not feared
It is joy
To slip free
From the years
That anchor me
To this place
For so long
For so long
I beg only one indulgence
Without tears
For you to stand and watch
As I dance upon your grave
And finally see
A life that was saved
When given back
When I stopped worrying
About the end



“When death, the great reconciler, has come, it is never our tenderness that we repent of, but our severity.” T.S. Eliot

Barbed Wire Necklace

We go through life wanting more
Seeking something beyond
God might exist but is silent
Eternity might exist but is distant
Something still stirs us to the core
The moment of beauty at the dawn
The twist of grass bent
Beneath a toddler's feet
The glory of monks in deepest cant
There is something more
We live but linger
We endure but struggle
We desire more than we see
But the despair of finding it
And the pain of living
Make it so hard
It is a wonder
We are ever forgiving
Ever merciful
Ever hopeful

The moment of knowing

You never get the moment back
When you saw everything fall
All your dreams negated
You lost everything in life
No such thing as fate
And all you are is broken
As life retaliates
Betrayed
Whatever you did that was hopeless
Whatever you did that was born of fear
Becomes a seed malignant
Becomes the fruit of tears
I stand before the altar
Of humanity and modernity
But do not kneel or bow
I am unrepairably broken
I am fallen
I am flawed
Made to be silent
In the face of my fears
Unspoken
But I exist
I resist
I am alive despite the wounds
I go on
I have purpose
And I will be broken more
But life is a journey
Not a battle to be won
And I will not stop walking
Until this pilgrimage is over
Until my day is done